"He doesn't deserve it"

SUSPENDERS, OF COURSE !
So simple, so strange, but above all so practical !
I love it when practical, useful wears are uncooth.
I love to wear a full-body work combinaison, you know the blue ones. So confy, useful, and something you expect only on sewer workers, nice.

As for the socks, i guess i can do that. Socks that don't match, the very big ones in winter, keep using the ones with holes, and doing in with sandals in summer...
Socks with sandals, yes great look.

Googled it and it would probably make people question my sexuality.
Which while funny, is not the image i want to project.
Especially in this era of political correctness shit, i bet me being "gay" would make them blind to all my effort.

Get the mug. This is a good idea. Always drink out of it in a way that let's others read that you are the greatest boss.

Spend your off-time in office playing shitty mmo's or watching moeshit.

>Holy shit I thought I was the only one that did this

LOL yes! I used to drink water out of an empty Grey Goose bottle to fuck with people. Great minds think alike!

to add to this, make every Thursday, rollerblade day. Pull a sick 360 handplant off your desk before grinding down the office stairwell on your way to lunch.

you can kindly but perisently suggest people don't flush if they only went number 1

have a big tv in your office that runs baseball or some reality tv show. when your "favorite" whatever comes on, put on hat with two beers on each side and a straw. leave blinds open enough for them to see

> pseudo-consensual shoulder massages

I was about that i really don't want to do it, since people that do it annoy me to no ends, but i guess that's the point.
I fear it could become an actual habit though, with time. Mmmh.

Already drive a shitty car. I mean, it's a car, and it enables me to go where i want. What do i care about the brand, the year of production, the dents, the rust... It works it works. It's even sturdy, reducing my chances of dying in a crash.

A mug... Maybe one with "i'm with smart" with an arrow to me. Meh, seems a little too obvious. I don't drink coffee anyway.

leave a cigarette behind your ear at all times, whether you smoke or not

play with a fidget spinner while talking to people, without breaking eye contact.

wear flip flops, let your toenails get long and dirty. put your feet up on your desk when others come into your office

wear heelies or use a hoverboard to glide around, while others are forbidden to do so f(or safety reasons of course).

wear sunglasses indoors. pull them off slightly and do the finger-point gun gesture as a greeting to people.

Chew toothpicks and leave them in random places once they get soggy and gross.

put your hair in a man-bun.

this guy gets it.

>even though user has money, he doesn't have freedom, as all his thoughts are occupied by other people's view of him
In a way you are worse off than people who are less wealthy than you but who have freedom of thought

tell them all to not disturb you, because you have some very important work to do, and leave blinds open enough for them to see you there now changed into a sports jersey (or preferably duck dynasty jersey), beach shorts, beer hat, and laying on one of those poolside chairs you keep in your office.

come out in a great high five chest bump mood or in a I don't want to fucking talk about it, susan mood after a while in the clothes you changed into in your office, but pretend they don't know you were just watching tv, so say you just had did some great/awful work

e-mail everyone with a ridiculous math error

something like "last month we spent 50 bucks in coffe, this month was 100 bucks, thats a 50% increase!"

>do the finger-point gun gesture as a greeting to people
Wait, do people not like that? I do that.

...

Not at all. He is expressing himself by playing a character.

By your logic, actors and stage performers aren't free because they aren't being their "real selves."

>wear sunglasses inside every day gives you the perfect hangover look

>order food but just for you and so that everyone sees, place leftovers in kitchen

>allways fedora

>russian national hymn as ringtone

>have some hot fuckgirl show her around way too much

>leave pants open "by accident"

>never brush teeth

>smear ballsweat on neck as perfume

I can't view this. My browser doesn't support Google's botnet webm

Keep a liquor cabinet behind your desk in your office, even if you dont drink.

Invite everyone out to lunch then split the bill.

Hey, i know how to deleguate, don't worry about me.
Besides, for some people running businesses is how they have fun. I just found a way to make it even more fun, and wanted ideas.

Pleasantly surprised to see so many good ideas too.

Be very loud and make self-deprecating jokes. People will think you're trying to be funny, but they will feel sorry for you and think what a poor fucker.

cmon he is having fun

Holy shit that was fucking great. Saved.

Drink OJ from the carton.
Fuck with the thermostat.

>Swear worse than a sailor
>only use shitty old nokia phones
>drive old as fuck $500 honda civic
>wear flipflops and ragged sweatshirt in the heat of the day
>never shave
>have absolutely nothing of value on you at all times

Eat cold baked beans out of the can for lunch. Every. Single. Day.

Vape indoors, forbid anyone else to do so.

Change your ringtone to "eye of the tiger", make sure it's as loud as possible.

