Depression

Are you currently depressed?

Have you beaten depression?

This thread is for sharing your experiences battling this issue. Post what you're dealing with now, or share some techniques you've used to become a happier person.

In my experience the most important factor in overcoming suicidal desires was TIME. It has been a long time, but things have gotten and continue to improve for me.

When I was younger I thought life was going to get worse and worse, but now that I'm 28, my life gets better and better.

Please share what has and has not worked for you.

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=WAng27xwlm0
newint.org/columns/essays/2016/04/01/psycho-spiritual-crisis
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

Cross posting

#
Lots of people in this thread giving you lots of shit to do...

>stop focusing on short term discontent
>have a plan for where you want to be
>quit your current job if you hate it so much you want to literally kys and this isn't just faggy hyperbole
>stop focusing on OTHER peoples level of wealth, focus on your ambitions
>if you have none, get some, write out why you have none

You honestly sound like some kind of spoiled faggot who has never in his life had to do genuine introspective souk searching... like just immature as fuck

>Are you currently depressed?
yep. i am absolutely, positively miserable. that does not even begin to come kind of close to accurately describe just how totally awful just about every second of every day is btw.

>Have you beaten depression?
nope. just kept it from beating me.

>what works
exercise. the belief in a better future. having something and someone worth fighting for. marijuana when i've got it.

>what doesn't work
everything else.

I feel like I don't have a vision. I can't see past tomorrow because I am afraid that if I blink my world will crush me, I will lose my home, and die. I focus on making money so I can maintain my existence, even if I am fucking miserable.

There is literally nothing stopping you from letting it go. House is debt, you don't own it... if you can sell for a slight profit now do so and pocket the money. One of the cool things about the "rock bottom" darkest moments is all the bullshit melts away and all you gotta do is breath. lol.

You don't need a corporate mission statement... just embrace your sense of adventure. Next time someone asks you to do something, where you would normally hesitate and say no... just go do it, have fun. Cut ties with all this rat race materialist shit and you will be happier.

Netflix Minimalism

>be teenager
>depressed as shit
>want nothing other than death
>chant "i want to die" in my head like a mantra
Soon I realize that allowing these thoughts is toxic and I stop letting them in
>still depressed, but not wallowing in it
>seek out things I enjoy
>I like drugs and the internet
>do drugs and shitpost
Still depressed, but I've found at least some things to entertain myself
>become functioning alcoholic
>genuinely bretty happy, despite the drinking
>develop healthy routines
>begin to feel passionate for things like family and those around me
Soon I feel I don't need alcohol anymore and quit (around age 24)
>sober, healthy eater, exercise regularly, constantly improving life

I've still got some ways to go. I shitpost too late at night and don't sleep enough. But the trend of my life thus far has been steady improvement. I may never be as happy as one could be, but I'm happy enough. Life is good and I would live an eternity if I could. If I told my younger self I'd feel this way by age 25, I'd never have believed it.

I DO NOT RECOMMEND USING DRUGS TO TREAT YOUR PROBLEMS

I'm just sharing that even with all my flaws and misery, I've found a way to live in peace. You can too.

I live off $1600 a month man. I've got a place to sleep, a car, and a computer. I thought that was minimalism?

pretty much me here

Do you smoke a lot of weed? I have over the years but I don't think it's helping anymore. It's become a habit but I feel better without it.

One of the biggest things for me in overcoming this is to stop letting it weigh on my mind. Life is as bad as my mind says it is. Close, but not quite that bad.

Even IF life is that bad, we can't let it keep us down.

Male happiness and satisfaction is among other things related to achievement. You want to make money and not be poor? Read up and join classes on finance shit. Invest, take risks, open a business whatever

For me routine really helped my depression. I'm a horrible procrastinator/general anxiety so setting a schedule and sticking with it helps, eventually it becomes a habit and bam. Things I needed and still to need to work on is cleaning regularly (dishes, clothes and he house) set a day aside for each room/task and stick to it. A clean environment will help your mentality immensely. I've found that my surroundings tend to match my mental state

I fixed my depression by getting a motorbike

Really, I was just trapped.

I fucking hate college. I want to drop out. Any opinions? I can only handle 2-3 classes with full time work so it'll be another 3 years until I have my degree in finance or economics. I feel like school just makes everyday hell.

