Gym gestapo just confiscated my protein gumbo

top kek

>drank water in between sets
>CIA (Crossfit Intelligence Abbreviation) finds out
>confiscated my speedo tank top
>banned from mirrors
>warned next time I will be drowned to death.

>didn't bring enough quarters to get the squat rack to work

You can do it with the chain still attached. Just with a small R.O.M

>OHP in curl rack
>SS forces me to go vegan
>watching all my gains fade away

That's actually pretty clever gj user

>Forget gym routine pad
>Curl for third exercise
>Gym SS officers see me

>12 years of squats and oats

> commissar says i'm not puttin on enough muscle
> get sent to the ukrainian front as punishment

Damn it

>tfw forgot my squat rack at the cleaning store
>have to rent a local filthy one

>forget to wipe down machine after finishing
>XXL overweight brownshirt trainers find out
>reminds everyone on loudspeaker to wipe down when done
>TFW Anne Frank mode where I work out as quietly as possible to avoid attention

>gym vikings stole the barbells and raided the protein bar
>AGAIN

I'm going to interview for my first gym position today. Just entry level stuff, but it's my first application to a real gym. I'm so nervous, gone over my pull-up form like 3 times, but I'm still not sure what to wear. How do I keep the nerves from getting to me?

>the gym tattoo dispenser was out of "veni vidi vici" tattoos again

hope you remember to tip the receptionist, she'll put in a good word for you if you do

>forget to wear manlet armband
>banned from using gym twink

>gym prisoner tricks me into giving him the key and escapes
>have to catch him before sunset or I have to replace him with my gym twink

fuck I hate cardio

Wear your regular gym attire to emphasize the fact that lifting is your life. Good luck bro.

You mean like a PT, or just bitch tier gym staff?

>go to the gym
>forget my wallet with coins for the weight dispenser

Cut is going fucking amazing boys gonna crush the beach this year. Me on the left.

these threads get me every fucking time

>tfw didn't win enough tickets on the leg press to get your shoes back

The position I'm going for is a Basic Lifting Associate. I'll be doing basic SS and whatever my supervisor needs me to do. It's a pretty big gym so they have pretty strict quarterly growth quotas, but the gains they hand out are something a starving skeleton like me can't turn down.

>tfw want to do my laps but sea raiders plundered the pool already

>gym crusaders keep stealing the 20kg plates and the barbells for makeshift shields and spears
They got rid of the saracens but damn

>gym prisoner

>go to gym
>forgot my weights at home
>gym merchant offers to "loan" me a set
>also forgot my reloadable gym ease of access payment card with reloading fees because my gym doesn't accept cash
>get blamed for 6 million losses of gains

>Gym introduced a "No Singles" policy yesterday
>not allowed to get in unless I find a gym girlfriend, despite the fact that I have a lifetime subscription
What the hell am I supposed to do ? I already tried the "bring a second coat" trick but they realized and kicked me out after 10 minutes.

Forgot pic. This is him

Last time my gym did that I just committed sudoku and reincarnated as a KNIGHT of NOBLE BIRTH and was awarded a PURE MAIDEN

>Japanese whalers killed the soft gym dolphin

>Moldova

>gym priest doesn't consec8 my pl8s
>don't break PR

>try the gymam instead
>he calls me a filthy kafir

>warm up with pl8 bench
>forgot to change the difficulty level on the rack
>nearly break my ribs because it's set to hard

This little screw up got me put on gym probation

>be jewish
>have to wear yellow star while deadlifting
>go to sauna
>get gassed

fml

> application for gym requires two friends as references
> I don't have any friends

thanks, you too

>tfw no centaur gf

>got a veni veni veni tattoo instead

>Go to gym
>The manlets are revolting
>They maxed out the smith machine to make a makeshift guillotine
>The 2 tallest manlets are dropping it from 6' to decapitate everyone else

the worst kind of feel

STOP SEXUALIZING THE CEREA

>sexualize
>implying I wouldn't be in it for the dedicated, loving relationship with horse waifu rather than just sex
Also, centaur is sexy by default, nohting user can do to add or detract from that natural beauty

>can't get into the locker room for my post-workout protein shake because Gymstaffel are flogging a manlet who tried to use the tall guy urinal
>miss my protein window and basically sacrifice my gains for the day
>fucking manlets when will they learn

can't really argue with that

>implying I wouldn't be in it for the dedicated, loving relationship with horse
exactly
cerea is for huggin' not for fuggin'

...

...

>slat gain goblin
>get a super rare drop
>vinheim enchanted barbell
>+2 pr on all lifts

>gym anti-magicka field nullifies my +5 PR bonus that i get from my enchanted lifting shoes
>just look like a fool now

>Don't tip the grip mixer
>have to use the smith machine with no lube.
>Miss my PRs because I didn't set the bar to wumbo.

>that guy who wears basketball shorts to the gym

>realize i forgot my gym permit
>hope there will be no inspections today
>FUCK, the Schutzstaffel are on random checkup mode
>start sweating profusely, knowing it might be the end of m gains
>hope the body fat badge will be enough for this checkup
>NOPE
>Papiere!
>*heel clap salute*- HEIL RIPPTOE
>start mumbling about forgetting the papers at home..
>after a swift trial, get sent by the gym Oberführer to the saunas
>HEIL RIPPTOE

>paid lord to raise the chain so my bent over rowboat can continue down the river to the gym
>shriveled up manlet claims to be a wizard and will bestow gains upon me if offer him a ride
>tell that wizard shit to fuck off and go lift at the library
>continue rowing down river
>hear wizard crying about how hes gonna turn me into a tiny disgusting green creature

shit bros i dont wanna get turned into a gains goblin

>gymam
Kek

no, no, no, i wish mine still had the chain system but we upgraded to a squat golem who only lets you use it if you present it with quarters. no quarters and you get bashed.

...

>didn't bring enough blood sacrifices to appease the demon possessing the squat rack

wat's the recipe?

1 part gumbo, two parts protein

thanks brody, I'll get right on that

>Got to gym, pass sniff test to enter
>Alarm goes off, it's lottery day
>Blood priest selects the sacrifice
>Has partial gains extracted and mixed into the Gains Gumbo
>We all partake
>TFW PRs still haven't recovered from my selection last year

>be dwarf with low stats except strength
>performing raid with lanklet rogue and farad's tank
>defeat high level gains goblin that drops basketball shorts of +2 strength
>lanklet grabs it before I can and uses boosted stats to switch to Chad class
>gets all the romance quests and a new mount
>so mad I storm out of the gym
>bump my head into the doorknob on the way out
>gym admins assume I was trying to mine resources from the gym, ban me to Planet Fitness
>lower gravity slows my strength levelling

>farad's
I meant fatass, fuck me for phone posting

Happ bed today
>be like you don't have
>sit down with a little bit of a problem with your blood
>start with the British
>keep going out with the British
>British won't stop being dead
>shit
>panic
>decided that the British weren't even worth the risk
>drop the British