World War the First One was the most disappointing thing since my son. I mean, how much more could you possibly fuck up the entire backstory to World War II?! And while my son eventually hanged himself in the bathroom of a gas station, the unfortunate reality of the World War 2 prequel is that it's impact will be around… forever. It will never go away. It can never be undone. If some historian who’s under the age of like 45 says his least favorite theater in the Second World War is “The Eastern Front” because it was “the most nonAmericanist one”, then I suggest you close this thread off right now before I carefully explain how much of a fucking idiot you are. So where do I possibly start? Nothing in WWI makes any sense at all. It comes off like a war directed by a bunch of 8 year olds. It’s like Alfred von Schlieffen finished the Schlieffen-Plan in one draft, like turned it in, and Wilhelm decided to go with it without anyone saying that it made no sense at all, or was a stupid, incoherent mess. I guess at this point who’s gonna question Wilhelm, or tell him what to do? He controls every aspect of the German war effort. He probably got rid of those people that questioned him creatively a long time ago. (Bismarck Steps Down) I also think that everyone just assumed that a European-wide war would be an instant hit, regardless of what the plot was. Really… how hard could it be to screw up? It’s like screwin up mashed potatoes. You boil the water, you pour in the packet.
Number 1: The Characters
The biggest and most glaring problem with the First World War is the participants. This is like the most obvious part of Grand Strategy, but I guess I gotta explain it when talking about this turd. (Tommy's fall into mud)
So let’s start at War Making 101 shall we?
You see, in most wars the audience needs a country/ruler to connect with. Typically this figure is called a “Pro-ta-gawnist”.
(cot'd) When you’re in a weird war with like Chemicals, and genocide, and weirdos, the Veeky Forums poster really needs someone who’s like a normal person like them to guide them through the story. Now this of course doesn’t apply to every war, but it works best in the Industrial, Ancient, and Medieval eras.
I picked a few examples to illustrate this point: Hannibal I, Pope Urban II, The Byzantines, The PLC, King Gustav, Napoleon, and Rhodesia.
So in addition to being like a pretty cool guy, usually the pro… prutugunist is someone that’s down on their luck, in a bad position in their war, or someone who everything just doesn’t always go perfectly for them. Eventually they’ll be confronted with some kind of obstacle or struggle that they gotta deal with. If we like them, we hope they succeed. The drama in the war is the result of us rooting for them against opposition. Eventually our prumurmrurm will find themselves in the lowest point where it seems like all is lost, but eventually they’ll pull through and conquer whatever force opposes them [maybe]. It’s satisfying when our hero gets ahead from where they started off at. They make like a change. This is called an “Arc”. Often too, they’ll get to plunder a town in the end as icing on the cake.
Now I need to explain that I don’t think that all wars should be the same, or conform to the same kind of structure, but it works well in certain kinda wars. So unless you’re in the Troubles, The First Congo Civil War, the Second Congo Civil War, the Burmese Civil War you really shouldn’t stray away too far from this kind of formula.
Especially if you’re making a war that’s aimed at recruiting peasants, and has half of the Tommy boys in it that step in the muddy. This is all of course completely applicable to the sequel, and the character of Adolf Hitler. This was accomplished even with all the innovative wonders of killing people faster.
Oliver Butler
(cot'd) Now with all you’ve just learned, in this thread that I have made for educational purposes, I want you to tell me who the main character of “World War One” is.
I can tell you it’s not anyone from the Entente. They were just on a boring arms race that they didn’t really care about. Plus they were fucking boring themselves.
It wasn’t from the Central Powers either, cuz they were some foreign alliance who the war was certainly not really about specifically either.
You might be thinking that it’s Ludendorff and Hindenburg, cuz they were generals that tried to turn the tide of the war at the end by accidentally almost winning, but the two don’t obtain their power until 2 years into the war. And then the things that are happening around him are pretty much out of their control or understanding.
If a protagonist has no concept of what’s goin on or what’s at stake, then there’s no real tension or drama… without that there’s no story. So the conclusion is that there isn’t one.