I have had off and on bouts of depression for years. I really hit rock bottom last year and got myself out of that situation. Now I'm working on improving my life again. I wasn't lifting at the time and I've recently been able to start again and it has been helping, but I still have flare ups of depression. I feel like the direction I'm heading in life isn't where I want to be. I also feel trapped and that I can't change direction. The other problem is even if I did change direction, I have no idea what I would do. People say "if you could do anything at all right now, what would you do?" I honestly have no idea. Maybe lift? I just continue heading in the same direction because I have no idea what else I would even do. I don't know what my dream life is. I do know materialistic possessions aren't my goal. I could care less what kind of car I drive, or what house I have.

I know personality tests aren't science but I've been reading about Ti-Ni loops a lot and it sounds similar to my situation.

tldr;
Directionless and just floating on

Yeah my depression fucks me up a lot. There are days where its so bad that I can't fucking get anything done. And then there are days where I can get somethings done, but it will just take me a while to get going. I can always feel my depression around me. I try to not let it get me though.

As of now, I'm trying to figure out my life. I need to know what I really want to do for a career and get on it. I fucking hate working at my current job and I feel like its just another factor in making me depressed. I have enrolled in community college and have joined a Male support group (its kinda like a black frat though lmao), but they have helped me a lot on gaining confidence.


Working out kinda helps and also hanging out with good people. I can't really give you better advice because I'm still going through some shit. I hope you and everyone else makes it.

School is relatively easy. I had 35 hour weeks for my mechanical engineering degree and even I made it and I was bored to bits. You will make it, easier than you think. Where are you from anyway

>>quit your current job if you hate it so much you want to literally kys and this isn't just faggy hyperbole
Then what? Flip burgers?

I'm a dropout. Ask me anything.

>Currently depressed?
Negative.

>Have you beaten depression?
Fuck no. It's like that shitty stepbrother that swings by every couple of months to bum at your place, and every time you think he's disappeared or wrapped his car around a tree he shows right back up and eats all your fucking oats.

>What has not worked for me:
1. Eating better.
If you're already taking care of your body, getting your macros in, all that, eating better ain't gonna change much.

2. Drinking.
Alcohol is all around bad news for you. Use a little here and there for social lubricant, but beyond that, steer clear.

3. Writing, painting, whatever. Getting your emotions out.
The issue for me isn't expressing emotions. It's decrypting what I'm feeling and cutting past the frustration. Can't get anything out if you don't know what you feel.

>Things that worked for me.

1. Self-loathing.
This is a weird one, but hear me out. So far, I'm getting through it by not liking me. It's my goal to be able to beat the hell out of the guy I was yesterday, physically and mentally. It's why I lift, why I'm still in college, why I'm working a job, why I flip cars off craigslist. Keep going, keep grinding, keep working. I don't know if this is healthy or not, honestly. There are days where I'm tired and I want to stop but I can't because I'm afraid that if I do I'll end up back on a tree branch at 2:30 in the morning with a rope wrapped around my neck, my throat dry and my heart racing. I don't want to be there again.

I guess really what's worked is being more afraid of dying than I am of failing.

I've been thinking about suicide lately. It's always been a recurring thought but now it feels more than usual probably because I get older. I feel like that if you didnt sort out your life fairly early on you're fucked for the rest of your life and it just makes everything pointless. What's the point of lifting if I never go out anywhere and no one will see my progress anyways? What's the point of learning a language or an instrument if I'll never get to use them with someone else. Just makes life meaningless

Florida. PHSC to USF. I wanted to get my degree in statistics and become an actuary or equity analyst but I haven't been able to focus at all. I am just taking 2 courses right now and I still can't focus. I'm alone. I don't have any help. My family won't help me. I feel all fucked in the head.

Is there hope for those who can't focus in an academic environment due to working full time and what is probably severe depression mixed with trauma as a child from severe abuse.

You sound like me. Get a bike. A bike made me happy.

And purposely avoid roundabouts because they're hard

Quit your job then. Its one or the other and its likely you'll be happier with the qualifications. Do part time.

Focus on something else that isn't the abuse. Unfortunately that something else comes with time, you have to find it, and often you stumble across it by mistake.

Do more with your life so you have more to think about that isn't work, abuse and work.

I can't quit my job. I won't have anywhere to live and nothing to eat, I'll lose my car and get sued. I make just enough to survive as it is.

I'm diagnosed with depression, but I haven't been very depressed lately.

