Tell me about Charles, Charles, by the grace of God, Holy Roman Emperor, forever August, King of Germany, King of Italy...

Tell me about Charles, Charles, by the grace of God, Holy Roman Emperor, forever August, King of Germany, King of Italy, King of all Spains, of Castile, Aragon, León, Navarra, Grenada, Toledo, Valencia, Galicia, Majorca, Sevilla, Cordova, Murcia, Jaén, Algarves, Algeciras, Gibraltar, the Canary Islands, King of Two Sicilies, of Sardinia, Corsica, King of Jerusalem, King of the Western and Eastern Indies, Lord of the Islands and Main Ocean Sea, Archduke of Austria, Duke of Burgundy, Brabant, Lorraine, Styria, Carinthia, Carniola, Limburg, Luxembourg, Gelderland, Neopatria, Württemberg, Landgrave of Alsace, Prince of Swabia, Asturia and Catalonia, Count of Flanders, Habsburg, Tyrol, Gorizia, Barcelona, Artois, Burgundy Palatine, Hainaut, Holland, Seeland, Ferrette, Kyburg, Namur, Roussillon, Cerdagne, Zutphen, Margrave of the Holy Roman Empire, Burgau, Oristano and Gociano, Lord of Frisia, the Wendish March, Pordenone, Biscay, Molin, Salins, Tripoli and Mechelen.

Was he nice?
What was he doing during the Siege of Vienna?

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He spoke Spanish to God, French to his men, and German to animals

>own a bunch of land
>can't actually control any of it because of feudalism bullshit
>dick-ass priest sprouting heresy
>try to deal with him but end up spreading the reformation
>ragequit

Its Latin to God, Italian to Women, French to Men, and g*rman to my Horse sweetie

He is the subject of a fanfiction where the Habsburgs eventually rule the world.

I think he was taking a jab at Germans, by insinuating they were animals.

No, I think he was taking a jab at the german language for sounding harsh and unpleasant

>inherits a fuckton of land from various relatives, including spain, naples, austria, and the low countries when pretty young
>goes to spain - doesn't even speak spanish
>wants to be the next emperor so he almost bankrupts his territories to bribe all of the electors to vote him emperor
>becomes emperor
>doesn't want to deal with any of the electors or anything to do with the HRE so gives that job to his brother while he rules spain and the low countries
>hardcore catholic but is on bad terms with the pope after he doesn't pay his troops and they rampage through rome in one of the most brutal sacks in history, leaving the pope himself imprisoned in rome
>meanwhile in england, king henry wants to divorce his wife katherine, who happens to be charle's aunt, but since the pope is sort of unofficially imprisoned by charles' troops he refuses to grant it
>charles threatens to invade england if henry divorces charles' aunt, and henry freaks out
>spends years fighting king francis of france over who gets to own milan, eventually wins and captures francis, but let's him go after getting a huge ransom
>the reformation happens, and even though charles is the most hardcore catholic king in europe, he tries to negotiate with luther because he doesn't want the princes of the HRE (technically under his sovereignty) to start fighting each other
>at the council of worms - which charles presides over - luther refuses to compromise and gets beaten in debate so he leaves, and charles declares him an outlaw
>his wife dies and he gets so depressed he never remarries and wears black for the rest of his life
>suleyman the magnificent invades hungary and marches on vienna, but charles is too busy fighting francis so he tells his brother to deal with it instead
>starts suffering from terrible gout
>btfo's some berber pirates in tunisia
>exhausted after decades of wars and gout so he abdicates all his titles to his son and brother
>retires to a monastery in spain and dies a few years later

Here's the actual quote:

>Alius vero, qui Germanus erat, retulit, eundem Carolum Quintum dicere aliquando solitum esse; Si loqui cum Deo oporteret, se Hispanice locuturum, quod lingua Hispanorum gravitatem maiestatemque prae se ferat; si cum amicis, Italice, quod Italorum dialectus familiaris sit; si cui blandiendum esset, Gallice, quod illorum lingua nihil blandius; si cui minandum aut asperius loquendum, Germanice, quod tota eorum lingua minax, aspera sit ac vehemens (Indeed another, who was German, related that the same Charles V sometimes used to say: if it was necessary to talk with God, that he would talk in Spanish, which language suggests itself for the graveness and majesty of the Spaniards; if with friends, in Italian, for the dialect of the Italians was one of familiarity; if to caress someone, in French, for no language is tenderer than theirs; if to threaten someone or to speak harshly to them, in German, for their entire language is threatening, rough and vehement").

>Was he nice?
Personally, he was apparently very charming and courteous, and quite a humble and laid-back guy, and unlike other monarchs of the time he genuinely loved his wife and when she died he vowed never to marry again and wore black for the rest of his life. In terms of rulership he perhaps wasn't that nice. He was a hardcore Catholic and hated Luther and Protestantism, and introduced extremely harsh and brutal punishments for Protestants in his non-HRE lands.

every monarch that contributed to shitting on protestants is a hero of europe

Why did they divide the habsburg lands? why didnt Charles and all his succesors become king of the spanish and HRE and hungary and Italy all the other habsburg lands? Imagine if that happened plus they annex portugal and england through dynastic marriage and Christendom is finally united

My specula

Spanish = deal with Protestants
Austrian = deal with Muslims

They were stretched thin as it was and it would've worked if they could economy well and didn't always go into the same damn wars.

