So i'm in college with very few friends are little self confidence and within the last few months I've made great strides at improving wardrobe, fitness and trying to be more outgoing, but this is always crippling.
I'll give some examples: When I was at a friends grad party at the end of high school with people who i all knew well and had common interests with, they put on some music and everyone started dancing, and i instantly felt like i'd rather be anywhere else on the planet. I don't listen to pop music (bc i made the terrible life choice of being a metal fan), but its not like an angry 12 year old who hates it, but i just felt like all my friends suddenly left me behind for a world i couldnt see myself in, even though it was just fucking music and dancing.
then college comes around and during welcome im basically overwhelmed with this feeling 24/7 and i finish out the year with 2 new friends, losing contact with most of my old ones who go there ( i go to a big college), not going to a single party and consuming no alcohol and now i really dont with other people. at least i got exceptional grades.
i think this stems from me being bullied in elementary school for being a bit of a no it all and a slight late bloomer to the whole "you need to impress people" thing. and when i got it i focused on just trying not to be targeted. I was also a boy scout, and pre teens are merciless on that shit. I also had a 3 1/2 relationship with a 8.75/10 in high school but we never had sex bc she was kinda weird and having sex wasnt her first priority and she had really strict immigrant parents.
And within the past six months I've mad some improvements to myself and go to two clubs now, i still feel like im on guard against other people and that theres something about me that would prevent me from being admirable to them. any advice?
I'm worse off than you buddy. Right now I'm a junior in college and I basically had no friends the entire time, max 1 study group during sophomore year but we never hanged out.
I've never gone to ANY sort of party EVER. NEVER gotten drunk while at college, too scared to buy alcohol on my own (even though I'm 21) and the only thing I have to fill my boredom is food. Especially take out during weekends and various chips like Cheez-its, Cheetos, Doritos, and Lays.
Do you have any tips on making friends? I also have social anxiety, I can't join any clubs because I don't know any. I'm trapped on a island.
Sebastian Wilson
can you elaborate on the island part?
Jaxon Gray
I'll do it for him.
Basically he feels apart from the rest of the civilized world in his own secluded space. Problem is, he's not trapped there, he just thinks he is. He sees a sea liner pass and instead of waving his arms to gain their attention he buries himself in the sand. The liner represents passage to better places filled with people on their journey.
Such is the fear that somebody with social anxiety faces, but everybody finds their own way to cope, and the strong find their way out.
Mason Adams
wait, i thought he was being literal
Levi Rivera
If he was trapped on an island I think browsing Veeky Forums would be far down on his to-do list
Parker Martinez
no, like his college is located on an island. sounds pretty stupid now that im saying it
Elijah Morgan
He might have been talking about Survivor. I don't know what time of year they shoot but probably all year since it's always warm on the islands.
Levi Wilson
Senior in college here. Made 4 friends the entire time (people i hang out with outside of college). They're all losers too. Not in a bad way, I love them, but networking with them is worthless cause they are in the same place as me. I am the same way OP, I'm very timid and don't like being around people so much. Over time i generally accept this, then try to change, then accept it, then try to change, etc. Will be monitoring this thread to see if any experienced anons can offer any life pointers
Nathaniel Bell
Junior here, still no friends
Justin Cox
how did you all get in this situation? i suggest go back far to try and figure it out, but dont make it your sob story, use it to pin point your weaknesses
Brandon Green
Find it difficult to approach peers desu
Ian Jones
when was the first time you felt that?
Christian Collins
Not sure, feels like they'll just think I'm boring or weird
Gabriel Hill
Sophomore here, no friends lmao
Actually my equally autistic roommate eats dinner with me every night and is generally nice. The only problem is that he's kind of at that bluepilled point were he doesn't realize his social situation and laughs at thing off Reddit and 9goy. I give it about a year before he hits depression mode.