I've learned to cope well so far, memes like diet-exercise-meditation help, but for me finding a good cocktail of psych meds has helped the most. It took months of trial and error with dosages and meds, but It's so worth it in the end.

Also sleep seems to be the #1 factor in my day to day moods

>I can't
You'll find a way

I have, it's called I'll have to drop out to survive. That or I could just work and save my money and go when I'm 23-24

You'll still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

>Also sleep seems to be the #1 factor in my day to day moods
I think this may be a key factor for a lot of us

Look at how shitty your mood is when you pull an all-nighter. I'm like an insane person after that shit.

It's the same thing, but to a lesser degree, when you shitpost till 12am every night.

>Are you currently depressed?
Yeah among other things
>Have you beaten depression?
Not really I have a meltdown every few years at work and just up and quit because anger issues and panic attacks. Did that three times in the past 5 years and it's getting harder to bounce back each time
>Post what you're dealing with now, or share some techniques you've used to become a happier person.
Take it one day at a time if you need to, be aware of your thoughts because rumination usually leads to big depressive episodes. Also helps if you have a friend to spill your guts to to take a load off

I don't know what to fucking tell anybody. I make the minimal.amount to live on my own in my area. Like I literally cannot financially afford college. It's either my ass on the streets and my credit destroyed or I don't go to school. I can't work part time its not enough money to live.

Then do it all

I know it'll sound like bullshit, but all of my depressive tendencies and thought processes ended once I started testosterone. I'm not gonna lie and say I became an alpha Chad who started banging sloots left and right, because I'm still retarded and have social anxiety, and because it's only my first cycle. But I definitely feel a lot better about myself, obviously physically, but emotionally as well. I've also heard that one symptom of low testosterone is depression, so I'd suggest anyone suffering from depression see what your test levels are and see if they're abnormally low.

>that's retarded

Hey, it worked for me. Just sharing my experience.

what specific (very specific if you're willing) physical/mental changes have you noticed?

I feel like there is a cloud hanging over me, in a very literal sense. My view if reality feels darkened. Undergoing a really stressful career change right now and feel like a failure. I'd seriously give up one of my limbs to be successful, admired by my peers and have my parents be proud of me again.

I think I might be kicking my life in the right direction and being able to view life from someone elses eyes is an amazing experience. I'm pretty sure my depression is starting to get lower and I see a different purpose for life now, I think I am finally seeing the big picture

Same here dude. And it happened almost overnight.

Man needs reasons to live. And when his reasons dry up he perishes, all you gotta do is find more reason, but its difficult I won't deny.

>Are you currently depressed?
Yeah. Been depressed for as long as I can remember.
It's mostly just internalized anger and probably a lot of loneliness that I can never overcome.

>Have you beaten depression?
LOL
No. I realized that I can only manage it and accept that I'm going to have good days and bad days.
Beating yourself up over it or worsening your life by taking really bad meds isn't going to do anything but make things much much worse.

But my body can't handle the level of training I usually did that helped me work off the anger and anxiety and just basic horniness.

YOU are not depressed

What makes you say that?

depression isn't real, so you're not depressed

actually I agree, at least that it's not a disease. I've got thought patterns that cause me problems.

Well I don't think about killing myself every day anymore, that's a good one. My confidence in myself has increased. Again, not to the point where I'm alpha Chad or anything, but I don't have crippling anxiety and imposters syndrome like I did at one point, and I can even talk to women without feeling retarded. My artsy bullshit I aspiration has come back so it's nice to draw and shit again (pic related I guess). Physically, decent muscle gain. I dont look like a skinnyfat anymore. Noticeably bigger delts and traps. Bit more acne than I'm used to but nothing terribly noticeable.
Also my balls are smaller. Oh well.

My dumbass forgot to post the pic related.

>manlet
>have arthritis
>flat feet
>wrist problems
>slight underbite
>crooked jaw and nose
Yeah, I'm depressed.

My drug addict alcoholic brother moved back in with us and I've been putting up with his nonsense, all while working full time and being a full time student. My life is super stressful lately and it's hard finding time to focus on self-care. I'm always low on sleep and feel like I can't keep this up for much longer but there are years of school still to go.

