FPH

ecept it makes your bones thinner and thus weaker and the most youll get is several inches iirc

*except

i hope the 443 notes realize this too

Solid fucking gold

>working out in my room because parents refuse to drive me to the gym since I can't drive and its "a waste of money"
>keep my door closed cause it smells, but I air it out whenever I finish
>go to use the bathroom mid workout, not finished yet
>my mom yells at me for how awful my room is smelling
>tell her I air it out whenever I finish
>she tells me there is no reason for it to smell that bad
>tell her that is the smell of progress
>she says "that is the smell of vomit"
>cringe a little and say "just dont go into my room"
>she says she didnt and that Im stinking up the whole house but Im missing my water bottle from my desk so she clearly did
>been working out like this for a month now and no complaints from her til then, only my dad goes into my room during my working out
>lose the will to continue working out for the rest of the day cause of the yelling
Literally the hardest part about working out for me is not getting into an argument with two fatasses. Working out every day all day? Easy. Doing it without yelling? Impossible.

Move out of your mother's basement and get a job you neet scum.

He said he can't drive, probably can't get a job cause of that.

>me mum wont let me do whatever I want in her house
This has to be bait...

well, maybe wear a track sweater when you leave the room?
get an airconditioner/ventalation of sorts?
febreeze before leaving?

wtf? why do you still live with your mom and cant drive like a kid?

maybe fucking take a shower once in a while? jfc

>on her side
whitney please go

...

...

Would if I could.
Yeah, how dare her ex morbidly obese son work out.
>well, maybe wear a track sweater when you leave the room?
Ah, that will stop smelling up the room? Thanks user.
Muscular dystrophy, can't legally drive or live by myself.
I take one before and after my workout.

hahahahahahaha

>Ah, that will stop smelling up the room? Thanks user.
it would stiffle the source until you make it to the bathroom, but have a combination of what i mentioned if youre really stinking up the entire place
also if you have a window, use it

I have a friend who got the surgery, at most it adds 3 inches and that's if you have it when you're still developing as a teenager.

He went from 5'2'' to 5'5'',

It's also only used on your shins, which means you still have stubby little manlet arms and look disproportional as hell.

It's funny, because all while growing up he wanted to be a professional basketball player.

How the fuck did it she'll that bad just from working out?
Leave the window open with a fan blowing out the window while you with out. Get some of those 24/7 air fresheners. Light insense during the workout. Spray febreeze before during and after.

>if youre really stinking up the entire place
As I said, my mom only just now complained today and I have been working out for weeks. It airs out quickly when I finish, but she walked in when I was in the middle of it so she smelled it.

I think she just wants to complain. I read his stories before, she sounds like a fat positive supporter trying to find excuses to stop him.

i wouldnt know, some people try not to complain if they can. in any case shell have less of a reason to argue (plus they just feel nice to have)
best of luck

fuck off with those cake pics im trying to cut ffs

>have muscular dystrophy
>parents think working out is a waste of money

I'm gonna go ahead and say that this is complete bollocks. Or your parents simply do not care about you.

Move out you lazy cunt. Find a carer or someone to live with.

What kind of muscular dystrophy? Sounds tough man.

>I'm a paramedic.
>this happened about 2 years ago
>I'd been working for seven years and had just been promoted to field training officer (FTO)

>Basically means I get stuck training the new hires

I've got one today.

>It's been pretty Q-word. Only two calls, both were bullshit.
>my partner has a type A personality so she's itching for a good call.

Dispatch comes out with an abdominal pain. The location is a trailer park we're pretty familiar with.

>there's about fifteen people standing around outside the trailer.
>I ask if anyone knows the patient.

>A middle-aged guy tells me yea, it's his sister.
>Stomach's been hurting for about three days, getting progressively worse.

>She taken anything for it?
>Yea, just some tums, didn't help

>Your sister have any medical problems we should know about?
>Oh yea, she got a whole list of em, I can't even keep track anymore.

Oh boy.