Isaiah Cook
everyones boring and weird to an extent, how much of you is too weird/boring
Lucas Martinez
my roommate is fat but on a diet and a pretty big weeb and nerd, more than me and today he had his new gf over and they watched anime on the couch together, she was a 5.5 but still, it hit me in the feels
Evan Perry
>his new gf >NEW the things I would do for a 5.5 gf...
Michael Morgan
All of it, all I do for hobbies is shitpost and watch animu
Hudson Morris
i find riding public transit late at night is a good way to come up with interesting stories if you need conversation material about yourself (not that you go out looking for it)
also, how many people know who you are? you could try using being anonymous to your advantage, but ive yet to figure out a good way myself
Ryder Ward
I feel like I'm good at being friendly but bad at being a friend. 90% of the time when I'm not at work or school I'm completely alone, I don't hang out with people, I don't use social media, and I don't text/call. There might be people out there who want to interact with me but I will pretty much never reach out first. I can fake charisma if I'm face to face with a person or people, but in the moment I'm constantly thinking about how I can "escape". I think subconsciously I use being nice, having a conversation, and making others laugh as a way to try and hide my pretty intense internal insecurities and lack of confidence. So we build up a nice acquaintanceship and they want to get to know me more and that makes me uncomfortable but I can't let down the facade.
One of two things usually end up happening, 1. We stay at this phase keeping up our superficial interactions until we get new classes/they or I get a new job/etc, and eventually we never talk or see each other ever again. 2. They suggest hanging out outside of whatever context we normally interact in and I feel trapped but end up going through with it anyway cause that's what people are "supposed" to do. As a friendship begins forming, I usually end up doing something extremely off putting like getting too drunk or oversharing something stupid/personal, but usually it's both. As they get to know more about me my insecurities get harder to hide and the fact that I'm alone so often becomes apparent. Then I feel like I end up coming off as an asshole who misrepresented myself and who I really was, going from "wow, here's a nice/cool guy who seems to have a lot of positives in his life" to "oh, he's not actually as good/cool as I originally thought and has nothing going on in his life". I feel pretty intense shame about this, and I'm sure they sense it off of me and we both end up slowly distancing each other while staying on nice terms and eventually we never talk or see each other again
Thomas Wilson
thanks for the laugh bud
Christopher Edwards
pretty similar to me, especially the last part, but i feel its because i dont use social media to constantly talk with people besides a few very close friends is part of why i cant seem to break out of my shell, few people reach out to me bc im not always present and when i reach out to people, its odd bc i never do it normally
Nicholas Roberts
Are you me? Word for word everything you've said applies to me.
Wyatt Morales
Just do things you like to do. Join clubs of your interests. Most of all just work hard to get where you want to be in life. Don't try to conform it will only lead to depression. I know from experience
Robert Thomas
Also spend your time bettering yourself. Become the best version of yourself that you can be. Get fit, get good at your hobbies, read.
Leo Garcia
I moved around a lot growing up and I think it had a pretty shit effect on my ability to form meaningful relationships. Between ages 9-13 I lived in 5 different school districts.
I really specifically remember my 6th grade elementary school graduation. I had been at the school for 6 months and had done well at making friends, was getting good grades, and even got asked out by the hottest girl at the school like the 2nd week I was there (I rejected her because I was nervous and new and the "cool kids" joked around that she was a slut, looking back I totally regret it). Anyway it was the last day of school and we were having a end of the year party with the whole graduating class of like 60 kids in one room with food/games/music, but I spent the whole time being a sad cunt. I had just learned a week or so before that we were moving again and it didn't really hit me what that meant until the party. Here were all these other kids who I tried to get to know and like and tried to get them to know and like me. I came to the pretty crushing realisation that we would never see each other again, I would never know their past or future lives and they will never know mine, and neither I nor them really cared about the fact. The whole time I kept thinking what was all that for, what was all this for, what's the point putting in the effort if eventually I, or they, will leave. Leaving is basically death, not necessarily in a bad way, but it puts this barrier between people that puts a barrier between people that can't be communicated across and all we are left with of each other is memories. If you're not in front of me looking at me, talking to me, touching me, then you might as well be dead. And in your mind, I might as well be dead too.