On top of that, I'm pretty lonely. My best friend moved away and I don't have a boyfriend. Guess the lack of a social life is a good thing because if I actually spent time with people my grades would suffer and I'd get even less sleep lol :P

Sometimes life is hard. I'm trying to be strong :)

Do you listen to / remember the Scene Aesthetic?

You should reach out to me if you're in Atlanta.

I'm nowhere near there. One good thing about my situation is that I don't live in the south. You hear all kinds of blah stuff from down there, especially if you're brown or LGBT or a woman or whatever :/

I was. i've even tried to kill myself and i don't fucking know why I'm still alive. I wake up and the 2 fucking ropes around my neck were broken. My life still shit as hell but I'm not "depressed" anymore but somedays I cry a lot tho.

>misaligned jaw
>crowded/crooked teeth
>povertyfag in America so can never afford to have this fixed
>late 20s kissless virgin
>don't connect to 99% of people I meet because of SES and abusive childhood
>also unattractive
>crippling lonely
>eagerly await the sweet release of death so I can return to nothingness

It's not that bad. I stayed in Louisiana for a year. I think a cashier at the grocery store I went to was a trap too.

Hope your situation is getting better at least. I've got some hand/wrist issues which are getting better with exercise and less typing.

Thank God(or whatever) you survived, and that things are looking more positive.
>somedays I cry a lot tho
sounds a lot healthier than what many of us do.

hope you find something to give your life joy real soon user. don't give up.

I know most of those feels user, pic is me.

You have to accept yourself. If you can't change it, then why be upset? If you can change it, then why aren't you? Wallowing is easy, but it doesn't solve anything. You have to put your head down and move forward. You want to meet people and women? Go out and talk to them. You want to fix your teeth? Start saving money, talking with your insurance, looking for other options like college dental schools or etc. You won't find peace until you try. You can do it.

>Are you currently depressed?
have been for weeks
>Have you beaten depression?
on some days i think i have then it all hits me right in the stomach

reason is my ex gf whom i met on this very site
since she broke up i've been beating myself of because outside of my slowly disappearing friend circle, she's always been that one constant in my life, now i feel more alone than ever
hiding in my flat after work, sleeping as much as i can, chasing dream after dream in which she might appear
also started drinking on my own last weekend, for the first time i was happy
been crying for those weeks now every single day, crying myself to sleep

youtube.com/watch?v=WAng27xwlm0
The song lyrics are about seeing something one really wants (God in this case), then not being able to see or experience it ever again.[ The "gaffa" of the title and chorus refers to gaffer tape, the strong matte black tape used by technicians in the film and concert industries.

I have it under control but it seems like this is something I'm going to be dealing with for the rest of my life.

Think Sylvia Plath

The irony is that you will likely get rejected for treatment if you are depressed because it's seen as something that needs to be fixed first even though one of the fucking primary symptoms of low test is depression. There's also the bizarre requirements for treatment where a guy in his mid twenties having the same T levels as the average 80yo is perfectly fine even if you suffer from several symptoms too.

are you depressed or are you demoralized?

>Three decades ago, the average age for the first onset of depression was 30. Today it is 14. Researchers such as Stephen Izard at Duke University point out that the rate of depression in Western industrialized societies is doubling with each successive generational cohort. At this pace, over 50 per cent of our younger generation, aged 18-29, will succumb to it by middle age. Extrapolating one generation further, we arrive at the dire conclusion that virtually everyone will fall prey to depression.

newint.org/columns/essays/2016/04/01/psycho-spiritual-crisis

I've dipped into it fairly regularly for years. The worst of it usually involves laying in bed for 3-4 days falling in and out of sleep, only getting up to drink water and piss.

Seek treatment, friends.
20mg Lexapro and 300mg Welbutrin seem to have me in a good place right now, where I can actually get out of bed, keep up with eating well/housework, and pursuing fitness goals.

I was foolhardy in believing that drinking was not contributing to my depression. If you drink and you're depressed, try cutting it for a month and see how you feel.

I've been depressed and am on meds and therapy for it. (they don't do jack shit honestly)
the best is to find a sense of higher purpose and meaning in life. (in my exp) Right now I'm kind of in a rut and searching for one.

...

read alan watts the book of the taboo of knowing who you are. be a wave sempai

>just stop be a austistic loner xD

since i quit videogames i have unironically 0 reasons to live

I beat depression by finding my purpose with G-d and reading the bible

Felt depressed on and off for about two years.

Stopped abusing xtc and cocaine.

