How do i get social skills?

thanks. i still have trouble knowing what to say.. I've never been good at conversations

maybe i should come prepared with innocuous topics to talk to people about
so far i have the weather, and taking about the class

that might actually be true
or maybe they don't want to talk to an awkward guy with no social skills

thanks for the advice

You basically train social skills like you would anything else, practice. Go talk to people, see how they react, adjust for next time.

>i didn't say anything to her other than hi back, then silence for about four minutes, i just stared at the wall, instead of my phone

>Metro Station
>Outside,smoking
>Milf:all the smokers are here haha
>Yea
>Milf:they should really do something
>Heh
>Finish my cigarette and walk inside without saying anything

You aren't alone bruv,but it gets better,the key is to not stress about it too much,like the more energy and time you spend thinking you are akward or weird the worse it gets,just accept yourself for what you are and try to work on it

thanks
>confident and happy.. positive
at the beginning of each dance, the girls always say "how are you", and i give my usual "I'm okay" response

i have noticed the popular guys at my workplace usually say something like "I'm great" or fantastic, something exaggerated like that. i can try that, but it doesn't feel like something I'd say

thanks

Ask waitresses, cashiers and the likes how their day is going. Has it been busy? Do they have plans for after work? And so on. It's a free and easy way to practice small talk, do it with everyone and you'll get good at it quick.

Speak up, don't mumble. Remember eye contact. Smile.

>how they feel about themselves (or self image)
i think this describes me... afraid of saying something dumb, so i don't say anything

i don't have those thoughts, but i do compare myself to others and feel inferior to the "normies"

thanks, i don't get a lot of opportunities, i don't have any friends, coworkers all know I'm awkward, and i never meet new people. I'm partly taking dance classes to meet people

i read somewhere not to look at your phone, makes you seem more approachable. but i don't know what else to look at, except the wall.. unless I'm supposed to look at other people?

jus b urself user :)))))))))))))

You think you're shy but you're actually obsessed with yourself. I encourage you to get the fuck out of your own head, either by therapy or practice or drinking or achieving something in the real world.

thanks

thanks
but i think i rationalize not doing this because I would be holding up the person's time, and the time of anyone else waiting for them. like the waitress and cashier have other customers, and the other customers want the waitress and cashier's attention too

thanks for the advice

Alpha as fuck

be yourself, and if that doesn't work, be the opposite of yourself

who else am i being?

Kek'd hard, that's a good one. Most people here should probably start from the other end though

bump

answer a question with something other than yes/no. Ask something in return. Don't ask yes/no questions, ask questions that encourage conversation. You're on Veeky Forums so you've probably been reading shitty jokes for years, repeat the one that aren't about minorities to people in conversation; once they think you're funny you can say anything as long as it's presented as a joke. You seem autistic so try this on people you won't see again, i.e., bus stop, waiting in line somewhere that you don't frequent, etc, then start talking to people you want to speak with. Try not to get too attached to strangers because you'll be shit for at least a few months and wish you were still quiet because at least then people don't think you're an asshole

Whenever people ask me how I am doing, I say sleepy: it started off because it's generally true, but people think it's funny because it's not the answer they usually get. If you just give a generic response like "I'm ok" or great, etc people will tune it out because it's how the question is always answered and it generally means you're lying. Fantastic is less common and more descriptive so it's believable depending on tone, meaning it works great. Try to go for terms with a positive connotation and don't answer the same every time, even if the way you answer has the same meaning.

No one gives a shit about your opinion of the weather unless it's extreme so don't talk about it.

You're in a dance class so ask people questions like why they like it, what kind of dancing they like, where they learned if they already know a little, etc. If your conversation skills are any indicator, you don't dance well if at all so compliment them and talk speak negatively of others even if they are actually worse than you. Don't speak to females exclusively even though they probably far outnumber males.

Lastly, if there's a silence you feel the need to fill, the other person likely feels the same and is performing as inadequately as you.

it's a meme, but chances are you have something you want to say to the people you mentioned in the OP that you didn't say, yes? but you didn't for whatever reason. Alternatively, you had nothing you felt was worth saying but you'd like to change that and therefore yourself. user's post is the only two options you have but until such time as you are comfortable with who you are, looking for happiness through others is a waste of time

thanks for the advice

>>today before class, the only attractive cougar in the class said hi to me, and stood next to me while we waited for the previous class to end
>>i didn't say anything to her other than hi back, then silence for about four minutes, i just stared at the wall, instead of my phone
pathetic

waste of trips too

You have to at least try a little, bro. Talk to people. Make an effort to be social, even if it feels uncomfortable. You don't get strong by just standing in the gym, and you're not going to suddenly become a social butterfly just by being near people.

