His best quotes?

This is an entire paragraph

>The worst part about cooking chicken is defrosting it
>First you gotta hit defrost
> Then you gotta insert the nuclear launch codes, required for meltin' ice
>After 7 and a half minutes of non stop beeping, you think it's thawed, still rock hard in the center
>Toss it back in for an arbitrary amount of time
>The edges are starting to cook, and turn into bathtub caulk
>You got no choice but take it out now
>You're left with a half microwaved, half frozen chicken breast, sittin' in a pool of ebola
>You say fuck it, and throw it on the pan anyway
>And the end result, is an overcooked tempurpedic mattress that you have to eat, or you'll go catabolic

>Let me tell you something, if you think you have some outside the box, amazing recipe for chicken, then fuck off
>Do not be that dude that thinks he's better than the chicken
>Cause let me tell your something, your chicken is right between bearable and kill yourself

>It's like uh would you rather be molested by your teacher, whose a little ugly (because they usually are) or your uncle, who is a dude, and your dads brother
>That's what I thought
>You know what, you might not be getting your first choice but it's a hell of a lot better than getting your uncles fingers up your butt
>Trust me
>Truuuust me

>Cause let me tell your something, your chicken is right between bearable and kill yourself

Even if this is satire. He is fucking right.

Every kind of chicken except fucking KFC chicken makes me want to kys.

Its so fucking disgusting.

>Unlike feeling guilty about cheating on your girlfriend for the past three years, you should be guilty about cheating on thanksgiving
>Because unlike your girlfriend, your gains will actually leave you

Additionally
>Dieting is like being in a relationship, it's okay to cheat when you're drunk

Almost crapping myself with laughter reading it in his voice.

Also checked.

Built a thousand bridges, and suck one dick, you're not a bridgebuilder, you're a dicksucker.

The day you start lifting is the day you become forever small, because you will never be as big as your pump.

Wow user you are so fucking cool with your 4chin imageboard edgy jokes, normal jokes are just not special enough for you anymore, because you have long past let go of your troglodyte human body and ascended to fucking fit godhood.

Fucking faggot i swear to god if i ever meet you i will kill you

Mfw reddit couldn't handle the banter and had to ban broscience videos.

>Having a pump is like riding 2 jet skis instead of one. Except 1 jet ski is a rhino farting lightning and the other is 2 jet skis

Holy shit

>being without pump is like going outside without your cellphone
>What the fuck am i supposed to do, have a personality ? Id rather kill myself
>Fuck, shouldnt have skipped leg day then i could jump over the fence

Whenever I see some dyel deadlifting 2pl8 with gloves
>maybe I should start wearing lifting gloves so I can continue to give my boyfriend smooth handjobs with my buttery man paws

>Every kind of chicken except fucking KFC chicken makes me want to kys.

Never going to make it.

1:20 definitely

youtube.com/watch?v=iQlIPOTbuH8

you build a thousand bridges, you suck one dick: you're not a bridgebuilder, you're a dicksucker.

so drop that pin and take your uber to gainsville

You realized youll never be the biggest or the leanest. So you have 3 options, dont take steroids and stay the same for rest of your lifting career. Two, take steroids. Or three, walk the righteous path of powerlifting. This is your grave, you are going to die here.

You are only doing 3 lifts
One is the best
One is the worst
And the last is the hardest.

Pull sumo - eat butt
its true
i love eating spicy girl ass

Genuinely laughing

Thanks /fit

..Wtf is wrong with white people? Every culture except Northern European laps up the stuff. Chicken is delicious. It just absorbs flavour.

Just marinate it with whatever spices, herbs, oils, etc you want and grill it, roast it, fry it, whatever. It's the basic quintessential human foodstuff.

Try chicken thighs instead of breast for more juicier and flavoursome meat if you keep fucking up and making it too dry or bland.

In china chicken breast is traditionally seen as tough, shitty meat.

Thats over a billion people that never got decent chicken breast.

Mine are always seared, grilled and then go into the oven. They lose very little moisture

This is science
Also check the episode with brad ninja training or some shit

Keto diet.
More like banaNO

Fuck it im still going to eat it
Is pussy juice a carb?

BC

Downvoted

>Tofu or Goku, you wanna become a super saiyan, or soup or salad?

stfu

THERES A MONSTER IN THE GYM

A FUCKING BICLOPS

In general all the musclepuns are great. Call me Shreddy Wap the trap king

#gettingcutgettingbutt

Rather over train than under gain

>"People think you're scary. Good. Girls look at you and think you have a problem. Good, because you do, it's called "I can still fit through doorways""

his entire cross fit video is fucking gold

KURT COBAIN

>some people say deadlifts are for back day. Some say they're for leg day. I say they're for another day.

>One is the fucking worst

Gets me every time.