Now everything is doing all good. Only thing which can make me depressed after a while, is my job, which relies on making sales. No sales = no money

Also like to note that when it comes to these feels, i need everything in my life to be perfect. If everything is perfect, i can enjoy life 1000% every second of the day. If there's something wrong, i get stuck in it, and it makes me crazy.

Brother committed suicide when I was a senior in high school. I was always a super driven and motivated person until then. But that moment of my life crushed me. Combination of coming to terms with the inevitability of death, guilt, etc tore me apart. Throughout my years in college, it fucked with me. Started having horrible panic attacks, which I never had prior. I didn't try in my courses, just enough to get by. I sunk myself into dedication to extracurricular activities i.e. sports, clubs. These only took up more of my time and sleep making my mental state worse. I'm a senior in college now and I would say that it has just now gotten better.

What did I do?

I told myself to stop being such a pansy fuck and embrace who I am. I told myself my fears were bullshit and that I should chase down what I wanted. I also had to tell myself that I wasn't superman and couldn't control everything. That one day, no matter what, I will die. I decided that I wanted to go out like fucking Teddy Roosevelt, grabbing life by the balls instead of being a victim of circumstance.

For any of you suffering from depression, anxiety, or other stuff: your mental outlook and how you treat yourself has a huge impact on your quality of life. It might not solve all of your problems, or make you not depressed, but it will definitely help you get in the right direction.

We're all going to make it.

I had depression in my late teens and early 20s. Then I got better. Now I'm in my 30s and it's worse than ever.

Pretty close to this, only no drugs and very little alcohol, and no belief in a better future. This is it for me.

I beat depression, was borderline suicidal,let me help you out famalam,ask me anything

how

I’m depressed because I’ve had a shoulder injury for like 6 months and it’s still not better, haven’t been able to do any upper body.

>work out,eat clean,start engaging more in social situations,force yourself to be around people more,do anything that doesnt alter your consciousness but lets you get out of your own head,most of it is overthinking anyway

see for the steps on how to cure depression

I beat depression.
Stop being depressed.

Also quit your addictions.

I work out, eat well, I have a job, wife, kids, I'm in a band. I don't do drugs. I drink a little but only maybe two beers once or twice a week when I've a gig or a glass of wine at Sunday dinner with the family.

And I think about suicide almost constantly (at least ten times a day when I'm feeling "good") and feel the need to cry more than half the days.

This. Went in and got hormone panel and my test was 295 at age 20. I eat super well, lift heavy and still have the test of an old man. The doctor gave me the spiel about depression even though I had multiple other symptoms of low test and told me I was "in the normal range". Pretty retarded. I might just try running a trt dose myself.

can you tell why,is there a reason? something that really bothers you,i know its a dumb question but you gotta analyze everything in other to fix it

u fukd lol

see post your blood test results in that thread to get feedback on them.

low T can be caused by a number of different things, and some fixes are way easier than running T yourself.

Sometimes I have a reason, usually stress related to my family (my wife is borderline as fuck) or job. On top of that I live thousands of miles from my home country, which I miss terribly. But often there's no reason and I just wake up feeling like shit.

does your wife knows? Aren't your kids a big help in a way,knowing that you have a meaning

She knows but she's very unsupportive. Fair enough, it's my burden, not hers. The kids are the only reason I don't off myself a lot of the time. So I don't want to kill myself (at least not as much as I want to be with them), but at the same time I can't stop thinking about it.

1. Veeky Forums memed autism into being something cool so anons here use that as an excuse not to go out and meet people when they're not actually autistic
2. being afraid of rejection and public embarrassment is natural but at some point you have to take it and get over it to build your social skills

Depression sort of runs within my mom's side of the family, and for about 4 or 5 years I went through a kind of existential depression that was brought on by low self-esteem and poor habits. (Eating, shitty friends, etc) In the last year or so I found the only things that helped me at least maintain some semblance of satisfaction within my life was working out and changing who I associated with, people who I shared values with and who were kind. The other thing, which I wouldn't necessarily recommend but hey it worked for me, was psychedelics. I am not a spiritual person, and I don't believe I'm "woke" or any sort of shit like that, but after some experiences with LSD and mushrooms, I think I sort of caught a glimpse of the person I want to be, and I sort of understand my place. Stay strong my brethren, find what works for you and what brings you happiness.

