Imagine you're a monk chilling in your monastery on a holy island, illuminating manuscripts, eating bread, drinking water, praising God, inventing shit, basically all around substantial and productive work. Then you hear a call from outside "lóclóca! lóclóca!", you brush it off, thinking it was oswald catching another blue salmon. But then you hear another noise, a distant clamour and a sound like drums. As the sound gets louder you can make out the words "ooga booga!" You go out to see what is making that racket and you see great longboats on the horizon, filled to the brim with blond monkeys wearing metal bowls on their heads. As they come ashore they sprint straight at Aldwyn and cut him down. In a panic you, aethel and the lads rush to the shrine of Cuthbert, dig up his body, express surprise at its excellent condition, then load it onto a stretcher and leg it to the bridge. You hear behind you screams, the sound of metal splitting skull and that awful reverberating "ooga booga!". You finally make it to the mainland and look back at the monastery, at the house of God, at that sacred temple, a testament to human accomplishment; only to see fire and ruin and the ships of the seaniggers sailing off into the distance glistening with their plunder. "Fûck mý lyfe"
I actually fucking hate vikings. They fucking ruined everything and destroyed great works of Anglo-Saxon art and architecture. They are literally snowapes
lmao christcucks btfo! all jokes aside, you're right about "vikings" meaning the crews that went out viking(raiding) just to find plunder, but don't hold it against all the norse of that time they had a fascinating seafaring culture and it was a minority of them that went viking, all the major raids were basically invasions looking for land and in that way they were no different than any other north-western european culture of their time.. #notallvikings, etc.
If they hadn't destroyed it that monastery would probably have been transformed into a refugee center by its gay clergy by now.
Adam Gonzalez
Some Viking swords were among the best ever made, tests at Teddington proved the genuine Ulfberht swords had a phenomenally high carbon content, three times that of contemporary european swords , and half again that of modern carbon steel.. The legendary swords found at Viking sites across northern Europe bear the maker's name, Ulfberht, in raised letters at the hilt end.
the natives of the british isles also constantly raided each other desu the vikings just have some legendary status about them for god knows what reason, they weren’t evn particularly good at warfare, they got driven out of Ireland
Jeremiah Bailey
Moar.
Xavier Cook
Yeah
It's kinda disappointing that Vikings were basically sea niggers
Nicholas Reed
>Battle of Clontarf >Infamously one of the most viscous battles in Irish history >The entire Norse Army of Dublin had recently been shattered by an inferior force at the Battle of Tara >Brian Boru and his sons lead an army against the Norsemen and the Irish men who allied with them >"Eventually, the Dublin-Leinster forces broke, and some withdrew towards their ships, while others made for a nearby wood." >"However, the tide had come in again, cutting off the passage to the wood, but also carrying off the Viking ships." >"With no way out, they were killed in large numbers, many of them by drowning." >Vikings were cut down en masse or sent into a swirling pool of twisted norse corpses, with Irishmen at their heels >Brian Boru died as a feeling viking named Brodir came across his tent, killing him while he prayed (Brian was in his 70s at the time) >Ulf "the Quarrelsome", brother to Brian Boru, hunted down Brodir in a fit of rage >His actions of revenge against Brodir are one of two times in all of history that Brian Boru's brother are mentioned >"Ulf the Quarrelsome cut open his belly, and led him round and round the trunk of a tree, and so wound all his entrails out of him, and he did not die before they were all drawn out of him."
I don't think there is a single group of people on earth more brutally efficient and enthusiastic at Viking removal than the bogniggers
It makes more sense to think of Viking raids as elaborate heists and Vikings as medieval versions of Robert De Niro's gang from the movie Heat.
Zachary Collins
these yellowish Elder Scrolls tier Altmer looking fellows shouting Oogr Boogr at everything
Sebastian Rogers
snowapes fear the mighty Gael >taller >stronger >more warlike >far more savage >more advanced >culturally superior Nords are a virgin clique, Ireland is a lone chad
Not our fault your women thirst for the BVC of KÁRI BOGASON
Easton Anderson
the irish are so butthurt lmao must suck to have your culture eradicated by the frenchified norsemen and your women taken to the interracial breeding grounds of iceland and the faroese isles. even their towns were founded by the norsemen
Aiden Bell
>be in heaven >look down Common mistake.
