Mental health thread

I'm afraid I'm going to be demonically possessed if I masturbate.

How do I fix this?

Softcock

Work through your shit like a married couple should or get a divorce you fucking subhuman

A-are you me user

>finally get a good job I've been wanting for 2 years
>despite being able to quit my old shitty one and soon be able to move out I'm not happy
>everyone thinks I'm happy
>I go to bed basically everynight hoping I don't wake up

>been messing around with a girl for a few months
>despite everything going well I still feel some days that it's going to amount to nothing and that I'm wasting my time
Previous relationship has me fucked up
>tfw don't want to fuck shit up cause I'm afraid I won't be able to find another girl like her who makes me happy
>tfw love spending time with her and don't want that to go away
>been drinking a lot lately to cope with fucked yo family situations
>started doing Coke again
>end up blowing through 2 grams by myself one night along with a bottle of whiskey
>stopped doing Coke but still drink on the weekends

>hurt my shoulder at work
>taking a toll on my lifts
>sometimes I just want to say fuck it and roid
>I'm 20 and 6'4
>know it would be stupid to do at my age
>lifting is the only thing that really makes me "happy" besides the qt.

One day lads

...

Sure did, I ain't even mad though

Unfortunately, It's heading that way

Seems like a problem best solved with more masturbation.

I'm afraid I am going to lose it tonight guys

It's decent. I want to stop this pattern of thinking im not enough.The more fit ive got the more I lost the sick cunt in me. I even have problems looking strangers into the eyes. Or when I talk to people i feel aware of what the person is thinking about me and i suddenly feel tight and lost in thoughts. I guess im insecure but I just want to not give a fuck yet it feels like its getting worse. Overthinking.

Naw life in general is the oldest.

Reality is a meme in itself.

My dad died the week I started university. My girlfriend broke up with me because I wanted to go spend a few months at home.

Dropping out of university desu, want to join the army.

I'm too much of a basement dweller to go to the gym when it's busy. I need to lose about 10kg before I can join.

Still live with the ex, until feburary. She's getting pissed that I want to stay up late at night and go to the gym.

Very close to telling her to fuck off, used to go to the gym 7 days a week. But she yells at me. Always buying junk food, fucking sick of her.

Ok guys I really need to talk to someone other than friends/family tonight, I work for a well known IT support business and we are a help desk in Texas. I am seriously fucking panicking and worried right now /fi/t I need you guys tonight. I have been made a fool and I am not happy about this, I do not know what to do anymore.

I am currently one of the most senior tech's we have and I have learned a lot from actually working here and being dedicated in the IT field. Well today someone who I thought I could trust decided to talk shit/make fun of me and usually I don't care but I a taking it personally and I am loosing my shit tonight.

Veeky Forums I am usually very busy at work with massive config changes at numerous enterprise corporate networks, vendor conference calls to figure out what effect what changes will occur and what the impact will be to our clients. I usually go out of my way to help my coworkers and for the last 6-9 months I have taught a lot of my knoweldge and turned it over to them individually, and at this point I see they don't actually care they just want to learn from someone who can teach them and than they fuck off and do something else or talk shit behind my back, Well without getting into too much detail, I have talked to other management and I really need more people in my dept, and I again have started teaching those under me how such and such system works, or what needs to be changed on enterprise configuration and I need help as I can not do this on my own. I do not have a secretary, I manage my own time and do training seminars, I have flown to other states to train other departments and my management trusts me, and they have seen the work I am capable of, Now it isn't everyone who I have gotten shit from, just a few people who have been promoted and they have forgotten I taught them most of what they do today, they have forgotten when I was training in another state,

Tfw gf soon after all of these years, you fags need to stop being self-destructive to yourselves. I feel so fucking confident with her and she spergs out everytime, feels good not being the autistic person for once. I ain't even made it yet.

dont invest too much time and energy into people like that, fuck em, they are using you

I'm okay, better than I was a few months ago
This girl who I had taken an interest into recently gave me a hug, did not expect it at all. Wednesday after her class I'm gonna offer to walk her to her car or something

im dont with dating apps i think

i think i need to stop fucking with energy drinks but that first sip though

Was there a specific thing that happened? These are just corporate parasites man, using you to climb the ladder, they will step on you without thinking twice, just do your job the best you can, dont get emotionally invested in those fuckers

fuck dating apps, do a open approach, dating apps are the cesspool of women, get yourself a HQ women.

