Viking hate thread

Firespawn
Firespawn

Imagine you're a monk chilling in your monastery on a holy island, illuminating manuscripts, eating bread, drinking water, praising God, inventing shit, basically all around substantial and productive work. Then you hear a call from outside "lóclóca! lóclóca!", you brush it off, thinking it was oswald catching another blue salmon. But then you hear another noise, a distant clamour and a sound like drums. As the sound gets louder you can make out the words "ooga booga!"
You go out to see what is making that racket and you see great longboats on the horizon, filled to the brim with blond monkeys wearing metal bowls on their heads. As they come ashore they sprint straight at Aldwyn and cut him down.
In a panic you, aethel and the lads rush to the shrine of Cuthbert, dig up his body, express surprise at its excellent condition, then load it onto a stretcher and leg it to the bridge. You hear behind you screams, the sound of metal splitting skull and that awful reverberating "ooga booga!".
You finally make it to the mainland and look back at the monastery, at the house of God, at that sacred temple, a testament to human accomplishment; only to see fire and ruin and the ships of the seaniggers sailing off into the distance glistening with their plunder. "Fûck mý lyfe"

I actually fucking hate vikings. They fucking ruined everything and destroyed great works of Anglo-Saxon art and architecture. They are literally snowapes

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LuckyDusty
LuckyDusty

Bump
Look at what they fucking did

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VisualMaster
VisualMaster

Relevant

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Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

FUCKING DANES GET OUT

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Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

Alfred should've genocides them all

King_Martha
King_Martha

lmao christcucks btfo!
all jokes aside, you're right about "vikings" meaning the crews that went out viking(raiding) just to find plunder, but don't hold it against all the norse of that time they had a fascinating seafaring culture and it was a minority of them that went viking, all the major raids were basically invasions looking for land and in that way they were no different than any other north-western european culture of their time.. #notallvikings, etc.

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SomethingNew
SomethingNew

If they hadn't destroyed it that monastery would probably have been transformed into a refugee center by its gay clergy by now.

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

Some Viking swords were among the best ever made, tests at Teddington proved the genuine Ulfberht swords had a phenomenally high carbon content, three times that of contemporary european swords , and half again that of modern carbon steel.. The legendary swords found at Viking sites across northern Europe bear the maker's name, Ulfberht, in raised letters at the hilt end.

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AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

the natives of the british isles also constantly raided each other desu
the vikings just have some legendary status about them for god knows what reason, they weren’t evn particularly good at warfare, they got driven out of Ireland

RavySnake
RavySnake

Moar.

StonedTime
StonedTime

Yeah

It's kinda disappointing that Vikings were basically sea niggers

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

Battle of Clontarf
Infamously one of the most viscous battles in Irish history
The entire Norse Army of Dublin had recently been shattered by an inferior force at the Battle of Tara
Brian Boru and his sons lead an army against the Norsemen and the Irish men who allied with them
"Eventually, the Dublin-Leinster forces broke, and some withdrew towards their ships, while others made for a nearby wood."
"However, the tide had come in again, cutting off the passage to the wood, but also carrying off the Viking ships."
"With no way out, they were killed in large numbers, many of them by drowning."
Vikings were cut down en masse or sent into a swirling pool of twisted norse corpses, with Irishmen at their heels
Brian Boru died as a feeling viking named Brodir came across his tent, killing him while he prayed (Brian was in his 70s at the time)
Ulf "the Quarrelsome", brother to Brian Boru, hunted down Brodir in a fit of rage
His actions of revenge against Brodir are one of two times in all of history that Brian Boru's brother are mentioned
"Ulf the Quarrelsome cut open his belly, and led him round and round the trunk of a tree, and so wound all his entrails out of him, and he did not die before they were all drawn out of him."

I don't think there is a single group of people on earth more brutally efficient and enthusiastic at Viking removal than the bogniggers

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Nude_Bikergirl
Nude_Bikergirl

It makes more sense to think of Viking raids as elaborate heists and Vikings as medieval versions of Robert De Niro's gang from the movie Heat.

Sir_Gallonhead
Sir_Gallonhead

these yellowish Elder Scrolls tier Altmer looking fellows shouting Oogr Boogr at everything

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

snowapes fear the mighty Gael
taller
stronger
more warlike
far more savage
more advanced
culturally superior
Nords are a virgin clique, Ireland is a lone chad

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

Reeeeeeeeee snowniggers leaaaaaaave

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BunnyJinx
BunnyJinx

They feared the CELTIC warrior.

Spamalot
Spamalot

*blacks your path*

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Snarelure
Snarelure

sheeeeeeiiiiiiit

Fried_Sushi
Fried_Sushi

the norse rats FEAR THE RED FIRE GIANTS

Crazy_Nice
Crazy_Nice

8/10 comedy

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

I hate this fucking board

Skullbone
Skullbone

Lmao stay mad C*ltoid

Not our fault your women thirst for the BVC of KÁRI BOGASON

AwesomeTucker
AwesomeTucker

the irish are so butthurt lmao
must suck to have your culture eradicated by the frenchified norsemen and your women taken to the interracial breeding grounds of iceland and the faroese isles. even their towns were founded by the norsemen

whereismyname
whereismyname

be in heaven
look down
Common mistake.

Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

The Norse integrated so fast they started to use Irish stylised surnames

VisualMaster
VisualMaster

I smell pagans...

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Harmless_Venom
Harmless_Venom

their names were still norse despite most of them being probably more irish genetically than norse by the time clontarf happened.sigtrygg silkbeard was half potato nigger himself

SomethingNew
SomethingNew

No wonder he lost the war

Still, you got to admire the ability of the Irish to win one of the most decisive victories of any Irish battle and end up having your own kingdom shattered and plagued by internecine fighting while the loser not only loses no land, but outlives all of your successors and goes to Rome on pilgrimage without ever coming to harm.

Nojokur
Nojokur

Some Viking swords were among the best ever made

they were like 100 years ahead of their time in western europe, but that's because they were using arab steel

Booteefool
Booteefool

Still better than the Saxons, literally wiped out local Britons everywhere except mercia

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

You are aware that Lindisfarne was rebuilt and the current ruins are there courtesy of Henry VIII?

girlDog
girlDog

mercia
not Wales
the place that litterally means "people who aren't Anglo-Saxons"

farquit
farquit

I actually fucking hate vikings. They fucking ruined everything and destroyed great works of Anglo-Saxon art and architecture. They are literally snowapes
as a proud anglo-saxon man i wholly concur

w8t4u
w8t4u

yes but the anglo-saxons didn't raid monasteries.

Inmate
Inmate

elaborate heists
slaughtering defenseless monks
pick one

likme
likme

actually believing this old lie.
Dude, the Romanized Britons were assimilated into the culture and religion of the invading Saxons. Why in the fuck would the Saxons kill off the people they wanted to rule over?

Methnerd
Methnerd

Why would'n they ? They were pagans when they landed in Britain, and fought christian Britons.

SniperGod
SniperGod

The thing is they got driven out of Ireland because there was very little they could take and hold in Ireland. In England they managed to actually hold onto territory for a while.

MPmaster
MPmaster

Anglo-Saxons
Celtoids
????

iluvmen
iluvmen

Ulfred my son, will you marry butifel square chinned Freya, or soft featured redhead I brought from Ireland.

lostmypassword
lostmypassword

WE WUZ CELTZ

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

Buddy, I don't even remotely identify with either britons or saxons.

Emberburn
Emberburn

There weren't even "viking" though, they were Frankish.

Firespawn
Firespawn

I see roleplayers...

cum2soon
cum2soon

Ancient Magyars > Vikings.

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Playboyize
Playboyize

GAEL'D

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TechHater
TechHater

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Supergrass
Supergrass

It’s actually Wootz steel processed in Damascus. Wootz being poo in loo steel. They made that shit till the British occupation and it’s quality was known.

ZeroReborn
ZeroReborn

Fuck Vikingr

takes2long
takes2long

"Eventually, the Dublin-Leinster forces broke, and some withdrew towards their ships, while others made for a nearby wood."
"However, the tide had come in again, cutting off the passage to the wood, but also carrying off the Viking ships."
"With no way out, they were killed in large numbers, many of them by drowning."
Vikings were cut down en masse or sent into a swirling pool of twisted norse corpses, with Irishmen at their heels
Brian Boru died as a feeling viking named Brodir came across his tent, killing him while he prayed (Brian was in his 70s at the time)
Ulf "the Quarrelsome", brother to Brian Boru, hunted down Brodir in a fit of rage
His actions of revenge against Brodir are one of two times in all of history that Brian Boru's brother are mentioned
"Ulf the Quarrelsome cut open his belly, and led him round and round the trunk of a tree, and so wound all his entrails out of him, and he did not die before they were all drawn out of him."
wew lad

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Deadlyinx
Deadlyinx

Brian Boru died as a feeling viking named Brodir came across his tent, killing him while he prayed (Brian was in his 70s at the time)
forgetting that Ború was said to fatally wound Brodir it was why Ulf found him.
Imagine that the snownigger nearly got killed by a SEVENTY year old man.

massdebater
massdebater

AND having all of your heirs killed off by the Norsemen.

I also like how the Irish kings in the 1300s begged the Norwegan king to become the High King of Ireland so he would help remove the Anglo-Normans but he refused and practically doomed the Irish to become bootleg Anglos

TalkBomber
TalkBomber

Anglos are C*elt and Saxon mutts, unlike the pure German ubermensch vikings

DeathDog
DeathDog

C*elt
STOP

JUST FUCKING STOP ALREADY GO BACK TO /int/ OR SOMETHING YOU FAGGOT HOW MANY FUCKING THREADS HAVE BEEN DERAILED BY YOU FUCKERS NOW? MORE THEN I CAN COUNT USING BOTH HANDS AND IF WASN'T AN AMERICAN AND COULD ACTUALLY SEE MY FEET WHEN I LOOK DOWN I WOULD BE CERTAINLY INCLUDING SAID FEET IN THIS CALCULATION AS WELL.
FUCKING STOP IT ALREADY.