Eli Mitchell
The Norse integrated so fast they started to use Irish stylised surnames
their names were still norse despite most of them being probably more irish genetically than norse by the time clontarf happened.sigtrygg silkbeard was half potato nigger himself
Ethan Torres
No wonder he lost the war
Still, you got to admire the ability of the Irish to win one of the most decisive victories of any Irish battle and end up having your own kingdom shattered and plagued by internecine fighting while the loser not only loses no land, but outlives all of your successors and goes to Rome on pilgrimage without ever coming to harm.
Ayden Thompson
>Some Viking swords were among the best ever made
they were like 100 years ahead of their time in western europe, but that's because they were using arab steel
Kevin Russell
Still better than the Saxons, literally wiped out local Britons everywhere except mercia
Lincoln Foster
You are aware that Lindisfarne was rebuilt and the current ruins are there courtesy of Henry VIII?
Adam Lewis
>mercia >not Wales >the place that litterally means "people who aren't Anglo-Saxons"
Michael King
>I actually fucking hate vikings. They fucking ruined everything and destroyed great works of Anglo-Saxon art and architecture. They are literally snowapes as a proud anglo-saxon man i wholly concur
Sebastian Russell
yes but the anglo-saxons didn't raid monasteries.
Henry Price
>elaborate heists >slaughtering defenseless monks pick one
Matthew Roberts
>>actually believing this old lie. Dude, the Romanized Britons were assimilated into the culture and religion of the invading Saxons. Why in the fuck would the Saxons kill off the people they wanted to rule over?
Logan Johnson
Why would'n they ? They were pagans when they landed in Britain, and fought christian Britons.
Landon Ortiz
The thing is they got driven out of Ireland because there was very little they could take and hold in Ireland. In England they managed to actually hold onto territory for a while.
Sebastian Ross
>Anglo-Saxons >Celtoids ????
Gabriel Campbell
Ulfred my son, will you marry butifel square chinned Freya, or soft featured redhead I brought from Ireland.
Samuel Hill
>WE WUZ CELTZ
Brayden Long
Buddy, I don't even remotely identify with either britons or saxons.
Jordan Johnson
There weren't even "viking" though, they were Frankish.
It’s actually Wootz steel processed in Damascus. Wootz being poo in loo steel. They made that shit till the British occupation and it’s quality was known.
Alexander Ramirez
Fuck Vikingr
Carson Smith
>>"Eventually, the Dublin-Leinster forces broke, and some withdrew towards their ships, while others made for a nearby wood." >>"However, the tide had come in again, cutting off the passage to the wood, but also carrying off the Viking ships." >>"With no way out, they were killed in large numbers, many of them by drowning." >>Vikings were cut down en masse or sent into a swirling pool of twisted norse corpses, with Irishmen at their heels >>Brian Boru died as a feeling viking named Brodir came across his tent, killing him while he prayed (Brian was in his 70s at the time) >>Ulf "the Quarrelsome", brother to Brian Boru, hunted down Brodir in a fit of rage >>His actions of revenge against Brodir are one of two times in all of history that Brian Boru's brother are mentioned >>"Ulf the Quarrelsome cut open his belly, and led him round and round the trunk of a tree, and so wound all his entrails out of him, and he did not die before they were all drawn out of him." wew lad
>>Brian Boru died as a feeling viking named Brodir came across his tent, killing him while he prayed (Brian was in his 70s at the time) >forgetting that Ború was said to fatally wound Brodir it was why Ulf found him. Imagine that the snownigger nearly got killed by a SEVENTY year old man.
Daniel Diaz
AND having all of your heirs killed off by the Norsemen.
I also like how the Irish kings in the 1300s begged the Norwegan king to become the High King of Ireland so he would help remove the Anglo-Normans but he refused and practically doomed the Irish to become bootleg Anglos
Austin Long
Anglos are C*elt and Saxon mutts, unlike the pure German ubermensch vikings
Bentley Ramirez
>>C*elt STOP
JUST FUCKING STOP ALREADY GO BACK TO /int/ OR SOMETHING YOU FAGGOT HOW MANY FUCKING THREADS HAVE BEEN DERAILED BY YOU FUCKERS NOW? MORE THEN I CAN COUNT USING BOTH HANDS AND IF WASN'T AN AMERICAN AND COULD ACTUALLY SEE MY FEET WHEN I LOOK DOWN I WOULD BE CERTAINLY INCLUDING SAID FEET IN THIS CALCULATION AS WELL. FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY.