I forgot I was on Veeky Forums
Thanks

I go through a cycle every day. Something makes me feel ugly and then I want to kill myself, then something else motivates me and makes me feel optimistic about my future.

Shit, that's terrible, man. Meanwhile i'm over here desperate for a job in IT with no idea where to look/how to get in.

How to improve?

You may have hyperthyroidism. Get yourself checked.

I have always been there for my staff and I have been more than helpful to anyone who needed it, or sent me an email from my dept, another dept and such as. This is the thing, I could really use an extra helping hand with some other things I am working on and this fuck wanted to crack jokes abut me today, well that shit doesn't fly by me at all. I don't take that shit from nobody, and my decision to bring this person on as one of my direct coworkers for certain clients is no more. If they don't actually respect me, how can trust them? They forget, I was the one who helped them through many cases, they forget I was the one who provided assistance and stayed two hours later even though I don't get overtime as I am salaried and in Texas, they can't pay overtime because of where I work. Now, many times the reason I stayed and worked overtime is because these fucks took down a corporate network on a Friday evening, and the client was bitching about downtime for the next three days and on Monday, what are they supposed to do? Without a proper functioning network, a whole business/building has no internet, they have no workstations who can login to the internet, they have a building full of staff who can't do their job and this costs thousands in fees and work/productivity losses. and I have always been the guy who will help, i will stay and make sure it is done right, and as I look at my managers walking out on a Friday evening, because they don't give two shits what happens. They will hear about it on "Monday" when thousands have been lost. I apologize if my thoughts are all over the place tonight, I just snapped after work and decided to stay in and ignore this and it is actually all coming out of me Veeky Forums. I can't control it tonight, I am fucking sad/panicking. The worst part is, the guy making fun of me today was a guy who recently was promoted to a another position, and he needed help last week,

I'm bad. Over the summer I worked my ass off. 90 hour work weeks. I'm one of the best employees. My coworkers are present only for the pay check. I'm getting sick of it. I'm a busser. I work at a restaurant which generates roughly $50,000 a day. I make almost minimum wage. The people around me make the same amount. It drives me nuts that the managers don't care about them; but, when I start going slower, they gang up on me. Have you ever tried to clean a table with 13 people's shit on it in less than 10 seconds?

nobody else knows this shit and he asked for help and I decided to put my lunch on hold to fucking help the guy and train him, while after he learned from me, how to do this correctly he sent out an email to another dept. manager about how he got this done, and he was able to "fix" this and that, while I',m sitting there finally skipped, my lunch and I am in another meeting i get the email notification how he is taking credit on something an hour ago he didn't even know how to do or use that system at all.

I really needed help today, as we had a pretty extensive config change at a few corp. sites and guess what my phone/email was blowing up about another one of my clients and they have a vendor server change tomorrow. Well thanks for the warning, it is tomorrow night!!! and i was going to ask this guy to work on some things for me, but i changed my mind, why give him extra work and he takes it and runs with it??

The good thing, is my management and other dept. management know how hard I work and what I have done. Sadly, I am at a point now I am worried about sharing my knowledge with anyone anymore.

Onto, some funny news I also have a short training session again tomorrow first thing in the morning and it is with a different dept.I will again do my best and hope for the best but truth is. I am getting to the point where I only want to work with my direct supervisors, my direct coworkers, and fuck the ones who I can' trust.Sadly, they are moving his office close to mine soon, and I already know what will happen, anything I bring up and try to fix he might try to take and run to management with it like he found the solution, or he found an issue which will have to be resolved etc..

Veeky Forums I am fucking loosing it tonight, I don't know what to do. Guys I need you tonight

I take out all my pent up anger on my gf lads

I'm the jealous type. I'm constantly afraid she's cheating on me, like not actually cheating but.. just fearful shes getting attention from other guys.

