Time for an autism story, Veeky Forums lads

>want to go see Disney's Chimpazee in theaters
>no friends to see it
>decide I'll show up to the theater in a gorilla costume so people will think I'm funny and not a weirdo or something
>go to my attic to get my old gorilla costume
>a beam of light shines upon it as if it were meant to be
>brush off the cob webs and decrepit cat turds
>go to put it on
>it's a little small only reaching to about my elbows and knees but I'm already too committed to quit now
>mom drives me to the theater
>no words are spoken just the occasion giggle from me in the passenger seat
>walk into the lobby of the theater on knuckles like a gorilla walks
>my entrance noticeably startles the qt cashier but then just turns into a blank gaze
>"one ticket for chimpanzee"
>"yeah alright anything else, sir?"
>"do you think I'll see my cousin bobo the chimp in this?"
>"Uh I don't know maybe?"
>"he he...do gorillas get in free?"
>"..."
>"Do...do you get if? Cause I'm seeing Chimpanzee."
>"But your a gorilla."
>"...that's right."
>pause
>"would you like anything else, sir?"
>"uh...do you have bananas?"
>she gives me a blank stare
>long silence
>when I get nervous I get gassy so a fart breaks the silence. I don't know if she heard it or not.
>"Enjoy your film, sir."
>didn't get one laugh must be a tough crowd
>walk into the theater in bewilderment
>sit down too embarassed to even pay attention to the film
>fat kid behind me keeps throwing swedish fish in my fur
>40 minutes in get up and throw his box of swedish fish across the theater
>run to the lobby and wait for my mom to pick me up

>Not accepting free milk
How do you think you're gonna make it if you don't manage your expenses?

>6 feet
Every fucking time

>it's not that, when I talk to a girl my eyes get really wet and it looks like I'm crying
what am i reading

I'm not from brazil and brazil does not use euros

yes, I'm average height so what?

...

>it's not that, when I talk to a girl my eyes get really wet and it looks like I'm crying

I am dying here. Pls send help

laugh all you want, but be glad you don't have this.

Hes saying that in Brazil this shit probably would cost almost 10 times more.

I get it too when I get real nervous. Just keep trying amigo.

Not that guy, but I get that too
I also get it when talking to strangers in general, when talking in public (IE presentation), it sucks and it's impossible to control.

Needless to say, working in retail was hell.

Where do you live? Because where I (guy you just replied) live you're tall
Basically you're tall and Veeky Forums > hot girl tried to bang you

I can't fucking breath.

I'm from lithuania and 6 feet is average here, sometimes I feel below average

the fuck man

top kek

What said. Good luck with your autism bro

thank you for your kind words, but I'm a lost cause

here. sorry, user. Its just took me by surprise.

When i talk to a girl , my salivary gland produce thousand times more saliva. It's literally impossible to talk without spit or choke

It seems we both have trouble speaking with girls. I wonder why, why is it so hard to do something so simple

I could talk to girls if they don't run away

youtube.com/watch?v=Wn_0_ro04uI

Daugiau istoriju pls

try nofap
and real social dynamics

I know this feel

My sides

This shit keeps happening to me, too. I'm 184-185cm. Are chicks really so retarded that height only makes them wet?

>be me, in gym
>doing squats
>last set, last rep
>felt like I was pulling too hard on the bar in the previous reps, so I hold onto the bar a little lighter
>start squat
>reach the bottom
>in all the effort, forget to keep holding onto the bar
>go up with both hands off the bar
>notice midway that my hands are off, but it's too late
>bar starts rolling off my shoulders
>panic and try to catch the bar in the air
>bar falls onto safety bars
>look down
>my finger was between the bar and safeties
>mfw broken finger
pic related

the eyes getting wet part? I've got really weak eyes, bad vision, but I don't wear glasses.
>Are chicks really so retarded that height only makes them wet?
I'm average height so it couldn't have got them wet, more like dry out

why 3l of milk wtf

got to get them gains

>the eyes getting wet part?
No, the "girls bumping into me and staring and changing their voice so they suddenly sound all girly and playful" part.