Before the movie opened I was really excited to hear that English soldier "Winston Churchill” was going to be playing Winston Churchill. I thought that was a great choice, and he’d be perfect as the leader of this war. But he wasn’t really… He just sat on the ship and invaded Gallipoli a lot.
So YOU may like the characters, y’know, if you’re stupid.
Tyler Phillips
...
Michael Perez
I quite like that Matta Hari character but I agree WW1 is a poorly written prequel.
Jaxon Phillips
if you ask me, Austria and Germany should have been combined to form a new character...called Germany
Luis Russell
I never knew how much I needed a history version of mr. Plinkett...
Hunter Garcia
>Mr. Plinketts history review Please God
Noah Clark
Have your (You)
Alexander Flores
...
Jose Edwards
I sound in a very vague way like Plinkett but have only seen his ep1 review. Going to sit down, watch them, and then mumble through a test episode. If I do not respond in 12 hours I am just lazy.
Samuel Peterson
Surely you mean called Austria?
Kevin Lee
The American Civil War was the greatest epic of all time.
Brandon Lewis
do it faggot (please)
Charles Scott
>mashed potatoes. You boil the water, you pour in the packet.
What???? You skipped: >washing potatoes >peeling potatoes >chopping up potatoes >boiling salted water >cooking potatoes >draining water >mashing potatoes
None of this comes in a packet. Stop activating my Irish potato nigger autism. >
Oliver Powell
If OP is going to finish this, can we get it archived?
Brandon Moore
...
Isaiah Robinson
WW2 is way overrated anyway.
I bet the sequels they are preparing are gonna suck as well.
William Hernandez
It's too hard to do a whole transcript.
Henry Clark
This is fantastic
Carter Gutierrez
...
Samuel Peterson
kino i n o
Hudson Ortiz
There's another guy called hackfraudmedia that makes reviews of the new Star Wars movies as a discount Mr. Plinkett. His voice is pretty similar and he also managed to capture the style of the Mr. Plinkett reviews
Dylan Ramirez
>George Lucas didn't ruin my childhood. The Einsatzgruppen did
Evan Gray
UPDATE: I have managed to figure out how to use my cheap ass headphones to record audio but only only on my tablet. I am currently working on a video about the T-34 since it is the only thing I know a lot about in my deeply misguided life. I will upload it as a video on youtube in the future. Also update: after hearing the recordings I sound more like Elmer Fudd than Piinkett. The project will continue regardless.
Robert Watson
Hurry up and continue.
Nicholas Bailey
Honestly, knock-offs are often cringey failures. If you can do your own thing, do your own thing.
Cooper Myers
Yes. Fudd talking about tanks would be way better than pseodo-plinkett
Caleb Gutierrez
>had to make sure I was on Veeky Forums well played
Adam Brooks
Parts 2 and 3 coming soon
Gavin Cruz
Israel is a mary sue, too overpowered
Matthew Peterson
Good work
Evan Harris
Not really, when the Arabs start getting equipment from the soviets Israel start to lose. But yeah Israel really owned the Arabs that time.
Thomas Carter
>So in addition to being like a pretty cool guy, usually the pro… prutugunist is someone that’s down on their luck, in a bad position in their war, or someone who everything just doesn’t always go perfectly for them. Eventually they’ll be confronted with some kind of obstacle or struggle that they gotta deal with. If we like them, we hope they succeed. The drama in the war is the result of us rooting for them against opposition. Eventually our prumurmrurm will find themselves in the lowest point where it seems like all is lost, but eventually they’ll pull through and conquer whatever force opposes them [maybe]. It’s satisfying when our hero gets ahead from where they started off at. They make like a change. This is called an “Arc”. Often too, they’ll get to plunder a town in the end as icing on the cake.
Isn't this arguably Serbia?
Blake Fisher
(cot'd) Number 2: The Story
The second biggest problem with “The First World War” is the whole course of events leading up to the war and the way the battles were fought. It’s almost mind boggling how complex the awfulness is. From the very start of this war I could tell something was really wrong. Just by the way it started.
It opens with some boring Prince asking for permission to tour in a city that looks like a half-built town in Switzerland but it's in the middle of Bosnia… What the fuck is that?! Then like 5 cloaked figures walk into a pub. They sit down in a conference room, drink vodka, and wait to meet with something that looks like my ex-wife about assasinating the prince.
