ITT: Gym /mischief/

>guy asks me to spot him while he benches 2pl8
>i can't even deadlift 2pl8
>spot him anyway

>sign saying "be sure to rerack your weights"
>yeah... sure thing

spotting requires more of a row movement than a deadlift movement

and since he would be pushing up on the bar it wouldn't matter that you can't row 2pl8 anyway

absolute MAYHEM

>sign saying "don't lift heavy weights without a spotter"
>pfft I'll show them
>deliberately drop 50kg dumbbells on my face

SOMEBODY STOP ME

>sign says please wipe down machinery
>make me

>walk into gym after eating mommys pulled pork bean burrito
>BRAAAAP
>Whole gym turns around and looks at me
>Thinking quick I turn my head backwards
>see some beta pale faggot lank post. holding a gallon of milk
>walk right up to him and say
>"Oi faggot lay off the bloody stinky milk"
>He simply stares at me, with a distant stare
>Grab his skinny wrist, dropping his milk
>"HEY BRO YOU MIRING ME?"
>whole gym now laughing at the beta faggot
>"Yo Bro ima give you three second to get yo milk drinking ass outta here"
>stare him in the eyes
>he looks down
>"yo bro my eyes are up here"
>look down for a second
>see his legs
>fucking jacked
>some pound of raw strong muscle, blood pumping out and towards the veins, ready to
>to
>he leaps forwards, and wraps his long strong legs around my leg
>I try punching and grabbing his legs but hes too strong
>feel his cold bony fingers wrap into my ears
>see wall behind me go to smash him off
>just as I get close he leaps off my head and lands infront of the squat rack
>blinded by rage and sprint towards him
>trip on barbell I left on the floor earlier
>fall right next to the squat rack dazed
>look up
>see kid squatting 6pl8
>that means
>NO
>he blasts out 20 reps while I watch in horror
>drops the barbell on my head
>tfw while I shouted he stared looking for a plan
>tfw while I looked him in eye he was simply calculating when he should jump off my head
>tfw brainlet
>tfw
>tfw SS claims another victim

(you)

ffs

>gym has all kinds of tryout offers
>first do the 2 week for free tryout
>then use all my buddies invite passes (5 per person, 4 buddies)
>go again with my brothers id for a free 2 weeks
>a total of 9 weeks without paying
>go to the next gym and do the same thing

Haven't paid for a gym membership since I started lifting 2 years ago

You're trying too hard.

>have a home gym
>no mischief to be had

NEFARIOUS

>"do you mind if i jump rope in here"
>"not at all"
>shoes smell like death after 3 minutes

>See beta asian go into the bathroom stall
>wait to here him start shitting
>bang on the stall aggressively
>put my hand above the stall and hold up two fingers
>"Two! you have two minutes to get the fuck out before I drop a dumbell on your skinny ass!"
>hold up a 40 lb dumbell with other hand
>listen to him scamper trying to shit and wipe his ass
>bang on stall door again
>"hurry!"
>he runs out of stall with his head down like the submissive beta he is
Don't even have to shit

>incline bench press
>does it anyway

>finish workout
>leave weights on pulldown machine
>2 dyel roasties unracking weights
>"im still using this"
>"o-ok s-sorry"
>wait them to put plates back
>go to shower instead
never saw those 2 idiots again

Reminds me of the basic training for the military

>decline sit-ups
>compounds are enough for abs

>sit on bench
>doing only leg raises

>do a handstand in the squat rack
>stay there for an hour
>leave

Kek

>no outside shoes allowed
>okay sure thing bro

You bastard, I'll find you and fuck your mouth if i have to unrack your babby weight and add pl8s to my shit.

What do you mean by a plate btw? 25kg?

>sign says wear slippers in the showers
>wear sandals instead

>not allowed to use chalk
>use chalk anyway

i unironically do do this

45lb plate on each side nigger

>Go into gym and see lanklet loading up plates
>Walk over to him and ask if he needs a spot
>"Nah bro I'm good."
>He is loading up 5 pl8 and looks like he is 130lbs at 5'8
>My eyes drift down
>What the fuck
>He looks like an oly powerlifter from the waist down
>Notice he has a hardcover copy of starting strength and a gallon of raw milk in his gym bag
>He drops down, ass to grass
>"HIPS T-T-TIGHT!"
>BRAAAP "EUGHHH ONE"
>BRAAAP
>BRAAAP BRAAAP BRAAAAAAAAP!
>Whole gym is staring as this guy slams whole milk protein zyklon D out of his sphincter while exploding 5pl8 up like it is absolutely nothing
>Whole of gym is congregating around the squat rack
>Yoga class rushes out to observe his perfect glutes
>A fever rushes over the whole room two dozen people form a ring around the rack
>BRAAAAP BRAAAAP BRAAAAAP
>We all exhale deeply from out mouths in unison.
>SNIIIIIFFFFFFFFF

Why u do this

>lift at an old school bodybuilding gym
>front desk has no computer, you sign up 6 months at a time and pay up front
>owner is a super nice guy, former conpetitor and friendly with all the members
>people pay on the honors system
>owner is barely getting by and has put his own money into the gym multiple times just to keep it open
>i haven't paid in years

>i haven't paid in years

this genuinely made me hat you

>finish last set
>some bro asks me if I am done on this machine
>nah bro
>ok how many you got left?
>3
>SERIOUSLY?!?!
>Yeah man
>do one and cruise Veeky Forums for 20 min on chest flys till this faggot leaves the gym. That'll teach him to talk to me at the gym.

