Lifting late at night

>not just bringing a raw onion with you

>Gym dragon hoarding all the 45lb plates
>No one specced gym stats into heat resistance except the hispanics in the manlet pit
>Put one on the others shoulders, they fit perfectly into a suit of armor
>Able to pass its fire
>They skipped leg day, get crushed under weight of dragons foot

The manager tried getting more plates, the fuckers took those too, tomorrow we're gonna tie a cardiobunny to a post as an offering

Vampires are weak to garlic, not onions

I've made a horrible mistake...

The local apothecary was entirely out of onions AND garlic.

I almost got burned on a pyre though, hunters almost confused my fasting fat-loss for sorcery.

Stay salty. There are L I T E R A L L Y no risks with Lycanthropy. You can also get the curse lifted if you decide you don't want to be on it anymore.

Bump into a gym skelly.
Falls apart into pile of bones.
Sifting through I find 15 gold pieces and a +2 Mace of Deadlifting.

>gym dues paid for a week

>Killing everything and everyone in an orgiastic ballet of death is not a risk

>Getting fucking mortally wounded with silver on the off chance someone is nearby to successfully plug the wound in the 30 odd seconds you have before you bleed out once the curse leaves your body is "just lifting the curse".

I know Witchers gotta eat, but comeon man this broscience literally gets dumb peasants killed (by you Witchers for my fucking coin).

>someone swapped the gym rat catcher’s poison with creatine
>now swole rats keep abducting people to slave in their own gym
>the gym witch hunter is going apeshit and forcing suspects to do CrossFit until they confess
>and an army of manlets with Mohawks has come to fight them off, but they steal all the benches

Gotta leave humanity behind man

Whats a good routine for someone wanting to be a hunter?

"c-can i work in "

youtube.com/watch?v=g3nR_4F1anI

>His face when

>gym elf keeps taking all the dumbbells
ffs

>go to gym
>apparently the gain goblin has been at it again
>3 skeletons appear with all gains stolen
>proceeds to do 3-man squat the bar
>ask if i can work in
>they spook me
what do? i can't even work out anymore

>payes

Guess you are a brainlet too.

>not having a gym gains goblin slayer
A common mistake for beginners

fuck a wolf I drink a potion and turn into a Werebear

This, tho don't forget any that might gobble up your gains in your own homestead when you're sleeping. I paid a professional just under 13 silvers last week to clean my attic of them. Check your town square's yellow parchments, under preternatural miscreant control.

>go to gym
>gym ogre is mad and is throwing onions at people
>pick some up and eat them
>double my gains
damn brehs today was a good day

>gym wizard is practicing necromancy again
>skellies everywhere

Bruh, you can't just eat an ogre's onions... You know that's their mating ritual right?
Either way bro, just watch out when you shower, or you might just get some free protein shakes.

the gym knights guard the showers where i lift

So, guys, I just finished my 1/2/3/4 and am looking for a bro-knight to be his brotege or squire.

Where can I best find a gym knight who can teach me the barbell fighting skills I need to become a full fledged knight?

>Notice the gym altar is freshly used
>Candles still lit
>No one around
>Yell to ask if someone’s using it
>No response
>Start unloading the scripture plates
>Candles all go out at once
>Nearly shit myself
>Go to the bathroom to make sure I didn’t
>Come back, candles are lit
Who else eating raw garlic with their onions?

>not knowing or caring about phantasmagorical gymgoers
>not checking your corporeal privilege

Nah just kidding, fuck those guys. It's not like they can do anything to you, kek

>tfw no succubus

kek

>Gym Demon Curses the Gym
>Who ever touches the barbells becomes gay
>Nothing Changes

>gym succubus has been preying on me for the past week
>couldnt resist any longer
>went in ready to trade my gains
>turns out sir chadalot slayed her last night
t-thanks chad.

Underrated as fucking balls

Realistically lads, how many Gym dopplers do you think are posting on Veeky Forums right now? I find it hard to believe that there are this many people with impressive stats

>400 years since the first Manlet was banished to the manlet pits
>recently we hear banging even though the pit has no equipment
>one day we decide to send a team in to rid the manlet menace once and for all
>naturally the shortest are chosen and armed with the finest chain of interlinked 2.5s
>the gates are never opened, manlets are thrown over when born
That is when they made the move
>turns out that the manlets made their own kingdom
>full army waiting by the gates in the finest stone battle plate
>managed to survive this long mining into the earth for the finest creatine and trading with the local gym druggies
Cont...

>the army charges
>the manager screams for the braphogs to pull the gates closed and man the walls
>ballista and catapults start to fire
>the siege has begun
>the dwarves climb the walls and get thrown off
>they try to batter the gate down but can't get enough speed on the ram because their ram is too close to the ground
>Chad manages to get the barbell harpoon working and takes aim
>within moment of unleashing a volley of barbell the manlets retreat
>they all head back to their mines apart from one bannerman
>he carefully opens his pack and rolls out a banner upfront
>we are learning

>We are learning
Stuff of nightmares.

bloodborne soundtracks are patrician desu

>be me
>going to my local gaincenter
>pass penis inspection
>pass scoop inspection
>my gym rat passes the ratXam
>tip the penis wetter, ass inspector, scoop collector and rattifier $20 each (gaincenter policy)
>open the doors
>"THE GYM IS CLOSED TODAY"

>mfw the manlet pit was still burning

well done

>doing seated- goat lifts in free weight section
>gym gargoyles suddenly rush the area, trying to melt the iron
>whatthefarquad.scroll
>roll to the squatting racks and grab a plate as a shield
>luckily there's an off-duty knight who grabs his sword and engages the gargoyles in holy combat
>notice a blue aura around the gargoyle's head
>recognize it as a dark sorcery
>thankssorceriesandspellcraftelective.quillpen
>gym sorcerer is in the corner twitching his hands
>flank him and take him out with my superior strength; tfw almost fell for the dex/int meme
>king rewards me and the off-duty knight with two big titted cardio wenches each
>gym sorcerer was sent to the whey mines for life
life is good

The gym witch cursed our squat rack. How do I get it lifted?

