>When Liu Chang became Emperor, he was sixteen years old. During his reign, he spent most of his time having sexual intercourse with Persian women. He kept a harem of Persian girls, including one sixteen year old girl he nicknamed Mei Zhu. When he met her he was entranced with her brown skin, round buttocks and large green eyes. He was notorious for his sexual debauchery with her and she was notorious for her sexual appetite with him. She was reportedly skilled in bed, and often defeated and overpowered Liu Chang in bed during intercourse. Liu and Mei Zhu also forced men and women to engage in intercourse in the Palace, if the man made the woman orgasm first, they were rewarded, if the women won, Mei Zhu would have the man castrated. Having sex and playing with Persian girls took away so much of Liu's time that he never emerged to conduct official affairs.
Historical semen demons
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Empress Theodora, wife of Emperor Justinian I the Great.
>But as soon as she arrived at the age of youth, and was now ready for the world, her mother put her on the stage. Forthwith, she became a courtesan, and such as the ancient Greeks used to call a common one, at that...
>On the field of pleasure she was never defeated. Often she would go picnicking with ten young men or more, in the flower of their strength and virility, and dallied with them all, the whole night through
>So perverse was her wantonness that she should have hid not only the customary part of her person, as other women do, but her face as well. Thus those who were intimate with her were straightway recognized from that very fact to be perverts, and any more respectable man who chanced upon her in the Forum avoided her and withdrew in haste, lest the hem of his mantle, touching such a creature, might be thought to share in her pollution.
>Later, she followed Hecebolus, a Tyrian who had been made governor of Pentapolis, serving him in the basest of ways; but finally she quarreled with him and was sent summarily away. Consequently, she found herself destitute of the means of life, which she proceeded to earn by prostitution, as she had done before this adventure. She came thus to Alexandria, and then traversing all the East, worked her way to Constantinople; in every city plying a trade (which it is safer, I fancy, in the sight of God not to name too clearly) as if the Devil were determined there be no land on earth that should not know the sins of Theodora.
>Once, visiting the house of an illustrious gentleman, they say she mounted the projecting corner of her dining couch, pulled up the front of her dress, without a blush, and thus carelessly showed her wantonness. And though she flung wide three gates to the ambassadors of Cupid, she lamented that nature had not similarly unlocked the straits of her bosom, that she might there have contrived a further welcome to his emissaries.
Holy shit, Liu Chang is literally exactly what I would be if I became the emperor of China.
Even though everyone says Procopius is a liar, for some strange reason I have the unshakeable feeling that J&T deserved everything he wrote about them, true or not, and I can't possibly say why.
Looks like the guy accomplished nothing while in office. You left out the part where he basically called her slam piggy.
>His particular favourite was one young girl he nicknamed "beautiful sow" or "Seductive Pig"
>she lamented that nature had not similarly unlocked the straits of her bosom, that she might there have contrived a further welcome to his emissaries.
Does that mean she had small breasts?
It means she couldn't fit a dick into her nipple. Procopius is saying that she was a prude.
It's basically the equivalent of a disgruntled employee writing an angry rant about the boss that he hates. Yes, it'll be infused with personal bias and exaggeration, but there'd be a reason he'd be pissed off to begin with.
I have no trouble believing Justinian and his wife were basically tyrants that ruled on a whim and did whatever they wanted to whomever they wanted. Even their greatest national hero and asset - Belisarius - they treated like shit.
Yep. Cock-hungry ho presumably wanted to jerk another guy off with her tits.
>Valeria Messalina,[1] ([waˈɫɛrja mɛssaːˈliːna], sometimes spelled Messallina; c. 17/20–48) was the third wife of the Roman Emperor Claudius. She was a paternal cousin of the Emperor Nero, a second-cousin of the Emperor Caligula, and a great-grandniece of the Emperor Augustus. A powerful and influential woman with a reputation for promiscuity [...]
>There was [...] a large amount of inbreeding in the family.
>With her accession to power, Messalina enters history with a reputation as ruthless, predatory and sexually insatiable. Her husband is represented as easily led by her and unconscious of her many adulteries. In 48 AD, he went away on a trip and was informed when he returned that Messalina had gone so far as to marry her latest lover, Senator Gaius Silius. While many would have ordered her death, the Emperor offered her another chance. Seeing that as weakness, one of his head officers went behind the Emperor's back and ordered Messalina's death. Upon hearing the news, the Emperor did not react and simply asked for another chalice of wine. The Roman Senate then ordered a damnatio memoriae so that Messalina's name would be removed from all public and private places and all statues of her would be taken down.
>Two accounts especially have added to her notoriety. One is the story of her all-night sex competition with a prostitute in Book X of Pliny the Elder's Natural History, according to which the competition lasted for 24 hours and Messalina won with a score of 25 partners.[7] The poet Juvenal gives an equally well known description in his sixth satire of how the Empress used to work clandestinely all night in a brothel under the name of the She-Wolf.[8]
Who is the qt in the pic, OP?
