Heptarchy

because northumbria is piss weak and couldnt sit still for 5 minutes without fighting between itself as bernicia and deira, fighting the picts, fighting the britons, fighting the scots, fighting the mercians, and choking down gallons of danish semen

>first to adopt Christianity
that's sad to hear. at least the french and the irish adopted first, so the english weren't entirely the most cucked in europe at the time

Sussex because
>we
had the first Bretwalda.

T. Pagan

Essex because I come from there

I'm sorry.

Bump

East Anglia

Mercia is best, so dominant and powerful that it's but-hurt neighbors tried to write it out of history and claim the many, many years of a Mercian Bretwalda as being "anarchy". Had the Danes not destroyed them, they would have unified Britain and established the capital near the middle of the island, where it belongs.

Scottish people have TWO native languages, Gaelic which is spoken up in the highlands and Lallans which is spoken in the lowlands. Lallans is the language Robbie Burns wrote in, and is simply a dialect of English.

East Anglia because I'm from Norwich

FUCK wessex, Mercia stronk.

>susSEX
>esSEX
>wesSEX

They claimed descent from a god call Sex. I'm not kidding.

Bernicia (f*ck Deira backstabbing celt lovers)

Agreed. The only good Yorkshireman is an imaginary one, even the dead ones stink.

English are mostly Celtic too though. The Germanic invaders didn’t wipe out the Britons that were there.

No, English are more German than Celt, the Celts never came to Britain in big numbers, its more that Celtic language and culture developed in both Britain and on the mainland in parallel.

English are mostly Anglo-Saxon

"People" only hate on Wessex because success breeds jealousy.

Not culturally, no. The Britons got cucked. Their wives for some unknown beta male reason were taken away and became sperm toilets for the Anglo-Saxon chads.

None of them are Arab though.

I can't tell which of them are supposed to be girls.

>in the modern BBC adaptation, at least one would be black, and at least one would be a stronk feminist warrior woman

None

Mercia looks like it might be, but I don't think any are supposed to be girls, that's a saxon side-knot, a male hairstyle.

Actually not sure. I swear Mercia has cleavage

how/when did the English get conquista'd or pasta'd

The Italian is from the Romans, the Iberian is mesolithic hunter gatherers.

It's Seaxnēat you a*glo scum

>the french adopted first,
Nope

French were still Pagans, it's why Anglo missionaries came in France to convert the people there

>The Britons got cucked. Their wives for some unknown beta male reason were taken away and became sperm toilets for the Anglo-Saxon chads.

poetry

i thought it was named after these knives they used called a Seax or Saxe or something

The knives were named after the people who used them, and those people were named for their god.

Dude, Aethelbert was converted by his Frankish wife's priest.

>my wife's priest

MERCIA
E
R
C
I
A

Lowland Scots seem pretty adamant they are not Gaels hence why they are so against Gaelic road signage

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chad_of_Mercia

>Christianity was introduced in Mercia by literal St. Chad
based

>le chad saint vs le virgin heathen

I don't think there have ever been proposals to put Gaelic road signs in the lowlands.

Kingdom of Essex is clearly the best, I'm not biased at all

Who wants to play england risk

>tfw no Mercia gf

Anglo-Saxons were all bitches of the true power in Britain, the Picts.

>Essex, Wessex, Sussex but no Norsex
>East Anglia but no West Anglia
>Northumbria but no Southumbria
why

i can't say for the others but northumbria just meant "north of the river humber". there was a southumbria but it probably wasn't a major kingdom

There's no Norsex because there was no significant Saxon settlements there. Same thing with no significant angle settlements in the west

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Æthelflæd

No Norsex because that's Mercian clay.
No West Anglia because that's Mercian clay.
No Southumbria because that's Mercian clay.

This is the heptarchy not the kingdom free for all

The earlier they christianize the better, Estonia was one of the last places the adopt and they got cucked pretty bad in medieval times

Mercia needs to be eliminated.
Maybe Kent, too.

Wessex is the best sex
Alfred the great was wessex

So, we can have East Anglia, West Anglia, Central Anglia, Northumbria, Southumbria, Southwestumbria, Wessex, Sussex, Essex, Norsex, and Esseressex,