ITT: shit normalfags say

>calorie counting?
>I don't want to turn it into a science, user!

>You look fine just the way you are user, don't lose too much weight
>Don't try to lift too much user

>"hey user, can you make me a workout plan?"
>makes beginner workout
>they drop it after a week

>turn down having ice cream or donuts
>"hahaha looks like user is DIETING again, cant ruin those abs!!"
>everybody points and laughs

>"user take me to the gym with you!"
>call them in the morning
>"oh i cant go, i have class and work and exams and sleep"
>all week

>"dont let your knees go over your toes on squats!"

>"What? no dude just skip the gym and come drink"

>"I just want to get toned"

>I'm getting fat, I need to go to the gym
>tomorrow though, im busy today

>No I;m serious, you HAVE to try eating oreos and peanut butter, its soooo good together!
>Hold on, i need to order more cheesy bread
I watched the girl who said this go from an 8/10 to maybe a 5/10 in 3 months because of this

>Get slightly upset
>"hahaha woah take it easy there roids, just take your tren and calm down!!"

>normies
>even knowing what tren is

Man, people you know suck.

>"Hey user how did you lose so much weight?"
>Tell them I ate less
>My answer seems to piss her off

What do you want me to tell you god damn it?!

>oreos and peanut butter
Oh god it sounds so good. Imagine crushing up oreos over peanut butter ice cream.

>oreos and peanut butter

Whenever people ask how I lost my weight, I just tell them I ate less and moved more in a very deadpan manner. A couple of girls at my work have asked me before, looking for some magic trick or secret.

If I let myself imagine this I'll give in, so no, I refuse. Gonna make a steak and sweet potato fries instead.

>calorie counting?
>But I want to enjoy my life user

as if getting a rough estimate of the amount of calories you've eaten isn't easy af

My mom told me that I was getting too big when I'm a 195lb 6'4" lanklet. I'm actually a little depressed with the fact that I can't get bigger.

Just say something like "Couple of pushups and situps every morning" or something like that. You have to make it look easy to piss them off even more.

you offered them the truth they didn't want to hear

That's why I say what I do. It's as true as it is vague, and people get upset when you dont disclose some super secret trick thst Cosmo must have missed.

you can get bigger though what do you even mean

>i would rather be happy eating a donut than fit

this pisses me off so much
you have a shitty life if your only source of happiness is food

I don't actually lift enough to be able to get bigger because I do other sports. I'm currently only lifting though, so I'm trying to put on some mass in the next month and a half.

>I'd rather die than be healthy

I've heard most of this shit within the past month:

>Fruit and vegetables? Have some real food!
or
>What a boring lunch! You should eat something better!

>user, come get fast food with us for lunch!
and/or
>WHAT? You DON'T like 5 for $5 deals?!

>user, you have an hour after work to play video games with us!
>Fuck no, I'm going to the gym while I can
>What, you don't have a life?

>Can't you skip the gym and come hang out with us?

>Stop being so healthy!

>Oh my god I LOOOVE Five Guys and McDonald's!

>You look perfect, you don't have any body fat to lose!
or
>Don't work out too much, you'll be too bulky!

>I don't find people with muscles attractive.
or
>I only like skinny guys! Muscles are gross!

>Diets are proven to never work, why would you even bother?
or
>I don't have any time to diet. Cooking at home just takes too long!

>I'm perfectly healthy, I'm just a little fluffy.

>I never have time to go to the gym!
This guy works a sedentary job, takes an hour or more for lunch by clocking back in BEFORE playing ping pong, and leaves as early from work as possible.

No, any time anyone mentions any improvement in your physique you must attribute it to zumba.
>omg user you're so big! how'd you get such a well developed muscular physique
>I zumba

>>Can't you skip the gym and come hang out with us?

stop being an autist and say yes

why would you want to hang out with people who don't even go to the gym?

is gym really the only thing you can hold a conversation about?

of course not, why do you think they say
>take tren
>to calm down

theres more

>nah I dont train legs, i just dont like it. plus i dont need it
>laughs like its a huge joke and expects me to think its funny
this has happened with multiple people

>hey bro, want to workout together?