"Hi, how's it going? How have you been finding the classes? I've seen you coming a few weeks"

"You done anything like this before, or are you a first timer like me?"

"Mind if we be partners? I don't know many people here and you seem to know what your doing!"

"Hey that was fun, see you next week!"

Easy as that my man. Just show interest and have a bit of empathy and perspective.

If you struggle with this, just spend a few minutes before you go to any social event thinking about things you can say or ask to people so your not stumbling around. Try and appear relaxed and don't pressure yourself to perform

thanks

thank you for the suggestions

>Dancing

lmao faggot

I've seen this same thread with the same pictures posted many times before.

As cliche as it is "just b urself bro" is the only correct answer.

>"how is it going?"
>"what's your name again?"
>"how long have you been doing X?"
>"are you any good?"
>"ever done anything similar before?"
>"do you rike it?"

These are super basic, but just ask questions. Obviously don't ask like a robot reading through a checklist, make eye contact, smile, nod, ask her to elaborate on something, maybe add something of your own. People like talking about themselves, so if you don't know where to go just ask questions, you can usually "survive" for 5 minutes that way, no problem.

sofia vergara is a decepticon with no ass

w-what other social hobbies should i try?

Do you happen to be in Washington, op?

No. Ask open ended questions, not yes no questions

Well that's your problem right there. "It feels forced to me"
Well... yeah? You're socially awkward. You ARE forcing it. Just start TALKING. You'll learn what people like to talk about the more you talk to them.

cont.
You can take all the advice you want from this Thai Ladyboy Training board, but none of it is really going to matter. Nobody here knows you, nobody knows what will end up working for you. You just need to put yourself out there. You already said you have no friends and your work knows you're awkward, so what do you have to lose even if you somehow end up alienating yourself in another situation? You just keep going with different groups of strangers until you do something right, and then you keep doing it. Take every opportunity you can to strike up conversation.

>how do i get social skills?
Getting shitfaced drunk before going to any event that implies interaction with other human beings.

no, I'm not

thanks

thanks for the advice

>how do i get social skills?
You start with staying off the Internet: No Facebook/Twitter/Social media, no Veeky Forums, no nothing on the Internet that's supposed to take the place of being actually social with actual people face-to-face.

GO OUTSIDE. Interact with people. There is no book you can read or video you can watch that builds social skills, you have to actually DO IT. It takes time and effort and experience. Don't expect results overnight, and don't expect to be the Life Of The Party or the most popular guy in your town either. You're who you are, deal with it, but GO OUTSIDE and meet/interact with people in person.

you made a similar thread another time right?

dude the dance classes thing is such a meme, they can smell the desperation, get friends from work or try another hobby

getting male friends should be your first goal

and get normie male friends

>tfw too self conscious of doing anything that involves dancing
For some reason whenever I think of dance I see myself dancing like in 3d person and that appears to me extremely cringe and terrifying.
Fuck this

What has worked for me is to assume that I am right in all situations and the other person is at fault.

where can i make these friends? what are good hobbies? I'm not very good at most sports tbqh

Go to a pub and watch games. Try to talk about them with other guys. If you get to be on their group for a while, buy them a round. If they're regulars, you might see them again the next weekend or so.

make small conversations with cashiers

Get your friends to introduce you to other people. Try meet others and force yourself to talk no matter how awkward. I was an autist in my early teens but through endless exposure and ALOT of fuck ups I ended up with a lot of friends and decent social skills.

I've never been into watching sports. don't think i can go to a bar and pretend I'm interested

>friends
i have zero friends

Don't listen to him, women fucking love a man who can dance.

just do it because you enjoy it, not because of trying to get laid. If you joined it to get laid, quit now because you're wasting your time, and put it into a hobby to grow yourself. But if you enjoy it, then stick with it

>makes you seem more approachable
someone had already approached you, dingus

im mostly doing it to spend less time in front of my computer, to gain a new skill/hobby... it is somewhat fun

problem is that I'm not very tall or attractive, so I'm worried no one will want to dance with me outside of class if i try going to a salsa dance somewhere

i know, i should have thought of something to say.
should i have just looked at my phone, at least it would seem like i was busy if i did, rather than idly staring at nothing

> 2. Relationship, dating advice, and "mental health" threads belong on

I hate small talk, I'm just too damn self-aware to be able to have "small talk".

