Gym trombonist is off tempo again

>she

>gym band is playing in weird time-signatures
>can't follow the beat

I fucking hate this, my workout is a lot better when i'm on beat

is that really a dude?

made for bbc

>gym is playing autechre

>gains goblins escaped into the manlet pit
>manlets ate all the gains
>are now threatening to escape the pit
the gym militia has issued a call to arms, wish me luck lads

>gym octopi escaped and opened the hawk cage
>manlets being carried off to the nests to be fed to the hawklings
>barbells are being used to hunt down the predators

>gym excavator out of service again
>manlet pit about to spill over

Pit orchestra got devoured by the manlets

So awful to watch

I should start going to the gym more often

>onion day at gym
>help myself to 2 onions
>didnt get caught

>2 gym tribes were at war again
>no barbells left because one tribe used them to create a phalanx

>someone is squatting in the yoga rack again

D E V I L I S H

>forgot my squat plug at my home
>had to beg the gym emporer to use the loaner plug
>yes, but I must scrub the manlet pit first
>have to kick the manlets off my boots and leathers while I remove stains and bodily fluids from the walls
>going to have to visit the gym cobbler again because one of them bit through my boot
Is it all really worth it

>gym stock market crashes
>PRs drop 30% in a day

this is my favorite

Absolute morons using such short weapons in phalanx. The resistance band slingers will wipe them out before their line gets anywhere near the free weight infantry

>chaging in the locker room
>take off my lifting shoes
>didn't realize i was being watched
>without my shoes i'm 5'11.9
>get thrown into the manlet pit

when will i learn?

>take out 3000 lbs worth of puts on PR futures
>cash in when the market crashes
>can now squat lmao15plate and bench lmao10plate

>attacked on my way to the gym well by a gang of zumba lanklets
>gym witcher has cast spell and turned all pl8s into shake weights
>my wheyfu was captured by gym ogre and held captive in gym cave
>manlet pit is becoming overcrowded and rogue manlets are running free in free weights area

>Some fucking retard tried smoking some creatine in the gym bathrooms
>Smoke alarms and sprinklers going off
>Manlet pit is slowly filling up with water
>The gym breathes a sigh of relief after the catastrophic loss of life, everyone wanted to cull the herd, but nobody wanted to admit it
>A little later we notice some strange behaviour in the manlet pit, some of them aren't drowning
>Some are actually clinging to the floating corpses and have mastered the art of buoyancy
>The water level is still slowly rising
>The new breed of manlets are riding their way out of the pit on the bloating, minuscule corpses of their former comrades

The manlets...
They are learning

i hate this shit

i got drafted into the gym cavalry when i signed up and this is insufferable when it happens. the gym ledger should have a no hoplite formation rule

>request Ismail oro from gymnasia orkestar
>they play chopin instead
>fall asleep doing deadlifts
>nocturne in snap city

>spot by bro doing squats
>forgot to say "no homo"
>we're now dating
>fight all the time on if we should be doing arms or chest today

Don't make my mistake anons.

The day of liberation is coming, longman. Pray that you aren't on the purge list.

Who put internet in the manlet pit?

this thread is getting out of control

>be me
>go to the gym in my local kinoplex
>pass mandatory penis inspection
>pass non-gay test (aka suck a dick and make sure yours isn't hard)
>passed the am-straight test (be enraged while robert fingers your waifu/gf)
>tipped everyone accordingly
>dodged the kinovultures who were looking for easy prey
>killed the leader of the beaver tribe which tried to dam my way
>ordered a bucket of crablegs with low-fat butter
>sprinted my way through the minotaur circle
>climbed my way out of tartarus' grease pit with my pinkies
>weaved through the various traps set by the KinoAI using the kinoportal gun
>crashed through hermes' quark-trap
>went around the fires of mount doom
>flew with the eagles to reach Hall XIII
>killed three laser-bots in the kino games
>solved the sphinx's riddle
>tried to fly solo to Hall XIV
>Crashed my plane with one survivor
>finally reach kinogym
>"closed for maintainance"
>mfw

THE PURPLE PIPER PLAYS HIS TUNE
THE CHOIR SOFTLY SING

isn't that the one that also shits itself and posts about it.

fucking disgusting

>speedrunning minotaur circle
enjoy no xpgains

>replaced powerlifter section squat plugs with dildos
>they don't even realize they're gay now

I think I screwed up my Minotaur circle for I am now lost in a labyrinth. How do I fix it?

Easy there satan.

