Autism stories thread

Post your most autistic moments here.

>in the club
>8/10 comes to me
>"you are really handsome"
>"thanks y-you too"
>" i need to find my friends"
>i walk away

Other urls found in this thread:

vocaroo.com/i/s1SXFa60FSyd
youtube.com/watch?v=eikrft2ngoo
youtube.com/watch?v=svVTGKWZbH4
youtube.com/watch?v=3hNts3CBjbM
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

>Buying movie ticket
>"Enjoy the movie"
>"Thank's, You too...Oh, yeah"

>in the gym squatting
>sitting down resting when a 9/10 blonde comes up to me
>"hi who is using this?" (Referring to a squat machine)
> i respond "Whom." then say idk

I think I meme too much

Go to local italian resturant alone for birthday. Actually dress up with fitted button up shirt and dress pants. Looking big just got done at the gym a hour ago. Get a free desert for my birthday from 3 dif waitresses all claiming dont tell the others about it. Feeling awesome as shit. As I leave they say happy birthday I reply "you too". Go to my car and turn on radio.CRAAAAAAAWLING IN MY CRAAAAAAAWL.

I wish I was kidding. Havent gone back there since. The tiramisu was legit.

i posted this awhile ago in a shopping for condoms thread, still cringe about it.

>been chatting with this chick
>7/10, nice body
>she texts me, tells me to come over and fuck
>no condoms
>not gonna rawdog this bitch
>drive to nearby store
>walk in
>all the autism stories of buying condoms come flooding into my head
>shitting brix
>tell myself that all i need to do is act normal, and if i dont make it awkward it wont be awkward
>starting to calm down, i got this shit
>while doing this, i stopped paying attention to where i was walking
>walk right into a big pyramid made out of boxes of some shitty product
>i fall on my fucking face and boxes go everywhere
>sounds like a jet just carpet bombed the fucking street
>look around, everyone is staring
>start to pick myself up and whatever little bit of my dignity is left
>step on a box, slip and fall right on my ass
>guy who i assume is the manager comes running to cashier
>starts to ask what happened, then turns and sees me
>i try to get up again, dont fall over this time
>manager looks and me with a mix of confusion and disguist
>try to say something funny to relive the tension
>awkwardly say heh to myself twice
>"guess you guys found out about my two left feet haha"
>complete fucking silence
>people who werent even paying attention are now looking at me with disguist
>run the fuck out of there
>mfw
that store was where i bought most of my groceries, super convenient location. never going back there. as for the condoms, i picked them up, but by the time i got to the chicks house she was bored, and didnt wanna fuck.

forgot pic, mfw

Out of everything here I believe this one the most

>running errands with mother
>we go into a beauty shop so she can restock her endless cabinets at home
>cute girl my age working there
>mother buzzes around the store while I wait by the front
>cute worker comes up to me and starts a convo
>I say something like "m-mama needs me bye" and walk away
>as we go to purchase everything, she's the cashier
>she smiles and starts another conversation about how I look better than most guys she knows
>mother starts to get pissed because she's the one purchasing everything
>"Geez. Mothers are all the same, amirite?" from the cute cashier
>I just stare at her until we leave

What the fuck is wrong with me

>At club, dancing
>too autistic to care, just dancing, having fun
>9/10 girl comes up, starts touching my shoulders, dancing with me
>iwasntreadyforthis. jpg
>completely freeze up, can't even say anything
>she looks annoyed and walks away
>start dancing again

I don't get this, I dont talk to girls in the club.
"YOUR REALLY HANDSOME"
"WHAT"
YOOUURR RREEAALLYY HHAANDDSSOME"
"YYOOUU TTOOOO"

In what world do you you yell at chicks when courting, just dance and make gestures. Go outside to talk.