>My partner and I open the front door and are buffeted with the worst GI bleed I've ever smelled

Now, if you've never smelled a GI bleed, know that it is one of the worst smells the human body is capable of creating. You develop a bleeding ulcer somewhere in your digestive tract. The blood partially digests and then mixes with your shit. It's horrible anons.

>I carry peppermint jelly for this exact reason. My partner and I slather it under our noses.
>new guy thinks he's tough and can go without it
>whateveryousay.gif

>open the front door and step in.
>Despite enough peppermint jelly for a christmas in july, I can still smell it. Jesus.

>find the patient in the living room.
>She's sitting on a loveseat and occupying it entirely
>weighs at least 600 pounds, lowest estimate

>trailer is fucking freezing, four window units blasting just in the living room

>patient looks like she's asleep. I try to check a pulse on her wrist. Too fucking fat to fine one
>try to check a pulse on her neck. too fucking fat to find one.
"hwhaddablah doon?"
>it lives
continued

Look at that expression of disgust...

Hurry the fuck up I love these stories

Well now o just can't stop imagining your friend as Kyle from South Park.

Pelvic fracture?

I know we're gonna need additional support, have the new guy call it in
>dispatch asks for the nature of the complaint
>GI bleed, and we need more resources to move the patient
>also a bariatric stretcher
>pic related
>Copy that medic six one engine four is enroute to your location they should be there in about five minutes
>dispatch, uh, be advised... one engine company might not be enough
>
>copy six one please advise approximately how much does the patient weigh?
>
>six one estimates at least six hundred pounds
>
>
>copy that six one engine nine and medic six six are en route

I remember that the new guy should probably be getting some practice running the call
>turn around
>he's not there

>hear him outside
>retch.mp3

>Look back at my patient. I realize that she wasn't asleep, just so fat that her cheeks and forehead were burying her eyes

>what's going on today ma'am?
"murstumguhler dhurrs urnder wernsdterd"
>k
>Okay ma'am, my name's user and this is my partner anonette, we're going to do everything we can for you today and get you feeling better

she continues to mumble, or maybe groan. I can't tell. My partner and I try to get a basic assessment done. It's a disaster.

>none of our blood pressure cuffs will fit around her arm. The biggest one barely fits around her forearm, but she's so fat it's impossible to hear the pulse. Anonette applies the automatic one attached to our cardiac monitor and lets it cycle.
>the pulseox barely fits on her pinky finger. It goes from 85% to 50% to 90% and everywhere in between.
>anonette goes to apply a 12-lead ECG, to take a look at this beast's heart.

The patient is pointing or reaching for something on her end table. It's a lunchbox.
>I hand it to her. She opens it and thrusts a stack of papers at me.
>it's her meds list, the pillbottles fill the lunchbox
>from the list I can tell she has congestive heart failure, diabetes, Afib, and more
>there's at least twenty daily medications
continued

...

How are you celebrating Tummy Tuesday?

...

I got the popcorn ready, please continue

The surgery to get taller is both not covered by insurance, extremely painful, and designed to cripple you for weeks/months.

This. If you live in the US, you are fugged without a license in a lot of places.

This is gonna be gold...
Come on, user. Hit us hard

I can hear engine four arriving outside
>anonette is still working on the 12-lead, trying to figure out where to place the stickers
>impossible to tell where one fat roll ends and the other begins
>anonette lifts a flap
>immediately drops it
>comes close to me
>"there's an old lead under there"
>whatthefuck
>a sticker from the last ECG is still buried in her rolls
>I hear the engine company come up the stairs
>they open the door
>at that exact moment, the patient clutches her belly and groans
>lets out a shit that sounds like hot bubbling magma
>floods the air with the scent of fresh death
>both my and my partner's eyes water
>"AWH GOD" from the doorway
>door slams

>ma'am how long have you been having these symptoms?
"urghlbuhrd trgheeduhs"
>about three days

>anonette finally gets the 12-lead done and printed
>shows this ham has had two previous heart attacks
>Anonette doesn't look like she can take it any longer
>I tell her to go outside and fill in engine four
>hear engine nine and medic 66 arriving

