Three steps to getting laid

She said she doesnt want to go to the Indo-Asia Pavilion because Tigers scare her

what do I do?

YOUR GIRLFRIEND FALLS INTO THE GORILLA ENCLOSURE WHILE YOU'RE AT THE ZOO AND THIS GUY SLAPS HER ASS, WHAT DO YOU DO?

Can confirm this method works. This is basically the safest, most vanilla way to get a girl to bang you and confuse her emotionally

>Shit even in high school girls would laugh if I said I would take then to the zoo

Right, cause girls hate cute animals??

Seriously, what kind of angry drunken sluts do you hang around with that would hate the zoo?

Why spend that much money though? What a waste of time to get pussy.

You seriously think the first time you hang out with a girl you take her to the fucking zoo? Go ahead man, it's your virginity

>he thinks you just go out and 'pick up pussy'
This is what permavirgins trying to fake in on the internets actually believe

It doesn't matter one bit where you hang out for the first time. It just has to be fun and you have to be fun to be with. If a girl ever laughs at you for asking them out somewhere, move on fast because she's a huge bitch. Any girl who's not a huge bitch and who's genuinely interested will go with you and she'll be relived that it's not a boring coffee, lunch, dinner, or movie date.

To have a fun time and score a girlfriend and start a family and live a happy and fulfilling life as is your biological imperative

Basically do this if you're looking for a gf. If you just want sex and don't care about the herps and the emotional trauma that you'll cause/feel from being a slut, get really drunk and dance with a slutty girl at a club. Maybe learn some game

It's not for pussy, it's for having fun. If you can't spend $50 over 3 weeks to go to the zoo, see a movie and get drinks, then you need to sort your life out and stop worrying about girls.

This. You guys really are mostly virgins/austists/sociopaths on here, aren't you?
If you don't enjoy dating you're probably a massive gaylord

Hey guys, OP here.

I know everyone thinks this is a meme post and whatnot, but this is my honest way that I go about getting laid. I posted it here because I know there are a lotbof guys here who struggle with that, and I thought it would be nice to try to boost them up a bit. Help a brother out.

I can tell you that the method works and it works well. Zoo/movie/bar are just examples of social events. You can really substitute any type of event in there.

Honestly the whole advice can be summarized as

Date 1) Hug
Date 2) Hand holding
Date 3) Kiss + sex

I'm sure I'll catch a lot of flak for this, but fuck it, I don't care. If I can help a struggling friend out, I'll do so no regrets.

Cheers friends

You should probably kiss on the second or first date though. It's gonna be a lot harder to get sex on the same day as your first kiss.

Who the fuck doesn't like the zoo?

that's what I like to see - one bro on the 'ch0n helping another out

This. Kiss on first date. Hand hold and make out a lil on second date.Get a lil frisky in a public place on the third then honestly say 'I really want to take you away somewhere so I can look at your boobs. Is that ok with you?' If you've played your cards right, you'll get a yes and an honest excuse to go back to your place

Thanks for the advice, now I just need to get that first date LOL

Where do I meet a girl?

Depends on the age and whether the girl is long term date worthy or in it for a root.

You should be kissing the girl on the first date if it goes well. Rooting her that night if she wants it.

>jst a hug not only on the first date, but also on the second date
Ask me how I can tell you're a virgin
Hint:
>I didn't even read step 3

Make lots of friends. go out with said friends and you'll meet girls.

Most people just bang people from work/friends of friends.

>Step 1: load darts
>Step 2: fire tranquilizer dart into rear hip region
>Step 3: drag away your new gf

Damn it feels good to be a Chad

1) Skip all that other bullshit and go get drinks with her. Kiss her at some point and/or invite her back to your place. Escalate to bang session at your place.

Fuck actual dates. Drinks are casual as fuck and if she's going out to drink with you she wants to bang and it's on you to make the move.

This is the worst advice you could give any virgin.