>see silver fox in yoga pants shopping in the dairy section at Walmart
>she looks up, smiles
>i smile back
>meet up in the self check out a little bit later
>I was there first, so I try and go slow to make sure I can have a better change to talk to her
>she starts having issues with her terminal
>I end up finishing up before her issue gets resolved
>unloading my groceries into my car
>she parked in the same aisle
>go to put my cart in the rack that's close to her spot
>she smiles at me again
>i smile back and mosey back to my car without uttering a word


sorry silver fox

Silver Fox
sexy older man

>give person my flight ticket before going through tsa
>have a nice trip!
>you too.

its simple and a cliche "you too" but its so far removed from the realm of possibility that it makes it even more absurd.

this

>be me a few years ago in highschool
>somehow become friends with a group of normies
>only start talk to the guys in the group unless one of the girls talk to me because autism
>one day the girls start a conversation with me
>"hey user are you a hot boyfriend"
>panic
>respond with "uh well i guess not because im not anyone's boyfriend right now"
>find out later one of the girls was looking for a boyfriend
>girl had a super annoying voice and was prototypical stacey so it wasn't a big loss

>silver fox
>she
user, I like a nice, experienced older guy as much as the next guy on Veeky Forums, but let's not delude ourselves into thinking a dick with some more veins doesn't magically turn it into not a dick.

the same thing that's wrong with all of us, user. we're oblivious to the point where it should be illegal.

>be me college senior
>friends with this one really hot girl who went to my highschool but was a year younger
>always thought she was outta my league so just talked every once in a while
>be at this huge party and her and her friends came
>asked her to hook me up with one of her friends
>talked with her friends but one had a bf and the other wasn't attractive
>she calls another friend to come to the party to meet this 'really cute boy'. She keeps talking me up on the phone
>friend never comes so just me and her talking most of the night
>she says shes surprised I'm not dating anyone because I'm really attractive and kinda leans into me really close
>say thanks and tell her I'm going to get a beer
>dude comes up to me as I'm walking into the house and says If he were he wouldn't have turned down that hot girl
>say I have no clue what he's talking about and go get my beer
>finally realize she was leaning in to kiss me
>walk back out and shes gone
Luckily we both went to the same place for spring break and I hooked up with her while blacked out. She helped me finally realize I wasn't ugly

That's not even gramatically correct, you doofus.

That's the point you autismo

>silver fox

You can communicate with mythical beings too?

Well it wasn't a very good point then, sillybuns.

>want to go see Disney's Chimpazee in theaters
>no friends to see it
>decide I'll show up to the theater in a gorilla costume so people will think I'm funny and not a weirdo or something
>go to my attic to get my old gorilla costume
>a beam of light shines upon it as if it were meant to be
>brush off the cob webs and decrepit cat turds
>go to put it on
>it's a little small only reaching to about my elbows and knees but I'm already too committed to quit now
>mom drives me to the theater
>no words are spoken just the occasion giggle from me in the passenger seat
>walk into the lobby of the theater on knuckles like a gorilla walks
>my entrance noticeably startles the qt cashier but then just turns into a blank gaze
>"one ticket for chimpanzee"
>"yeah alright anything else, sir?"
>"do you think I'll see my cousin bobo the chimp in this?"
>"Uh I don't know maybe?"
>"he he...do gorillas get in free?"
>"..."
>"Do...do you get if? Cause I'm seeing Chimpanzee."
>"But your a gorilla."
>"...that's right."
>pause
>"would you like anything else, sir?"
>"uh...do you have bananas?"
>she gives me a blank stare
>long silence
>when I get nervous I get gassy so a fart breaks the silence. I don't know if she heard it or not.
>"Enjoy your film, sir."
>didn't get one laugh must be a tough crowd
>walk into the theater in bewilderment
>sit down too embarassed to even pay attention to the film
>fat kid behind me keeps throwing swedish fish in my fur
>40 minutes in get up and throw his box of swedish fish across the theater
>run to the lobby and wait for my mom to pick me up

>not replying whom'st'dve'lle

How do you even read that? vocaroo?

vocaroo.com/i/s1SXFa60FSyd

Thanks user, I understand now

>sillybuns
Can we please start calling each other this instead of all the rage induced tryhard shit?

Sure thing, poopsiekins.

HAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAHA

...

>I'm at a write-on-me party
>Hang around quite buzzed with a ripped t shirt and stuff written on my body by friends (male and females alike)
>A couple of girls stop me and insist on writing "SMOKING HOT" on my chest
>"T-thanks"
>I leave

Female classmate touched my beard once and said " I love your beard."

" I like yours too." And I walked away. A couple of seconds later, I realized what I said. I regret it so much, she has a huge ass.

