Are Evangelicals the McDonald's of Christianity?

The Catholics are the O.G.

Its good despite their evangelical founders.
Example: I tried to get Chick Fil A today but failed because the fags who own it decided it was closed on Sunday

Evangelicals do Israels dirty work. That's all they are, puppets of their pastors who are just doing it for Shekels.

According to the other thread:

Catholics=Coke
Eastern Ortho= Pepsi
OO= Sprite
Evangelicals= Mountain Dew
Mainline Protestants=Dr Pepper
Nestorians= RC Cola or Sarsaparilla

Because Sunday is a day of rest, how does following the Bible make Evangelicals a worser version of Christianity?

Orthodox would probably be White Castle in my book.

I would switch Evangelicals and Mainline Protestants around, Dr. Pepper is pretty popular down south.

Arians are Girl Scout cookies, because they do door to door sales.
suppose it could work for mormons too

Mountain dew works since it came from Tennessee, which is the only state where Evangelicals are a majority.
Also not everyone in the South is Evangelical, my family has been in the South since colonial times and are Lutheran.

Absolutely disgusting and tasteless architecture. Imagine God coming down from the heavens and seeing his so called House on Earth look like a fucking football stadium. Why are Americans tasteless?

Absolutely disgusting and tasteless overgeneralization.

Evangelicals and Blacks should be sent to Utah.
People who have Ancestors that immigrated to America after 1783 should be sent back to Europe/Mexico/wherever they came from.
America for the Americans.

In my third-world country, evangelicals = expired store-brand soda.

This entire thread is a circle jerk and brings no honor to Gods name.

Yeah right, like we'd allow any of your shit heads to invade our holy land.

The goal is to pack as many Christians as possible into a space for worshipping Jesus, not pointlessly spend money on aesthetics that do nothing but flaunt the wealth of the church.

Your people regularly invade my driveway wearing their stupid blazers and riding their stupid bikes.

I'm not Mormon, I just don't want any more Christcucks and niggers.

They only want to pack more christians because the more people they indoctrinate, the more shekels they get.

>And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature."
It's actually unBiblical to not preach the gospel to as many people as possible.

*spends time eating KFC and miracle whip and is surprised that they get Type II diabetes, obese, and mentally weak and physically weak*

I guess sitting on your knees sucking college baseball cock produces good results. I guess sitting on your knees sucking charismatic preacher cock produces good results. I guess praising God instead of examining, how your health and habits act on cognition, produces good results.

You'd be surprised at how resistant people become when told the slightest critique of their habits.

>and than he said "Ask for offerings, for you can use those to buy a new Bentley".

Thousands of people qualified for preaching will just sit there for hours among the common believers. That's not conducive to that goal

Prosperity Gospel is unBiblical.

I love Pepsi so would that make me an Eastern Orthodox?

I used to live in Southern California and used to see both these type of people, I like to imagine when California goes full failed state one day that the absolute worst aspects of these people will combine into some kind of horrific cult that will permeate into the Mestizo-Mullato masses. I'm currently considering going to an Episcopalian church, what do you guys think (fedoras need not reply)

Evangelicals are the Christianity of Christianity.

If you need opinions on which church to join, doesn't that imply that none of the churches could provide facts?

Glad someone else said it. Largest corporation who radically modified their product to foster growth and are caught in indecision between the special interests groups that want them to abandon their entire product line to follow the tastes of the times and purists who want things to return to the old ways, but still somehow they're the biggest and richest. Sounds like the post-Conciliar Church

I was raised Pentecostal and I really like it there but I've started to take an interest in all the different denominations and want to learn about them.

Fuck I don't even get why anyone would go to a church like that. I feels like it cheapens the whole thing.

So if you want to learn about all of them, pick one and waste your Sunday. If you're going to go through all of them anyway it doesn't really matter where you start.

Why?

The Apostle Paul's head must be rolling in its grave.

Being a pastor must be the best job there is. You get (at least) 10% of each member's salary, and all tax-free.

How does it feel knowing that "intellectual Catholics" are a tiny, tiny, minority in a church dominated by dumb peasants that treat saints like they used to treat their old gods, and would be absolutely baffled by any discussion on the Trinity deeper than a kid's Sunday school lecture?

Agreed, the best type of church is a house church or those small rickety wooden churches that were built by the local community. The big Cathedrals and megachurches don't allow for the same experience.

we comfy now

Ain't nothing comfier than a house church in China

When did the hobbits convert to Christianity?

in olden times

>hurch in China

Anglicans/Episcopalians?

Diet Coke obvs

A little over 2% of Chinese are Christian

They are mainline protestants so Dr Pepper

At least we don't teach the Earth is 6000 years old, or that Adam and Eve hung out with dinosaurs.

Catholics are controlled by the pope.
Evangelicals are retards who are controlled by Jews.
I'd take Catholics over Evangelicals. Nothing is worse than jews

Not all Evangelicals are fundamentalists.