I have no idea what the fuck to do for this patient. Normally, I'd start an IV and start replacing lost fluids.
>her arms are buried in their own fat, making an IV impossible
>medic 66 calls me over the radio
>normally not supposed to leave patients unattended but fuck it
>go outside, fill everyone in on what's happening
>hand 66 the patient's paperwork while I share peppermint with everyone
>"Ulcerated vulvar cancer"
>wut
>The other medic points out on another page a list of her diagnoses
>ulcerated vulvar cancer
>we exchange a look
>everyone follows me inside
>patient is eating something in a wrapper taken from the end table
>firemen are trying to plan for an extraction
>measure her
>measure doorway
>never gonna happen
I let the firemen take care of the extraction process, just focus on my patient
>anonette checks a blood sugar
>two hundred something
continued? Should I post more?

go ahead and post more senpai

Don't stop daddy

Wow that is really sad, there should be a show about parents of robots

Except now I can no longer do half the workouts I normally do. I'm only 5'8 so that'll make me 5'10 at the cost of being DYEL again

Yes please famalam

Godamnit user post faster

Don't leave us hanging bruh

Wait. You're serious, aren't you?
desuarchive.org/fit/thread/35381067
So, you're 28. You have no job. You work out in your room. You get mad at your parents for not driving you to the gym.

What the fuck is wrong with you. Get a job you scum

fucking horror story so far, but i love it

Continue please; we've come this far and I must know how it ends.

I hope you put it out of its misery, but somehow I don't think it happened.

Please hurry medbro, I have to leave in a while and I want to read the ending.

Better you than me. Popcorn is hard enough to digest under normal circumstances.

>you can get surgery!
>extremely invasive and painful surgery that adds 2 inches at most
>insane recovery times
>get weak ankles for life
I hate fat girls so much

Boob sweat is a thing for anyone with tits bigger than B. They're basically mounds of insulation that you have to suffocate in 2+ layers of fabric at all times. I have this one bra that must be made of fabric from the surface of the sun. Every time I wear it I'm in boob sweat city. Why do you think girls wear low cut shirts? Ventilation. If I put on a standard collar shirt it's ten times worse a problem.

>hot as balls, walk or bike commute everywhere
>have to stealth wipe boob sweat off
>walk into bathroom, yank up bra and shirt, get a paper towel and mop it up
>hiking, make hiking partner look other way while I fan the shirt and bra up and down with boobs out to cool it off and dry the sweat
>put phone in sports bra while climbing a rock to protect it, it emerges with sweat smear across the screen

And I swear to fucking god they must weigh ten pounds. Just go attach a weight to your chest and walk around like that all day. Stupid fucking boobs.

>It's so easy just calories in/calories out!
>wait that's not just that, you have to abandon every food with GI above 50
>oh there's another thing only eat like maximum ~50g of fat per day
>and you have to keep your carbs at minimum, no more than 100g
>and eating more than 1g protein/lb hurts your liver and kidney
>...

Seriously, why dieting has to bee so hard? How can you even eat so little food?

Last time I did I became so hungry I literally looked at a deodorant stick and almost ate it.

If you say so

>firemen tell me there's no physical way we're getting her out of the house
>tell firemen she has to go to the hospital
>they go outside to think about it
>notice it's quiet
>tooquiet.shrek
>the air conditioning has cut off
>new guy goes to figure it out
>can't
>it's middle of july, can already feel it starting to heat up
>anonette and I decide to open the windows
>the crowd outside screams and disperses
I can tell we're going to be here awhile while fire works on an extraction plan with medic 66
>decide fuck it, I'm going to try an IV
>look over patient's medical records again
>she's only 38 years old
>figure she probably has halfway decent veins buried under there
>ask anonette to help me
>gives me a look of "are you fucking insane"
>tie three tourniquets around patient's left arm
>she moans something but can tell she's slowly losing consciousness
>rip off the end of my glove to I can feel for a vein
>touch its skin
>sweaty despite sitting in freezing cold house all day
>push around, feel something
>get anonette and one of the 66 medics to pull her arm flab out of the way and hold the skin tight
>patient is snoring now, the blood pressure on the cardiac monitor has been cycling over and over and finally gives a decent reading
>blood pressure 76/48
>down from 102/80 half an hour ago
>shit shit shit
>she's paler now too
>fuck fuck fuck
>I close my eyes, go zen IV mode
>feel it
>maybe that's her brachial artery
>fuck it
>Line up an 18 gauge needle
>slooooooowly push in
>she doesn't budge
>a little deeper, I can feel it right there
>nothing
>a little deeper
>nothing
>deeper
>nothing
>anonette is pursing her lips, medic 66 is shaking his head
>pull back a little, adjust, advance
>blood flows back into the flash chamber
>holy shit
>advance a little farther, advance the catheter
>it's definitely in
>we tape the line down like a combat dressing
>start running 2 liters of fluid
continued

