WTF is wrong with my body

B-but, I have the opposite problem.

>lifting for 5 months
>not even benching 1pl8

wat

Probably this, maybe try more cardio if you want to lose weight.

>when you do SS for 5 months
>he feel for the SS meme

1. You're not a weakling,,,,, you just need a spotter and start doing 5/3/1 ....

2. You need to make a *food journal*.... it sounds faggy.... but you need to know why/what/when/how ..... you can't eat for "fun".... you have to eat for "results".

3. Set small goals.... 5 lbs more for 2 reps next time you (fill in exercise)... keep moving up

4. Share your goals / progress with others --- even in a public space such as a workplace refrigerator. Get others on your side.

>mentally rehearse every time.

What routine is good then? I hit every major muscle twice a week. I basically started benching 80 lbs...

>>>/noass/ general

You can't claim I have no ass, I literally get made fun of for it at work and sometimes in public. It's like two disgusting bowls of jello attached to backside.

No, you don't.
Your glutes are non-existent, it's all just fat and you look like a non-athletic woman that sits on her ass all day.

Well glutes and quads are only thing that I don't work since they're already so out of proportion.

There's nothing wrong with you, my friend. Just be yourself.

your legs look normal sized you fuckin dumbass, and your ass game is weak af

You're an idiot.
You have zero muscle mass, you're just full fat and delude yourself into thinking that is "muscle size".

How many days a week are you working out?

Love yourself first of all.

Once you can do that look at this picture & judge for yourself.

You know what you are & aren't doing to achieve.

I'm sorry OP,

time to hit the ol' dusty trail

OP read the goddamn stick you a giga nigga. Do a program with linear progression. SS or SL or whatever the fiuck else. But you need LINEAR PROGRESSION. And then just eat enough and sleep enough to move up weight every workout. Shits easy, just do it

>I'm increasing my lifts consistently
>110 bench in five months

Yeah, no you aren't. You should be adding at LEAST 5lbs on every session. If you're stalling, deload a little and then continue adding. There's literally no way you're at 110 after five months. You've been skipping workouts or haven't been lifting at all

6 days

Thanks, good advice. Going back on paleo diet.

1 / 3 / 2.

>my answer.

Post routine, let's see what you're doing wrong. It might be form too

Not the same user, but I'll bite.

>4 lifts...Bench and OHP for the upper body, curls to balance the bench and give you guns, squats to de-whiteboy that ass
>3 sets of each lift until failure
>If it takes more than 12 reps to get to failure you're too light...add 5 pounds next workout
>if you get to failure in under 8 reps you're too heavy...take off 5 pounds next workout
>add 30 minutes of cardio to each workout

That should get you started.

>You should be adding at LEAST 5lbs on every session.

Is this really what the average natty beginner does? I'm really in shit shape. Probably my shit test level.

You idiot. None of your muscles are "out of proportion" because you don't have any

I never said it was muscle. More of a fat/skeletal, maybe hormonal issue.

It's *not* 5 lbs for every freaking rep....

It's closer to 5 lbs for 1 or 2 reps at the end... just to get that extra stimulation, and overload.

You have to *overload* the skeletal muscle and then feed it (drugs allow more feeding) to get it to grow. The stupid 5 x 5 doesn't do that.

5 3 1 is a great overload principle, because if you don't have muscle in the first place, how the heck will 25 reps stimulate ? arrrrrrgggghhh.

>I need more beer.

I don't always add 5lbs per session but I at least add 5-10lbs per week.

Stop trying to blame shit on hormones or whatever, YOU are clearly doing something wrong. Whether it's diet, sleep, form, intensity of workout, etc.

I've been hitting everything 2 times a week. 6-12 rep range. 5 sets. I pretty much only increase 1 rep every workout. So basically I'm only increasing 2 reps a week and doing 10 sets a week for each muscle.

Now what am I doing wrong?

>12 reps

Literally cardio-tier. Drop to five or six reps and add more weight

Also I do increase by 5 pounds when I go up. Which clearly isn't very often.

You look like an average newbie. Your fat distribution doesn't look significantly abnormal at all, you're just clearly kinda on the chubster side so looking like shit is to be expected.

Stop nit-picking weird shit like a paranoid fucker. Eat good and train hard for more than 5 months and you'll be fine.

You should be increasing by 5lbs every time you are able to complete all of your work sets the workout before, not every time you are able to out-rep your past workout. You are needlessly retarding your progress by doing this.

I do 4x8. So I add as much weight as possible that I can consistently do 8 reps a set. If can do more than 8 reps I add weight. If I'm struggling I'll take off weight.

I'm still a beginner too but I think that should probably apply no matter what set rep scheme your doing. I think maybe your issue is you're not actually pushing yourself hard enough. Maybe you could actually add another rep or more weight but you're just afraid to push through.

So how many workouts do you typically do before you are able to add 5 lbs.?

Top Fucking kek

He did 5 pounds a session

He's been to the gym 13 times the last 5 months :^)

I do PPL 6 days a week. I go up 5-10lbs per week so about every other workout. I know there are better programs out there but this has been working for me so far.

>I've been lifting for about 5 months to even out my body,

Man, I fuckin love this shit. You've been a lazy sack of shit your whole life and you think 5 fucking months is gonna fix it?

