Wiping

>tfw your in mid wipe and the paper rips, making yourself finger your dirty butthole

farting sprays shit molecules too, do you shower after each fart?

normal people actually only have toilet paper in case a disabled person needs to use their toilet

you're supposed to bend over and give yourself a rimjob to ensure maximum anal hygiene

The real question is are you a front or back wiper?

lmao but then the toilet paper rips and you have shitty tissue chunks on your asshole

>trashing your poo paper

As a janitor, you negroes are the bane of my work life

Cripes...how many times are we going to have this conversation?

1) Go to Walmart and get yourself a bottle of "Veet."

2) Go home.

C) Enter the bathroom (bring your phone w/you).

4) Strip naked.

5) Pump three or four good gobs of the stuff into your hand.

6) Ben at the waste and slather that goop in your crack from lower back to begining of sack.

7) Sit wide-legged on the toilet and set your phone's alarm for 5 (five) minutes.

8) When alarm goes off, use toilet paper to remove cream (which now has a bit of brown tint to it and is full of pubes) as much as possible.

9) Step straight into the shower and rinse the shit out of your crack w/warm (not hot) water and then shampoo it.

10) Dry off and apply some lotion to your crack.

K) Put on some boxers and enjoy the new sounds of your farts.

Do this once and month and you're golden; perfect wipes everytime from this moment forward.

No need to thank...

>folding the sheets

why? you don't even feel a facture of your anus on your fingers, because the paper becomes too thick if you fold it, so you don't even know where exactly are you wiping and where might be possible remainings of your shit

>Step 2: rub my asshole vigorously for like 5 seconds

can't tell if serious because that is way too autistic to be made up.

you wipe once, ONCE and dispose of the toiletpaper you just used and get new sheets of tp. What on earth made you think that squirling around shitstained paper like a hurricane around your bumhole is your best bet to come back clean?

Because I don't want to rip through the TP you fucking retard. You should be able to tell where your fucking anus is without sticking your finger in it faggot.

Step 1: Rip off two squares
Step 2: Fold over each other
Step 3: Fold into origami crane
Step 4: Wipe furiously
Step 5: Display somewhere for the next user to admire

it would happen to me when I was a child, but it's easy to avoid that, it's just more efficient in every aspect.

Baby wipes master race reporting in... keep them in my backpack that I bring around with me

Rip of ten sheets. Fold until the size of a single sheet, wipe, drop in toilet, repeat u til there cannot possibly be any shit left.

Toasting in hilarious bread

ten sheets is overkill

It's not. Get a cat and you'll understand.

If you don't have a cat, there's literally no reason whatsoever to care about this.

>Not showering after each fart

t. Pajeet

>He doesn't vigorously rub his butthole
>Not activating his prostate for maximum cleaning gains
Laughinggirls.jpeg

side to side

>tfw always leave a brown streak on white underwear

i always wipe correctly i swear

>wiping more than once with the same paper

fucking gross

>Display somewhere for the next user to admire
>takes a crane to get it out

I can't beleive how many autists here actually COUNT the sheets. I have never counted, I just take a reasonable amount. No counting needed. If one time I get 6 and the next time it's 7, who the fuck cares.

You ALWAYS count the sheets. Make sure you never take 6 or 7 or your butthole will never get clean.

1: 10 sheets
2: Fold into 5
3: Fold into 2.5
4: Wipe
5: Repeat 1 - 4

Who /babywipes/ master race?

>can someone write the steps of how you do it if I'm wrong?
get some wet wipes , theyre the best here here

>sitting in class
>have to take a shit
>reach into my bag and slowly take out baby wipes
>guy im sitting next to just stares at me
>wink at him as i get up to leave

Eat enough fibre and the shit will just slip out with no residue left on the asshole.

Proceed by washing vigorously and emphatically with water.

Your ass should be so clean you should be able to dine off it.

Nah, the best is a bidet... get one of those $35-$50 Luxe bidet attachments... will pay for itself in saved toilet paper pretty damn quick.

kek

>TFW running out of wipes in the middle of a shit.

not sure if it is a prank or real

>all these folders
>Not being giant paper wad master race

Sorry. I'm a man and too busy to sit there doing arts and crafts in the bathroom.

I rip off a giant wad, ball it up, and go to town. I repeat until I see blood.

>OP doesn't know how to use the shells

imagine how cold that toilet seat is

This is the civilized mans wipe.

