Alpha stories

alpha stories thread
because you are the most alpha board

>be me
>be wolf
>be of the dire-variety

there you go OP

>be not op
there you go OP

I said hello to a girl

>got a girl who will swallow
>convinced her to get on birth control
its the simple things

>be me
>click on chrome
>open Veeky Forums
>see a gay thread made by a mouthbreathing faggot
>tell him he's gay
>high five myself

You're gay, OP.

checked alpha trips

>go to pick up prom date
>the dad says she'll be awhile
>say fine you'll do
>mom walks in
>make me a sandwich bitch
>date comes downstairs I'm eating baloney and getting blown by her dad

>be me
>need extra weight on me while doing dips for max gainz
>fill knapsack with weights
>women mirin'
>finish a set
>leave to get a drink
>security taps my shoulder
>Give me the bag
>'W-what?'
>Drop the bag
>Drop it
>He picks it up
>'Bro what workouts do you do to carry this much weight?'
>More bantz
>Broguard tells me the women mirin were trying to get me kicked out
>Tell Broguard their attire is distracting the regulars
>A few minutes later they're reluctantly escorted out of the gym
>I chuckle at them as they leave

>street sales boy desperately trying to sell people some shitty thing with a shitty name I didnt bother remembering
>This buzzcut manlet boy comes up to me
>"Hey dude, ever heard of [cancerproduct5000]?"
>me: ..No. (while looking him straight in the eye)
>Im also walking his direction and just pass him after he looks away, defeated, mumbling something like: "oh.. alright.."
>laugh internally a bit about it 10 seconds later
>realize I used to be the guy who couldn't just say no and would hear them out and mumble a bit while staring away when they asked if I wanted to buy something.

that wasn't very nice :(

t.buzzcut manlet boy

You managed to become more of an autistic faggot, congrats

>Be me
>Order coffee
>I ask for 2 sugars
>The girl says "flat white, one sugar, sure"
>"I'd actually like two sugars please"
>"Oh, sure!"

And I got those two sugars, OP, despite the girl mishearing me.

You're still a fggt.

hot damn

/r/madlads

>r/anything

BACK TO LEBBIT

>order food from subway
>Chubby kid rings me up
>"that'll be $6.38 sir
>"no it won't"
>"what?"
>"it's not $6.38"
>"s-sir the machine says $6.38"
>"it's free"
>"u-um okay"
>grab my sandwich and walk out
>feelsgoodman

I'm not advertising for subway like the other user, mods plz don't ban.

Pic related

>be me
>doing pretty well despite an extremely rough time growing up and disliking self
>just got a great new job
>go on facebook
>on news feed, see pics of 'cool' kid who used to treat me like shit during elementary school
>he looks like a little bitch, could break him in half
>start looking up all the people who used to treat me like shit, they all amounted to nothing

>it finally hits me
>I made it
>I really made it

>Bump into friend from five years ago at the supermarket
>He's gotten fat
>He's with a 5/10 girl who he introduces as his fiancé
>We talk for a minute or two his fiancé is eyefucking the shit out of me
>While chatting with him I lift my arm and scratch the back of my head
>She's staring right at my bicep
>Friend catches her mirin
>He spills spaghetti everywhere
>"Oh yeah...haha user did always have some big arms haha, you been working out?"
>He super awkwardly grabs my bicep and laughs nervously
>I flex my bicep for him and try to laugh it off
>His fiancé grabs it
>"Wow user you're super strong!"
>"Wow your muscles are so big!"
>Her mouth is literally just hanging half open as he touches my arm
>She gropes my shoulder
>Friend just stands there frozen
>"Uh...W-well it was good seeing you again user."
>Grabs his fiancé and pulls her away

Would have been more alpha if I was less DYEL and if the girl was actually attractive. But making her fiancé tuck his penis in between his legs might count.