James Campbell
College senior here. My best college friends are still the people I lived with in my freshmen year, and later my sophomore year (then i transferred to another school). Transferring fucked me over and I wasn't able to form any meaningful friendships. I have some friends, but none that will really lead anywhere; they're more just people that I drink with on weekends, but they're not going to help me find a job or get me a gf or other cool friends. DESU I started hanging out with people I knew from high school more and I became a degenerate.
Grayson Watson
thats exactly what ive been doing and ive been making progress but i can never shake this feeling, maybe i should give it a couple more months, but im still not sure
Alexander Miller
>find most people in my major (engineering) annoying >have my resting asshole face on all the time >don't have a lot in common or can't relate
I know I do it to myself but fuck
Dominic Hill
The only club I actually stuck with in college was jazz band, but even that shit didn't lead to me forming any friendships. I just did it because I wanted to play my trombone. If you're an awkward piece of shit like me and the other anons in this thread, you should probably get some meds or become an alcoholic because really, that's all you can do about being a shy fuck all the time. I am intensely jealous of every student in a class who can participate and ask any dumb questions they want without getting a panic attack over saying something wrong desu. it never gets better man
Daniel Harris
So long as you are always making progress. Friends will come.
Honestly the best thing you can do is exposure therapy. I was awkward and shy as well but then I got a job in a big hospital. 10 hour shifts of talking to staff and patients and suddenly I stopped having social anxiety. I also made a bunch of really good friends
Gavin Collins
I've never really felt like I belonged to anything, except maybe that one time I had a close friend who was a mexican weeb.
It's alright, I don't need company, but I would at least like to experience it once.
John Sullivan
I try man, and i truly feel like i have a lot of potential, i hope it all works out
Lucas Bennett
I moved from a female-dominated undergrad degree to a female-dominated Master's program and I am a 26yo KV. You don't need to be a superhero to be invisible.
Grayson Lewis
Senior here. No friends that I hang out with.
I have a gym partner and a roommate but thats about it.
When I was Freshman, I was in a frat and had lots of friends, but they've all graduated or dropped out at this point.
Only two of my bros are left, but we had parted ways because of differences.
So I basically have no friends for this Senior year. I guess it's not too bad since in Highschool I had no friends either.
I'm probably going to get anxiety meds or something, because thats my only issue. I don't really lose friends, it's just I have trouble talking to people I don't know.
Connor Young
how do you network when you've got zero friends? well i've got one friend but he's so fucking beta that even i cringe.
William Brooks
>I was a loser in high school with no friends, shut in, etc, was basically just like a "class clown" type >as a result, I had no idea how to relate to and interact with people my age, was pretty angry and bitter and miserable due to this isolation and don't really have any hobbies because of this either
>hoped that college would be different, maybe the new people would like me >get to dorm, realize that i basically don't care at all about socializing anymore because of the terrible high school experience >try to meet some people in the dorm, get rejected, give up >talk to some people in my classes but never goes past that >this continues for next 3 years, basically only hanging out with my roommates and their friends when they pity invite me places >graduate college as a miserable, friendless, kissless virgin >move back home after graduating in 2014, so still no friends 2 years later
I dunno man. I'm not exactly like a shy guy in the corner (except in party situations), I do talk to people, people where I am (work, other stuff) say they like me, but I never hang out with anyone ever and I really don't care except when I think about it.
I'm likely killing myself sometime soon anyway. Most poeple probably couldn't even comprehend living a life like the one I've lived. Would probably think humans weren't capable of living how I've lived my life.
Eli Allen
That makes a lot of sense and I definitely feel that. I was convinced to install pic related last night by someone I'm going through this process with atm.