I actually do have this.
Not specifically when I talk to grills, but randomly.

prolly too much cpu

oh, that doesn't happen to me a lot, it was the only time it happened

but, do they sell a 3l jug or are you getting a 1 and a 2? why not just get a 4l

My sides are gone. I know this is fake but jesus christ I want to believe

I get 1l and 2l jugs, because the body can't handle 4l a day

I think i've read it before but still

This is why women shouldn't make the first move, fucking catching a guy off guard you're gonna get an autistic response i dont blame you OP

>it's not that, when I talk to a girl my eyes get really wet and it looks like I'm crying
Fuuuuuck.
That happens whenever nervous, angry, or feel even remotely pressured. It even happens when I look at someone in the eyes for too long... my eyes are super sensitive.

>be me 30 min ago
>get done with my run after lifting
>take doggo for walk
>reading fit on phone because I'm autistic
>after a while girl jogging goes around me (had headphones on so I didn't hear her coming)
>yell oh shit my bad (me and doggo were blocking sidewalk)
>she stops and pets doggo
>I stand there holding bag of dog shit still reading shit post
>she jogs off
she was probably a 9/10
Kill me

most of r9k manages better in situations like that
have the tables turned? I'm seeing more and more Veeky Forums threads in /r9k/ and more and more autism threads in Veeky Forums

Me too. It's not crying.

Op here
is there any solution to this? I fucking hate it

>183cm
>lithuania
HAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAH nigga you like 167 average what the fuck are you worrying about with 183

Where did you get that info?

also why are you calling me a nigga? I am not black

meaning it's not literally 167
it's nowhere near 183 dude
that's dutch/german level

come visit Lithuania, if you are under 185 you will feel short

>german level
germans are manlets, I've been there

Alpha as fuck.

>be me
>last semester of college
>Dorm having karaoke party
>afterward neighbour comes up to me
>"Hey user, good singing"
> y-you too.jpg
>make beeline back to my room
>afterwards get hungry, go to cafeteria
>she is there with all her friends
>8-9 cuties
>"so user, any plans tonight?"
>start talking about a report I have to write
>and then... Nothing
>they stand there staring at me
>try to think of something to say
>autism engages
>There. Are. No. Words.
>"well, have a good night user"
> they go to a party, I go back to my room
Reeeeeeeeeeee. i didn't ask for these feels

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

you're gay, there's no other explanation

>buying beer yesterday
>hot as fuck girl in line behind me
>offers to pay for my beer
>I don't know what to say
>stay silent
>she gets ID'd
>turned away cuz no ID
>punches my arm playfully
>"oh well, next time ;)"
>y-you too

JUST fucking kill me
I literally said nothing the entire time and stood there silently like an autist

>trimming trees in a rich neighborhood (great for forearms and shoulders btw)
>fell a borer infested ash before lunch
>during lunch go to fill up water bottle at spigot
>milfy woman wearing yoga pants appears
>says "looks like you're working really hard!"
>say yeah but we're on lunch right now
>asks me how long I have for lunch
>say half hour
>she tells me to give her a holler if there's anything I need
>goes into the house across the street (not the house we were working on) and waves to me before she shuts the door
She had a nice ass too

what else would you have done? hey bb u wun eat my poo puu bag wit da seccs?

the chances that you would realistically get anything going off of that small encounter are basically none

>>fat kid behind me keeps throwing swedish fish in my fur

A simple "what about you?" would work user

Stupid man. You could have fugged.

>go to store
>mirin qts
>qt look at me in disgust
>sad.jpeg
>buy some oats, milk, greek yoghurt and whatever berries are on special
>go home and continue to be sad

You underestimate how much of a sperg I am

>finish a set of cable flies
>leave to get some water
>see a guy adjusting both at different heights to do his own cable flies
>change direction
>finish last 2 sets doing dumbbell flies

You'll make it bro.

