Autism thread

>so autistic I get a government worker to practice speaking with
>she's a qt from university in an internship
>I spend all afternoon with her spilling my spaghetti because I never speak to cute girls

I'm hoping I will get better with practice. She thinks I have potential so I got some motivation too. It's good that I get a chance to spill it out with her rather than actual girls I could be interested in

Good luck user.

Holy shit hoe autistic do I have to be to get my own qt

>tfw no government appointed qt

It's a follow up to being hospitalized for poor mental health. I'll admit I lucked out though, she's the only qt working there all the others are women around 40 yrs old

you are so autistic you went full circle and actually got a girl

amazing

dude this is your chance. if you don't kiss her next time you see her she'll think you're a beta and you'll die a virgin. what are you doing

DO NOT DO THIS.
speaking with you is her job, and she probably isn't interested in dating you.
Sorry bro, just trying to save you from an extremely awkward situation.

Don't listen to this guy, he's trying to make sure you don't score.

Don't worry, I know better. I'm not interested in her and I know she already has a boyfriend anyways. She is a partner working with me, nothing more. But by practicing with her I'm sure I'll get better and maybe find a girl of my own

dude, she sounds like a mental case
you responded to that like a normal person

>senior year
>girl asks if she can sit with me
>y-yeah s-su-sure
>huh?
>really quietly i say yeah s-sure again stuttering like a retard
>she gets up and goes to a different table
really wished there was a pill or a cure for it besides dying because life would be normal i'd be human instead of an autistic twat

Don't listen to all these autists, next time you see her grab her by the throat and ask her to back the fuck off (?!?!)

Kek

>meet girl off tinder
>we go to the same gym, same time
>she walks up to me
>make small talk and tells me where she will be at, and that she's there each day.
>realize it's the cardio section
>tell her i'm fine as i focus on lifting weight
>she looks perplexed
>tell her to have a good one
>never hear from her again

Flip the narrative and this is a story of you being savage. A chick who flashes tits to strangers is not a woman you want to get with anyways.

Nah m8. You gotta in a very soft tone "I'm a gorilla dick nigga. I make dyke pussy wet"

Preferably over a candle light dinner

YESTERDAY

>Sell GPS on Craigslist
>Meet up with 10/10 milf, she checks out GPS and hands me the full amount
>"I don't even want to negotiate, you're so handsome I'd end up giving you more ;-)"
>Haha oh I don't know about that
>Leaves
>She texts me later saying she'd love to grab a drink some time
>I ask her to send me a picture of her pussy, thinking it will not work at all
>"I LOVE A MAN WHO KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS"
>ACTUALLY SENDS PUSSY PIC
>I DELETE TEXT AND DON'T RESPOND

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND YOU GUYS

oh man haha how awkward . this is soo me

I went so far as making my FB private in case she searches by my phone number

kek

I do this and then DL immediately after. Luckily everybody else squats less than lmao2pl8 and will go do leg press instead.

>finish uni and move home w parents to begin doctorate work
>no longer have my own apartment or really anything to call my own anymore
>pretty much impossible to bring girls home if I do meet them
>spend a few months alone by choice
>gettin harder to deal with the loneliness
>notice qt in my program who ive spoken to a few times, is pretty nice
>tell friends in program I want to go on a date with her but I havent asked anyone to go out in ages
>they help set up a trip to a bar in downtown chicago that I can invite her on to hang out in a group setting, pretty good idea
This is where the theory doesn't make it into practice
>spend all day monday trying to ask her to go with us, but she never leaves these two friends of hers and also doesn't listen to me so only her friends hear me ask them to come with roughly 4 times
>"user you already asked us we can't go sorry"
>friends who helped set this thing up are getting pissed because I'm not even doing the thing Im supposed to
>class ends
>walk out with qt and her friends to the parking lots
>by sheer luck the other two peel away and the qt and I are left alone
>maximumoversperg.jpg
>I begin to punch/step/dance and talk about how I hate the heat
>"h-haha yeah user"
>I realize the rate at which my spaghetti is dumping so I careen away and head to the lot my car was in
>forgot to say goodbye
>half-shout "s-see ya" when she is clearly too far to hear me
>my car isn't in the lot I just walked to
>it's in the one shes walking to
The car parks are seperated by ditches filled with tall grass here, so the quickest way to get to my car was to cross through one
>enter ditch and see a glimpse of her hair over the top of a nearby car
>I immediately crouch down in reflex
>WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING I think to myself
> I immediately stand back up and run to my car
>dont think she saw