I think its from low self esteem and me deep down perceiving myself as not deserving her. a very beta trait

They see you as a piggy bank

It's been pretty much confirmed to be anxiety from my doctor, but I may check anyways. It mostly effects women though

pretty bad. i think i'm developing a real, increasingly serious anxiety problem because of having so many secrets and such little self confidence. and i don't know what to change except to try to improve myself, work really hard, and make friends.

every time i have to speak in class i'm a mess. i haven't gotten followup testing to see if my thyroid and the nodules on it have gotten bad enough for medication/other action, and i worry about the effects of that. i'm just so fucking tense when speaking and i feel like it was never this bad. i even stutter and hesitate a lot now and never had issues like that except literally once when extremely nervous in the past, now it's like i screw up in a similar way every other time i open my mouth to strangers.

my 21st birthday is soon and i don't know what the fuck to do to celebrate.

>tfw talk to family less and less
>used to visit aunt and uncle all the time
>havnt in months now
>they ask me to come over but it makes me have more anxiety

>back in the day
>be a kid
>summer vacation visiting grandparents
>sleep in a little to like 12:00pm
>wake up
>hear people downstairs
>someone mentions my name
>lay in bed for a few more hours till its quiet
>did this for 3 weeks until vacation was over

Bumping to figure this out as well.
>what do?

>tfw dont have feelings anymore since i started zoloft

kaelyn33 for me

would be cuter if she lost weight

Awful, I've been waking up at 3:00 - 4:00 am for the last 2 weeks, the last thing i remember is dreaming about different girls from my college.

Celebrate your birthday however it will make you feel comfortable, bro.

Your condition sounds pretty intense. A doctor hasn't prescribed anything?

I want some of that...

>tfw dream about girls from like 5-10 years ago
>tfw she liked you and you didnt realize

Pretty horrible, my man.
You know how there's this teen edgy guys who act like anime characters and be angry with the whole world, all that anger is motivation shit?
I'm just like that but in the opposite way, I'm a fucking low test beta, jesus christ.
I'm pretty sociable, i know i bunch of people, but i feel like i gotta be more agressive in my daily life and relations if i want to achieve something, know what i mean? Problem i just can't i don't know.
I meditate, read a bunch of stuff, i do try, but i'm always this peaceful, friendly beta guy. Jesus, fuck this.

>tfw only way for me to feel social and "good" is to numb my self with alcohol

>move to new city
>underemployed (sort-of job, but no job security and very low pay, still doing something I love though)
>have to commute super far so I leave when it's dark and come back when it's dark
>no blinds on my windows, no dresser for my clothes, no bed frame, no gym membership, no money to buy any of that
>oneitis (we used to have a thing but split amicably) told me indirectly last night that she's fucking someone new
>thought she and I were still into each other but now I realize I'm the pathetic one
>look around my apt, feel like I barely even have my life together, can't even lift
>no wonder she's happy with someone else

I'm working on getting out of this though. Pushing hard to be able to work in my own city instead of commuting out, doing a minimum number of pull-ups every day, applying for fellowships etc. It just feels hollow right now because I feel so jealous and pathetic. Doesn't help that she's incredibly successful (Harvard Ph.D) and beautiful, and I'm just some dude. I know I'll get out of this eventually but I wish I could get out of it now.

Did your wife get fat?

I was diagnosed with carpal tunnel in both my wrists 6 months ago. Doctor said I would have to quit my job since it involves a lot of heavy lifting and that would only make it worse. Went to another doctor who told me the same thing but put me on steroids as treatment. I told myself if it ever got better i'd get my ass in shape again. The steroids worked and now here with no wrist pain and I am hitting the gym everyday and seeing some gains.

No excuses now

I just cried. don't know what is wrong but I did. probably something to do with an ex or losing freinds. but that's life I guess.

if you mean the thyroid, no; i had my first blood test in a few years in like January, and the thyroid hormone levels were off so she ordered an ultrasound. She said it was like literally on the border of what she would prescribe meds for but wanted to see what would happen before doing that. That meant waiting a few months for another blood test, which i have yet to do...but i am supposed to soon.

If you mean the anxiety, no, i haven't seen anyone...I should, I'm just nervous about it and unsure what to do exactly. My uni offers therapy and such of course. ...I should probably make an appointment. Was pretty intensely depressed a few months ago too.