Any chance I can fix this?

you're a funny guy user

thanks for the laugh

>be at a party
>some girl approaches me
>"hey user you're pretty hot :)"
>decide for once I'll be alpha and not a fucking beta bitch
>"Really? Just wait until you see the rest of me"
>she walks closer "oh yeah, what's that supposed to mean" and giggles while running her hand through my chest
>I don't know what to say
>"I have a big dick"
>she laughs and pushes me gently "you can't be that straightforward!", gives me a cute little grin
>it's working so I figure I'll just go with it
>"I am, just like my dick is"
>she's kind of grossed out at this point and just looks at me, realizes what kind of a sperg I am
>"Yeah I need to go see a friend over there..." and walks away
>I walk manually outside and jog home like an autist

It was pretty close I think, had I chosen my words a little more carefully I would've gotten laid

>finally hanging out with the 9/10 asian girl I worked with
>both laying on couch, watching tv.
>don't do anything, barely talk

tfw my buddy was in the bathroom banging the shit out of his grill. I feel like that's what made it awkward, though.

Lost my sides thanks user

Almost spit out my drink

At first, I was like "nah, you're screwed." But then re-thought: hell yeah, user.

You damaged her self-esteem, made her feel below you. I can bet she went and looked in a mirror right after that for hair on her face. Probably started shaving and shit on the daily.

Now, she thinks you don't like her, she's "ugly"

Hit that up, she'll be fucking surprised, and be all over it for a chance to redeem herself.

I've never heard that phrase in my life, and I would probably respond the same.
Idk what it even means. :(

I've read this b4 hmmm

This was on friday. Im horrible at this.
She tends to rest her head on my shoulder, rubs my back, says she likes my voice.

I dont want anything serious, just want her ass.

> be in a bed with 10/10
> fall asleep

This was a few years ago when I was starting to get Veeky Forums, actually started hanging out with normies but still had a bit of autism left in me

>be invited to birthday party
>time to leave
>girl hugs me and thanks me for coming to her friends birthday party
>im not sure what to say
>"h-haha yea h-happy birthday"
>its not even her birthday
>its her friends
>she's looking at me with a weird expression
>"ha well I guess I b-better head back"
>she asks if I need a ride or want to hangout after
>"n-no thanks Ill jog"
>leave and start running home
>I can see her watching me run away from the window

Somehow your autism worked out for you.
Don't fuck it up now, talk to her like you would with me breh.

Have you considered telling her that you dont want anything serious but want her ass

Shock and horror talking is how people communicate. You dont have to sperg out on her that you want to tap that, but just let her know one way or another you're not interested in any long term relationships right now but maybe she wants to go out to a bar on Saturday then invite her back to yours for drinks

Next time you see her raise the topic of conversation on relationships, whats shes interested in or if she would want to do in the long run, when she asks 'What about you' or if she doesnt ask just drop the point you're not interested in dating someone for long term relationships and have been just getting casual pick ups for fun. Then drop the whole topic unless she presses you on it and invite her out next time you see her, say something like 'we never catch up outside of class, lets go do something sat night'. Then invite her back to yours after doing something sat and have sex and get herpes.

jesus christ

>talk to her like you would with me breh.

>h-how much you bench?
>what? user i dont lift
>u-u mirin bro?
>user you're acting weird
>y-you too

>be me
>senior year of HS
>Had just spent the previous night making my gf orgasm for the first time.
>walk into class and sit down
>see on the board "ORGASM"
>teacher calling checking role
>"alright before we get started does anyone have any questions about the homework"
>me: "no but why did somebody write orgasm on the board"
>teacher "that says organism"
>entire class is laughing
>me "well we can turn it into an orgasm if you're down"
>MFW principle didn't believe I could've been so stupid.
>gave me Saturday school for a month
>gf at the time never let me live it down

Lol but that's wrong brah

K I lol'd

"well we can turn it into an orgasm if you're down"
Fucking alpha as fuck, totally worth the punishment

>shit that never happened

Lmao

Holy shit are you actually autistic?

You sound like me back in HS when I had sky-high confidence and wasn't a sperg. That's pretty great user

>hippie chick working at studio helps me out with something
>gives me a smile
>she's mirin
>do my stuff
>get ready to walk out of studio
>she shyly says "have a good weekend"
>turn around
>she has a sadistic smile on her face
>reply back and say "th-thanks"
>face gets red and walk out

she knows

Knows what? Saying you too there would have been appropriate right?

fake but laughed anyway
upboated user

holy shit how have you not given this girl the D yet?

