I need 100% guaranteed colon busters. I have powerful chronic constipation...

I need 100% guaranteed colon busters. I have powerful chronic constipation, and the only thing that works for me is Miralax. It's a powder you mix in to water, and the powder is supposed to carry extra water through your intestines instead of just being absorbed. The bottle says it should work within a day with one serving, two days if you have it really bad, but I'd be lucky if it worked within 3 days and I drank a serving each day.

Things I've tried
>kimchi, kefir, kombucha, yogurt, etc everyday for probiotic
>40g of fiber through whole foods everyday, even balancing soluble and insoluble fiber ratios
>100g of dried prune for the sorbitol everyday
>probiotic pills

Meat maybe 2-3 times a week, dairy almost never.


I'm pretty fucked Veeky Forums. Thankfully Miralax is not addictive to the body. So what you got for me? What makes you drop ass like a machine? Spicy food and and Haribo don't do anything for me either.

get a colonoscopy done because you sound like a candidate for cancer

Preworkout ane caffeine are good diuretics. I usually take a nice poop after taking a scoop or 2.

If you want aome heavy doody shit take 2 scoops of hyde preworkout.

Have you tried.. GOING TO SEE A DOCTOR, YOU FUCKING RETARD?

>2016
>Using Veeky Forums as your doctor

I know the cause of my constipation, just tell me what makes you personally poop and makes your toilet regret being with you.

vit C tabs (mine are 1g per tab), dissolve them in water and drink a lot relatively fast (like 3 tabs in 1,5 L bottle and drink it under an hour), you will be pissing from your asshole

Caffeine also is too weak. I can feel some action but not even a fart gets through with caffeine

Vitamin C huh? I never heard that before. Do you know enough to tell me why it causes a reaction like that?

> what makes you personally poop
canned corn

Magnesium citrate. It's like $2 and supposed to work within a couple hours

t. someone who just had to drink it for a colonoscopy this week

Yeah, Magnesium.

I have what you have user. After 2 Ops and 5 years of trying different things here's what you do.

Drink water

Eat veg

Eat fruit

Don't eat beef

Don't eat dairy

Don't eat cereal or bran

Eat fish

Reduce sauces

Figs and prune juice

Exercise

Oh and water again....

Follow this and you will get back to normal for the most part. I still have the odd sachet of laxido incase but honestly... Pick the right foods... Not just whatever you feel like

This
>buy it thinking it's similar to milk of magnesium
>drink before class expecting to shit in a few hours
>25 minutes into class
>hear the grumbling of an angry god
>sprint to bathroom without saying a word to classmates or professor
>tackle through stall door and shit some of the foulest shit I've ever shat
>don't even bother to shut the stall door because the fountain that is my ass keeps churning a steady stream for a solid minute or two
>finally stops
>wipe, flush, and stand up
>actually feel lighter
>wash hands
>hear splashing
>the toilet I was in is overflowing
>decide to skip the next two hours of class and go home

personally? like i ruin my gastro tract?

cajun food, indian food, thai food in that order

the spicy level is stupid hot

Always take miralax on an empty stomach. It doesnt work if you take it after eating.

Have dinner one night at 7pm and then dont eat. The next day at 6 pm take like 7 servings of miralax and try to drink like 2 liters of water that night and just keep drinking water through the night and the next morning. If you are not drinkiing tons of water there is no water for the miralax to introduce into your stool and youll just see like a soupy gel like coating on your rock hard stools because as I said there was no water for the absortion. By the next morning you should be feeling some releif and by 8pm the next night (so 24 hours after you took the miralax) you should be ready to poop but if for some reason you are not then I do another 7 servings of miralax and drink as much more water as I can. With this certainly by the next morning Ill be exploding poop (usually Ill wake up at 4am to poop if I've gotten this far) and if for some reason I still havent pooped I go in with my hands and claw the shit out like an animal and the mirax will have at least shoftened things up and the poop further away from the buthole is usually very soft from the miralax. Also the miralax will build up pressure behind the blockage to help you push it out.

12 hours after your first dose of miralax you can start eating again but keep it light or ideally you shouldnt eat until youve pooped.

Signed, a former heroin addict

Once you get over your constipation, eat a bowl of raisin bran a day and get more fiber in your diet.

Best Colon Blow Ever .....

chopped spinach with sweet potato.

2 hours later.... Hall of the Mountain King.

This. One full can and you will blow out everything you ever ate the next morning

Ask your fucking doctor, and be honest with him about why you're constipated.

Veeky Forums doesn't know shit.
>pun intended.

What about an enema?

Anyways, coffee always does it for me.

3x daily recommended dose of magnesium.
excess mg collects water in your colon.
will make you pee out of your butt.

Just drink some cooking oil and you will shit for days

Yeah, Manjizzium.