Have fun walking around with shit hanging around in your ass crack fags.

>wipe for like 5 minutes straight until there's no mark on the TP
>still have a brown streak in underwear when I take them off

this shit infuriates me to no end

meant to reply to

Protip/PSA: Shave your boipussi to prevent swamp ass. It also makes wiping more efficient/effective.

>Make sure you never take 6 or 7 or your butthole will never get clean.

kek

You gotta clean the rim bro
>grab 3-4 sheets, fold in half
>wipe, fold in half again, wipe
>grab 3-4 more sheets, spit on it
>wiggle your finger up your bum just a little
>be horrified by the shit that was just sitting there a half cm up your butt

Your poops should be solid and not leave behind a lot of residue, maybe eat more fiber?

Wet wipes help.

Okay so hear me out: try flushing the toilet, getting a wad of toilet paper, lightly wetting it in the toilet bowl water, then kind of using it to wet/dab at any dry wads or shit that is chilling in your ass hair. After you let your ass air dry a bit try using some dry toilet paper, as if it's wet and you wipe you'll rip it and your ass will be full of toilet paper.

You could also flush, wet your hand, rub your hand in your ass crack to wipe all the shit out, then use the toilet paper to clean up your hand before going to the sink to actually use soap on that shit.

I don't know dude I'm sitting here in bed, but if you're flushing toilet paper and shit down at the same time I think you're limiting your options.

Luxury living

...

Some toilets get clogged from it

I'm still confused as to why you're supposed to stop using them just because you're no longer a child

Don't rub, just wipe. The rubbing is retarded.

WET
WIPES

found the beaner

I recently discovered this myself. I wipe but my shits leave no residue 99% of the time.

When your heater goes down in the winter, and you have to take a morning shit the day after new years- and you realize THAT is your toilet.

>fatclaps still using dry paper to grind their feces into their asshair
>Fatclaps unironically folding shitty paper over on itself and reusing it to grind more shit into their ass hair
>Fatclaps need to be taught how to clean their anus

This is what happene to sewers when you flush baby wipes. Fat and grease congeal and form huge balls. A 17 ton "fatberg" was found in london sewers full of baby wipes, floss and other shit that shouldn't be flushed

roll is backwards...also, I'm right about this. Don't bother arguing with me.

The proper way to wipe your ass is to wipe once to get major chunks of shit off your ass, then sit up on the sink and wash your ass with soap and water until you can afford a bidet.

Thanks for helping with my cut, user.

You guys are fucked

Especially those who STAND to wipe

I'm guessing you're mostly American

>not standing to wipe
>not taking a look at your glorious turd as fast as you can to see if you broke your own record
You must be either a woman or a gay

Normal people don't want to have shit covered wet wipes in their trash and then having their bathroom smell terrible all the time.
If they come out with actual disintegrating wet wipes they'll sell like hot cakes.

For now, just spit/wet your tp and it's 90% better

I do this and I'm a girl

OP I feel you with these questions man. I've never been taught how to use a urinal and have always avoided them.

I don't know what to do, do I just whip my dick out fully over my underwear and jeans or like use the hole u get in some of them?

I'm completely serious.

is this some kind of fucking troll job?

Everyone dunks their ass in the water after they poo right? Why are you all not mentioning that step.

1) poo
2) dunk
3) wiggle about
4) wipe

I made this info graph once, of my way of shitting, I think its superior.
I was waiting for this thread a long time.

Two lies one post

Fuck. Use a bidet you fucking barbarians!

I wipe until my asshole is bleeding tbqh, not even kidding

this is a requirement in most south american countries and is often necessary in europe where they have tiny toilets and tiny pipes made for tiny people from the 18th century

>necessary in europe
"No"

you must be from eastern europe where they shit in the streets and wipe with leaves then

I use baby wipes

feels fukin fresh lads

I'm from France, we have normal toilets. Putting used tp in the trash ? Dude, that's Pajeet tier, something's wrong with you.

Explain the folds thing, how does that work? Also, if anything goes wrong you're falling into/off the toilet and shit will spew everywhere.

>pajeet
>toilet paper

and nah I've been to france
everywhere I went especially paris smelled like shit and piss
this was before the refugees, too, so don't blame it on them you dirty frog

Paris is fucking gross but it's not fucking France. It's just Paris. Parisian look at the rest of France as if they were from another country.
Also, the pajeet thing is about throwing some shit stained tp in the trash instead of flushing it, dumbass