this next one really rustled my jimmies
>dudebro walks up to me talking to acquaintance, Brad, at gym
>interrupts conversation "Bro i just TORE my chest muscle over there benching haha im taking a break and then im going to go back and finish"
>While swinging his arms around to their full ROM
>tore
>implying
>ask if he had a pre-existing injury
>"hahaha nah bro, its because i bench so much haha i bench every day!"
>he then switches the conversation to about how his TORN chest might impact him boxing
>try to talk to him about boxing, mention that i prefer MMA or wrestling because of grappling
>"Bro never do MMA two hits to the head and you have instant brain damage!"
>...Well what about boxing, there been studies linking brain damage to boxing and-
>"Haha nah man i only ever box in headgear!"
>"Anyways I'd never do MMA or wrestling, I prefer to do a sport that takes speed and technique!"
>youfuckingwhat.png
>"Anyways bro, I'm going to go finish benching i have 5 more sets! Hopefully my TORN chest wont get in the way hahahaha!"
Biggest tard i've ever met. And yes he did emphasize that his chest was torn, specifically repeating torn, whenever he mentioned it

Jokes on him though i fucked his gf

No. I can also talk about my daily calorie intake and diet, my current sport, and my extensive porn collection.

They just go and get drunk, and it bores the shit out of me.

No, diet is also important

Women who only like skinny guys are either lying to you or have something wrong with them, and skinny is all they can get. I pity them.

this happens to me too and bothers the shit out of me

>Don't let your knees go over your toes on squats
I love that one, how the fuck else would you do squats? Keeping your legs at a 90 degree angle?

>user, you have an hour after work to play video games with us!
>Fuck no, I'm going to the gym while I can
>What, you don't have a life?

>not working on your mental/reaction speed gains
>being this much of a mentallet

>Not doing both
I do triathlons and calisthenics because it's fun and to become more fit, I don't give a shit about what I eat because I work out to become stronger and not for aesthetics

Stay noided

It justifies quarter-squats I guess.

>That guy has enough muscle he could stop going to the gym
Yes, because muscle mass is permanent once you gain it.

>I got a PT cause your workout was making me bulky
No it wasn't. If you ate less like I said, you would've lost weight, you stupid cow.

>turn down having ice cream or donuts
>"hahaha looks like user is DIETING again, cant ruin those abs!!"
>everybody points and laughs
>lift up shirt to reveal perfectly chiseled abs and thicc pecs
>"maybe I'm missing on a donut, but look at what you're missing"

>I can't lose weight because my metabolism is broken.

>"careful user don't hurt your back"
>while I'm lifting a sub 10kg box with perfect form
I'm flabbergasted by these people sometimes, how do you go living 40 years without lifting anything substantial off the ground. I feel like by understanding human biomechanics and being a practicioner of weightlifting both in practice and theory has alienated me. To the point where I feel like I accidentally took an adjacent evolutionary path to the rest of humanity. Is this what they mean by "leaving humanity behind"?

I get the reverse, skinny DYEL scrubs say
>"I can't gain weight, my metabolism is so high"

I actualy know a guy that does GOMAD with chocolate milk and still stays a skelly...

I always try not to use that excuse, but I've been eating more than what I have planned as a diet for myfitnesspal and I'm 10kg below my projected weight. At this point I think I'm going to have to admit that JUST EAT MORE isn't the only solution. I am gaining weight, so it's working, but the amount I'm eating vs the amount I weigh is probably somewhat eschewed due to genetic disprivlige.

I'm talking about people who don't even try to gain weight, they just munch on cookies and crisps which make up 40% of their diet

Dude probably shits gomad so it evens out. Also the sugar is filling him up with empty calories so he has no room for actual food.

>you dont need to get bigger user you look perfect as you are

why are women such gains goblins?

That would be such a fuckin gay response

well, skellies usually lie about eating alot. What they think is a lot is actually very small. Its like working with someone who doesn't want to push limits ever

Trainers coach noobs like that in order to stop them from lifting the heels off the ground and use some hip drive, but it inevitably leads to .

you would end up as that weird guy who gets easily offended so nobody wants to talk to you or crack a joke due to fear of hurting your feelings.

Because they're afraid that you'll look for someone else when you have more sexual capital, just like they would.