If you don't kiss on the first date then you fucked up and it will be hard from there on, as you'll either end up in the "friend" zone or "beta" zone. Get rejected early and often, rather than late. Look at it positively if she rejects your advances, you saved yourself time and money on a girl that has little to no interest.

Women don't respect men who don't go after what they want. I would invite a girl home after the first day and escalate the fuck out of her if the logistics are right and I'm feeling it.

Secondly, what the fuck is up with:
>A few days later, invite the same girl...
and again
>A few days later, invite the same girl to the bar.

Who the fuck has so much time on their hands and wants to go on 3 dates within the first week JUST AFTER getting to know her? Do you faggots sit at home all day and don't go to work or improve yourself in some ways? Get busy and women will orbit you with little to no effort on your part.

I don't have any friends

in that scenario, aren't the chad's and tyrone's cucking each other as well?

Chads get to fuck the girl in the first 5 minutes of meeting her.

If you're not a Chad:
1) Workout (get a nice body)
2) Get a good haircut and bath
3) Get a job so you can buy good clothes and live in your own home
4) Learn to socialize

If you don't have a good FACE; HEIGHT and FRAME, you have to play the relationship game rather than picking up girls.

You can still fake Chad status with GAINS+MONEY+CONFIDENCE.

Othewise, don't waste your time.

It takes less than 10 minutes to see if she want to fuck you.

hey guys im still in high school, what if i dont have a "back to my place" where do I go? The girls here are religious, and I doubt theyd wanna do it in a car.

Any suggestions?

Giving a girl a hug? That's your secret? What are you 15?

Same poster.

Here are some simple rules to help you virgins:
1. Set a precise time and place to meet, max once a week.
2. Don't initiate texting once the date is set up.
3. Don't confirm dates, she will do it if she is interested.
4. If she flakes, then you next her.
5. Kiss on first date and always escalate with touching.
6. Always try to set up logistics to get back to your place after a date.
7. Always lead and always have a plan. Don't let her take control or you wont get laid.
8. Once at your place, keep escalating, if she gives you last minute resistance and you don't manage to fuck then it's no big deal. Women do that to shit test you, if you lose frame you lose her. With abundance mentality you should be able to get a lay, even with LMR.
9. If you manage to fuck, congrats, but wait, there's more. Don't fuck her like every other beta out there or you're not going to get sex often. Fuck her hard and pin her down. Women love men that are dominant in bed. If she says "No, I don't like it rough.. yadda yadda" then you stop what you are doing and tell her "I only get turned on with rough sex" and kick her the fuck out if she doesn't comply because she "doesn't see you in that way", in other words you aren't going to get laid often with her. She wants a relationshit.
10. Make sure she doesn't stay the night and use an excuse like "I need to wake up early yadda yadda and you can't stay.".

I don't have relationshits, so if you want a relationshit you need to get advice from someone else, this is purely for fuckbuddies / friends with benefits / plates.

>Take her to the zoo

>Retards love the zoo

Have you ever been on a date? You might actually enjoy getting out of the house and conversing with a girl sober

Tell me where you live and I'll move over.
>tfw living in God-forsaken Gomorrah and everyone 18-25 is a hedonistic sex-obsessed weekend alcoholic
>tfw no qt3.14 pure God-fearing gf

We're from Pakistan.

>it's another "everyone on Veeky Forums's fit is a 'normal' or 'alpha' who has had tons of girlfriends, always dating, always having sex" threads

>Zoo: $20
>Movie: $10
>Bar: $15

I don't spend 3 days and $50 to get sex.

#dicksoutforharambe

Oh, no offense, but nevermind.

KEK

Thier place? Friend's place? Nice picnic blanket under the stars in a quiet location? Rent a room? I dunno man, maybe don't worry about the poontang too much in high school and just play videogames and go out on weekends and be a normie for now

Nope. That's just $2 for a box of tissues and wifi.

Let her die, no female is worth the life of a noble silverback gorilla.

jerk off in the corner and watch as she has the time of her life with BIG GORILLA DICK

Gorilla have tiny dicks man

...