>they are mainline protestants
Umm, sweetie... No.

>yeah I'm an evangelical. I just don't believe in the same things as evangelicals.
Even Catholics do this. Religion is so stupid.

>The Church had to resist this last order, because it passed the inherent control over religious appointments to the state. The archbishop declared noncompliance and sought and received papal permission to conduct the world's first “religious strike.” Mexican priests were ordered to abandon their altars and to refuse to administer sacraments until the government backed down. The hierarchy believed that in so Catholic a country popular indignation would be roused against Calles—but this was a bad miscalculation, because the bishops did not really understand the nature of Catholic faith in Mexico.

>The interdict oppressed only the thinking Catholics in the towns, a small minority. To the clergy's amazement, most of the common people continued to pass into the open churches, light their candles, say their prayers, and continue their pilgrimages as if nothing had happened. The government owned the church buildings and shrines and kept them open and did not interfere with worship. What had happened was simple, if startling: over centuries the Church had inculcated a religion of formalism and observance that did not require a Catholic clergy, for few of the uneducated faithful even understood the theology of the Mass. The churches remained without clergy for three years, but without any popular protest from the lower classes.

So...this is the power of the Catholic Church

Labels are a human limitation; the shepherd knows His sheep and the sheep know their shepherd's voice.

Ok fine. Believe whatever you want, I don't give a shit. But you can't all be right.

Very true.

Anglicans > Catholics > Orthodox > Methodist > other protestant denominations >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Pentecostals/evangelicals

WASPs are spiritual degenerates(although maybe less than other Americans, i'd need to think about it more) but at least they're not retarded. also lol, accurate characterization of socal.

Anyone can be fundamentalist, including Catholics.

So this is the power of liberal Christianity

Episcopalians are basically just American Anglicans, and Anglicans are basically just diet Catholics, so you have to ask yourself this, what do you think of Catholicism?

Lutheran=Calvinist=Orthodox>Other Mainline Protestant>Catholic>Nesteforianism>Mormon> Arianism>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Evangelicals

>not sucking Israels cock=liberal
most mainline prots are actually right wing

Yes, but then they believe in different things than other Catholics. So not all Catholics are right. You can live your entire life through Catholic teachings and still go to hell.

STOP FUCKING CALLING EPISCOPALIANS MAINLINE PROTESTANTS

>You can live your entire life through Catholic teachings and still go to hell.

they are though

>USA=evangelical
So this is the power of Anglican education

I can't read the text on that pic.

i'm not anglican i'm lutheran

Dude, wtf are you talking about? How is any of this related to the past comment.
Are you so ignorant about catholics that it is somehow surprising to you that people outside your preferred religion branch can actually sustain their faiths without a clergy? Do you even know the story of catholocism? or your own religion for christ sake man, read a book!

So this is the power of Lutheran education then

This is what atheists try to tell theists. They still don't get it.

kek

>Are you so ignorant about catholics that it is somehow surprising to you that people outside your preferred religion branch can actually sustain their faiths without a clergy?

What didn't you understand
>Church protests anti-clerical policies by ordering priests to stop giving Mass, in order to fuel public resentment towards said anti-clerical policies
>the majority of worshipers are completely oblivious to this; they turn up to their churches as usual, say their prayers, and leave as if nothing has happened

Exactly how long would you go without Mass if the Church in your country told its priests to stop?

>Bringing up an event without its context
>Asumming people was not aware of what effect policies had on their religion.
>Not knowing this is part of the seeds that created the cristero wars in mexico
>Not knowing about the bloodshed that followed because of it
>After all is said and done still has no relevance to the OP's comment.

LDS is Coke Zero

LDS is store brand cola. They're only Christians in name.
>Hey we believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit
Cool, that means your Christian
>Haha, yeah God doesn't live in heaven though. He lives on a planet called Kolob.
>Oh, that's strange, but I guess God can live wherever he wants.
>Haha, yeah AND if we live our lives according to these golden plates, we become god's ourselves and get to create our own Eden
>That sort of violates the first and second rule of the commandments, but I guess if God himself sent the plates. Where are those by the way?
>Oh, none of us really know. Joseph Smith was the only one who really read them. Then he buried them and forgot where he buried them, so they're lost forever.
>So you don't have any religious texts?
>Oh no, we have the book of Mormon. It's our main religious text, we don't really even believe in the Bible.

Mormonism is the true religion because it's literally space aliens.

Ebionites = original Coke formula before Paul came in, removed the cocaine, and added other shit

American Evangelicunts are the fucking cancer infecting Christendom, devoid of culture and intellect; and they have the gall to claim they're the same form of Christianity Jesus and the apostles preached.

Elite truthbomb.

But Dr. Pepper is better than Coke and Catholicism is better than Protestantism