>Lifting isn't real sport

autism

Lol i just tell them i do lots of pushups at footy training, it seems more imoressive if you act like you dont try

>user realizes that Veeky Forumss definition of leaving humanity behind is artificially inflated
>all you had to do was completely commit to a weightlifting program with progressive overload
Humanity is far weaker than Veeky Forums gives it credit for.

>Oats? But that's food for horses, not human. And seeds? So how's your diet called? The horse & bird diet?

>Peanut butter? But it's fat!
>Proceeds to buy mayo.

>No alcool? Is it because of religion?

>That's too much weight user, you're gonna break the wood floor.

>Don't hang from the beam, you're gonna break the roof or something.

>You can't have more than 1egg/day or you'll ruin your liver in no time.

>Don't listen to those men on youtube, they don't know what they're talking about.

>Haha look, it's an empty kfc bucket! You tell us to eat healthy but you still eat junkfood!
They don't get it's because I eat healthy all day long that I can enjoy a bucket every other month.

A true Veeky Forumsizen indeed.

>tips fedora
>shades into darkness

So many times this. Some person don't even realize a human body can lift more than 10kgs off the ground without specials tools or stuffs. Worked in house moving several months, some of my relatives simply couldn't believe I could lift and move around a washine machine by myself.

>No alcohol? Is it because of religion?
I get that a lot, beer consumption is too fucking high here in germany...

Remember that the average person can't run a sub 10 minute mile. The average western person is overweight. Also remember that most of us can beat the shit out of almost anyone on the street.

>the horse and bird diet

I'm stealing this

>can´t run a 10 minute mile

>mfw manlet
>mfw 5´3
>mfw legs are fucking short for my sieze
>can´t even wear "adult" jeans
>still run faster

>>I'm perfectly healthy, I'm just a little fluffy.

AAAAAAAAAAA

This is what transcending humanity means user. It's sad how easy it is, isn't it?

>tfw skinny

I'm a lanklet too user. Don't worry. You can judge your progress by the women that will talk to you.

I think you need new friends
Also hang out with less women

>implying normies know what tren is

dubious

>I just want to get toned
I think that was the first comment I made when I discovered Veeky Forums. Got laughed at of course, good times.

>used to say this
>started waking up at 5am
>going to the gym adds hours to my day and the workout wakes me up immediately

I fucked up for so long.

I've tried this, but always ended up falling asleep later in the day. How do you keep yourself from doing this?

coffee and self-loathing

intermitent fasting or low carb. using ketones instead of fluctuating glucose levels for energy will keep your energy levels high

but that was a girl with a boyfriend telling me (no gf)

>Yo what do you do
>Zumba and Wii Fit

>you tell me

Damn, this pisses me off as much as
>"Lift weights? Nah, I don't want to get too big"

>my coworker and I grab a soda from the vending machine
>girl at my work says that we shouldn't because it's 38 kcal
>"user, a kcal is 1000 calories"
>mfw this bitch thinks a 33ml soda is 19x daily recommended calories

>33ml
Typo, meant 330. Also forgot
>proceeds to have a 500ml energy drink

33 ml soda? What is that, a soda for ants?

...

>im starting my diet next week

This up there with flexing a 'cep for all of it's autism.

>muh metabolism is slow/fast/weird. 9 times out of 10 proven not true.

I know you're getting shat on but I think it's a good comeback. If you can take their joke they ought to take yours

"I eat a lot but I can't gain weight!"

Exactly. As long as it's just friendly banter and you're not actually angry, it's a good comeback.

>A normie has literally never told me a joke that was funny
>Sometimes I laugh anyway
>Either they can tell I am forcing it and look sad or they weren't actually joking and just said something dumb
>Can't tell the difference because I have no idea what level of knowledge most normies are at
>Laughed at a co-worker for confusing Australia and Austria because I thought he was memeing
>He asked me why I was laughing
>Now I just don't react to jokes or try to respond to them as seriously as possible
>People think I'm an asshole, but eventually just stopped talking to me and trying to be my friend
>This is what I wanted all along
>Significantly less awkward moments now
>People took it a step further and think I'm retarded so I don't have to deal with vague messages or hints, everybody is straight forward with me for once.

you sound autismo but you also sound just like me

Just flex a 'cep and say' how's this for a start?'

>i cant go, i have class and work and exams and sleep"
Shit, that's how I avoided gym for the first week after I've bought membership.

Don't fuck with seeds suka bljad