Would an invasion of England have been successful ?

had a lot of chips held against them

English channel was historically a bitch, so bad whether wasn't exactly miraculous
Dutch still fucking hated and fucked with their navy in every way
English ships were still faster though not stronger
They still had to fight a land war not just with the English but also with the Scots if they succeed (they were also protestant)

He had a cute wife and had a very good relationship with her. He got very depressed when she died to the point he never married again.

Probably not. I don't think he was actually serious about doing it, since he had so much else to deal with regarding France and the Ottomans and Protestantism, but he wanted to intimidate Henry into backing down.

just like the roman empire, things went to complicated and distant to deal with (in his case, even worse because so contiguous land)

They got beat the fuck out by Napoleon 3 times and when the world powers finally crammed France back into it's hole, the HRE was dead in all but name and had no clout to resist the division. Metternich secured the lands of Austria and some others, and the then HRE became instead the Emperor of the Austrian Empire, first of his line.

What the fuck is going on in North Poland and Slovakia? During his reign this land was owned by Polish Kingdom.

More like spanish= dealing with both

Its Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my horse.

>all sicilies
It’s both sicilies you mong

He did control it, and thankfully Henry VIII let him use the channel otherwise it would have been really hard to get to the Low Countries

Gee Austria how come the council of Vienna let's you have TWO sicilies?

That’s because they were literally heretics, if they had won a church council then he would have gone Protestant himself
Probably some March
Because he already had appointed viceroys and dividing land yourself prevents family wars, see the king of Spain allying with France to secure the emperorship for his last son

>annex Portugal
Charles’ son inherited Portugal freely
England could have been won if Mary had a kid and also didn’t suppress Protestantism so bloodily

Could have happened, but seeing as he was already at war with the Turks and French, they probably would’ve partitioned the outer hapsburg lands
The crown of castille to Henry
Burgundy to Francis
Hungary and Slavic Austria to Suleiman
>historically a bitch
Not if you were determined and had naval superiority
An economic blockade would have made the cities fall, and in the English civil war the cities are what made it happen

No that was bourbon ruled but hapsburg allies Two Sicilies which is of course an 19th century thing

Oh right! Sorry, I'm catching up on revolutions podcast and I'm in the lead up to the 1831 revolts

He wanted to created a network of allied European states led by his family and extended family with the intent of creating a pan european dynasty. Basically the same thing Napoleon would set out to do via conquest later

hungary couldn't be charles's because ferdinand got hungary on behalf of his wife (who was the dead king's sister)

so if all of charles's possesions went to philip then ferdinand would still be king of hungary

You're overall correct, but as a technicality, the HRE was formally abolished and Francis became the Austrian emperor in 1806, in the aftermath of Austerlitz and the creation of the Confederation of the Rhine, and not after Napoleon's final defeat.

>Slovakia
Kingdom of Hungary

> North Poland
that part is wrong, i just took a map of the HRE in the 1200s and painted italy spain and hungary croatia yellow

>i just took a map of the HRE in the 1200s
Except Charles didn't live in 1200s.

>king of jereuselam
what?

>After the Crusader States ceased to exist, the title of King of Jerusalem was claimed by a number of European noble houses descended from the kings of Cyprus or the kings of Naples. The (purely ceremonial) title of King of Jerusalem is currently used by Felipe VI of Spain. It was claimed by Otto von Habsburg as Habsburg pretender, and by the kings of Italy until 1946.

>en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_of_Jerusalem

>no 500 years long pax hispanica
This world is trully shit

napoleon was the reasonable centrist blair to the warhawk charles bush
>pax hispanica
>not hispana
>not pax hapsburgia because it was the low countries and the HRE lands more important

>it was the low countries and the HRE lands more important
Lol. King Phillip the III had more troops and a bigger navy than Charles the V after losing the Netherlands and the HRE. The minor branch of the Habsburgs almost collapsed in the Hungarian revolt until the Spanish saved them,and the Swedes weren't defeated until the Spanish showed up.
The Habsburg hegemony was just a Spanish one.

>ywn live in the holy gothic empire
gustav adolphus do it again

>not pax hapsburgia because it was the low countries and the HRE lands more important
stop posting

i said it was wrong didnt i, smartass?

you do realise how decentralised the spains are atm, and how few colonies they have, how much is being invested in the convesion of the inca

Castile had a higher revenue per capita than the Netherlands until the 1630's. The American silver never made more than 1/5 of the budget. The peak of Spanish power is 1625 despite getting stripped off the lands you claimed that carried the empire

a higher revenue but what was inflation like

Inflation was high in all of Europe and productivity stagnated in the XVII everywhere in Europe

he paved the way for Dutch independence with the transaction of Augsburg in 1548 and the Pragmatic Sanction, which made the Netherlands de facto independent from the Holy Roman Empire.
thanks for that emperor.

I started imitating this guy kinda
Well, I don't have a horse, but since I've got my hamster, I've been talking to him in German only
My German isn't perfect but it's not like my hamster will notice anyway

what's your hamster's name?

>he doesn't know hamsters silently judges everyone around them

Hanstaro, obviously

I didn't give him any
I simply call him Hamster

>spanish
>Framing dynastic entities into Nation-state cuck narratives.

The Devils Family,Bloody inbreeding more than hillbillies are accused of.

>What was he doing during the Siege of Vienna?
Sending spanish arquebusiers and gathering an army that in the end was not necessary

he could not eat with his mounth closed because of his deformed jaw and was disgusting to watch so he ate alone

...

The Spanish Habsburgs were the main branch of the Habsburg family

>He got very depressed when she died to the point he never married again.
While banging a bunch of German sluts every time he could

>not fucking wenches too cope over the death of your waifu