Later found out she texted a friend of mine asking why I was acting so weird and hid in the ditch like I was going to "get" her or something

f-fuck

I'm very relieved that you're not so autistic to not realize how inappropriate and traumatizing it would be for you to ruin your working relationship with her by hitting on her.

Good job. Your autisms are shrinking.

Ironically, actual gorillas have tiny penises.

I don't believe Sam Hyde to be witty enough to have intended the joke to work on that level though.

Oh my goodness you fucked up hard.

The universe really did kinda set you up on that one though, a lot of "unlucky coincidences" lead to that bad end.

This was years ago before I started lifting so not sure if it counts.

Going to first class of first year of community college after high school. Class is full of normies. I am a teenage edgemaster who thinks he is "punk rock" (I really look like more of a clown though). See a 10/10 hottie in class who is all punked out. She sees me and immediately averts her eyes obviously scared that this 1/10 autistic dork (me) is going to take an interest in her.

Every day at class I try to get up the courage to ask her out and everyday I fail. Then one day after class I go up to her and ask her out, in front of the whole class. The whole class freezes and becomes totally silent. She totally wrecks me, starts going off on me, totally tears me down in the most brutal ways. Worst outcome possible, nightmare mode, class is laughing at me.

I go home and cry. Drop out of school and never go back. Turn into a full on autist and never leave my house again.

>get haircut
>hairdresses is obviously overweight
>not obese
>not chubby
>but overweight
>"Have you been working out user?"
>y-you too
>tells me she's doing some zumba dance class or some shit twice a week
>"but sometimes we go get some mickey D's after because we worked so hard we can treat ourselves"
>thats not how it works bitch
>lecture her during the entire haircut about counting calories, TDEE, cutting/bulking
>mfw when I finally made it

kekd

I want to help you but I have the same spaghetti problem, when I drop mine I just shut myself in for the next days while torturing myself mentally, fuck anxeity, I didn't ask for this.

Haven't seen this comic. Post comic. Sounds relatable

>Qtπ girl gets appointed to talk to guys who aren't social at all
>Guys spill their spaghetti all over the place
>Girl just smiles and accepts you
I know government workers like this are for people who are beyond socially retarded, but for some reason it sounds really cute to me

She really is amazing. She laughs with me and makes me feel at ease even though I'm a tard who struggles to talk with her. I used to have misogynist thoughts but she is healing that as well

Holy shit are you me? I dicked around in the gym for a long time too and now I feel like I wasted all that time whenever I think about what could have been. I know feel all too well, user.

>Once you're socially fucked and proceed to make it, you don't really relate to normies. You want people who were socially fucked before.

Agree 100%. I more or less made it. Currently married to a woman who is very socially adept, decently attractive, has a Bachelors in accounting and an MBA, makes over $100k a year, has friends, etc. And yet I will see these totally fucked awkward girls working the register at 7-eleven or something and I totally crush on them for days as I feel I can relate to a outcast slacker fuckup way better than I can relate to my own normie successful wife.

:( whats wrong with us?

How is that autistic?

kek, top grade autism right here
this is literally me though

>tfw managed to make it permanent.
I always look angry now

>not posting it here
WHAT THE FUCK user

POST PUSSY

that depends on what OP "ment by in full view " she may have been just adjusting her blouse and OP assumed she was getting her tits out as payment wich may explain her anger
PLEASE CLEARIFY

Kek

...