I'm well aware. I've read the Wars and the Anecdotes, and certain relevant parts of Buildings, but as I said I feel as though there is something missing that Procopius just doesn't want to touch on. There are parts of Wars that are very critical of Justinian and there are parts where he tells ridiculous tall tales - take the Amals for example.
Who actually believes the story of Amalswintha? Why did the Ostrogoths elevate a man of no real importance to the throne rather than a member of the royal clan of Theodoric?
>Yep
Nope. As mad as it sounds he is talking about nipple fucking.
>delicious brown girl fetishes are older than print
>the straits of her bosom
A strait is a narrow section of water. By referring to the straits of her bosom she means the narrow gap between her breasts.
>Catherine [the Great] had 22 male lovers throughout her life, some of whom would reap political benefits from their relationship with her, and many of whom were significantly younger than she. In addition to her sexual relationships, her multiple illicit relationships with Russian royalty, a propensity to collect erotic furniture, and an atmosphere of palace intrigue cultivated by her son Paul I of Russia, led to negative portrayals of Catherine.
>She also had a sexual relationship with a 16-year-old boy. This practice was not unusual by the court standards of the day, nor was it unusual to use rumour and innuendo of sexual excess politically.
>One unfavorable rumor was that Alexander Dmitriev-Mamonov and her later lovers were chosen by Prince Potemkin himself, after the end of the long relationship Catherine had with Potemkin, where he, perhaps, was her morganatic husband. After Mamonov eloped from the 60-year-old Empress with a 16-year-old maid of honour and married her, the embittered Catherine reputedly revenged herself of her rival "by secretly sending policemen disguised as women to whip her in her husband's presence".[4]
>According to some contemporaries close to Catherine, Countess Praskovya Bruce was prized by her as "L'éprouveuse", or "tester of male capacity."[6] Every potential lover was to spend a night with Bruce before he was admitted into Catherine's personal apartments. Their friendship was cut short when Bruce was found "in an assignment" with Catherine's youthful lover, Rimsky-Korsakov, ancestor of the composer; they both later withdrew from the imperial court to Moscow.
>Catherine had "two passions, which never left her but with her last breath: the love of man, which degenerated into licentiousness, and the love of glory, which sunk into vanity. By the first of these passions, she was never so far governed as to become a Messalina, but she often disgraced both her rank and sex"
>An erotic cabinet, ordered by Catherine the Great, seems to have been adjacent to her suite of rooms in Gatchina. The furniture was highly eccentric with tables that had large penises for legs. Penises and vulvas were carved out on the furniture. The walls were covered in erotic art. Some erotic artifacts from Pompeii were even brought into Russia to augment this collection.There was also a statue of a naked woman and a naked man in the erotic cabinet.
>There are photographs of this room and a Russian eye-witness has described the interior but the Russian authorities have always been very secretive about this peculiar Czarist heritage. The rooms and the furniture were seen in 1941 by two Wehrmacht officers but they seem to have vanished since then. However, investigators are looking into the possibility of locating these lost rooms with black lights.[9][10] A documentary by Peter Woditsch suggests that the cabinet was in the Peterhof Palace and not in Gatchina.[11]
>Several stories about the circumstances of her death at age 67 in 1796 probably originated soon after. A common story claims that she died as a result of her voracious sexual appetite while attempting sexual intercourse with a stallion—the story holds that the harness holding the horse above her broke, and she was crushed.[8] This story took root after her servants reported her visits to the stalls of Arabian stallions for long hours without supervision.
>A strait is a narrow section of water.
The meaning here is 'narrow gap,' as you say.
What 'water' passes through the 'straits' of a woman's bosom, bearing in mind Procopius is talking about her lacking enough holes?
>What 'water' passes through the 'straits' of a woman's bosom, bearing in mind Procopius is talking about her lacking enough holes?
He wasn't specifically talking about holes. He meant that Theodora wanted to slide a dick between her breasts, hence a dick would go through the strait.
I don't really think nipple fucking was invented yet
>And though she flung wide three gates to the ambassadors of Cupid, she lamented that nature had not similarly unlocked the straits of her bosom,
The gates are holes, and if they are 'not similarly unlocked', then they are holes that you can't fit a cock through.
The point is to drive home her extraordinary lasciviousness. A people with a history of training baboons to rape children would not have been scandalised by titfucking.
Ah, my friend, you are confused, like the man who first discovered Heron's Pneumatika.
Late Antiquity was a time of great innovation and discovery regardless of what gobshites say.
>Looks like the guy accomplished nothing while in office.
Hence why he was the last emperor of his shit dynasty.
>semen demon
Must be the must turn off word ever
Exact opposite for me desu
>history of training baboons to rape children
What
Just found out the source on that is 'Those Who are About to Die,' so take it with extreme skepticism. Also it's chimps and not baboons he claims they trained.