Literally text her on a Thursday/Friday and be like "hey what are you doing tn?" this is not hard.

Why a Thursday/Friday though? Forgive me for being autsimo

autisms a superpower dont ya know

Pretty alpha desu fameroni

>walking back home from uni, going to play rad fucking ps1 games I dug out of my dad's house
>see someone wearing a fedora and full leather trench coat in summer
>laugh as if I'm not also extremely autistic
>qt3.14 walking in same direction giggles and asks me if I was laughing at that guy
>say yes
>she keeps giggling, asks me my name and shit keeps walking with me
>tells me about a party starting in a bit
>really want to just go home and play spyro 3
>have to evade this, dragons ain't saving themselves
>tell her I'll go over in a bit
>nope
>she wants to go now
>plan b
>walking past a macdonalds
>stare intensely in opposite direction
>she catches me eye and looks to
>dip down the drive through and wait
>go home and beat spyro, feelsgoodman.wma

I hate this graphic (and it's implications) because it equates having better gainz because you're not around women with not being around women as a result of choosing to have better gainz. if you feel like you can't have both it's because you're weak willed and only lift to get a girl, then after you've gotten the girl you've no need to lift anymore, so you stop and your gainz go away... if you still had reason to lift you either a) would and would still have good gainz, or b) wouldn't because you're too weak to separate yourself from you gf for long enough to work out, or to convince her to get Veeky Forums with you.

Cool it, krillin

I love you, user.

they never learn do they?

>I have a gf right now
>When I do have a gf I don't see great gainz still

>"hey user are you a hot boyfriend"

Your autistic response is excused, that shit was poorly phrased.

Have you tried the piccolo approach and taking a man inside you (no homo)

>be me in 2012
>at a rave
>high as a kite on weed and lsd
>9/10 blonde qt3.14 sucking a lollipop looks at me
>makes a come hither motion, like neo did in the matrix
>shes with a friend so i go up with my friend to talk to them
>he had a gf (still has nowadays) and i was single (have a gf now)
>hadnt had sex in a while, it was my chance
>he starts chatting with them
>i start laughing like a lunatic because im so fucking high
>literally just laugh while they keep trying to start a conversation
>suddenly the pyro guys appear in the party and start playing with fire
>get the fuck out of there and go watch them like a retard

fuck man, she was really hot. never forgave myself.

same thing happened about a year later, this time it was a gym rat girl 6/10 face 9/10 body who just sat on my lap and gave me a small little kiss and i just stood there high as fuck on lsd and hash.

i cant function when im on acid.


also check this 7

youtube.com/watch?v=eikrft2ngoo


fuuuck watching this now i realize how retarded i was. there were barely any qts at that party and i fucking wasted my chance to fuck a 9/10

>tfw fucked 10+ girls
>never had a one night stand
>am basically about to get married

fuck my life, never going to have a crazy night of sex with a random stranger

youtube.com/watch?v=svVTGKWZbH4

>tfw they have a video of when the fire guy comes in

alright enough with my drug potentiated autismo

/blog

Where are you?

>that joke
>that lack of reaction

You're under arrest for stealing my sides.

>first week of uni
>busty Asian neighbor somehow makers her way into my room
>ends up on bed with me
>"what do you want to do user"
>"ughhh, idk. What ever"
>"ohhhhh k..."
>sit there awkwardly until she leaves

She also tried to get me to go to a party a couple days later but I didn't want to go because I wouldn't know anyone..

Holy shit I was so fucking oblivious that this stuff was repressed in my head until like right now.

brazil. this was a party in a nearby state that i went to.

youtube.com/watch?v=3hNts3CBjbM

this video is better, plenty of cuties. havent seen myself in any videos yet tho

Did you ever even fuck that chick? sounds like she was just messing with you.

>some girl comes to me
>"hey user, my friend thinks you're cute"
>"I know i am"
>Gets away to never return.
>I actually think im fugly
Has happened to me several times now, What am i doing wrong?

>She helped me finally realize I wasn't ugly

Them feels.

Holding out hope that if I keep working I may get to experience this.