If this is true
Then kys yourself

>last rep
>swirl fingers around under foreskin
>wipe that cheese into the knurling
>see next guy to grab the bar sniffing his fingers

S A T A N I C

Unless you seriously fuck up, your spotter needs almost no strength.

A 80lb gril could spot 3pl8.

next time just smear shit all over the gym

>sign in gym saying 'no chalk'
>use liquid chalk that leaves no marks
>they have no clue

IF YOU'RE 555 I'M 666

>people pay on the honors system
How hard would it be just to at least have a notebook
>Anonson, user - paid 3/7/17

>uni gym
>first to grab the aux is god
>people only want listen to edm or rap
>i don't mind that
>but
>play country every time for shits N' giggles

CALL ME LUCIFER

Just grind some Smarties onto the barbells brah

>receptionist says "Have a nice day!"
>I don't

INFERNAL MACHINATIONS

>rack all 5kg plates
>cover them up with 25kg plates
I AM THE ANTICHRIST

>guy asks me to spot him
>use the opportunity to check him out up close

>guy asks me to spot his bench
>mfw i havent showered in 5-6 days due to depression
>get my balls as close to his head as i can
>breathe downward toward his face as i help with the last rep
hope he got a good whiff

people like you should not be allowed to post, even lurk

>sign says no chalk
>sneak in eco-friendly chalk that doesn't leave marks

>hot hunky guy asks me to spot his bench
>tfw thinks he is hitting on me

underrated

It's 20 kg I belive. Americunts are beta cucks so they need lower weight plates

my plan exactly

>t. not even a nigger/slav

this

>tfw i can only do 60kg, or 1pl8 bench
I thought i was average strength on Veeky Forums

please, user, please

>tell a girl i can deadlift 335lbs easily
>dont tell her im counting the bar and my entire weight

None of this happened. You are all autistic bastards that would never manage to pull something like this in a public place like a gym.

ps i fucked her and she wanted me to lift her while fucking her and my arms started shaking so i played it off as an orgasm

Legendary mate

kek'd, have a (you)

one plate is 40kg

So two 20kg weights

This

...

GLOOTS
FER DA
SLOOOOOOOTS

which branch? never happened to me in airforce basic. maybe once.

>some DYEL asks me to spot him on bench
>I'm dripping sweat from all surfaces
>watch in slow mo as sweat from my forehead drips onto his forehead, eyes and mouth as he struggles to put up lel em ayy oh 0.5 pl8

Are you guys going to raise money by trying to win a dodgeball tournament?

good stuff

You're gonna have to catch me first.

He's right though....

so 4 plates is 80

nice meme

Every time

>See cute girl walking by while I'm benching.
>right as she passes me I drop the weight on my neck so she has to come and help me
>make sweet social gains as I tell her thanks for helping me as she rolls her eyes

>go to curling rack
>start squatting

>go to the squatting rack
>start squatting

wait a moment

H E R E T I C

>stare at girls butts
>pretend I was just scratching my nose when they catch me

>Guy walks up to me and says
>"Feeling fit buddy?"
>I say "I guess I am just a lucky guy"
>He smiles.

This fucking clown doesn't even know that earlier I bought a scratch card and didn't win. Cunt thinks I am a lucky guy...

>song request sheet posted
>request "on the floor" by ice jj fish
>they actually play it

literally neck yourself you disgusting piece of shit

Touché user

>be 35 year old powerlifter
>wake up at 9pm, after all-night tendie bulking feast
>Oh no, gym closes at 11!
>shout for mummy to bring me my lifting gear
>"user, I'm with New Daddy right now. You're a big boy, can't you get it yourself!"
>ungrateful bitch! she knows that if I have to walk up the stairs to get my gear I'll be too winded to do my deadlift singes!
>engage operation stench press
>roll my 500 pound frame out of bed and into the kitchen
>grab some of my shit jugs and store them in between my rolls of fat
>starting to get dizzy from rolling around and vomit all over myself
>finally get to kitchen
>mummy and new daddy are playing wrestling on the table
>"user, I thought you were in your room!"
>"Mummy won't get my lifting belt, she will wish she never smelt (my diarrhea)"
>unleash torrent of chocolate poopie funtimes all over mummy and new daddy
>table collapses under the weight of my big boy poopie
>new daddy screams and starts running towards me
>little does he know the awesome strength I have built by participating in the venerable sport of powerlifting
>grab him like a twig and deadlift him off the ground
>abdominal muscles are so strong that they squeeze my stomach from the effort, propelling gallons of chunky milkshake out of my mouth
>mummy starts pleading with me and says she'll make me all the tendies i want if I just stop and be a good boy
>grab my shit jugs that i stored in my fat rolls
>pour them on mummy's head
>9:30
>too late to go to the gym now
>order 500 tendies from Mickey Dee's
>can't cheat on my dirty bulk just because it's a rest day!

finally an actually D E M O N I C one

>lose footing and smack bar into mirror
>tip over plate rack too
>shatters
>no other witnesses
>drop it and grab random dumbbells
>managers runs up (second floor)
>want to know what happened
>say niggers jogging track dicked around and tipped rack into it
>cameras down
>they believe me

>using machines

>Guy deadlifting with improper form
>Give him terrible advice