>Mummy inside my locker AGAIN

Underrated post..

then again, i could say this to every other post or this whole thread

jesus my sides are in orbit

>Walk into gym
>there's a nigger there now

>gym demons running around gym being fucking assholes
>have to change up whole routine to incorporate arm snapsx10
>head stomps x 8
>head buttsx5
This is just too much volume. I'm never going to make it at this rate

There seems to be quite the problem with black magic recently

At that rate you're essentialy doing cardio. Say bye bye to your gains

FUARK

my sides

nice one m80

>this is your average imperial gym
>this is why you sign up down the road at ze lady's gym where we use metric units and there's no curlpeasants and lift for strange women lying in ponds

well there are less horses at the imperial gym

>he can't ride horses

>Gym gnomes have been creeping out of the pit.
>dickhead pumpelstiltskin kidnapped the managers daughter.
>need to solve his riddles to complete my quest.
Help.

I Hope you realise the lady is stealing all your gains and giving them to the wood elves.
Why do you think the knights need the grail to keep up with Natties?

>implying a sip from the grail is not the ultimate /fraud/
>implying the lady is not just taking the monies and giving it to wood elves
chaos shits please go

YOU TAKE THAT BACK, IMPERIAL CUR!
Ze Lady has nothing but ze best in her aims for Bretonnia! I'd challenge you to a lifting duel, but I'm afraid my gym doesn't allow peasants.

And to be honest, ze Blessing of ze Lady is still natty. Learn to git gud, insolent mudbreed.

Pic related, it's you.

>he struggles lmao1curse
DYEL

they're skeletons nigga just knock em down with the barbell every few minutes

>mods keeping this retarded thread alive
>a thread died for this

The ass to grass ritual

Are Vampires soyboys and Werewolves onionchads?

Watch what you say, or you might end up in the labyrinth with the pajeets

>Entire gym is a raging inferno
>There are two paths to which the flame hasn't yet spread: the first leads to the emergency exit, the other is a significantly longer path leading to the prancercise machine
>Have to pick a path, lest the fire pick one for me
>tear through the smoke and embers, finally reach a clearing
>all the machines are taken

i forgot how good this soundtrack is thanks

>be me
>walk into the gym
>gym bishop is selling indulgences for sins like deadlifting without chalk AGAIN
>another gym patron has enough, nails 95 theses on the Smith machine
>heresies like denying the godhood of Zyzz, claiming Scooby is the natty limit and advocating for soy
>many other gymgoers rally behind him, they've had enough
>holy gym emperor is furious, orders the heretic siezed and thrown into the manlet pit
>the gym-elector of Dumbellburg offers shelter to the schismatics
>soon the gym is split in two; the gym Pope orders all the heretics stripped of their gains
>hell breaks loose
>gym is now in the middle of the Thrity Reps War
Hate when this happens.

>Walk into gym

>Hear the deafening whirr of all 200 treadmills at once

>Ted's skelegate armies are working out again

...

>choose to lift some weights at 1 AM since this works out with my job schedule + a complete gym just for you
>I am all alone in the vast gym room
>the sound of lights flickering is the only sound that saves me from total silence
>I feel sad because of inner loneliness
>I tear up as I lift and sob to myself...

go right ahead bro, you clearly need to do your squats

kek

Fucking gym ogre is hogging all the plates for his retarded swamp exercises again.
youtube.com/watch?v=C4YyfAm4LKc

>Finishing a set on the bench
>really exhausted and just wanna get a drink
>take two steps without wiping the bench down
>oh god no
>gym gestapo approaching rapidly
>after a "lawful" beating I'm forced to clean the manlet pits after hours for 2 weeks

I'm only 3 days in and I can't take it anymore, the worst are the overnight "guest". Fucking biters.

>not lifting in the morning when the vampires and werewolves are in slumber
>not lifting in the Holy Church's gym

>gym king has levied a gains tax on the gym peasants
>the natty knights don't even have to pay it

>tfw gym paladin says a prayer and I get blessed with sacred squats
Praise the Lord.

>Stay on the roads
>Stay off the moors

>tfw the gym dragon ate my father again and I'll have to rescue him at the belly of the dragon and slay it

Well onions and garlic are both allium plants, right? Maybe if you have enough onion, or you boil down onion juice so it's more concentrated, it'll at least buy you some time to finish your set?

This post has my consent.

>ze lady's gym
what and deal with all the Blessing'd out grail knights? yeah no

>drinking Umgak elf water
>not an honest pint of bugman's
IN THE BOOK

>an army of manlets with Mohawks has come to fight them off, but they steal all the benches

How the FUCK do you stop the gym reaper from killing your gains?
I swear he's even worse than the gains goblins

>scotch tape on the plates to hold them together
ya boi is missing his sides

>Doing max deadlifts 6 plates
>astartes walks into gym
>asks if he can work in
>warms up with my max

>his primarch comes in later and warms up with the astartes max

>not being so tall the rake cant reach your knees
it always sucks to be a manlet

somehow i pictured chad as this guy