>go to a bar on a friday night
>find a drunk slut
>bring her home and fuck her
It's that easy. You don't have to spend a dime.

Leave this place while you still can

Sucks when you live in a small town and all the bar sluts are skanks with tattoos in their 30's. Townies too. It's gross. This works if you live in the city or an upscale town.

>plates

??

#dicksoutforthebrosonthe'ch0n

How does one get laid if they don't drink?
Literally every single post in this thread has mentionned alcohol at some point.

Best advice ever spoken on the chans.

"I'm that gorilla dick nigga, I make dyke pussy wet."

Literally stop browsing Veeky Forums, keep working out, and conform as much as possible. I wish I could go back to my high school days and get on normiebook and staciegram like everybody else. This is THE best advice you will ever receive for living a happy life.

Chad and Tyrone know these girls are sluts.
Sluts are just for fucking.
Why do you care what a slut does when she isn't fucking you?

This plan has the possibility to drsg on for, at the minimum, 2 weeks. Enjoy being replaced for being too passive

Girls you fuck regularly for a bit
A "plate" could become a FWB, but often you don't know if she's trying to just fuck or lock you down for a bit.
So, you spin them for a bit.
If you're good, then you can spin multiple at once.
You can't keep the plates spinning forever.
Eventually, a plate will fall.
If you want to keep spinning more plates, you'll have to let it hit the ground.
If you don't want to keep spinning plates, you'll have to catch it.
It is more difficult to spin the other plates when you are holding one in your hand.

Does the metaphor make sense now?

>Why do you care what a slut does when she isn't fucking you?

I couldn't give two shits mate. just pointing something out

>hating on the zoo

Fuck off imbecile

>take a girl to the zoo
>after getting a free trip to the zoo

why the hell would you go to the zoo, that's borderline retarded and oh I am laffin
fuck zoos and seaworld man, if you wanna see a specific animal you need to go where they are in the real world. they would move mount everest to america just to make money off of it if it was possible

Say what you want about zoos but dont ever talk shit about seaworld, man

Dating is lame and feels forced to boot

I don't like people, they're boring. I like fucking them tho

Take her to the red panda exhibit
Bitches love red pandas
I love red pandas
Everyone loves red pandas

Yeah, no.
I see where your mind's at, but no commitment = no cucking

step 1: say we should hang out
step 2: bang

you forgot step 3

>wake up

>implying that he can wake up

you forgot step 4

>grab a brush wabbla libba makeup

indulge me. It's soo fucking weird to go to a place to be amazed by the magnitude of a living creature when it's literally a fabricated experience, and I don't wanna be amazed by the fact that the orca or whatever is so huge when it's literally a retarded example of its species if it's born in captivity and have never known anything else than constantly swimming in a circle.

...

Harambe ;_;

>tyrone
nice cuck fantasy

Pic related, that's what your "Tyrones" look like. As far as prime white girls are concerned, they don't even exist outside of the channel 2 news reporting on another shooting by "youths".

I've done all this but i fucked up somehow during step 2.
She pretty much leaned away from me during the whole movie with her legs crossed.

Sounds foolproof, but what if she's wearing a dress, not jeans?

youre an absolute retard

roll

I keked heartedly OP.

roll

What if I can't fuck at my home

>theories from the basement
LMAO. You think Chad thinks about any of this autistic shit?

Or, you know, install Tinder.

nah, chad's out there playing with his barbie dolls

Kill yourself

CAN'T WAKE UP

Correct.

Chad's playing with his life-sized barbie dolls (pic related)

>I don't like people, they're boring.

This guy gets it.

>This guy gets it.

breh...we're all on the 'ch0n for a reason

This. I can talk to people but I have no way to break the cold approach. I need friends to chat with to slowly bring girls into our field of conversation and then I can say something to them.

>FACE
nope
> HEIGHT
nope, im like 5'10 on a good day.
>FRAME
I have really broad shouders that make me look fatter than I actually am.

Im fucked. I'll kill myself when I reach 2pl8 OHP.