>not browsing Veeky Forums on your phone while resting inbetween sets

dude nothing wrong with your words. she was yelling because you exposed her behaviour. this is how some women react. you've handled it like a boss.

Seriously though, what were you supposed to do? Ruin your workout to hang out in the cardio area?

>tell her i'm fine as i focus on lifting weight
you couldn't be bothered to say
>oh that's cool, i'm usually here lifting weights. you wanna meet up after i'm done working out?

>was 16
>qt in school was into me
>she and a few friends ask me to go to the park with em and share a hookah
>s-sure
>'user, do you know how to share smoke? like blow smoke into another persons mouth?'
>y-yea
>'show me'
>proceed to inhale as much hookah smoke as i possibly can
>she gets her mouth really close to mine
>start choking on the smoke i inhaled and cough in her face
>realizing what im doing i try to stand up
>was still holding the hookah hose
>hookah falls off bench and breaks
>qt is extremely embarased
>says its okay
>say i have to go
>its been lonely at school since then

>be me
>there is this party in my town and i went there with two friends
>friend says to me "user, this girl would make a nice couple with you"
>go to her and start hitting on her
>i have to mention that me and my friends were really drunk at this moment
>see that she is a butterface
>realize that her friend is way hotter than her
>start hitting on her friend
>she gave me her number
>wrong number, but i managed to get her real number the next day
>fast forward a few months
>have never met each other again
>buy her a birthday present
>she doesn't invite me
>mfw i wanted to give it to her anyway
>she didn't wanted it
>calls me a creep
>i still keep texting her
>after a few months i finally realized it's over
>fast forward almost 2 years
>she signed up at my gym
>she brings her Stacey friends to the gym
>i'm sure they are secretly making fun of me
>only go to the gym early in the morning since i know that she goss there too

It was really embarrassing.

I honestly don't know m8. Your guess is as good as mine. I didn't know what to think as she got upset.

I did see her bra. The blouse was loose enough for me to see the whole thing. She was also looking down at something

>be me
>go to medical student pantomime thing with a couple mates
>qt from my class is there
>talk to herlot, we get on really well
>she has a bf but has been flirty with me on previous nights out and I know she's cheated before
>she immediately comes over when we arrive and hugs me
>feel embarrassed but start ripping shots with medic bros

>watching the performance later with qt
>taking the piss out of each other
>she's doing most of the talking
>'you're such a lightweight user'
>'you never come out, you're soo boring haha'
>fairly smashed at this point
>try to joke back
>'haha well you have an ugly smile'
>wtf.png
>she walks off to her friends at the bar
>tell medic bro what happened and he just laughs

>her friend start shouting at me later on in the night and getting in my face
>tries to slap me
>gently push her away
>she falls down
>slams her head and starts crying
>says I hit her
>qt told everyone in my group that I called her ugly and hit her friend

>mfw sit alone in class now

jesus christ

based

>haha well you have an ugly smile
Kek

I rather sit alone than with some crazy bitches

I've posted some stories before. I was a wreck until college so I've got a lot.

>Crush on first girl my freshman year of highschool
>Decide to ask her out.
>Wait until Valentine's day
>Go into class early with some stuff I had made
>It's a little box with like a trapdoor on the bottom and a string attached.
>Fix the box above the desk she always sits at
>The string hangs down over where she sits
>She comes in, everyone is whispering, looking at her desk
>She sits down and pulls the string
>Box opens up and a mix of rose petals and pictures of me falls out.
>Whispering and giggling continues
>Walk up to her and ask her out
>She says no.

Still hurts to think about.