>pic is literally me

i'm sitting here doing my homework and i just want to cry

i'm holdin back so i can write this assignment :|

>laying in bed
>alot cry
every fucking night

I'm seeing a new ADHD specialist in two weeks. ADHD has made my life hell, has put me on the drug carousel between ADHD meds and antidepressants (a different hell and different story). I try to control my symptoms through healthy living habits (exercise, diet, trying to sleep better) but only so much I can do, and I end up living like an unhappy zombie.

After being diagnosed in college (still don't know how the fuck I made it that far) I've been on, thanks to the school doctor who in hindsight had no business prescribing me this shit, Concerta, which gave me heart palpatations, and wellbutrin, which also gave me weird heart shit and severe drowsiness after a few months of being on it.

Sorry for the novel, but after being off meds for so long and managing to keep my shit together somewhat while neglecting my art and creative shit, I'm excited to finally see a specialist, and maybe, hopefully, get prescribed adderal (I've bought some from a friend and used in a non-abusive way with promising results).

Wish me luck, anons

There's a girl that works at a local fast food place that I frequent often (I'm the family errand boy, so whenever I'm out, I pick up food for them. I rarely touch that shit.) Every single time I look at her, I feel my heart skip and start beating faster. She's not exactly the best looking, probably a 6/10, has tattoos, large gauges, probably 5'8 160, but I can't explain the attraction.

At one point, I was the only customer in the store, coming back from class right before closing, and we talked for a good 15 minutes or so, and she paid for my food. This was months ago, and she's probably forgotten, but what should I do, Veeky Forums? Should I try and see where this goes? At least try to make a friend to do things with? All my friends are either busy or don't want to do anything. If so, how do I get the courage to do it?

My dad died two months into my first year of uni. I moved back home from Montana to take care of your mom and I am dealing with ex issues too. You're not alone.

Whoops meant my mom not yours lmao

the other day my mom started crying and said she wished she knew how to help me (referencing my depression) and I just didn't know how to respond. I've been taking medicine for depression for a couple months now.

I'm feeling like a huge burden now because my mom's probably crying trying to figure out how to "fix" what's wrong, and my dad probably doesn't want to see her like that, and he's frustrated because he doesn't know how to "fix" it either. So they're both worrying about some shit they shouldn't be worrying about.

If I was stronger, this never would have happened and I wouldn't have told them. It was a mistake to tell them. But I guess I'm just disgracefully weak.

Don't really know how to feel about my life anymore. Everything's just dull. I feel trapped.

pretty shitty. college is torture for various reasons, also currently dealing with the fact that I come short at everything I do. i'm still stuck as a skeleton because can't get enough protein in my system. I solved the caloric surplus issue with mutant mass so that's at least half the problem solved

jesus. sorry.

>Failed my first Calc test after studying
I tried man, I fucking tried, a week ahead I did practice problems but nothing came to fruition. I feel like a cunt.

On the opposite spectrum, I saw Kanye last week and it was the first night in a really long time I felt very happy, even got a bit emotional after "Only One".

I hope you all hang in there and I love you.

/blog

I feel you. Sometimes my anxiety suddenly becomes crippling for absolutely no reason. I can even get severe anxiety over things in that have already came and passed without issue but previously gave me anxiety (like memory anxiety). Then 2/3 hours later I can be in a completely good mood and my previous state of extreme anxiety seems like a different reality and the same issues that I was ruminating over don't bother me at all.

Running used to really help me, and because Im a nervous and anxious guy I started running a lot (in b4 cardio kills gains). However I think its starting to really lose its affect on me. I had one of my anxiety attacks while on a run today.

Hanging in there though, keeping the diet relatively tight, working hard on job apps (final year Uni) and studying my ass off.

>Mental health
I'm emotionally broken and have 0 desire to have any relationship. Sex just seems like a chore.
Not to mention my standards are stupid high.

I have 3 friends I've had for 10-15 years and no desire to make more.

I'm easily losing weight and getting in shape but I also realize despite all this hard work and effort I'll still be an ugly fuck due to loose skin.

I've fully accepted I'll die alone. I'll have no family left I care about and no kids or wife.

I'm not even depressed. I enjoy my hobbies, and they're enough for me.

I find everyone boring as fuck, even though I'm boring and uninteresting myself.

I make pretty good money and I'm going to college, but I don't even know how I'm doing either when I have no desire to work.