Shut up faggot.

stop fucking posting, please. PLEASE.

signed,
-everyone on this board

>38
>so fat you can't physically exit the house
>multiple heart attacks
>20 daily medications
>list of ailments
>literally dying and shitting yourself and passing out
>first priority it to shove food in face

This is why I got out of medicine because I would just be thinking that thing deserves to die and stop giving a fuck about it. Maybe dick around until it clocks out.

How do they even survive that long. Holy fuck. Please share more stories.

>this kills the benis

I could not do what you do. You are a hero. Not one that fat people deserve, mind you, but definitely one that they need.

Death by snu snu

Please tell me more master.

I was going to switch careers to be a paramedic (dad was a firefighter and moms a nurse, I love helping in emergencies.)
I changed my mind so hard once I saw all the fat people stories. The US has so many obese fucks I simply couldn't do it. I'd want to let them die.

>get high fives for the patent line
>fire tells me their extraction plan
>"we gotta cut the side of the trailer off"
>wut
>"she ain't gonna fit out the door, she ain't even gonna fit on the stretcher brother. We're gonna cut the side of the trailer off and pull her outta here on a tarp"
>ask if maybe we should call greenpeace
>laffs

by now we've been here probably two hours and everyone and their brother has gathered outside to watch
>anonette leaves to help unattach the metal stretcher clamps out of the floor of the ambulance so we can slide the whale in on the floor

>I decide I have to strip the patient down and do a physical assessment
>tell the patient this
>she's really asleep this time
>shirt is already gone. nothing remarkable on her chest or arms
>have to push her forward to look at her back
>push really hard
>there's a peeling sound as she separates from the fabric of the couch
>leaves behind a thin layer of skin
>realize snoring has stopped
>let her tip back, run around to the front, tilt her head back
>breathing resumes
>take her socks off
somehow this thing can create worse smells
>as careful as I am, the sock still sends up a plume of dust and dead skin and god knows what
>frantically put on an N95 mask
>feet are horrible masses of mottled flesh, skin is dry and peeling on top
>feet are so edemetous they look like water balloons ready to burst, toes are indistinguishable. the left foot is weeping fluid from the side
>actually afraid to touch them
>ankles and calves are the same way

>there's no way I'm getting the pants off of her
>decide to cut them off.
>I get up to her thigh and the fabric gets crispy
>notice it's a slightly darker shade of purple
>dontevenwannaknow.jpg
>fire is starting to cut into the side of the house as I finish the second leg
>new guy helps me pull the fabric apart
>so crusty it sort of opens like a clam shell
>snoring is gone again
>new guy goes to work with the bag valve mask
>we need to intubate her

>fucking honored as shit
this phrase triggers me

I wanna hear the rest

Give us rest nigger

How much you make man?

>>firemen tell me there's no physical way we're getting her out of the house
I beg to differ.

...

I need to know how this ends.

Jesus fucking christ, how can a human being end up in a condition like that

Whatever it is, it's not nearly enough.
You couldn't pay me enough to do that.