Thanks bb

You're a good dude user

I'm depressed because there are some many 17 year old kids pulling 600lbs+ and I can't even deadlift 5pl8 after years lifting :(

>implying autism isn't cool

Yes. Mostly due my lack of a girl in my life and general loneliness. I go to the gym to get my head on straight. Recently it's been harder to get the same fullfillment from lifting because a bunch of people who I thought were my friends just straight up abandoned me. I have always had a bit of an issue with abandonment and it hit my heart hard, so it's hard just to go to the gym as thoughts of whether or not I'm even worth anything keep coming after that.

Listen to me you self pittying fuck.
You're not depressed. You're just fucking sad that a sloot broke up with you. ITS A GIRL YOU MORON. Life happens and so does brake ups. Get over it and go lift. You'll find someone else. You're sad, not depressed.

I dont watch porn, I dont drink, I get 12 hours of sleep, I eat good, I do smoke weed sometimes, I lift 4-5 times a week, I have friends.

I still wanna die :)

I don't try to be happy to fight depression. I just talk myself out of emptions so that only a hollow determination remains. Otherwise I am angry enough to not be depressed.

Very, I try to tell my self to not care but I know I do. I'm not terribly ugly or short and I start lifting and found out I can actually put on muscle pretty easily but I have the emotional intelligence and charisma of a serial killer (Henry Lee Lucas tier, not Ted Bundy)

I've been told that I look scary, intimidating and that I have a pretty vacant stare when I'm just sitting alone. I've tried sitting in front of a mirror and practice being more emotive but it just doesn't look natural, my only friends are either in their home states or dead and my folks are disappointed that I'm living with them again at 23. I just can't talk to women, I always scare them off or don't pick up on the "signals" I keep being told about. On top of all of this I live in a fucking madhouse with my parents, I got a assimilated too well in the military and Im finding that some of the things my parents and brother do is just baffling. To make things worse I'm always getting punked on for "acting white" and for not being on my own already or married. So far my only escape has been lifting and getting stoned after lifting but thats starting not to work anymore.

I'm probably going to end up reenlisting the moment a real war pops off and either do a lateral move into the infantry or go back to my old job so I can just fucking die already

that's not it, i'm alone my friends are gone, no other girl will meet my friends all in one place like she did
got no family, my ex was my drive to get better for a future wit hher, now that that is lost, i feel crushingly alone, sitting at home in the dark
i've been broken up with before and i got over it but this time around i'm completely alone

Depressed on and off for most of my life. The last two years have been particularly bad.

9 different medications. Finally recently found relief with lexapro/adderall.

Lost 150~ pounds 3 years ago and basically gained all of it back since then at 350~ish pounds. (sleeping 14-16 hours a day and not gyming and eating ice cream every night)

I get invited to doing shit most weeks but I still haven't seen my best friends in over a year because i'm so embarrassed.

Anyway i'm back on keto and IF this past week and just started working out again.

Just kill me. At least my OHP is still 1pl8 after two years.

take a look here
currently working on a 3rd image about supplements that help with testosterone and depression.

Thanks buddy. Can you give me a quick rundown on the 2/3 most import ones for the test/despression? I'll buy them now if you help me out. Currently don't take any supplements.

Im depressed because I havent made any progress in the past 2 years.
On anything mind you, not just lifting.
I feel genuinely stupid most days.

I think it's a good idea to lose the mentality that something like depression is one specific thing that can be fixed with one specific medicine.
There are a lot of factors that go into it.
"Curing" depression by using classic anti-depressants is a bit like "curing" a broken leg by taken pain meds.

I really recommend following the steps in the images I linked.
Diet, sleep, and training are the first 3 most important ones.
Getting enough sunlight and socializing is important too.
A badly functioning thyroid can cause depression and low T, and is hard to solve with just supplements.
So it's also important to get your blood tested.

The following supplements all have a "noteable" effect on depression according to examine.com: fish oil, saffron, zinc, creatine, s-adenosyl methionine, rhodiola rosea, red clover extract, and curcumin. Agmatine has a "strong" effect.
The natural anti-depressant Hypericum Perforatum (St. John's Wort) also seems promising.

You sound like someone who actually needs medication. I generally think most people can combat depression with lifestyle changes, but that doesn't mean chemical imbalances in the brain aren't a real thing for some people and that there's nothing you can do about it other than medication.