I have no hopes or dreams aside from making enough money to live in a modest home and fuel my hobbies till I die.

feels pretty neutral desu

Stay calm user, it's what human nature does. We cant help it to boast ourselves on top of others. Being prejudice beings as we are, we unconsciously bite the hand that feeds. I know how it feels to be unappreciated, working hard for others and receiving nothing. But just know in your mind that you are the better person. You manage to do everything what you can, but it's up to them to see it as a blessing or a curse. You do what you do best user, and you'll reap your rewards soon enough. Be that better person who gives, and not expect anything else. The true beauty in teaching is when both the mentor and student learns from one another.

get help. I started with just social anxiety, which balloned into full on general anxiety and depression. Talking to a therapist and getting medication and taking initiatives to put yourself in a better place are so rewarding. People in this world are so demanding of perfection that they make it seem like a crime to take time out for yourself and your own health, but trust me its worth the effort.

Bro. I hope you get to read this.
If there's one thing that I realized that kept me in a state of despair, was that I was the main culprit. It wasn't my parents, my crappy "friends", the girls I never talked to, the things that others were accomplishing, the attitudes that others had, everything that I didn't have. Everything. I dreaded the day, I was stuck with no energy. Waking up sucked. At night I wished for tomorrow to be better, but it all just went to crap, just like the day before. Nothing made sense, nothing motivated me, I wanted to die. Non-existence was better than daily shame, self-hate and escapism. I thought I digged myself into a hole that I couldn't get out off. That is when I began realizing a few things.

Over the course of the years, I began reading, it was a form to escape my miserable existence, but it began to bring me wisdom. I now am working out 5 times a week. Going to school at 26. Hang out with the cool young kids in class, they literally see me as their own. I play in a local band. I began attending church and I am in the bishopric. I eat healthy and seek inspiration on how to be better, at peace and make the most out of life daily. I am now speaking with a beautiful girl, traditional, smart, fit and everything I look for in a girl, who I might not even see again. If it doesn't work out I'll move on.

There's wisdom out there. Know that you keep yourself down. Being continuously happy is completely impossible, but being at peace and loving life is. It is a state of mind that you have to develop. Just like those new year resolution faggots that quit because there is no progress in the first few months, you'll probably experience failure, but guess what...

The image CNN doesnt want you to see

The last few months were absolutely horrible. My fiance of 5 years dumped, I couldn't find a job (just finished school) and I was eating bad and had a horrible body. I started lifting and doing jiu jitsu, I found a job at a hospital and I met an absolute sweetheart at yoga, and I've lost 30lbs. I went through a dark fucking time wanted to kill myself. Just keep grinding boys, if you work hard shit gets better I promise. Thanks for the advice on shit also.

It's all up to you. What you have to try to do, and I say try because if you were as lost as I was this will be confusing. Strive to find a purpose in your life, or purposes. Find things that you wished you could do. We're naturally social creatures, we're tribal and love groups. The sense of belonging. The sense of knowing our place within a group. That you're contributing. Find a purpose that allows you to interact/help/support/inspire others. This is incredible difficult, given your position, but you have to give it a try. Heck, even give "finding a purpose" to be your main purpose. Write it down and remember it as much as you can. If you're in a hole, you will forget it more often than not. But, keep trying to remember it. Now, every action that you take, no matter what it is, is a step forward or backwards towards you achieving your purpose. Think of everything that you do, even the small things. You know you're in the right path when the small things are just as important as the big things.

The question comes then, how do you go about knowing what or how your actions will be? Develop a set of principles that will guide your behavior. This goes from simple ideas that can be applied to most daily situations. They could go from "Be hygienic" and you will strive to be as clean as you can, "always tell the truth" and always follow it. "Treat others with respect" and things like that. You will fail, forget and come up with better ones, but your identity will become stronger and you will know what is right according to your values and you will become better at having your behavior to be congruent with them. This will guide you towards your purpose best. It takes time.

You are only a failure when you quit trying,
>Three straight years in the same classroom to pass two classes.

I know better than most.

Hang in there user!

