My friend's girlfriend complimented my physique and now he wants to fight me. He's bringing a weapon...

this

do it fggt

Take a bunch of viagra and turn up with a throbbing erection
Lock eyes with him and pull it out and start stroking slowly

No homo

Just tell him that you didn't force his girlfriend to be attracted to you, and that he shouldn't be jealous of you if he hasn't worked to get fit himself.

Bring some free weights and challenge him to a lift off

It would be stupid to take such a risk.
There a 2 red flags: he is angry at you instead of his bitch, although it's not your fault she's this way.
He talks about perhabs bringing weapons.
Both things strongly suggest, that he's not trustworthy at all.
So if you agree on a weaponfight, it could easily escelate alot and serious injuries for you both are likely.
But he seems that kinda guy who's gonna bring a weapon anyway, which he would use as a last resort and fuck you up bad.

So don't fight him, either way you are gonna get hurt badly most likely.

Bring some free weights and punch him with really heavy dumbells

this.

>handgun
>when he shows up just mag dump into center of mass
>take off all of his clothes (no homo)
>sprinkle some pcp on him
>tell the cops he broke your door down butt naked and tried to fuck you
EZPZ. it's like you haven't ever had to settle a simple disagreement before my dude.

Call the police, bang his gf, film it and send it to him.

Memes

>Yeah I've got some of his clothes lying here with bullet holes right where the wound is but I swear he was naked officer

Throw them in your bloody clothes bin. Don't be dense m8

Should I cut the bullet holes out?

If you like the clothes he's wearing you could. A little action with a Tide pen wouldn't hurt either probably.

When things begin to heat up, give him a quick peck on the lips and grap his cock and DO NOT LET GO!

Tell him, yo bitch chose me.

It's a fight not your Saturday evenings

Dude just call the police

Forensics would likely show cloth fibers in the wound. They'd know he was clothed. Also, a tox screen would show that he had none in his system. Furthermore, your entire house would be a crime scene, blood spatter and forensic analysis of the crime scene would show that he wasn't breaking down your door, and that he likely wasn't even near it when he was shot. This is sloppy work, you can do better.

Its called Psychological warfare cuck

Kill him in his sleep tonight

Problem solved and the girl is now yours

Tox screen would show he had no PCP in his system*

Psychosexual warfare

I watched an episode and a half of Dexter with my girlfriend so I know what I'm talking about. Just slip the cop a fiver and wink.

Touche. I think you'll be alright.

You both need to go to an open field with his girlfriend standing in the middle. Then you both call her name in a cutesy voice and who ever she walks over to is her new bf. I did this for custody of my kids when my wife left me.

Best weapon is to fuck his gf and send him a pic of her cum covered tits and face

Take a dump on his chest

barbel.

pipebomb.

krav maga

Pipebomb

Only option if you want to win.

>not just flexing a 'cep

fpbp

Show us her tits

The Russian way. Do eeet

I would honestly bring my autentic katana and cut him into a thousand pieces

I would honestly recommend you go back to /r9k/ now, you are embarassing yourself

Before I even checked the thread I thought "the police, you retard"

I have safes full of guns and use them often.

For hunting and unanticipated self defense.

You're going to have a fucking problem if you bring a gun to a knife or bat fight.
>You either shoot him because he doesn't back down or he backs down and is out to get you again.
Or he brings a gun and then it becomes a duel.

Or, you bring a bat/knife to a bat/knife fight. That's also dangerous and puts you at risk for unreasonably hurting the guy and getting in trouble.
Get the police so that
>You don't end up in a situation where you either hurt the guy and win but he still has a strong case for both civil and criminal Court
>when you Avoid option A and you end up losing because you didn't bring enough force you get hurt
>And instead get the guy caught in the act, he has a record, and in the future you will have a very good case for self-defense if he tries to retaliate
By the way, either this guy is not your friend or you're friends with a total moron. Don't associate with his punk ass.
Maybe get the jump on him early and beat his punk ass

>too much
>didn't read
Show us her tits

an entire black plastic filebox filled with daddy longlegs and their eggsacs.
make sure not to securely snap on the lid, so when you get there you can just trip and fall on purpose and the contents will just go everywhere.

you're welcome

This. A big ass hammer could also be good. Go for that stopping power, m8

I would honestly reccomend you to fuck off

okay it's me again
don't do that
you'll probably get arrested
don't sink to that dumbass's level, mmmkay?
stay safe OP, and reply back afterwards so we know you're okay

>Gypsies

AR-15

...

Throw a 45lb plate like a frisbee like the Rock at the beginning of pain and gain.

That is my fitness goal, btw.

Barbell with spear attachment

OP I'm gonna need your race and your friend's race for science.

>attachment
Do they even make those?

If you really want to fight him and he really wants to fight you, why not handle it in a boxing ring like men?

Fighting on the streets is retarded because the loser almost always gets ass blasted and resorts to fighting dorty.

This
I know I'm not fighting a fucker with a sledgehammer.

>yfw you never fought in the iron wars

But where's the barbell?