While they eventually do get to the ball-numbing, mindless action that the malaise-striken fan boys crave, I found myself utterly bored already.
Compare this fecal matter to the opening of the Second World War.
You see, a guy named William Shakesman once said “Brevity is the soul of wit”. This just means don’t waste my time. You keep it nice and simple. (Wilhelm inspecting his Pickelhaube) I said stop wasting my time… STOP IT!
Without saying one word of awkward, boring, political dialogue that goes on for ten minutes, we know everything we need to know just by the visuals. We get a sense of how disorganized and unprepared the Allies were, and how large and powerful the Reich was.
The torn down border marks imply invasion, and the swiftness of the tanks imply the long reach of Blitzkrieg. Those opening moments in Poland got the message the world without having to assassinate ONE PRINCE! In fact, this is so genius, I have a feeling that the remaining WWI leadership had nothing to do with it, and probably fought against putting it in the invasion plan.
So this comparison of openings is a small example of the overall styles of both wars.
Justin Fisher
(cot'd) The Second World War was a modern day homage to the classic and medieval wars of the past. The kind I used to observe when I was in my 40’s. Good vs. Evil, the king on a campaign, the adventurous knight, a country in distress, the wise old courtiers, gay generals, and an epic quest of conquest.
The previous World War is about shoving as much crap into each front as possible. This is part of the reason why I find the Holocaust so fucking offensive. Cuz you’re into what’s happening in the war, and they keep shoving more jews into the camps to distract you. It reminds me of a child waving his arms in the background for attention. Doesn’t Europe realize that cluttering the war up with shit is NOT what makes a World War good?
So the war is called “The First World War”, and by the nature of the premise there is a clear international effort. Why? Hey idiots! You’re not making the "United Nations" here. You’re making a war to test weapons out on each other, right? (Wilson) "Gentlemen of the Congress: I have called the Congress into extraordinary session because there are serious, very serious, choices of policy to be made, and made immediately, which it was neither right nor constitutionally permissible that I should assume the responsibility of-
How ‘bout a European speaker who’s motivation is clear? (Zech-Burkersroda) " We announce to you the deployment of an enormous German military force. Any resistance is perfectly futile. Germany guarantees the territorial integrity in Europe and Overseas, as well as the dynasty, if any resistance remains absent.
The prequel should be very similar in style to the better war, cuz I don’t like things that are different.
Grayson Lee
(cot'd) Number 3: Crime and European Justice
So when you find yourself thinking things like “Huh?” or “What?” when you’re watching how illogical players act in a war, it’s not really a good sign.
So at the end of the war Baden makes Germany a "Reich", even though in their old name on maps it says it’s a "Reich". So we’ll just refer to it as a Reich. People call me a war criminal even though I ain’t never been tried yet.
So the Serb’s are there to do WHAT exactly? According to the some old books it was to demonstrate a rejection of Austro-Hungarian dominionship over the Southern Slavics… ooohhh. So what makes a bunch of Serbs experts in dispatching royalty?
Anyways, the Austro-Hungarians have set up a tribunal without Serbia's help in order to catch the murderers, which instantly causes some kind of crisis that we never see……………… OK…. I don’t get it. Why would The Austro-Hungarian Empire wanna purposefully obstruct their own investigation? Usually an assassination is something you want to look into pretty thouroughly. You see we once set up a whole offshoot of the government to investigate two planes killing 3,000 people in New York. It was a little thing called HURRICANE KATRINA! Geez, you stupid people gotta learn your history right.
The point is I’m still not sure what the assassination was supposed to achieve. And don’t any of you f*****s tell me that it was explained more in the manifesto of some Slavic militia book. What matters is the war. I ain’t never read one of them manifestos, or study politics in general for that matter, and I ain’t about to start. Don’t talk about them stupid video games, or, or novels… comic books or any of that fucking crap. I see enough of that shit.
Adrian Ramirez
(cot'd) Anyways… So I realize that Wilhelm was using the Austrians to create a crisis to advance himself politically and militarily. Like that was the plot, I think? But the conflict from the assasination and the subsequent invasion is the ENTIRE WAR!