>I begin to punch/step/dance and talk about how I hate the heat

Puncestepdancer here, how do I stop doing this? I feel like a retard when I do it but I can never force myself to not to

continue

Ouch bruh.

k

>Sophomore year
>Cute girl is always hanging around me
>Like literally all the time
>I am focused on reading and don't notice
>I am always in the library reading and she is always there
>I don't talk much so she kinda just sits there
>Follows me around at lunch
>Waits outside my classes
>I am too much of a tard to realize she likes me
>She asks to hang out after school
>Say "Yeah I am going running, you should come with me you could use it"
>She was not fat. Just huge tits.
>She doesn't come run with me
>Still hangs around me all the time
>Starts initiating conversations about sex
>I do not engage
>Finally, she gives up and starts fucking another guy
>Tells me about how much she loves it when he fucks her ass
>Suddenly I realize she used to like me
>Too late, never gonna hit that

Another one

>Girl always tries to talk to me when I am reading before class
>One day she asks "What are you reading?"
>I say "Don't worry you wouldn't be able to understand it"

>get hit on by hottie
>oblige 'cause manwhore
>start fucking
>catching feelz
>she says she doesn't want a relationship
>we still fuck
>get on tinder
>match with this milf
>start hitting it off immediately talking about all the dirty sex we're about to have
>within a week of that conversation fuckbuddy and milf went full ghost
>cross reference some stuff
>turns out milf was fuckbuddies mom

god damnit what are the fucking chances?

lel pls be true

>on diet, counting calories
>still have burgers from carls and in and out
>lettuce wrap

will i ever make it?

thanks for the laugh man i really needed it

>Don't worry you wouldn't be able to understand it
Based

How do you fuck up this bad
you were literally alone with her

Threesome. Now.

I tried.

>Tells me about how much she loves it when he fucks her ass
eh okay... sounds like you dodged a bullet there

Not me, but a friend of mine from 9th grade.
>Homecoming is this month
>All the freshman guys asking girls in romantic ways
>Friend leaves a note and box of chocolates for this 7/10 on her desk before she gets to class
>she says no
>gives him back the choclates
>few kids say "ohhhh" and "damn!"
>inbetween classes
>he walks up to 5/10 and asks her with the same note and box of chocolates
>she accepts
>our group gives him a feigned congrats, but laugh at him when he leaves
>jokes on us, she fucks him several times before they even go to the dance together
>best any of us get is a hug after dropping like $200 on a fucking dance.

Twas I who cringed in the end.

Well I wouldn't have dated her if that's how she was. At least not for too long. Just crying over spilt pussy opportunities.

>Manlet with autism feels
youtube.com/watch?v=4ctOfRy3qyE

Never lecture a fat woman who's holding scissors next to your head.

I don't get it.

It's probably best not to get involved sexually with randos at the bus stop.

I'm pretty sure I don't have autism, but I sure feel like an autist anytime I'm out in public for some reason.

We make fun of a guy in our gym who always looks annoyed. Stiff and annoyed.

I think he do it to pretend that he don't like girls or something.

I really really like this image.

w e w
e
w

I've never done one this bad, but this is relatable

At least you didn't do something that ruins your reputation like a lot of the stories in these threads

>'haha well you have an ugly smile'

kek

ty for this

Thanks user this is one of the funniest things I've read on Veeky Forums in a while

>university musician
>band is doing this co-op with another school for a concert
>carpooling with roommate and qt3.14
>go to Jimmy John's before concert
>I'm last to order
>qt and roommate sit across from each other in a booth
>can't decide where to sit
>flip a coin in my head and sit next to roommate
>qt says, "Awww user, I saved you a seat"
>smiling and tapping right next to her
>get up to switch seats
>"haha it's my seat now"
>she's leaning over like she wants me to booty-bump her for the seat
>instead I sit back down next to roommate and eat my sandwich

MFW I put mayo on the sandwich

Man Carmela Soprano really didn't age well.

>>I begin to punch/step/dance and talk about how I hate the heat

>after a few months i finally realized it's over
You were never under user

>You know that comic of the fat slob who changes his life and becomes normal but he's thinking to himself how he hates his new friends and hates how they act?

no I dont, someone post it, Im expecting something more than

kinda sounds like she wasnt getting her tits out as payment and was offendend you thought she was

Why? Anal is great