Hey BOO BOO BEAR

My nickname is Donnie Bravo.
You fucking whore.

>Y-you too

They told me it would better and if I kept my chin up the right girl would come along.
She never did...

>23
>never had a girlfriend
>have a 3 bedroom house to myself
>surrounded by blokes at work, literally no attractive girls in my workplace
>got a 16 yo fuckbuddy for a few months last year
>haven't properly talked to a girl since

Fuck it I'll concentrate on my cars

>>have a 3 bedroom house to myself
what do you use the spare rooms for?

>tfw no qt friendly Aussie pyromancy teacher in Dark Souls

Such a missed opportunity right there

The biggest is where I lift and do automotive stuff when I want to be comfy. I'm building and engine in there at the moment. I use the small one for accessible storage and shooting the fucking rats from the window

kek

Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy ;) nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles

I slept with your mother

heh

I would just eat her ass until she inevitably gasped and moan too hard to keep the pen in. Her pink treasure nestled between those porcelain cheeks would be no match for my tongue assault. Her pleasure would blind her as just before orgasm I snatch up the pen and run way victorious leaving her there to despair from blue flaps before even realizing that I beat her at her own game. That's what you get for challenging an alpha ass eater like me, toots.

This really got my tail wagging.

heh

...

How are you going to remove an engine from your bedroom after its built?

Move it out the bedroom door nigga. Unless he's building a fucking duramax or cummins he's fine.

No.

>doing what a woman wants
>ever

Through the door.

I measured.

My thoughts exactly

>Easy.... *takes off socks*
>What?! NO~!

As the other anons said through the door using my FUNCTIONAL STRENGTH. It's 2.2 dohc so without em turbo and im it's breddy small and light

I own a 3 bedroom house too and there is absolutly nothing in any of the rooms. I sleep on an air matress in my living room.

turning 30, never been more excited in my life
this, after all, is the year I finally gain magical powers.

>tfw finally got a gf and get my dick up

Life is hard m8s.. its as if God wishes for me to be eternally empty inside

did you ever think maybe your defeatist attitude is why

your life literally starts when you're 35 as a man
don't sweat it

Is this real life?

No that's 40 my man.

>unzips dick

Holy fuck this can not be real

...

That's not how it works. You have to be a VIRGIN to be a wizard at 30. If you had sex but never had a gf, you don't get anything.

>Unzip dick
>Her jaw naturally falls open, pen drops out
>She then succ me

I wasn't prepared for this

This reminded me of the disgusting child erotica that my ex started writing online after she broke up with me

If you google it you can see it's copypasta

magnificent

post glutes

Buy a camper van and live in it, rent your house out

Yiff in Hell furfags

did she miss your babby peen?

all the children were female and the men were usually grandfather age (sometimes the grandfather of the girl) or adults who raped, had group sex with, group married, and other messed up stuff

I understand you're trying to lay some bantz, but seriously, the stories were sick

Post em.

Jesus.
Sounds like a fucking mental case.

This

Did she ever mention being raped by her grandfather as a young loli?

Just be yourself.

She said she neve was raped or molested at all. She had a "mean father" though and never felt accepted by him (he never beat her or anything like that). So after breaking up with me she found a fat broke loser who is balding, never went to college, and works as a security guard who was like 34 (she is 23) and got with him as a way of mentally feeling accepted by a much older man since she never got that from her father. I dunno if she is still with that guy though, it was like 2 months ago or something

She also said she liked her grandfather because he was nice, so I guess that's where those stories come from.

I am not gonna link her stories because I don't want to support the sick filth, and also I don't want her to be raided by Veeky Forums 14 year olds. From what I gathered she is messed up in the head so I don't have any hard feelings, I don't wish any ill will on her. I hope she can work through her mental problems.

Hahahaha
Made me laugh
Thank you, user

>I don't want her to be raided by Veeky Forums 14 year olds.
Totally understandable, these stories intrigue me, but hell with mixing real life with Veeky Forums shit.

Anyway, no one posted how they would use their incredible suction prowess to suck the pen out of her mouth?(catty comment about her questionable blowing skills optional.)
>T;dr: youtube.com/watch?v=0hrM2biD7g4

>mfw pettis used to be amazing

Easy, just kick it out of her face.

>ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?