I can't pretend like it isn't entirely stupid to talk about the weather or some dumb event that happened recently just to keep the conversation going. Or for example the Netflix & Chill meme, if I ever even got a girl at my place I couldn't just tell her to sit on the couch and put in a film pretending like we're about to go wholesomely watch a film and not at all start groping each other in 10 minutes, I can't just shut off my brain and go with it, it's just silly pretend.
How do I stop all this overthinking and literally shut my brain off?

Then be experimental. Small talk exists because people don't like to delve into something deep at the get go. I have tons of conversations where I bring up something of mild intelligence, only to have it disinterest or bore the person.

You should just jump right into whatever it is you want to talk about or whatever you deem suitable for the situation that isn't small talk. It's risky but you could get points for being unique.

same boat here user, not trying to sound edgy, but i couldn't give less shit about typical small talk. But i realised it's somewhat neccessary to do it to normies to not seem out of place.

>i still have trouble knowing what to say.. I've never been good at conversations

I think unpacking this statement would be beneficial. There is nothing that you are "supposed" to say. There are boring topics that everyone deals with which are near universal, and thus stereotypical, conversation topics ("the weather's weird lol" or "how bout them [local sports team]?"). No one likes to talk about these things and if you're bringing them up it might come off like you don't actually want to talk, but think not talking would be too awkward, so you're talking about the most boring possible thing.

If I had to give you advice pertinent to a subject, why don't you just look like you're having fun and a good time, try to radiate positivity, and then if they seem receptive ask them about themselves? Then if they respond, a conversation can go off naturally from there.

there are two ways this advice can be taken, and if you're serious, it needs to be accompanied with the disclaimer that you give no indication that you feel this way, it is merely to get you out of your own head and end your self-defeating self doubt

Wow. You sound really smart for your age. I'm sure you'll just do great in the real world.

women love a man who can dance the way they love a man with money. they would prefer to skip to the end, not be present for the development. not being anti-women this is just basic human psychology, men are the same way about attractive traits for women. there are of course exceptions where people feel validated or fulfilled from trying to build people up

>should i have just looked at my phone, at least it would seem like i was busy if i did,
nah if someone came up and said hi, and you immediately pulled out your phone you'd seem rude, not busy.
ask a question like "are you enjoying this class?" or talk about yourself in a way that tees them up to talk about themselves like "I've never taken a class like this before but it's good to gain a new hobby and meet some new people." And genuinely listen to what they have to say.
I'm pretty shy myself but I've learned recently that meeting new people is just an opportunity to practice just being yourself (ha meme) and being totally honest about it. If they don't like it then they weren't going to be a friend anyway, so there's no loss.
It's always better to be "a little out there, but nice" than "that guy who doesn't talk to anyone and is probably an active threat"
so don't have small talk? It really isn't necessary. and as I said up there, if someone is weirded out by you having more to say than "golly weather's been crazy lately, huh?" then you lose literally nothing by not having them in your life.
Talk about whatever's on your mind. Some people might be put off, but real close relationships are formed when people share their inmost thoughts, so the bonds you do form with those other people who don't like small talk will be tight as fuck.

this is some of the best advice so far user

Evrything 'wrong' with you can be solved by doing a contact martial art. Preferably bjj or wrestling etc.

When you the get the shit kicked out of you and learn how to kick the shit out of others, all these small problems seem insignificant.

Probably cause you've never had the capacity for cruelty, your niceness feels awkward and forced because it has no meaning. Being nice only has meaning when you have the capacity for cruelty.

>look like you're having fun and a good time, try to radiate positivity
how do you do this?

simplybodylanguage.com/
changingminds.org/techniques/body/body_language.htm

youtube.com/watch?v=aoL0-SKAH_A
youtube.com/watch?v=ODjE-_OB3JI

small talk is about emotional levity in the moment, not about talking about safe topics

you don't have to talk about what you're doing as you're doing it

thanks for the advice

I'm afraid of getting hurt tbqh, read about tendon and ligament injuries in bjj

thanks for the links

I've seen the movie before. it is interesting that part of the reason the guy gets the girl at the end is because he took swing dance lessons before