Bring in a golf club and prop it up in a corner of your office. Occasionally do practice shots with it and make whooshing sounds with your mouth.

Get a bunch of cringy "inspirational" posters to put around your office. The ones with some kind of landscape photo surrounded with a black border and white text under it that says "creativity" or some shit. You know the kind.

Start intentionally misusing common expressions. e.g: calm as a cucumber; blessing in the skies, etc...

Do everything this guy says

Holy shit, i'll do that.
Wait no, not cold, i'll get one of those small gaz burner and heat the can on it.
An hobo heating a can of beans in the middle on a nice office. Yes, YES !

Always be looking at your phone.

Always.

Come to work in jeans and shitty sneakers you got at wal-mart for twelve bucks, but once you're in the office change to pajama pants and maybe some slippers.

Make casual fridays a thing, but have them only apply to you. Everybody else still shows up in uniform. Or, be a bigger piece of shit and make fancy fridays a thing, where everybody has to come in like they're going out to a fancy dinner. The only difference in your attire is that you comb your hair, and maybe wear a polo shirt. Change nothing else.

Pester your employees for gum or mints all the time. If someone actually does start bringing them gum or mints avoid them, or better yet say "No I don't like that brand" when they offer them to you. Once this gets boring, bring altoids yourself, and every now and then (don't over-do it) walk through your office and ask loudly if anybody wants a mint. If nobody answers, go to them desk by desk and offer them one.

Make pancakes one day, and then do the same thing but with pancakes out of a plastic baggy. Nobody will accept them, but that's not the point.

Ignore your wageslaves but get all chummy with any janitors or third-party contractors that come through to fix shit or do work on the building, etc.

Do you have a kitchen/fridge in your office? If you do, be on a constant lookout for leftovers. If you find any, ask the person they belong to if you can have them. Bonus points if you say you'll take them home instead of eating them in-office. If you see someone eating on a lunch break, ask them "you gonna eat finish that?"

>inspirational posters
Get the "hang in there" one with the cat hanging from the branch. Fuck it, found the one I mean.

Also, brush your teeth, wash your face, and shave in the bathroom sink. Better yet, use the kitchen sink, and then say it's because you don't want to make anybody uncomfortable when they have to go to the bathroom. Just say that last part out loud to anybody who comes near, like you're announcing it.

>Tell everyone you're taking them to a TGI Fridays level restaurant for lunch.
>only pay your own tab and make sure everyone sees you treat the waitstaff like dirt.

>ask one of the people who are trying really hard to advance themselves to borrow "just a couple a clams" til payday. >Pay back less than half and say "we good?" Before slapping them on the back just a little too hard.

Golden.

Continuing on this tangent, do you own the building? Any chance you can put in a shower somewhere?

You're not trying to get anybody to see you bathing, you just want to make the illusion that you're doing your bathing and grooming in-office, like you own the building but have no house and are trying to get as much utility out of it as possible.

Oooh, pajamas.
I wonder is wearing sillies pajamas, like i don't know pokémon ones, would make me lose a lot of contracts.
I need to test it.
Seems over-the-top, but just the right way.

... I shouldn't go too far though, i could get branded insane.
The goal is "weird, filthy, excentric", not "insane".

Tell everyone your going to cater in lunch for the holidays, have Little Ceasers 5dollar cheese pizza delivered; 3 of them

>An hobo heating a can of beans in the middle on a nice office. Yes, YES !
fucking lol

dead

How to annoy your employees:

- Fill your office with 100 little toys that supposedly have "sentimental meaning" to you.

- Tape at least 100 pictures of you all over your office, each one of you doing something different.

- Have a couple bottles of bodybuilding supplements sitting on your desk at all times.

- Print out a sign that says "Deadline Focused". Then shut your office door at random times with the sign taped to it for people to see as they walk by.

- Pull up a playlist of music videos on youtube on your office computer, press play, turn up the volume loud, and then leave the office for a few hours to go to "meetings".

wear Crocs every day

my fucking sides

pic

sexy

This is the most retarded autistic thread I have ever read

you need a new style

...

Kek, spotted the poor wagecuck

Buy an "office pet" like a hamster and name him something exotic like Alejandro
Force everyone to take care of it, shame them to death if he dies

...

...

when it comes to talkign business only do so in terms of the cartoon, or show pokemon.

Have a picture of Oprah in your office.

keep a bunch of old cluttered news papers.
When you get sleepy, bury yourself in them.

instead of shoes tape plastic bags over your feet.

never wash your clothes,
only go shopping for new clothes every 5-10 years.