A LULLABY IN AN ANCIENT TONGUE

==FOR THE COURT OF THE CRIMSON KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!==

>==
go abck

No thanks retard, this is the only fun board on Veeky Forums.

>few months ago
>one user makes a chuckle worthy post about a manlet pit
>every dystopian gym thread is forever ruined by Veeky Forums‘s lack of creativity

Actually it's "three lullabies"
Good job user, you fucked up
You ruined it all
Thanks faggot

>tfw I invented the manlet pit meme and I like where Veeky Forums has taken it
Just have some laffs m8, if you don't like the stories, make one.

>these faggots who have no coue about /tv/ culture

These are all spin-offs of the kinoplex memes created by anons who browse both boards.

Kinoplex threads are even weirder and better

Veeky Forums has been making these threads since the board first came out. It started off more gym-focused (anus inspection day) but it quickly devolved and became more random over time. (lord of the lifts etc). I'm not sure when the kino stories started, but for a long time Veeky Forums was considered a more active meme-machine than most other boards, I'm inclined to believe Veeky Forumszens who crosspost started the same kinds of threads there instead of vice versa. /tv/ had a pretty minimal presence until baneposting took off.

/tv/ still has insane kinoplex threads and has way more material to work with than movable weights.

Who here /anvil squats/

Hahaha I've been doing pull-ups 5x5 twice a week in preparation for this day. When the manlets go on their rampage I'll just grab onto the bar until they go home at the end of the day

trips of truth
>tfw hunting the gym necromancer so all the skellys perish

Hahahahahahah How The Fuck Is The Manlet Uprising Going To Be Real Hahahahah Nigga Just Stand On A Chair Like Nigga Close Your Eyes Haha

>resistance line over the manlet pit broke

Goodbye, 401scoops

looks like your gym is in need of a hero
>its dangerous to go alone. Take this

>Be me, a gains goblin
>go around stealing Chad's gains by feeding him beer and tofu
>Bringing the gains back to the goblin king (pic related)
>Chased by horde of skellies trying to get their gains back
>Run to get away
>Accidentally run too fast and do cardio
>All the gains are lost
>Goblin king sentences me to crossifition

>leave house to go to gym, making sure to bring my gym tokens so i can buy plates at the plate dispenser
>local gym decides to adopt a no-singles policy
>tfw no gf
>have to go to another gym across town
>this gym only accepts gym doubloons as currency
>exchange bureau wont take my gym tokens
>manlet laughs at me holding massive bags of gym doubloons because he sold all his gym tokens before the market crashed
>he tosses me a gym doubloon because he felt bad for me
>it was only enough to buy a 10 pound medicine ball for 20 minutes

...

>death metal
>posts Evanescense
You fucking babby

>bring a bag of Kale to the crossfit annex as an offering
>pelted with medicine balls

these types of threads have been around for years, /v/ does the same thing for games that don't exist for example. you could probably even trace this meme all the way back to /b/ when fingeboxes were a thing

>Hurt my rotator cuff doing bench presses
>Buy a medicine ball
>Puncture a hole in it and drink all the medicine
>shoulder still hurts
>but at least I gained 10 lbs

We can get whatever we want, lankshit. We dig deep and far. We find the cables.
By the way, be careful. One of these days you might get a impaled with a bar while shitting. But i bet you'll enjoy that.

Ahahahahah

>gym philosopher starts questioning the existence of gains

...

>he doesn't bring his own fairy muse to float by his ear and sing to him.

>Gym auditor discovered the manlet pit was 2 and half inches shallower than federal standards
>have to let all the manlets out so it can be adjusted and i have to pay a fine
Fuck

Lol

The virgin phalanx vs the chad maniple

>Shorted a bunch of gains prior to crash
>PRs up by 400%

Thinking about reinvesting my gains in manlet pit realestate. Is this viable?

>gym harmoniemusik ensemble is playing Igor Stravinsky's Octet

>tfw you forget to bring change for the plate dispenser
>too autistic to ask for change at the front desk
>wait for a chad to finish and steal his plates out of the trash

low point of my life desu. I'm pretty sure someone saw me too

...