How the fuck do I use this shit bros?
Also the night was very meh. I invited him over to my apt to chill and then hit up the bars/a house party (because that's where the inertia of our acquaintanceship sent us). We had a decent time drinking and shooting the shit until he asked if I knew of any specific parties, I didn't so he suggested we hit people up to see if anything is going down. I probably could have messaged a couple people who I had drunkenly exchanged phone numbers with but that exchange was the only interaction we had and it would feel awkward so I just pretended to text people on my phone and lied that noone was doing anything/getting back to me. He ends up getting one chick to head over and we all drink for a bit and I start getting pretty fucked up. The three of us head to the bar and we meet up with two other chicks they know. We all drink more and are having a good time and hit the dance floor, I dance like a total idiot but it's cool cause I'm hammered. We all go upstairs and get a table, meet up with another person he knows and at this point I am too drunk and I'm embarassed so I suddenly tell everyone I'm leaving (don't remember if I gave a reason) and walk home, like 5min away, but on the way I stop for street food and drunkenly snapchat him and one of the chicks about it like a dumbass. See him in class again tomorrow, sure it won't be awkward at all but I just feel very ashamed of myself
I imagine it's pretty common on Veeky Forums, probably more so on Veeky Forums. The people here are at least conscious enough of social workings to understand that looks are generally important to people and put in the effort into, or at least think(shitpost) about, improving physical attractiveness.
Its fucking dope. You get meet guys and girls with similar interests. It helped me get over my problems and now im a regular social butterfly
Ryan Allen
>Also the night was very meh. I invited him over to my apt to chill and then hit up the bars/a house party (because that's where the inertia of our acquaintanceship sent us). We had a decent time drinking and shooting the shit until he asked if I knew of any specific parties, I didn't so he suggested we hit people up to see if anything is going down. I probably could have messaged a couple people who I had drunkenly exchanged phone numbers with but that exchange was the only interaction we had and it would feel awkward so I just pretended to text people on my phone and lied that noone was doing anything/getting back to me. He ends up getting one chick to head over and we all drink for a bit and I start getting pretty fucked up. The three of us head to the bar and we meet up with two other chicks they know. We all drink more and are having a good time and hit the dance floor, I dance like a total idiot but it's cool cause I'm hammered. We all go upstairs and get a table, meet up with another person he knows and at this point I am too drunk and I'm embarassed so I suddenly tell everyone I'm leaving (don't remember if I gave a reason) and walk home, like 5min away, but on the way I stop for street food and drunkenly snapchat him and one of the chicks about it like a dumbass. See him in class again tomorrow, sure it won't be awkward at all but I just feel very ashamed of myself literally me
Dylan Perry
it sucks not having a smart phone, i feel if i had one and could use app like instagram and snapchat, i might be in contact with more of my old friends still, since its super casual but also directed, but i cant afford one or a different plan than my shit phone
Thomas Ortiz
what ever dude, just be like " I was so hammered i needed to eat" if they bring it up.
Josiah Lee
>i cant afford a smart phone
dude, that's a really pathetic cop-out excuse. really pathetic. you dont have to buy one of the new smartphones that costs like $600+. you can buy versions that are 2-3 versions previous for like under $100 (like iphone 4, older samsung galaxies or whatever).
and phone plans arent a hundred bucks a month either. research the different companies and the plans they provide, especially if you only care about using it for apps
Ian Hall
I'm a chemistry major and I feel all STEMfags must be autistic or something. It doesn't help that my daily routine is >go to class >wait for lecture to start >listen to lecture >go back to dorm >goof off >eventually get around to studying/working out >late night studying at library rinse and repeat for entire week >weekend >wake up late >fuck around on Veeky Forums >HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY: ORDER TAKE OUT >truly the only source of happiness in my life >dining hall food DOESN'T SATISFY >maybe study at night
Studying late nights at the library, shitposting on Veeky Forums and eating takeout are the only true joys in my life right now.
