Redpill me on Charlemagne

Redpill me on Charlemagne

King of the Franks
Killed his brother Carloman, allegedly, to get his piece of the Frankrijk
Subjugated the Lombards in Italy, and saved the Pope, like his dad did
Gained territory in Muslim Spain, setting precedent for future Christian kingdoms like Aragon
Not illiterate
Subjugated the Saxons, and killed lots of them, rightfully
BTFO the Avars in Pannonia, decimating their entire society
Made Emperor of the Romans, a title that would later pass onto the monarchs of the Territory for which it would be made
Was pals with Alcuin of York
Has a cultural movement and script named after him
Razzled Denmark for a while, when he ran out of his people to conquer
Installed security in Italy and France against Saracen and Viking pirates

He was made of gold which is a very valuable commodity.

>Redpill me on Charlemagne
in the Sagas I believe the vikings referred to him as "Charles the Weak."

Charlemagne
he da man
He the tha god
That Charlemagne

...

I still don´t get why that is supposed to be funny.

Do you have assburgers?

He shred the blood of saxon men

He was a big guy

No, I guess that´s why I can get your shitty jokes.

They are funny jokes and you just have no sense of humor.

I believe the Vikings are all ingesting worms up there assholes now.

Meanwhile, they looted Charlemagne’s bones and put them in gold boxes to get prayed at

Gold is a very valuable commodity.

Meanwhile, they got eradicated

They founded Normandy and Russia

They don't exist

The Island of Jersey still speaks Norman

HOWDY GERMANIC SERVANTS

LOOK IM MADE OF GOLD

T. CHARLEMAGNE

HA

Ah yes, compared to Netherlands and Belgium, truly giants there

A magnificent man:
>Had a huge issue with learning to read, but had no problem pushing for major production of books throughout the Empire.
>Spoke Latin and Frankish, with enough Greek to banter with Byzantines.
>Saved Leo III from assassins after his succession of the Papacy was undermined by Romans and a couple Cardinals, which earned Charlie the title "Emperor of Rome", he stood up for Catholicism and its theology against multiple heresies like Adoptionism
>Understood that oaths were thinner than water and always prepared to return to strike down any foe who surrendered and "swore" allegiance, slaughtered Saxons for decades after they kept fucking plundering newly built monasteries and towns
>Established a decent law system that covered all Franks, Frisians, Lombards, and Romans, made it illegal for church folk to juggle (I shit you not)
>Enjoyed swimming so much that he had multiple springs renovated into large pools. He was not shy swimming amongst his bodyguards

...

IT
IS
AMAZING
INDEED

He was german

He was quite the daddy

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>
>

Basically founded European civilization

He was DUTCH

Memeing aside, he was genuinely one of the most impressive and important men in European history, easily more important than other famous figures like Caesar, Augustus, etc, and on the same level as Napoleon, perhaps even more significant.

How many Saxon men?

>Sanctioned by the pope
>Basically controlled rome, gracefully left it to the pope to govern
>Empired the shit out of his neighbours
Talk shit about some austrian who didn't even rule past bavaria all you want, but you keep your whore mouth shut about charlie.

He was made of gold.

dhis

Murderous religious zealot for jebus. He destroyed indigenous european faiths in the name of an vile desert religion that should have stayed in the desert. Furthermore, he imposed feudalism on the last free men in germany as well. He was a bastard, and europe would have been better off if he had never been born.

Fuck off you Saxon heathen.

>>saxon
Nope.
>>heathen
also no.

I respect religious liberty, unlike abrahamic scum such as yourself. You and your shitty desert religion should fuck off instead and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, you faggot.

lmao you're actually unironically triggered

Hardly, I simply have no fondness for tedious christard religious zealots.

kek

>
>
>

>When three arrows constitute a perfectly fine bait

>Napoleon is more important than caesar or augustus

Tbf Rome would've gone empire sooner or later even without my nigga Caesar. Not agreeing with the dude but still.

>they said as they packed their shit up and ran away as soon as they saw any sizeable army

didnt he hide pencils and shit under his pillow when he was trying to learn to write

French King Arthur

Yes, and he had a very hard time stringing the letters properly together. I think it was lifelong dyslexia that he struggled with but could not admit to

Aww, that's oddly adorable.

>EASTERN
>ROMAN
>EMIPRE

>civilization
>The Art of Living in Cities
I think Europe had that figured out by then

He was illiterate.

Newfag

You sure showed him

Best emperor

>emperor
>doesn't even rule an empire
wew

He killed snowniggers

>Gökhem7
Dodecad Dv3
8.38% of Northwest_African
2.14% of Palaeo_African
------------------------------
TOTAL: 10.52% African

Dodecad K12b:
6.75% of Northwest_African
4.77% of Sub_Saharan
------------------------------
TOTAL: 11.52% African

>Gökhem3
Dodecad Dv3
4.26% of Northwest_African
1.19% of Palaeo_African
0.85% of Palaeo_African
------------------------------
TOTAL: 6.3% African

Dodecad K12b:
3.94% of Northwest_African
1.73% of Sub_Saharan
------------------------------
TOTAL: 5.67% African

>Battle-Axe culture (RISE71, H3b, c. 2100 BCE Denmark)
Dodecad Dv3:
0.73% Neo_African
0.34% Palaeo_African
------------------------------
TOTAL: 1.07% African

Dodecad K12b:
0.17% Northwest_African

>Nordic Bronze Age (RISE077, I1, J1c8, c. 1350 BCE Denmark)
Dodecad Dv3:
2.79% Neo_African

Dodecad K12b:
2.69% Sub_Saharan

>Iron-age Sweden (RISE174, W1, c. 500 CE)
Dodecad Dv3:
0.42% Neo_African
2.03% Northwest_African
0.12% Palaeo_African
------------------------------
TOTAL: 2.57% African

Dodecad K12b:
0.97% Northwest_African
0.36% Sub_Saharan
------------------------------
TOTAL: 1.33% African

all of them

By his death in 814 he ruled over lands stretching from Barcelona and Rome in the south, to the Netherlands and Denmark in the north, to Hungary in the east. It was the largest area ruled by a single man in Europe since Emperor Diocletian in 395, and would remain the largest until Adolf Hitler in 1941.

It sure as fuck was an empire.

butthurt much?

>and would remain the largest until Adolf Hitler in 1941
Napoleon*

Almost, but not quite. While Charlemagne had actual vassals and marches all the way into Central and Eastern Europe, thereby giving him "empire status", Napoleon's vassals were mostly limited to the Rhineland and Northern Italy, with the exception of the Duchy of Warsaw in the east. Prussia and Austria were definitely not vassals at any point in time, and were at best very unreliable and brief "allies" in name only. His hold over Spain was also extremely insecure and unstable and similarly short-term so as to barely count.

>Austria were definitely not vassals at any point in time
That's wrong


After being defeated, Austria became France's vassal.

At what precise point in time did they ever act as a vassal does? After their defeat in 1809? Basically all that came of the peace between France and Austria from 1809 to 1813 was Napoleon marrying Marie-Louise. The Austrians offered basically no assistance in either the Iberian campaigns or the invasion of Russia, and were constantly on the lookout for the chance to betray Napoleon, which they did almost immediately after his retreat from Russia. Napoleon could exert almost no authority over Austria which was obeyed; they disobeyed almost everything he commanded and betrayed him constantly and were of no military assistance ever.

>The Austrians offered basically no assistance
>for the chance to betray Napoleon
And so did every territories occupied by Germany

Yeah, please lurk moar so my blood pressure stays down.

K thnx.