"You don't"

Crossfit has revolutionized fitness by teaching us the correct way to do an incorrect pull-up.

"Crossfit is ideal for building cardiovascular endurance, or as I like to call it; the ability to lose gains."

Someone call the Olympics

[spoiler]tell em it's cancelled[/spoiler]

Dom Mazetti on injury and imbalances:
>I'd rather be the leaning tower of pisa than the perfectly straight hut of who gives a fuck.

>You have the lower body and you have no upper body, you got a problem building...wait a minute. You have the upper body, and you have no legs, you got a problem building your legs. You have the upper...you have the lower body and you don't have the upper body, the upper body, it is easier to build. So if you have the lower body and you don't have the upper body, it is easier to build the upper body. You have the upper body and you don't have the legs, you got a problem building the lower body... No, you don't understand. You have the upper body, but you don't have the lower body, you got a problem building downstairs. You got the up- legs on the bottom, it is easier to build on the top, so you don't have much as a problem.

youtu.be/83GUAsi6gYc?t=214

>as a famous masstrophysicist and skipper of the leg day, Stephen Bulking has proven, space and time are relative, but pointless. The only thing that matters is mass, and mass is also relative. You are only big, if you are bigger than something that is also big. This is science.
And your body dysmorphia dictates you cant tell how big you are simply by looking at your muscles

I am a faggot

:fuck youre bitch and the click you claim

First one I thought of. Thanks.

>"I treat my girlfriends like I treat my legs. Ignore em, then they disappear"

>A true meathead brings his work home with him
>You know I’m a single father?
>I got seven kids
>Their names are Biceps, Triceps, Chest, Back, Shoulders, and Abs
>
>oh, and Legs too
>I always forget about Legs
>Joint Custody…
>I see them every other weekend, if even that.

Who knows retard maybe its because people are trying to stay healthy and not just eat fried chicken like a nigger

The price of iron's goin' down. BI. BI. BI.

...

youtube.com/watch?v=Px7Uc2GrnhE

>Okay, you do bodyweight exercises
>You're white
>Okay, that's called Yoga and you don't lift

>You are black
>Do you lift in a park?
>Alright bro, have a nice day didn't mean nothing by it.

>and skipper of the leg day
Fuck

>The day you started lifting is the day you became forever small

>When you say you're going to Bally's to get cut, that means you're literally going to get stabbed

>I don't need your regular science for regular people. I'M AN ANIMAL. And last I checked, your not a vet. So beat it, Dr. Is-little.

YOU WANNA DANCE WITH DOM MAZZETTI

On rope pulldowns
>Some people say this looks like you're jacking off two dudes at ones
>That's funny, cuz that's what your mom was doing last night
>And I was the only one there
>Double barrel Dom
>Two stroke diesel
>Snake eyesssss

Ha, I remember losing my shit at that

This is why nobody likes Reddit

'My boy jumped out at an intersection and threatened a traffic light, because his favourite colour is blue'

>You don't fuck with the guy with big traps. You wanna try and punch the dude in the face who's head and neck looks like the fucking Superdome?

OG Dom videos are gold

Holy fuck I wanna do that

Man, why do people get uglier the taller they get
It's like there's always a tradeoff for something

New videos every strongly, because I don't do anything weekly.

>"To be a powerlifter, you're gonna want to apply chalk to your hands liberally... And when I say liberally, I don't mean that you should complain while you do it"

people put no effort into food and exepect it to be good

>What separates you from a mentally retarded person is that a retarded person doesn't blame their genetics. That's a rookie move.

>tfw no qt gf to bench press

brehs

Wow thanks for your input you fucking tripfag
Didn't even want to contribute. Just wanted to see his name on the fucking thread

the bit about paul revere and ordering double meat at chipotle in his emergency food video

This one right here

The guy that gets his comedy from Veeky Forums only

>Why are you trying to reinvent the wheel? Its already been invented, and it comes in cheese form.

We all do

bi myself a steak dinner?
tri and stop me

Upboated

Underrated

"Wrist straps make you arms bigger and spoilers make your dick bigger. I highly recommend them both"

"That cracking and popping sound you hear your joints make? It's just your bones making way for your muscles getting bigger.....

I rather be the huge leaning tower of Pisa than the small perfectly even hut of nobody gives a fuck"

"I'm dying in a vat in the garaaage.,
- guy "fitness guy" mcguyson 2016

pretend you are sitting in the chair, like ME chair

Youd rather die than quit
This is why its called DIEt

here have some gold stranger!

>dont spot me. Watch me!

>What I'm gonna tell you next is very important, pay close attention
>Get. Consent.
>Look at you, you embody the term forced
>Ain't gonna be no trial bro

Also

>If the shirt is too tight you will look like actual buttsex

Always imagined Bradley in this scene.