>in club drunk as fuck
>girl I've fantasised about but is way out of my league comes onto me
>get nervous, spaghetti is starting to seep out of every orifice
>"Uh I'm sorry but I'm gay"
>"Oh right"
I still think about this a lot, what the fuck was I thinking

>cute high test girl at work
>see her once or twice per day
>all i do is just make eye contact with her pretty much
>got her a v-day gift
>brought it to work with me but didnt have the courage or confidence to give it to her

i felt like she would have been "weirded" out or something because i dont KNOW her. we just see each other and the occasional smile or whatever

I wonder how she looks bad at that moment. She probably was thinking one of two things, either "why is this guy not making a move? Does he not think I am attractive?" or "What the fuck is this guy doing? Why is he being a pussy and not making a move? Fucking pathetic. I am out of here."

I will go out of my way to grab plates from racks if there's an odd number of plates on the rack so as to make it even on both sides. This sometimes involves me passing up 4 nearby racks of plates to go to a farther one to grab one plate

I rearrange the dumbbell racks and base my routines off of how they're arranged. If everything is in order I move on to something else, but if they have say 50s on the spot where 45s should be, I'll start with that weight and go from there until they're all rearranged.

I make every effort to make sure my muscles are balanced, so if I so much as pick up a 45 with one hand, I make it a point somewhere down the line to grab another one with the other hand. Even if I don't need to.

I grab random plates lying around and will do sets with random amounts of weight just so I have an excuse to rerack them properly.

Ok boyos here's a little autism conquering that I've accomplished recently

**The old me**
>be me
>see qt3.14 at climbing gym for the first time
>adorable quiet and shy tight little body
>see her there 11 times over the next 3 months
>always avoid her stare
>never talk to her and always wonder what could have been then never see her again

or

>be me
>head high confident and eye contact making
>see qt3.14 new girl at gym with her male orbiter posse
>feeling high energy and found a reson to talk to group
>introduce myself to everyone
>include qt in conversation but don't lock in on just talking to her
>her friends leave and she stays behind
>we hang for a little longer
>say I have to go, I ask her to give me her number because I want it
>we will fuck soon surely

So simple for me the problem was not the autism meme it was low energy or enthusiasm, now I look at approaches like a morning run, it's hard to get up get dressed and start the run but once you're started it's hard to stop!

Good luck gents

Hahahaha..
Life isn't a movie you are probably right about the weird effect unfortunately user

DEJA VU
IVE JUST BEEN IN THIS TIME BEFORE

This is the first response that genuinely sounds like a spectrum disorder

saved

>Getting of the bus with my friend.
>hes a really jumpy guy
>we got of the bus and begin to walk down the road.
>old lady comes up to us and asks us something.
>i turn around to ask my bro what he should do
>he's bolted it like 100 meters down the road
>i turn back to a confused old lady. we awkwardly lock eyes for a second
>next thing i know I'm running after him

i can only imagine what she was thinking of us

>Sitting in the lounge of my dorm complex
>Friend walks into the room
>"Hey user female wants to talk to you in her room."
>Me: "That's odd..."
>Go to female's room
>Female opens the door
>Female: "Hey user..."
>Me: "Hello Female someone said you wish to speak to me. Do require assistance?"
>Female: "What? Uh... no, I just wanted to talk to you."
>Me: "Oh..."
>Me: "..."
>Me: "..."
>Me: "So what's up with that Bush Administration, am I right?"

Took me about 6 years to realize why she asked me late at night to come to her room alone where she was alone while her roommate was out of town.

And that explains why I'm still a virgin at 28.

>vocaroo.com/i/s1SXFa60FSyd
oh fuck me kek

I've been getting better about it, but kind of ironic that lifting all but confirmed to me that I at least have aspergers

...

how do you talk to a girl for the first time out in public? like walking down the street or at mcdonalds

>walking down the street

You don't.

Same guy.

When i was in school i used to suffer "the 'tism"
>in class waiting for lesson to start
>girl sits next to me, shes hot but scary idk it was a scare fuck thing
>she says hi, i freeze and begin to tell her everything i knew about Stalin including how they treated people in the gulags
>i must have been talking for 20 mins about how if someone squashes your testicles the pain could kill you
>she gets up, and just walks out of the room
>everyone get me weird looks for the rest of the week

why not? sometimes i see qt's walking. How is it any different than a park or something

Because most people who are walking down the street are just trying to get somewhere and aren't looking to be waylayed by some autist from Veeky Forums who gets dating tips from other autists on Veeky Forums.

Speak to people at a place where people go to meet other people, like a bar or a dog park or one of them Meetup.com groups.