Stupid Question General

tl;dr I'm gym noob plz answer questions below

Ok, so I am fat fuck (120kg, 189cm or 265lbs, 6'2) who wants to do something about his body, but has a hard time doing so. I've some questions and will be glad if Veeky Forums can answer them. I read Liam's intro and decided to try Starting Strength, but I'm afraid of gym and more so of barbell training. I already wasted some money on gym membership not working frequent enough (I was actually 1-2 times a month on gym having gym membership for last 4 months).

Having this said, I have following questions:
1. How can I get myself to go to gym (aka "stay motivated" to do so)? I know after I force myself to do it regularly for week or two I will get used to and probably after that like it.
2. How can I learn how to do barbell exercises properly? or
3. Can you recommend me some alternative dumbbell program?
4. How to determine starting weights to lift? (I yet have to read SS wiki and FAQ, so sorry if it's stupid question)

BUMP

Honestly you just have to keep going to the gym and that's the magic trick. Finding out your starting weight should be by starting with the bar doing 5 reps and keep adding 10 pounds or so until you feel comfortable or it's not too heavy but not too light and you can do 5 controlled reps. You can either check your form using YouTube videos and mirrors at the gym or ask a trainer there or person or friend if you have any. There are plenty of dumbbell exercises used as alternatives you can Google

1. Quit relying on motivation. I wake up at 5:30 every morning to work out, and the last thing I feel when it's dark outside and I'm tired is motivated. But I still go, because that's just what my lifestyle is.
2. Watch some YouTube videos, possibly read Starting Strength, and be critical of yourself. Look in the mirror, do what you have to do, and make damn sure your form is correct before adding weight.
3. I don't use barbells for things like bench and shoulder presses most of the time, because I like working out alone and don't like needing a spotter. If something calls for a barbell bench, I'll generally just use dumbbells. It's not a big deal, the same muscle groups are being worked. That being said, I still deadlift and squat with barbells, because why wouldn't I?
4. Trial and error.

Basically, just stop being a bitch and commit to it. It'll be strange at first, but it'll become a part of your life and you won't have to worry about it once you develop a system that works for you.
I'm excited for you; you're going to be glad you started getting healthier and you'll be proud of your progress when you see it.
Best of luck.

Thanks for answers and good words.

>1. Quit relying on motivation. (...)
That's why I get "stay motivated" in quote. I actually asked the wrong question. The proper one is: How can I overcome gym anxiety? I just straight feel anxious when at gym, which is so bad it tops excitement and good feeling of exercising.

It'll become more familiar and you'll grow accustomed to the regulars, the equipment, the music they play, everything. Also, very few people actually give enough of a shit to judge you, that should be the least of your worries. Even so, though, so what? You're there for you, just do your thing.

Others judging me is not an issue here, and I don't know what the problem is actually. Nonetheless, thanks just gonna do it.

First of all, how is your diet? Clearing that up is more important than to start exercising imo.
Unless you are going for blobmode.

Also, like title is saying:
ITT: Stupid Questions General

You just fucking overcome it. There's no magic trick.

If you really can't get past it, then do what I did: force myself to understand that nobody cares what I'm doing unless I fuck up, and even then they are more concerned with helping me.

No one cares enough to make fun of you, because a lot of people at the gym used to either be fat or DYEL. If I wanted to make fun of fat people I'd go to Walmart, not the gym. You know why? Because at least fat people at the gym are trying to make a difference, and I can respect that because I used to be a fatass.