>forget to tip gym receptionist last week
>gym receptionist "forgets" to book my gym hours in this week

>lifting at one of those 24 hour gyms
>little did i know that Fit4Less has a gym clown
>doing DB press and gently drop the weight from waist height
>OOOPS! alarm goes off sending out the posse of gym clowns
>gym clowns cartwheel towards me
>get sit up and get 10 cream pies to the face
>get raped
>give me an onion for being a good sport after

a-at least i still get that high T

As the manlet cutoff constantly rises, more and more space has to be created for new manlets. Solid investment

>"oh boy my fav gym just reopened after remodeling!!!"
>go to church of iron
>A fucking chad ive never seen b4 is receptionist
>"h-hi, im a past member h-here 2 lift! :D"
>chad says that past members have been revoked.
>my purse of gym coin is worthless
>chad feels bad for me, signs me up
>"oh and user, new policy, the universal manlet maximum is now 4'10"
>fuckingwot.jpg
>"and gym coins are earned over there..."
>chad points at skeeball machine
>skeeball over run with manlets forming human chain to the skeeball 100pt holes to get maximum gym coin
>mfw when gym over run with manlets
>mfw cant score more than 5 pts on skee ball machine
>mfw can only afford yoga mat for 10 mins every day
>mfw manlets are stronger than ever and intimidate me on my pleb mat
it fucking sucks guys, what do?

WHO

Underrated

>Gym moved the squating field next to the manlet pit
>onion falls out of back pocket, knocking my water bottle over
>spills into the manlet pit, right on a 5'11 soyboy
>mfw the cold water simulated a cold shower and made his dick grow to a foot long
>mfw my gym still practices the 12 inch rule and I'm chosen to replace the manlet
I had to eat my weight in kale to finally be reinstated as a normal human

did you drink their semen?
everyone knows gym clown cum has the highest T

>gym wizard banished my gains
>mage tower in squat rack

was he rushing or dragging?

There's one day I'll never forget may 11 2011
>Be a longman, lifting at the gym
>Halfway through my set I hear everyone gasp and see them look at the tv
>Set the weight down see the news is on
>Just in time to see the second plane hit the north tower
>Everyone on board killed, they play a video of some short dude in a cave shouting in a language I don't understand
>Too numb to hear anything, I have no idea how long I sat there for watching the buildings burn
>Mfw the I lifted through the 5/11 attacks
Just like everyone else when I got home I checked the internet to learn as much as I could about what happened. Apparently some manlets snapped and flew 2 planes into tall buildings idk.

I think... that may... hmm... be the umm... joke

>Arms Day
>Gonna curl in the squat rack
>Men in adidas tracksuits are taking up my curling space
>Turns out the slav migration to the gym has caused them to flock to the squat rack
>Lose out on gains, they call me a Kurwa

feels bad man

>Gym Vanguard is asleep at his post
>We get invaded by the Prussians AGAIN

>head to gym, notice a change in staff members
>receptionist says I'm required to fill out my starsign details for the new gym astrologist, the old one was good, but wasn't able to divine exactly how many gains they would get from their workout, damn horoscope programmers
>directed to the new guys office
>he takes one look at me and my sheet and starts gently weeping
>ohshit.jpg
>he apologises and says my gains are terminal
>gives me a medicine bottle with tape crudely labelled 'hgh'
>says it's soy milk, but I'll need to hold onto it
>"fuck that I don't want no soy milk, why are my gains terminal?!"
>he insists it's a ward to improve my chances of survival
>that's all spooky hocus pocus, the other guy just said we would have a great challenge to overcome all the time, and he was 100% accurate.
>take the bottle and make way for a squat rack
>notice some idiot was unloading a bar from one side only
>Decide not to say anything and watch the fun
>bar flips up and dislodges a vent, which swings at me
>I sidestep and topple into the manlet pit
>within seconds I was swarmed and set upon, the manlets were gnawing at my legs
>suddenly they stop and clear off, I see them holding the bottle up and fighting amongst themselves
>I had to crawl up the waist-height barrier with only my arms to get out and was attended to appropriately
>Spent a week recovering in the lcu (longman care unit), and the manlets were put down
>I never doubted the gym astrologist again

>Gym AI has given me 8 years in the cube for illegal cyber mods
YOU SAID I WOULDN'T GET CAUGHT! Fuck you /fraud/!

I went all in on squats today and ended up in snap city cause of the dip

J U S T
U
S
T

>larper detected
post portfolio faggot

>gym sirens hanging out by the dumbbells
>have to plug my ears when i walk to the squat rack

>gym mime keeps installing an invisible wall in the squat rack
>lose all my gains in my legs
>gain a broken nose from walking into the invisble wall too fast

Anyone know where I can get some invisible demo equipment? It's been three weeks now and I can't get in.

>manlet escaped the pit and is using the normal people water fountain