MPmaster
MPmaster

German ubermensch vikings
And how does it feel to be a snow monkey?

Evil_kitten
Evil_kitten

You mean the english right because anglos and saxons were your standard germanic peoples only when they merged with eachother and the british celts did they becone the englishmen of today.

happy_sad
happy_sad

Patron saint of Germany is literally an Anglo

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SomethingNew
SomethingNew

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takes2long
takes2long

Nordics are proof thay racial purity is shit.
Till the late 20th century scandinavia sucked ass with only sweden being a regional power for a while till the russians fucked then up and took finland from them.

Carnalpleasure
Carnalpleasure

I wouldn't be so sure of things like this. The Scandinavian nations have had a pretty decent quality of life until relatively recently and being multi-culti would not have helped Sweden in it's wars against the Russians.

Illusionz
Illusionz

anglos are german

Supergrass
Supergrass

the blades were imported you retard

Lord_Tryzalot
Lord_Tryzalot

based Haakon Haakonson

w8t4u
w8t4u

The iron was, the blades were made by norse blacksmiths.

likme
likme

Anglos are C*elt and Saxon mutts, unlike the pure German ubermensch vikings
Anglos are German

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kizzmybutt
kizzmybutt

Frankish smiths

Poker_Star
Poker_Star

Yeah no. The vikings made their own tools and weapons mostly.

SniperWish
SniperWish

this story is just a meme forced in the 20th century
potatoniggers played almost no role in the renaissance

Boy_vs_Girl
Boy_vs_Girl

How is it a meme? Ireland was a centre of learning during the Dark Ages.

5mileys
5mileys

renaissance
1500 years ago
buying into the dark age myth
lol

Stark_Naked
Stark_Naked

renaissance
user, you're retarded.

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

Who are you supposed to be larping as?

Flameblow
Flameblow

C*elt
Who are the Ceelts?

massdebater
massdebater

well at least they mowed the lawn

PackManBrainlure
PackManBrainlure

I don't think the vikings mowed the lawn

GoogleCat
GoogleCat

be the church
steal the products of hard work from farmers and other poor workers to enrich themselves
be vikings
take that wealth and redistribute it to the hard working common man
Vikings were the first socialists
Prove
Me
Wrong
You literally can't

Supergrass
Supergrass

Lmao stay mad C*ltoids
Enjoy watching as your wives are impregnated by KÁRI BOGASON

Spamalot
Spamalot

What?

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JunkTop
JunkTop

They fucking ruined everything and destroyed great works of Anglo-Saxon art and architecture

umm so thats how bongs learned/inherited their obsession for desrtoying/stealing other cultures.

Ignoramus
Ignoramus

The events leading up to the Battle of Clontarf became part of a heroic tale in subsequent tradition, both Irish and Norse, and evil portents were recorded throughout the Norse world.[11] According to Njál's Saga, one night a great din passed over Bróðir and his men on the Isle of Man, so that they all sprang up from sleep and dressed themselves.[9] Until dawn, this din was accompanied by a shower of boiling blood, which scalded many of them even though they covered themselves with their shields.[9] As a result, "a man had died on board every ship."[9] On the second night, they awoke to a ghostly assault on their ships by flying swords, axes and spears.[3] Again, this lasted till dawn, and a man died on every ship.[9] On the third night, they were attacked by ravens with iron beaks and claws, once again causing a death in every ship.[9]

Bróðir consulted his brother Óspak, who believed that the signs indicated that much blood would be shed on both sides, that Bróðir's would all die speedily, that there would be a battle, and all his men would be dragged "down to the pains of hell."[9] Bróðir was so angered by this that he planned to slay Óspak's men the next day.[9] Seeing this plan, Óspak deserted his brother during the night with ten ships.[10] He sailed around Ireland to Connaught, and up the River Shannon, to join Brian Boru as an ally. He told King Brian all that he had learned, took baptism, and gathered his men to come to Dublin with Brian's forces a week before Palm Sunday.[9]

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Lunatick
Lunatick

Kek

massdebater
massdebater

C*ltoid
ENOUGH ALREADY, ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING PSEUDO-SCIENCE AND THE HAPLOSHITTING. YOU PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY RUINED TWO FUCKING BOARDS WITH YOUR INSANITY.

TreeEater
TreeEater

It's not shitposting if it's true, c*ltoid

Emberfire
Emberfire

Where do you think you are?

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RumChicken
RumChicken

*Destroys the english language forever*

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BlogWobbles
BlogWobbles

Normans are just as bad, if not worse, than their snownigger cousins from Denmark.
They come into a more advanced state with fair laws, a good economy, high culture, no feudalism and chimp out destroying the Anglo-Saxon culture and making the farmland in the north unusable. They then tax the people dry to build 500 castles they will never need

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DeathDog
DeathDog

This is an excellent read

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Need_TLC
Need_TLC

This sums up modern "pagans" perfectly.

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