When you hear something you don't understand, restate what you think they mean, but in terms of pokemon.

only get fast food, or potato chips when you go out to lunch.

buy a beater car that doesn't work and park it outside your business. Use that to take your lunch breaks/naps.

...

Call it Basil

>Have a couple bottles of bodybuilding supplements sitting on your desk at all times

top kek, i know a guy who actually does that

Get some super corny but professionally done photos of yourself in different poses. Blow them up, frame them and have these as the only artwork in the office.

Do them naked, hiding your dick in a special pose

this makes him ironic/eccentric.
not poor and stupid.

he should post pictures of his friends at the last keggar or house party he went to.

Have food stains on your shirt

Tell people to do things a certain way to prevent electrical intefference and then wink at them

OP, don't overdo it.
some of the suggestions here are good, but some are just too much.
Anyways, you need to watch this:
youtube.com/watch?v=KoSu6AUC-7k
All of it!
Really.

On days where you have important meetings:

Change nothing about the janky hobo look, except comb over your hair.

But don't do it well - look as if you started with your usual tangled hobo hair and from there, put a comb in it, pulled over once and stopped halfway, then pulled the comb out.

Everything except that one tuft you combed halfway should look just like it usually does.

Maybe use hairspray on that part so it's very clear that you did it in this specific way.

And then watch this:
youtube.com/watch?v=oye9AmOdsZc
Not really about poor, but has some nice hints on how to be the worst boss.

I think there was also an episode about something like this:

I saw Flying Lotus at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

OP, you're an asshole. I'm pretty well off but if I owned a business I'd hire close friends and treat them great and have a cool friendly work environment. I wouldn't shit on everyone that has to be a wageslave their whole life. Just sayin', you're gonna have bad karma doing what you're doing.

but that's a 100% increase

Put random shit you find on the side of the road on the top of your car/in the back of your truck. Change out the junk about once a month.

Wear a headband/sweatband at all times.

Dig through the trash and recycling every day and loudly complain to anyone within earshot whenever you find something that could have been recycled but was in the trash or vice versa.

Be seen walking out of the office with multiple rolls of toilet paper. If asked about it, say you are "Just doing inventory" and rush off.

>Wear a t-shirt with holes in it
>Parody college degree on wall, something along the lines of "Master's Degree in Keeping It Rad"
>Have a hookah in your office. Any time someone comes in to chat with you, heavily suggest they take a puff
>Over the top option? Buy a tanning bed and put it somewhere obnoxious, like in a conference room or near the front desk. Use it at least once.

Get an office mini golf set and always have it set up. Ask your employees if they wanna play 9 holes over lunch/break.

Hotbox your office on 4/20 and when your employees ask what you're doing, say you are participating in the culture. Flatly deny that you are smoking weed even though it's really weed, or become super obnoxious about it and drone about how weed never killed anybody and that it cures cancer, etc.

...

If you act like an imbecile most of the time, there is no real discernable difference between you and an imbecile.
You making the life of your employees hard for no reason reeks of hatred of life which is a sign of weakness likely caused by unresolved mental issues, being ugly, or being stupid (as in lowish iq).
There is certainly a time and place for messing with people but to make it a job is just... JUST....

Just be yourself OP

>Parody college degree on wall, something along the lines of "Master's Degree in Keeping It Rad"

I'm dying here

Careful OP, if you're too dumb people will just assume you inherited all of your money

People still hate you regardless of what you are doing. They are wagecucks and you are wealthy boss that is stealing all their shekels.

I want to fucking bash the head in of my boss and steal all of his shekels even though he is generally nice.

>jokes on them, I was only pretending to be retarded

this is true. if you pretend to be an asshole/retard/whatever long enough, you will become one. method acting.

This thread is gold thanks op

best thread on biz this morning thx op for the laughs

yes yes, great

>You making the life of your employees hard for no reason
Comedy is a reason. Do you think people browse Veeky Forums for the valuable insights the users have? We come to get some laughs.

Fuck off retarded normie

OP OP!!!

Buy a used Honda Civic and rice it in a very cringy way. Make sure to add a big, gaudy spoiler.

Go to work every day blasting "Get Low" from Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz Play it literally every day without exception.. Make it your musical theme.
Bonus points for making "vroom vroom" sounds with your engine a couple of times before you exit your car.

Say you will be busy, close the door and start playing your nintendo very loudly and be sure to scream wahooo each time Mario does. Laugh and clap loudly each time you finish a level

Take a small break to tell your employees they have to rush a deadline, that the company depends on it. Then come 5 minutes later and ask everyone in whispers if they want to play with your playstation game.

Make sure they know they have no time to do it, but insist they join you in a persistent manner. Also make sure they know its a Nintendo, but keep it calling playstation. This will irritate the younger employees.