Demand to meet in a dangerous neighbourhood and tell him you'll be wearing gang colors. Then ghost the fuck out of him.

>not bringing your dumbbell dagger attachment

just dont show up retard. dont fight for such a dumb reason.

Tell him you will meet at a location next to a high up place you can get to.

Then when he shows up, be waiting on the high up place and drop a big rock on him and just run away. Maybe bring about 5 rocks the size of a baseball for maximum odds of hitting him.

Probably next to a road overpass would be ideal since you could just walk casually down the road after.

I'm not saying you /should/, but you... could.

a gun

Bring free weights as a weapon. Force him to lift them until he's attractive enough for his gf. Friendship saved, everyone gets laid.

For real though, you either have incredibly shitty friends or have been a really shitty friend to make him instantly want to fight you over this. But either way this guy isn't your friend.

A hug and gentle words to reassure him that his fragile masculinity isnt going to make his gf cheat on him

Mate with a gun or something
Or bring a fire extinguisher and spray him with it then throw the empty extinguisher through his windscreen and run away

This OP. Don't fight him. Jealousy is the rage of a man, and he will not spare in the day of vengance. You try to act tough and he might stab you in the neck

Just apologize and tell his girl you're not interested

It's not hard OP, just bring this.

>functional fitness

He wants to fight to prove his honor. The biggest disrespect you can do is not fighting him at all. The second you agreed to fight him you became a beta bitch for even giving him a chance to redeem himself from his insecurities.

I demand an update, did you get kill, OP?

What would impregnating a gun solve, here?

He ought to beat his woman for being a whore instead of beating OP for doing nothing wrong

Basically. Either way, his 'friend' isn't a friend, he's an insecure fuckboy with a shitty relationship. Sounds incredibly insecure with many personal problems and a completely dysfunctional relationship.

>meet at parking lot
>tell him you need to do something real quick
>set that baby up 300 yards away
>use your functional strength to launch the balista

There is no better way

A big tub of anal lube.
It must clearly read anal lube.
And a shoulder length rubber glove.

>I have safes full of guns and use them often
>For unanticipated self defense
H-how "often" is unanticipated self defense?

Your fists. Tell him he's not a man if he refuses hand-to-hand combat.

>live in Florida
>faggot comes on to my property armed with a knife
>knife in his hand
>threatens me because his bitch left him cause he beats her, and blames me for convincing her
>warn him to get lost and never come back
>he approaches me
>take out my gun and put 4 .45s into his chest
>call the cops
>take a police report
>continue living life

Make sure you don't shoot him in the back, because it'll be harder to explain to the cops. Yes, I killed a guy.

Are...are you retarded?

Or a +5 greathammer, load 5pl on one side of a barbell and one hand it

>Go to the gym
>Chest day, ready to get joocy
>Set my bag down next to the bench and proceed to jump around in circles shouting "HOOKEY HOOKEY HOO"
>Now that I've claimed the bench I can start working out
>Grab the dumbbells and lay back
>Do some flyes and make mad natty gains
>Suddenly a DYEL comes out of nowhere
>Enters my bench area
>Tell him he's violating claiming ritual code
>He lifts up a 20 lbs EZ bar and throws it at me
>Holy shit he's trying to steal my gains
>Deflect the bar and stab him with the dagger attachment on my dumbbell
>Instantly gobble the gains he made that day
>Get a pump and flex to show my dominance
>Nobody enters my bench area for the rest of my workout

I think she was hinting to her boyfriend that he's a DYEL bitchboy and should start lifting.

OP I want you to call the police and get a gun if you already have concealed carry eligible and then post a follow up thread describing whatever the police did to handle it

Whoa. You ever feel any guilt?

That would be a pretty cool weapon. Absolutely fuck cavalry up

No, the guy was an absolute scumbag. The first cop who arrived knew who he was. He arrested him three times.

The guy always shot up heroin. Drank fireball, and beat the shit out of his girl. This faggot got caught trying to siphon gas from my friend's car.

Edgy

That's it? Is that really how that whole stand your ground law works?

On the farm, breakins happen a few times a year in my area.

Mountain lions, bears, coyotes, poisonous snakes et al are weekly things.

As far as violent encounters with other citizens, the city where I work has them all of the time. One of the neighboring cities is one of the top 5 most dangerous in the United States (for relative murder and violent crime). The other hovers around the top 5 for meth AND heroin usage.
I personally have only had trouble with the varmints, but I don't go anywhere without a gun where I legally can.

You don't know when you'll need it. Roaming criminals just did an organized sweep of 500 houses/car break ins in a local area the other night. A different group from the same gang (I assume) did multiple break ins in another part of town.
The safes full of guns (probably around 100 guns) are partly for collecting, hunting, and familial heritage.

I mentioned it more to prove that I am a heavy gun user and advocate but absolutely do not recommend bringing a gun to such a confrontation. It's bad news all around

Most of the time it's exactly like that, the guy is a scumbag known to police and the cops will have dealt with both him and the shooter before.

Or he's wanted for a litany of other crimes including a murder or something

I should also mention for recreational shooting as well