Understanding what role Austria-Hungary played in this is important. You need to know what the assassination was about, who was getting shot, what kinda lineage would've made this so crucial to the Austrian nation? What was it, like the only male heir? Was there some kinda plague? Did they not have the capacity to survive on such a large selection of Hapsburg burnouts, a powerful economy, and a huge army for ONE day without an heir to the throne? You see I would have accepted the idea of some World Wide Warfare if the motivation was at least clear.
So when assassins wearing robes went and did their thing, Franzie just assumes they are Black Hand and issues an ultimatum to Serbia. Then somehow this Emperor knows or thinks they are behind it. Hey idiots, so much for the prep work! Even a grief-striken Uncle could call you out. Maybe Serbia wasn't involved, but whatever.
So the Aussies immediately inform this German guy that they’re running this alliance with – a guy who looks like French pilot– that Serbia is killing their royalty, and of course - so that we can have an endless myriad of action scenes – he tells them to bomb Belgrade. You see they never once went into a diplomatic hall to say “did you kill him” to the Serbs, and that they’ll attempt to settle this diplomatically, but they tell Germany that they are attacking. And then they try to shell them to death based solely on the hunch of a few government lackeys. Who’s fucking with my medicine?!?!?
Alexander Hughes
user, I...
Cameron Hernandez
>I picked a few examples to illustrate this point: Hannibal I, Pope Urban II, The Byzantines, The PLC, King Gustav, Napoleon, and Rhodesia. >and Rhodesia
Carter Young
>You see we once set up a whole offshoot of the government to investigate two planes killing 3,000 people in New York. It was a little thing called HURRICANE KATRINA! Geez, you stupid people gotta learn your history right. moderate kek
Ryder Ortiz
I wish I knew enough about history to appreciate this topic. Excellent job OP
Jordan Rodriguez
>on Veeky Forums >can't understand a very basic outlining of the cause of WWI
Landon Long
...
Noah Lopez
>Hitler was a painter >Stalin was exiled in Siberia and didn't see any combat >Literally the same story as WWII where Germany fucks up and America enters the war >Shitty origin story for Japan >Putting in Rasputin as comic relief
Prequelfags will defend this
Blake Lee
The Winter War spinoff was pretty kino though
Jeremiah Turner
So were the Cold Wars Animated spinoffs, especially the one directed by Genndy Tartakovsky
Grayson Lopez
Giving control of Germany to anyone but the Habsburgs was a mistake
Carter Myers
You absolute legend.
Joseph Wilson
Bretty gud
Cameron Foster
Newfags
Jason Edwards
...
Thomas Turner
We need more
Justin Hernandez
...
Parker Davis
Rude
Isaac Turner
I hope this gets tagged and OP can finish the entire script.
Brody Anderson
>So in addition to being like a pretty cool guy, usually the pro… prutugunist is someone that’s down on their luck, in a bad position in their war, or someone who everything just doesn’t always go perfectly for them. Eventually they’ll be confronted with some kind of obstacle or struggle that they gotta deal with. If we like them, we hope they succeed. The drama in the war is the result of us rooting for them against opposition. Eventually our prumurmrurm will find themselves in the lowest point where it seems like all is lost, but eventually they’ll pull through and conquer whatever force opposes them [maybe]. It’s satisfying when our hero gets ahead from where they started off at. They make like a change. This is called an “Arc”. Often too, they’ll get to plunder a town in the end as icing on the cake. >This is all of course completely applicable to the sequel, and the character of Adolf Hitler. This basically perfectly describes the USSR, not Hitler. Especially since Hitler, you know, lost.
Alexander Morris
Nooooo fuck i don't want this to be archived this early. :( Op please continue.
Dylan Wood
OP here. If anyone can link me to the full transcript of the original review, I would be happy to continue.