Fuck those cunts.

happened a few weeks ago
>hanging out with friends in their dorm playing vidya late on a Friday night
>realize I forgot to get my run in, been doing M/W/F runs pretty consistently and I don't want to miss a day if I don't have to
>say goodnight to friends, start timer, and head outside
>It's about 1 A.M., a lot later than I'm used to running at but campus is well lit
>only big deal is all the people out in groups (going to parties and things, I guess)
>start jog
>most people get out of the way when they realize I'm coming so I smile and nod at them
>I've got my music on, it's a cool summer night and I'm literally running circles around all these chads, feels fucking good man
>turn around near the edge of campus and head back towards where I started from
>there's a big group of frat guys walking towards me, one of them is waving at me and laughing but I don't know him so I just smile back, I'm in a good enough mood that I assume he isn't laughing at me
>his group is taking up almost the whole sidewalk but I squeeze past, he says something as I run by like 'yeah, get fit boy'
>almost run into his arm even though I've already passed him, that's weird
>think at first he was trying to pat me on the back for some reason but his hand seemed a bit low
>feel good anyway because he was cheering me on
>keep running
>mfw five minutes later I realize he was trying to smack my ass and I smiled and nodded at him
I'm a guy btw

Hey hot stuff lemme get them digits

Oh my god. I completely forgot about this happening. I used to get it all the time. And when I noticed it happening I would start stuttering.

I haven't had it in probably 5 years. I think working in a grocery store in a low socio economic area helped me out. Dealing with dickheads all the time made dealing with normal people much easier.

I had this when i was in school it was One of reasons i got bullied.

>what else would you have done? hey bb u wun eat my poo puu bag wit da seccs?
talk to her?
>>>/reddit/

fuck that tell the guy what's up

most people just say sorry and realize they are less than you

HOW TO BE GOOD AT SMALL TALK

Answer compliments with thank you instead of awkward silence. Plus return the compliment if appropriate.

Answer any questions directly, in simple terms, and without details, no one is interested in details. Return the questions, for instance with what about you like user said.

Don't know what to say? Don't feel like talking but the social situation makes it necessary? Make the other talk more than you by asking questions about their life, feigning interest in their answers, and building remarks and more questions on their answers.

Time for you to go? Looking for an easy escape? Emphasize how much you appreciate their company, but unfortunately have to go now. Well, that was really nice talking to you user, I should get going, see you later and/or have a nice evening and/or let's meet again soon, bye!

>>mfw five minutes later I realize he was trying to smack my ass and I smiled and nodded at him
>I'm a guy btw
neat! lucky you, I love that sort of compliments

working in retail actually helped me with shit like this.

I also used to tremble when I was nervous, but that was cured too from either experience or putting on weight.

only thing I feel when I'm nervous now is that feeling like i have to take a huge shit.

>not asking her to grill up some eggs

>gorilla costume
>One ticket for chimpanzee
Fucking lost it. Thanks user

also

TAKE YOUR TIME TO SPEAK IF YOU NEED TOO.
Don't rush and say 1000 words a minute
You look like a bigger fool if you say 1000 words that don't make sense than if you have a second or two of awkward silence but provide a good response.

Example:

Girl: Wow user you look huge!
You: THANKSYOUDOTOO

Or

Girl: wow user you look huge!
You: ..... Thanks!

It's not lifechanging if someone starts small talk with you

Yeah, I was kind of surprised by how flattered I was, even though I honestly can't say for sure if he was making fun of me or not. I think I was enjoying the running so much I just kind of decided to take it as a compliment. I've never been complimented on the street by a stranger before, so that was neat in itself.

every fucking tim.

In retrospect that last line came off a little ambiguous, so to clarify: my realization was that he had tried to slap my ass and I HAD reacted by smiling and nodding, while still being unaware at the time of what he had been actually trying to do.

That sounds like the beginning of a porno.