To the author's credit he does correctly attribute the naming of the Gorilla to Hanno, something I had no idea about. Interesting how the name hasn't changed in two thousand years.
>Turn 16
>Spend all your time just fucking cute brown girls.
What teenager in history lived a better life?
>To the author's credit he does correctly attribute the naming of the Gorilla to Hanno, something I had no idea about. Interesting how the name hasn't changed in two thousand years.
How can you be so sure about tha?
She wanted nipplefucking nigga.
Just like my doujins
Worth it
> actually believing these stories and fables
> being
>this
>retarded
it's not like Byzzies have much other stories or fables. Saint stuff, emperor gossip, and Digenis.
>The question of Elagabalus' sexual orientation is confused, owing to salacious and unreliable sources. Elagabalus married and divorced five women, three of whom are known. His first wife was Julia Cornelia Paula, the second was the Vestal Virgin Julia Aquilia Severa. Within a year, he abandoned her and married Annia Aurelia Faustina, a descendant of Marcus Aurelius and the widow of a man he had recently had executed. He had returned to his second wife Severa by the end of the year. According to Cassius Dio, his most stable relationship seems to have been with his chariot driver, a blond slave from Caria named Hierocles, whom he referred to as his husband.
The Augustan History claims that he also married a man named Zoticus, an athlete from Smyrna, in a public ceremony at Rome. Cassius Dio reported that Elagabalus would paint his eyes, depilate his body hair and wear wigs before prostituting himself in taverns, brothels, and even in the imperial palace. Finally, he set aside a room in the palace and there committed his indecencies, always standing nude at the door of the room, as the harlots do, and shaking the curtain which hung from gold rings, while in a soft and melting voice he solicited the passers-by. There were, of course, men who had been specially instructed to play their part. For, as in other matters, so in this business, too, he had numerous agents who sought out those who could best please him by their foulness. He would collect money from his patrons and give himself airs over his gains; he would also dispute with his associates in this shameful occupation, claiming that he had more lovers than they and took in more money. Herodian commented that Elagabalus enhanced his natural good looks by the regular application of cosmetics. He was described as having been "delighted to be called the mistress, the wife, the queen of Hierocles" and was reported to have offered vast sums of money to any physician who could equip him with female genitalia.
Googled it because it sounded like a ludicrous claim.
>The word "gorilla" comes from the history of Hanno the Navigator, (c. 500 BC) a Carthaginian explorer on an expedition on the west African coast to the area that later became Sierra Leone.[4] Members of the expedition encountered "savage people, the greater part of whom were women, whose bodies were hairy, and whom our interpreters called Gorillae"
Now I'm perturbed by Hanno's description of gorillas as savage 'humans'. Did Carthaginiains have a concept of humanity as distinct from other animals?
en.wikipedia.org
Stories and fables are easily made - I made one out of Attaleiates description of Romanos IV's Manzikert campaign and subsequent blinding, replete with embellishment.
They probably assumed the gorillas were a kind of black.
At least you didn't bring up the horse
Here's another, less fancy translation of that Procopius quote
I wouldn't believe there are (people) actually unironically believe they have 1776+ genders either, but turns out I am wrong.
what a life.
>if the man made the woman orgasm first, they were rewarded, if the women won, Mei Zhu would have the man castrated.
what the fuck its way easier for a man to be pleased
jesus christ
1776 or death
wait, so teen Theodora took it up the ass?
I honestly believe the gorillas described by Hanno are an extinct hominid and not actual gorillas.
>They probably assumed the gorillas were a kind of black.
Also possible.
I fucking love Veeky Forums
>teen
No user, it's much more beautiful than that. In those blessed times we lived a better life, a more nuanced and natural existence.
Theodora was a little girl when she took it up the ass. Not a teen. There is nothing more natural and holy than sex between little girls and adult men. It is the pinnacle of eroticism and an expression of true love and lust. An adult woman is merely a breeding sow - the ancients knew this, ergo boy fucking and pedophilia.
Fuck off you damn moralfag.
The horse is there in the last paragraph.
just like my oriental parchments
>ywn discover primal loli erotica cave paintings
>ywn read loli porn written in oracle bone script, written on the bones of some exotic and extinct tortoise
>ywn read a sacred text about loli love written in Vinča script and discover the previously unknown neolithic religion based around worshipping hairless slits
>ywn read Lovecraft's private cosmic horror lolidom stories
>ywn truly know if your autistic theory that actual witches were exclusively lustful little girls is true or not
>ywn read the actual New Testament and discover that Jesus was preaching Loli Cultism, and that the actual Last Supper and holy communion is about consuming loli feces and pee in a ritualistic setting
We know nohing and history is a fabricated joke.
this is humans we are talking about kiddo, of course they are true.
>if the man made the woman orgasm first, they were rewarded
Haha, that’s a pretty neat ide-
>if the man orgasmed first, he was castrated
Utterly psychotic
I came raw diamonds
Yep.
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