I'd hit your thicc ass, OP.

my personal trainer used to give me 15 reps, and if I failed it, he told me to lower the weight.
thank god im behind that

>5 months
>Visible gains
Building muscle takes time.

FOLLOW THIS user'S ADVICE.
Seriously, you need simple structure if you've only increased bench 30 lbs in 5 MONTHS.

>personal trainer

LOL

Just keep on lifting and tweak your diet a bit (healthier+less/more depending on your goals) Mostly though you just need to be patient with yourself, man. Change takes time.

Okay, thanks, I took a little of everyones advice even if I didn't reply. Even got by without any brapposting.

For you

They're calling you a fatass, not saying you have a fat ass

You're crazy far right is the best

You should consider becoming a gay powerbottom.

>My lower body is way too large for a dude
LOLOLOLOLOL It's so hilarious every fucking time one of you posts this. You even posted a picture showing just how wrong you are.

Your legs aren't too big. The rest of your body is just small as fuck.

Also you just have sizable fat deposits everywhere so if you do something really dumb and neglect legs and focus purely on upper body, when you do finally get not-fat, you may find that you have chicken legs.

There are enough gay chubbyfat fucks already, heterosexuals can keep him.

You need testosterone you fucking woman.

Do 3x5 with heavier weight, work out 3 times a week not 6.
myweb.facstaff.wwu.edu/chalmers/PDFs/Rest and recovery.pdf
> experienced
athletes may train with 72 hours
of recovery between workouts of the same
muscle group.

Make sure you're sleeping enough and getting enough protein, somewhere between .8g/kg-1.6g/kg or .3g/lb-.6g/lb.
nutritionjrnl.com/article/S0899-9007(04)00099-1/abstract
>low to moderate intensity endurance activity has little impact on dietary protein requirements and 1.0 gPRO/kg/d is sufficient
>the maximal requirement is ∼1.6 gPRO/kg/d.

You're a skinnyfat low test numale, like 90% of the modern male population. Congratulations.

How tho?

>110 for 9

There's your problem dumbshit.

You got a crack in your ass.

ITT: Someone who is shit at lifting and has a bad routine gets told to take steroids

If he can't do a routine properly and is benching so little after 5 months then hormones aren't the problem and he's only going to do something stupid

Pick a routine, stick to it religiously
Eat at maintenance for however long it takes to get rid of that fat
Keep lifting

Job done.

This seems to imply, if you want hypertrophy lift any non-negligable amount. Even if progressing in lifts slowly

Your post makes me mad cause you look normal and I look how you think you look.

fml

not even close....you have a saggy chubby girl ass. work harder or go see an endo cuz you look bad

>It's *not* 5 lbs for every freaking rep....

yes it is, don't listen to this weak faggot

you calculate your 1 rep max, then you take 70-80% of that and do 5x5 with it, and you add 5-10 pounds every week or two

rinse and repeat until your lifts are no longer laughable

you live in aj?

He has just been doing too long sets, notice how he mentiined 110lb bench was for 9 reps

>dude increase 5lbs per workout
Is this a meme ? If you did that you would hit 3pl bench within a year.

Objectively right

>Telling a newbie to do a routine with the slowest progress of any routine
>He wants size so here is a really slow strength routine

I hate this board

No, i's correct for beginner programs and noob gains. Meaning you can increase that much for 3-4 months IF you are a novice, tthen eat, sleep and train right. I went from 1pl8 to 2pl8 bench in 2.5 months.

weak faggot here.

so if my 1 rep max squat is 425 lbs..... you're telling me I should be able to do *25* reps with 340 lbs.

>ooooookkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy

Squats and Deadlifts you fucking fag.

Just do workouts of an alpha, focus on high intensity stuff and not bullshit like curls, only do compound exercises. Sprinting works wonders on your body, run up hills, swim as hard as you can, just don't live a low T life. When you lift make the session very intense, not some crunches with 2 minute breaks or bullshit like that.

You just look like a lot of fat with no muscle.

Disclaimer: this is all bro science from me experimenting on myself and others.

>5 months
Also you're fat

You have scoliosis and klinefelter syndrome.

STOP BEING A FUCKING FAT NIGGER AND DO SOME SQUATS

>5 months
also you are fat
and don't expect hypertrophy with a strentgth routine

stop being a fucking retard and falling for the bulking meme. Address your shit eating habits first. you're obviously overweight. get to a normal weight like a normal person and then start lifting if you want.

Dude could also be your adrenal gland do you have any pain on your left side are you always tired or dont have energy or after eating you fall asleep if so you have adrenal fatigue could be minor or it could be pretty bad either go see a doctor or buy some herbal shit and B-5 and 6

ugh you have a man ass

Nothings wrong with your body, you acting like a bitch. Now continue your routine and add more shit people here tell you thats actually good advice and go get Veeky Forums faggot. Stop whining like a bitch and showing us your fat giggly ass you fucking useless sack of excuses.
>but muh test
If you werent such a bitch that wouldnt be a problem
Btw girls love asses, dont be ashamed of your jello when it attracts females bruh. Its gonna get better from here so dont get discouraged.
Stop being a faggot, we believe in you so dont waste that.

I know right stopped lifting a year ago started again and i could still do 2plate, i only lifted for 3 months the year before too.

How much is 1plate?

>implying you shouldn't do 5x5 on the main lifts.

>9 reps

Get out.

135lbs