Andrew Cooper
>German ubermensch vikings And how does it feel to be a snow monkey?
Luis Gutierrez
You mean the english right because anglos and saxons were your standard germanic peoples only when they merged with eachother and the british celts did they becone the englishmen of today.
Nordics are proof thay racial purity is shit. Till the late 20th century scandinavia sucked ass with only sweden being a regional power for a while till the russians fucked then up and took finland from them.
Jace Bailey
I wouldn't be so sure of things like this. The Scandinavian nations have had a pretty decent quality of life until relatively recently and being multi-culti would not have helped Sweden in it's wars against the Russians.
Cameron Hughes
anglos are german
Owen Jenkins
the blades were imported you retard
Joseph Scott
based Haakon Haakonson
Dominic Lewis
The iron was, the blades were made by norse blacksmiths.
Cameron Roberts
>Anglos are C*elt and Saxon mutts, unlike the pure German ubermensch vikings >Anglos are German
Yeah no. The vikings made their own tools and weapons mostly.
Andrew Watson
this story is just a meme forced in the 20th century potatoniggers played almost no role in the renaissance
Samuel Rogers
How is it a meme? Ireland was a centre of learning during the Dark Ages.
Carson Cooper
>renaissance >1500 years ago >buying into the dark age myth lol
Evan Roberts
>renaissance user, you're retarded.
Grayson Murphy
Who are you supposed to be larping as?
Aaron Roberts
>C*elt Who are the Ceelts?
Ian Bell
well at least they mowed the lawn
Carter Fisher
I don't think the vikings mowed the lawn
Isaiah Jones
>be the church >steal the products of hard work from farmers and other poor workers to enrich themselves >be vikings >take that wealth and redistribute it to the hard working common man Vikings were the first socialists Prove Me Wrong You literally can't
Ian Williams
Lmao stay mad C*ltoids Enjoy watching as your wives are impregnated by KÁRI BOGASON
>They fucking ruined everything and destroyed great works of Anglo-Saxon art and architecture
umm so thats how bongs learned/inherited their obsession for desrtoying/stealing other cultures.
Ryder Ross
>The events leading up to the Battle of Clontarf became part of a heroic tale in subsequent tradition, both Irish and Norse, and evil portents were recorded throughout the Norse world.[11] According to Njál's Saga, one night a great din passed over Bróðir and his men on the Isle of Man, so that they all sprang up from sleep and dressed themselves.[9] Until dawn, this din was accompanied by a shower of boiling blood, which scalded many of them even though they covered themselves with their shields.[9] As a result, "a man had died on board every ship."[9] On the second night, they awoke to a ghostly assault on their ships by flying swords, axes and spears.[3] Again, this lasted till dawn, and a man died on every ship.[9] On the third night, they were attacked by ravens with iron beaks and claws, once again causing a death in every ship.[9]
>Bróðir consulted his brother Óspak, who believed that the signs indicated that much blood would be shed on both sides, that Bróðir's would all die speedily, that there would be a battle, and all his men would be dragged "down to the pains of hell."[9] Bróðir was so angered by this that he planned to slay Óspak's men the next day.[9] Seeing this plan, Óspak deserted his brother during the night with ten ships.[10] He sailed around Ireland to Connaught, and up the River Shannon, to join Brian Boru as an ally. He told King Brian all that he had learned, took baptism, and gathered his men to come to Dublin with Brian's forces a week before Palm Sunday.[9]
>>C*ltoid ENOUGH ALREADY, ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING PSEUDO-SCIENCE AND THE HAPLOSHITTING. YOU PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY RUINED TWO FUCKING BOARDS WITH YOUR INSANITY.
Normans are just as bad, if not worse, than their snownigger cousins from Denmark. They come into a more advanced state with fair laws, a good economy, high culture, no feudalism and chimp out destroying the Anglo-Saxon culture and making the farmland in the north unusable. They then tax the people dry to build 500 castles they will never need