This guy is a hero in my book

>get my intubation kit
>not really sure what blade size to use, neck is the same as chin
>go for a miller size 3 and a size seven tube because that tends to work on most folks I guess
>anonette is back
>realize we can't move the patient to the floor quickly enough
>also realize our normal dose of intubation drugs probably don't work
>anonette gets on the radio with medical control
>tells the doc at the ER that our normal doses of Etomidate and Succinylcholine won't work on a patient of this weight
>ER doc is a chill dude, asks patient weight
>tell him
>he has no idea either
>"Just give the weight based doses, don't worry about a maximum"
>Etomidate is 0.3mg/kg
>works out to like 90mg
>comes supplied in 20mg vials because that's the normal max dose for humans. we have one vial, 66 has one vial, the district chief who's showed up to watch the show has one vial
>fuck it
>"sixty milligrams Etomidate IV push"
>I ask the new guy if he needs an intubation
>"yea"
>your time to shine my friend
>"how?"
>he's gonna have to sit in her lap
>"no way man"
>don't want him to fuck it up and kill this beast, I go for it
>rippletoe has prepared me for this moment
>squat over her lap not touching
>functionalstrength.webm

>I flip the laryngoscope upside down tomahawk style while anonette and new guy control patient's head
>insert blade, pull downward
>patient gags
>I swivel faster than an olympic gymnast
>patient vomits
>vomit is full of blood
>have to give Succinylcholine to paralyze her gag reflex
>dose is 1.5mg/kg, comes in 100mg vials
>we need like 450mg
>have 300mg
>fuck it, 300mg it is
>push it. she fasiculates by some miracle. It's worked
>squat into place again, careful to avoid swamp puddle of vomit, bloody shit, and spilled big gulp soda
>offer prayer of thanks to rippletitis
>insert blade, visualize vocal cords, insert ET tube
>one of the easiest intubations I've ever done
>allow anonette and new guy to take over confirming tube placement
moar coming

FUCKING WHY

He has SO much potential, he can actually pull off a beard and long hair. Hed be drowning in bitches if he was fit.

>muh genetics
>unattractive genetic traits can be modified
>you're a whining faggot if you don't do something about it no matter how painful or difficult
Oh the ironing

>rippletoe has prepared me for this moment
>squat over her lap not touching
>functionalstrength.webm
fucking lost it

user a hero.
i hope you're not bitter against humanity tho
pls continue

Since its summer Ive been using deodorant on my underboobs. Boob sweat is awful and it REEKS.

she's probably exaggerating, but "airing it out" only does so much. I bet your room does smell at least a bit.
Open a window and keep a fan blowing while you work out.
Also just generally keep your room clean, make sure there's no laundry on the floor, no used dishes or what have you.

>What the fuck is wrong with you.
Severe autism.

We don't carry potassium chloride for this very reason
Actually, many survive much longer than this. I has a patient recently who was in her fifties and about three hundred pounds (also with every conceivable diagnosis known to man)
I have a lot more stories too I'm a shit magnet for terrible calls
I still haven't figured out why I love this job
Thankfully FPS didn't exist when I was going through medic training. Most of my patients aren't too bad, though. Usually they're nice enough people who just don't know how to take care of themselves.
Sugar is a hell of a drug
My starting pay was 16.15 an hour, and that's high. I had graduated top of my class and blah blah blah. When I got promoted to FTO I also had a bunch of random certifications under my belt like HAZMAT and critical care that increased my pay. I think I was up to 20.75 at this point, which was unheard of for medics at my experience level.
Medicine definitely made me more politically conservative but also a much more caring person. I do genuinely care for most of my patients, even when their situation is their own damn fault.

More story coming

Poor you man. I make 21.50 at a basic IT job. I'm getting into school for electrical engineering because I'm sick of it. I can't imagine trying to do this bullshit.

OH shit I always knew you were a fucking basement dwelling /v/ermin .

You'll need a blade for that buddy

>We don't carry potassium chloride for this very reason
Seriously? There's actually a rule against EMTs carrying a certain drug just to remove the temptation to put patients out of their misery?

You're one of a rare breed of people user

Jesus christ brah i make 23 bucks an hour as a sales dude for a cement plant
I sit on my ass all day and shitpost

>20.75

>I'm starting straight out of college in Veeky Forumstier and expect 20 as a minimum with no experience

We don't pay you guys enough.

>wasting all these medical resources on this deadend cow

Argos?