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How do I stop being a poorfag?

>be 26
>unemployed for 2 years
>noone wants to hire me
>only minimum wage options available
>college failure
>living back with mom
>considering suicide.

Give it to me straight. Am I fucked, or is there a way out.

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Welcome to the human race.

How did you fail college, user?

Mooch off your mom. Take 4-6 months to learn how to code. Then get a job. You'll be set long term. Coders will be in demand going into the future.

Got really depressed because a History degree was worth fuck all.

Also got into alot of fucked up conspiracy theories and ended up needing therapy and meds.

>Mooch off your mom.
this bums me out the most, she's taking care of my aunts kids also.

>Take 4-6 months to learn how to code
where should I start?

Look for job offers nearby and see which technology is in most demand. Here in Bulgaria it's .net so the best resource is pluralsight.com (free trial and vids are uploaded to rutracker.org) and softuni for homework assignments.

Not sure about php/python/ruby/java/golang but a high-rated starter book (check amazon reviews and pirate it) and coursera vids should do the trick.

Also choose a web technology since this will make it easier to have a presentable portfolio on interviews.

I'd answer followup q-s but it's almost 3am here so I'm off. Hopefully some other user can help you further. You'll make it, user!!!!!!

P.s. Whatever you choose, don't just read. Write code every day. Even when you feel that you don't know what you're doing. Practice is essential for quick learning!

sell a lot of weed and weed products.

apply to work for the railroad and tell them you'll work anywhere/anytime and one of them will hire you as a conductor. They pay about 1k a week during your training and depending on where you hire you can make anywhere from 60-100k your first year and learn to code on your days off. Turnover on the rails is huge the next few years, they're desperate for employees. Best choice I ever made.

Major pump happening tomorrow thank me later discord.gg/SYkCyEC

>apply to work for the railroad

any links to start?

>just turned 30
>hairline is receding
>no debt, no gf, live in a hip part of town
>really good job and being pursed by recruiters for even better jobs
>have made about ~$100k in cryptos too (nice, I know)
>still unhappy
there ain't no hope for us yo

where is our lack of hope stem from

>have money
>have no money
>have gf
>have no gf
>still depressed

Some other user wrote this, but I keep copypastaing it

Begging. Find a nice spot, plonk your ass down and give everyone who walks by a warm smile tinged with sadness. Couple'o hundy a day easy.

Dog walking.

Buy bulk drinks and put in an ice chest. Sell at Sports games and concerts marked up. Easy hundy right there.

Order coin rolls from your bank. Go through the rolls and look for Silver Dollars which now and then find their way into rolls. Sell Silver dollars for a huge profit. Repeat. Don't overdo do it, move from bank to bank as if they cotton on they'll likely refuse to serve you.
Busking.Program a keyboard with some Beethoven and pretend youre playing.
Go to every single shop in your local area and ask for change for $10 but give them $5. Most will notice in which case just apologise and move on. A couple will not even notice and give you $10 worth of change. Not illegal as its their mistake.
Tutor chinese students in English. Download some free Qualifications. They dont care, so long as you can speak English. $40 an hour.
Rent a house and sublet every room or put on Air BnB for a profit.
Dumpster diving. Businesses throw away perfectly good shit. I've found perfectly good PCs and even a CCTV system worth $800.
Drive around and see if anyone in your neighborhood is being evicted. Give them a lowball offer for all their stuff, can work really well.
Raffles. 1000 tickets for $1 each. Buy a used PS4 as the prize. Keep the 800 profit, give a hundy to charity to preserve your eternal soul.
Make a whole bunch of sub sandwiches and buy a crate of soda from Sams Club or Costco. Drive up to construction sites or walk into offices just before lunch time and sell. Hire very attractive woman to do it for you and pay just above minimum wage.
Buy cigarettes from Dutyfree.io and resell outside bars and pubs. Buy knock off merchandise from DH Gate and sell outside sports stadiumsWalk around parks in the autumn and collect seeds of exotic trees. Sell on Ebay.

Do a trade, you faggot. Plenty of money out there if you are willing to get dirty.

buy $HTGM on Monday for $2.00

I have no actual advice but I think this is gonna be the lowest point of your life, shit will work out eventually and you will remember these times and be grateful.

thanks for that..

>shit will work out eventually
Nope no no no no no no.

Why the fuck do people always say this!?
For everything to work out, first you must work it all out.

Fucking do a SWOT analysis of yourself.
Try anything and everything to make money, keep studious notes on what works and what doesn't.
Yes this user is right that this is the lowest point in your life, but you need to start figuring out what you're going to do about it NOW.
Research and Evaluate.
Make attempts at things - take small risks with the intent of analyzing afterwards why it worked/failed or in what way the outcome differed from your expectation.

Most importantly: things will not work themselves out, YOU NEED TO WORK *THINGS* OUT.

I don't have money to trade.

I stay in a bedroom in moms house look for jobs, havent gotten one in years, I have noo money to trade..or nowhere to begin

Is coding really that easy? I'm a math illiterate and people make it seem so easy when they say "spend some time to learn to code and you're all set up etc" I learned JAVA, C# and other stuff and I could never get far enough to make some useful things, only calculators and simple projects.

Are there any lists of things I need to learn in a chronological order out there that will help me become a "real" developer?

>I'm a math illiterate

this.

I passed Algebra and Geometry but never progressed further than that.

A trade! He means manual labor you idiot.

You need money for training and tools.

Get reading brother:

freecodecamp.com

Focus on the process not the moment.
Get minimum wage job within walking distance.
Save all money you can to buy tools.
Get trade job.

Also, start affiliate marketing with cheap hosting/domain.
Do SEO for low-cost but long term investment.
Set this up for making money down the road.

Invest in yourself now, work hard, you will have something going soon.

>only minimum wage options available
Then take those options. Nothing makes you less attractive to any potential employer than being unemployed. Take any horrible wagecucking minimum wage job you can - it'll show you're actually willing to work and can work and is infinitely better than turning up to any interview for a better job (if you get one) and being unemployed for 2 years because you think minimum wage jobs are beneath you.
>considering suicide
Read up on mindfulness and CBT and seek professional help user. If you want to keep user there are various services which allow you to seek some level of advice and counselling while maintaining anonymity as well.

Get a job, construction pays decent usually but it's hard work, save as much as you can and go all in on LINK.
I'm in the same spot. You have to take some risks in order to achieve something in this situation.

You need to go to trade school, they will teach you how to use tools and you will gain the necessary skills to pursue a trade job.
After that you can work as a freelancer and start your own business and so on....

Can you go from total baboon to getting hired in 4 months using freecodecamp and some coding practice?

>$HTGM
why?