Gavin Perry
I was just on a Plinkett binge recently, this is amazing
Also you forgot the part where people try to describe the characters from WW1 vs WW2
Brayden Phillips
Somebody archive this shit
Hudson James
Best thread on Veeky Forums
Asher Bell
Holy shit someone cap this. It's fucking brilliant
Tyler Allen
8/8 Breddy gud thread
Austin Barnes
Page 9. OP pls return
Brandon Murphy
>You said to yourself, hey maybe this Battle of the Isonzo will be good, and everyone will just look back at the previous battle as that one weird one.
Josiah Thomas
Bump. We need this completed.
Owen Peterson
>WW2 >Hitler Rogue with a heart of gold, the romantic dreamer who just wants to make the world a better place >Churchil Wise-cracking comic relief, doesn't take anything too seriously, always has a good joke lined up to raise his friend's spirits >FDR Cripple.
>WW1 >Ludendorf Uh.... he has a helmet? Uh.... nope I got nothing. >The Other Guy Uh, does he have a name, even? Can't remember anything about him, sorry.
Ryan Taylor
>the hero of the first and second films is the enemy of the upcoming third film
it rhymes, its like poetry
Benjamin Cooper
Great Britain? Russia? France?
Logan Hughes
Germany you dope.
Christian Ross
>beloved American cripple protagonist dies and is replaced with some boring guy nobody gives a shit about >drags on for months after the European part of the story is finished >Hirohito gets away with everything >Chinese barely do anything at all >lack of overall good characters compared to the European theatre >nuke ex-machina that ended up ruining all future war installments
IIfags will defend the Pacific subplot
Ryan Morris
Truly the axis had the best charac-
John Wright
>nuke ex-machina It was foreshadowed for like twenty years by that point.
Caleb Mitchell
-ters. Have you read his biography? He may have been a massive asshole, but he had a very interesting life and he was a very complex character, much more so than "hurr I'm a psychopath" Stalin or "hurr I'm a megalomaniacal fantasist" Hitler.
Adam Gonzalez
You think that's bad? What about the whole cliffhanger ending about the Soviets and Allies going to war when all we got were some gay EU spinoffs in Africa, Asia and Latin America?
Thomas Davis
What's wrong with a tragic comic relief character?
Nathan Watson
They simply didn't have enough budget for nuclear warfare
Zachary Brown
>French troops marching into Hanoi >It Ain't Me starts playing
Anthony Clark
Yeah, no. They managed to find the cash for Dr Strangelove to nuke half the US, they could have done a proper WW3 instead of the snorefest "cold war" shitshow series we got.
Asher Howard
>You fought in the Cold Wars?
Gavin Bennett
>No. Just like everyone else.
Mason Cook
>Yes, I was once an MVD agent, the same as your father.
Camden Nelson
>I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.
>What is it?
>Your father's M-14. This is the weapon of a GI grunt. Not as clumsy or random as an assault rifle; an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. For over a thousand generations, the GI grunts were the guardians of peace and justice in the World Wars. Before the dark times... before the Communists.
Thomas Campbell
Describe the following World War characters WITHOUT saying what they look like, what kind of uniform they wore, or what their profession or role in the war was.
describe this character to your friends like they aint never seen the World War. The more descriptive, the better the character, right?
>ADOLF HITLER
>Franz Ferdinand...
>GEORGE S PATTON
>H.H. Asquith...
Leo Myers
>>ADOLF HITLER Monotesticulated hero of the 20th century >>Franz Ferdinand... Shitty indie band >>GEORGE S PATTON Visionary genius who could have averted the whole post-war disaster and given us a REAL WW3 >>H.H. Asquith... Pfft.
Aaron Bell
>Jünger is the key to all of this...if we get Jünger working. Because he's a cooler character than we've ever had in any of the wars before.
Hunter Allen
Holy hell, can someone make a screencap of this when it's done?
Jose Perry
>Adolf Hitler charismatic. anal-retentive. ambitious. >Franz Ferdinand ...family man... >George S Patton head strong. loose canon. crass. >H.H. Asquith There's no way I can answer that and you know it.
Jack Cook
>when it's done >implying
Mason Morales
I would unironically pay to see Plinklett review the pregnant Anne Frank pics for their artistic value
Easton Bennett
>for some reason the subsequent parts were removed. What are you talking about? They're all available. Just check the OP's submission history.