>Like girl
>Think she likes me
>Find out she has a boyfriend
God fucking damn

You know, I'm honestly doing alright. Lonely of course, and having trouble coming out to people as gay, and having trouble managing school, but I've actually started working out for real, so that's a hell of time. Also, my boxing gym is finishing their renovations on the 26th, and I absolutely love the coach in a friendly way, so I'm super looking forward to continuing with that. However, I'm really sick of everyone on my high school robotics team except for a couple people. They're all in relationships, and it's not that I'm jealous, it's just that it gets in the way for everything and I'm sick of it. Actually, my one and only girlfriend and ex contacted me last week a year after we broke up, so I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that. Thing is, I'm getting really happy when I look at myself in the mirror. I've found some music that I can't resist moving to, and I'm trying to learn a little dance and I haven't done anything like that before. I also got a haircut recently and I really like it, and it's fun to kind of slick it back like Ray Liotta when I'm around the house.That's about it.

Fuck me dude, that felt good. I have lots of trouble talking to people about my problems, and I really only have 3 friends I feel comfortable enough to do that with, but I'm still really reluctant. Dammit, I'm almost tearing up. Thanks for giving me that opportunity man. Hope everyone's doing alright, and don't forget that you're the only one that matters.

>Like new seasonal girl at work
>Think she likes me
>Hear she has a boyfriend
>Oh well
>She gets a better job somewhere else
>Turns out she didn't have a boyfriend
>Too late to ask her out

I'd rather have confirmation than be sitting with "what ifs"

Thank you, I was given a "re-do" test that if done correctly will boost my grade, i'll be working on it most of tomorrow.

I just want smooth sailing man

youre right, i just need to bite the bullet for my own good. i'll make appointments tomorrow.

Im thinking about getting a job along with studies but I dont think ill have time for the gym between a job and uni.

this is really important to me though, even though I cant workout because of a shoulder injury.

Whatever am I to do Veeky Forums?

>"what ifs"
AAAAAAAAH I hate that

That sucks
This girl seemed to like me, she hugs me and is always really cheerful around me
It says she's single on facebook and she's a big social media junkie, you'd think she'd be obsessed enough to have it accurate
Fuck

>get job
>save for a home gym
You're not gonna buy it all at once just slowly add to it like an old mans tool collection

I'm failing my bachelors because I don't give a fuck about it and that kinda fucks me up...

just do some part time work throughout uni. Its a smart idea to try and save while you're young, even if its just a little bit.

You know, first I wanted to make up excuses because I live in a third world shithole of a country.

But I think its time to do everything I can to have some goddamn money together. Im a bit fed up with the poor student persona.

that cat always makes me smile

Thank you for the advice, I appreciate you taking the time to type that.

Im in uni right now, and my current goal for the semester is to boost my gpa because my first 2 years were ass (my own fault). I'm trying to really figure out what I want to do in life. I used to want to go to med school but the depression made me forget that goal. But now I feel like i shouldnt give up on it because even though its going to be a difficult road, its still possible.

I have a lot to do this semester, and I agree with what you said, it will take time. I just have to think more about the present and take it a day at the time.

I know that feel. J

ust power through it and that's that.

Your future career won't necessarily depend on your degree and try to appreciate that there are people you can talk to at uni.

Think of it as doing something shit to have the opportunity to know some good people.

Or screw the friends, think of the fact that you will lap anyone who doesnt even have a degree or any other certificate in the job market.

I know Veeky Forums is pretty fucked when it come it this, but is there anyone here that still prays to God for guidance/ a better life?

I've been depressed for about 6 years now, but over the past year it's gotten a lot worse. I've tried therapy, drugs, booze, and lifting to take the pain away, but none of those things help for too long.

I was very religious as a kid, but slowly grew out of the whole church thing. I'm in a position where I am very unhappy with my life and I feel like I am going to go deeper in the darkness if I don't do anything about it.

I feel like pray might be my only option.

I'm contemplating getting start on anti-depressants actually.

I've lost almost 50 pounds and everyone keeps telling me I look noticeably better, compliments coming out the ass. But I still feel like the same fat sperg. Everytime I go out to socialize I actually feel worse than before, even if I'm having a great time. Nothing feels good.

I used to take medication up until high school 10 years ago, since then I've been trying to go at it without pills. Because at least if I feel like shit, at least I feel like its genuine you know? But fuck I dunno, I'm just afraid of being stuck on them for the rest of my life just to maybe feel a little more normal.

