Never learned to swim

Stop being a fucking pussy and just learn from a friend in a lake or something you faggot.

IIII'M BYYEEEAAAAACCK!!!

I practiced at a lake with a very gradual slope from the beach, if anything went awry I'd just swim a bit to the side and be able to touch down.
We had a cabin up there, and as kids we weren't allowed on the boat docks without wearing a lifejacket until we could prove that we were able to swim from the beach, to the breakwater, and back.
Watching your older cousins just waltz out onto the docks while you're scrambling to put on this bulky ass lifejacket was enough constant humiliation to get all of us to learn very quickly.
I'd say one of the biggest parts is learning to just calm down and tread water if you get tired rather than splashing and flailing like a dying fish.

>If your bf% is low you are in legit danger of fucking sinking like a stone.

shouldn't been that being fat makes you sink?

>don't know how to swim
>or ride a bike
>old enough that I'm too embarrassed to ask someone to teach me now

You'd think, but fatties tend to have trouble staying under the water. I mean I was an obese kid, practically a beach ball on top of the water.

My hypothesis is that fat is less dense than water.

Don't worry man, I taught myself how to ride a bike because I was sick of not knowing.

Grab a bike and don't be afraid of a few scrapes when you inevitably panic-ditch the first time you try to build momentum.

Fat is indeed less dense than water.

when my mom was 8 my granny had a man row her out onto and throw her in.
this is how my mom learned to swim she is close to 55 now and I wouldnt dare challange her to a water race

*row her out unto the ocean

only for a manlet