I think the only personality traits have right now is >politically far-right >wants to improve himself in gym >loner >reads occasionally I can't even put vidya on there cause I don't have time for it during college. Or at least I don't bother making time for it.
I think if I'm given the chance, I can really impress people with my personality. Problem is that unlike highschool, college doesn't have group projects or anything that encourages communication with other people.
The only friend I made back in sophomore year is now avoiding me, either because he found a reason to dislike me or is an anti-social STEMfag like me and since we no longer have classes together, avoids me to avoid the awkwardness.
Noah Ramirez
do you go to a big state school?
i went to a small private college (on scholarship) and majored in STEM. there were still some awkward people, but most people were pretty well adjusted. decent amount of athletes (since our athletic program was mediocre at best), party goers, more chicks than at most big university STEM programs, lots of people with multiple interests / talents (art and music esp), and tons of people would play vidya together organizing campus LANs and stuff.
i had the time of my life... i felt like i got as close to a "normal" college experience as i could have.
Henry Walker
>STEM major at private college on scholarship >such an autist that he did LAN video game parties >still has a normal college experience
Noah Richardson
its hard to make friends when youre far right and not rich, i suggest softening up
Joseph Gomez
This hits too close to home
Juan Foster
My uni has 18,000 undergraduates, so its a big school. It isn't a state school though. Its both public and private. Its been lacking in funding recently so they started accepting huge amounts of new freshman, its only been this year that they toned it down a slight bit.
I've been alone all of college. I REALLY tried making friends in the beginning. I picked a random person and said in my head "he'll be my friend". Eventually our relationship fizzled out due to lack of contact and he was a music major. There was this Chinese guy who I'd have dinner with every weekend, but over year he decided to break contact. Probably for the best as it was always awkward.
Then there was this Baptist kid who was ALL AROUND pretty cool. He when to this Baptist club where they served donuts and rootbeers, pretty AMAZING. I even cracked jokes with him and he was the closest candidate ever who could've been a great friend. Sadly I'm Catholic and that put me off from joining his group (I really should've joined for fun's sake) but there was also the fact he was a finance major. We wouldn't have much contact anyway.
There was also 3 other guys I tried becoming friends with, but they fizzled out almost immediately. >1 was an atheist who ditched the moment our group thought about joining the baptist group >1 was a normieasfuck tier guy who's pretty much a semi-Chad now >1 I don't even remember
That was freshman year. Then came sophomore year. I had an annoy Chinese roommate who I did everything to avoid because he disgusted me when he ate food (mouth open) and he was more socially awkward and introverted than me.
In an English class, (reinforcing that only STEMfags are autists) I managed to sort of buddy up with a guy. Eventually he suggested we form a study group. There I met another guy, who I became good friends with. The first guy I met fizzled away because he switched majors. The second guy now avoids me for one reason or another.
Parker Jones
Not actual physical LAN parties. This was a long time ago (shitty Internet connections). People would just set up local games or servers on the campus Intranet for games like counter-strike, starcraft, warcraft. all types of ppl played, including plenty of non-STEM majors.
we all went to house parties, hung out and did stupid shit, slept around, played intramural sports (our team of mostly science majors won intramural basketball one season), and did normal fun stuff. only bad thing was b/c the student population was small rumors would spread fast and viciously, but other than that it was cool.
Dominic Sullivan
Who needs friends when you have Veeky Forums
Jose Morris
You guys are smalltime. I'm 28 and only made 2 new friends in the last 10 years, one of which takes care of his family fulltime when he's not working and the other moved away.
I've been socializing a lot more the last year or two, and even went on a few dates, but the only people who stuck around are the two who basically befriended me instead of it having anything to do with me putting myself put there.
Honestly, I've stopped giving a fuck and just started being myself, but it seems everyone just thinks I'm weird if I'm not playing some social game.