I think I'm catching feelings for my fwb and it's been stressing me out since I left his house earlier today. I didn't talk to him about anything yet because it didn't hit me until he was getting ready for work but for some dumb reason I started thinking about him talking to other women and started to feel really jealous/insecure. I don't want to have feelings for him because I don't want to be in a romantic relationship at the moment but it's happening for some reason.

I don't know how/if I should even mention this to him. But I'm afraid if I bottle it up I'm just going to end up getting hurt without either one of us intending for it to happen.

Fuck. And after typing this out I still don't really know what I'm feeling. Part of me just wants to be closer platonic friends with him + the sex and another part of me wants to meet his parents one day. This probably seems like such a trivial issue but I lost my appetite over it earlier and just can't calm my mind at all.

I want to lose weight because I'm a fat useless NEET, but my medication that keeps me sane (effexor and seroquel) makes me feel so hungry all the time, and so fucking sluggish.

I'm not gonna make it.

Oh you know nothing.

>girls best friend comes down to festival
>she's totally into me
>intelligent, looks great, sweet
>I stay back at the camp she stays
>going around with her clingind into my biceps
>could just fuck her
>I'm actually interested in this girl I don't want to rush
>next day her ex-boyfriend / boyfriend comes to take her home
>get told they just live together because the girl can't move so easily
>call her up next day or so if she would like to hang out
>"Ohh user, things are complicated now, but you are so sweet"

I'm not an idealist or even desperate for a girl, but I really felt some kind of vibration.

Damn, that sounds shitty, I'd be so angry

A good friend of mine was just gang raped so I'm going to find the people who did it and brutalize them. One. By. One.

>at least if I feel like shit, at least I feel like its genuine you know
That is terrible logic.

Would you let a wound fester because it's "genuine"?

>I'm just afraid of being stuck on them for the rest of my life just to maybe feel a little more normal.

Dude, literally everyone ends up on meds "for the rest of their life" eventually. Unless they die in their 20s.

Get over the fear of "dependency" or whatever it is and take the pills and enjoy life.

What the fuck dude.

fuuuuuck
>last semester
>QT grill in my english class
>keeps shooting me smiles whenever i speak up in class or walk in, 99% sure she wants some
>feelan confident
>ask her out for coffee
>oh, we'd just be going as friends, right? i'm already in a relationship

It sounds like a perspective issue.

Your job is to teach.

You teach them.

The end.

It's a transaction dude, you're paid to teach, they're paid to learn.

You're (collective) not paid to be pals.

Maybe you're not very likable? It's ok to not be likeable, it's fine, you just have to find people who do like you and hang out with them.

It honestly sounds like you're expecting too much from doing "a favour" for someone; which is actually just your job.

Don't kid yourself that training and coaching others only helps them. It makes you more valuable to the company and helps you career by entrenching you in the system, making you difficult/inconvenient to replace. That gives you stability.

So while you may not be getting friendships out of it, remember that you're getting job security and look to other people for your friendships.

Ugh fuck that
That's the thing I absolutely hate about the whole dating and relationship scene, it's so annoying to try and find out what their situation is if you're a stranger to them
The girl I liked is still in her high school relationship, so if history has taught us anything it's that it will eventually crash and burn like all "serious" high school relationships
Don't think I should be looking for a relationship right now anyway, but I'll probably keep an eye on her and see for when her status changes

Dude, your job is to help people.

When you help, you're not doing them a personal favour. Unless they ask you to do it as a personal favour, they're asking you to do your job.

If you are salaried, it's possible that your job is to just get the work done and be there "as needed". Many jobs are like this. You get paid whether shit is busy or not. Sometimes you have to stay back, sometimes you don't. But you always get paid.

Take that as the mixed blessing it is.

If it isn't your job or responsibility. And it's on him. Then just fucking go home dude.

If you do end up sticking back and doing that shit, document it. Make sure your bosses know who did that shit which saved them money.

It's all bottom line dude. Don't let your feelings interrupt your work relationships. They're business transactions and what you want is a pay cheque/check and security, and what they want is skilled workers.

Hold up your end, get what you want, and go the fuck home.

Find your meaning in life elsewhere.