"Hey user, you're in really good shape, can you help me slim down?"

Bruh are you me? Ive had this same conversation with people before. I at least give them option 3

"Well at least cut out sugar and refined carbs from your diet, and eat more protein/healthy fats."

>"But I dont want to deprive myself of those small joys that get me through the day/dont want to cook for myself regularly."

Told that to my friend
>when cutting drink more water as it can make you feel more full
His response
>I don't like the taste of water
I wanted to fucking kill him. A grown ass adult complaining about having to drink water

When they do come with you to the gym they just complain or aren't ready to do a set, basically a 1 hour workout turns into 2 hours and is much less fulfilling.

Then they don't want to come back the next day or two.

I workout alone now, or with my GF. I don't have the time or the patience to try and help someone.

God I hate fat fucks. Forcible conscription for obese motherfuckers when

I can just imagine it now.

"user's DIET FAT BURNERX...now with green tea extract and caffeine for extra weight-loss"

Actually. Not a bad idea. Yoink.

hahaha love the book title.

I've tried to explain to people that Sugar is bad in the simplest way that I can, but they still look at me like I am spouting nonsense.

What gets me the most is they won't listen to you despite the fact that the results speak for themselves, the end results is what inspired them to ask you for advice in the first place but since the advice isn't what they want to hear then they assume it is bullshit.

sugar is bad in what way?

i did keto for a week, didn't feel any better, actually felt worse

Imagine going to war with North Korea...and instead of nuking them, we just airdrop in an army of sweating angry hamplanets armed with machettes and a killcount foodbox strapped to their chest that deposits a krispy kreme for every 10 they dismember.

You'd never stop them. In fact if you supplied them with bbq sauce they'd probably clean up the corpses as well for dessert.

youtube.com/watch?v=-YZnORoAWkA

Fanks and yeah can relate. I had a 19 year old new starter at my workplace grimacing at the amount of water I drink...then he tried explaining that the Monster green he was drinking was better because of the sugar.

When I basically facepalmed and tried explaining in small words why he was wrong (did we evolve drinking Monster? Nope) he then said that the government just wants you to drink water because they're doing things to it and that I shouldn't trust everything I read on the internet about water being good for me.

Not even joking. I swear to god on my mother's life that's an actual conversation I had.

I need a new job...

That's keto flu user. It can last anywhere up to a couple days (like mine) to 2 weeks. If it's too unberable, you can cut sugar and carbs down incrementally instead of going cold turkey

Keto for a week won't put you in ketosis. Keto is not for everyone and it is not the be all end all, just limit sugar and carbs and you'll be just fine. The carbs you do eat should come from fibrous vegetables.

Sugar does nothing for you expect cause insulin spikes, same with any other food that has a high glycemic index.

they want to know your magic secret. there is absolutely no way you are counting calories or fasting in their mind.
they want muh path of least resistance

goddamn what a retard, sounds like a conspiracy nut as well. I knew a conspiracy nut who was also a vegan, dude was fat as fuck as well because he would basically just eat potato chips and PBJ Sandwiches all day.

But that didn't stop him from spouting how unhealthy and dangerous eating meat is. He was also convince that despite me being in better shape, he could out perform me in anything athletic because of his cleaner fuel source.

When I offered him a challenge of any activity of his choice, he turned it down and scoffed

"it would be a waste of my time because I already know I would win"

As user said, ketu flu - it's real and not a meme. Expect tiredness, lowered performance, brainfog and even nigh-on bipolar mood changes between intensely cheerful to "what is the fucking point in all this?" from one day to the next for the first week.

Bonus is that when you get through it, you feel fantastic, have mental clarity unlike anything else, a low appetite, consistent weight-loss AND the kinda odd need to stay on it for a fair while because you know from experience just how much it sucks getting back into ketosis.

Can recommend. Not for life, but it's a definite good way of losing weight easily without wanting to kill yourself.

Source is myself - 100+lbs down, 70 of which were on a balanced diet, 30 of which were on keto and made we wish I'd just done keto from the fucking start.

>wow user, you lost so much weight!
>>yeah, 70 pounds so far
>wow, that's a lot! how'd you do it?
>>nothing too drastic. I just cut out soda and snacks, started eating more whole meals like oatmeal and chicken instead of fast food
>haha I can't give up my 4000 calorie coffee every morning. I would literally die!
>>ok well good luck then

Just give them a jar of DNP and let them die.

Exactly,

also the final assumption that they make is that you must be on Steroids.

Christ. They walk among us. So organised Veeky Forums cull of specialists when?

keto is horrible for your health
its just a diet for people with absolutely no self control or are too braindead to count calories.
>muh carbs are evil
yeah eating 5 family size bags of potato chips washed down with a gallon of soda is bad combined with sitting on your ass all day.
some fruit base or grain based carbs that arent heavily processed? Excellent source of energy that the human body is designed to utilize

>Taking a caffeine pill at the end of the day at work, about to hit the gym.
>co-worker see me
>"whats that user?"
"Caffeine pills"
>"that is super dangerous and bad for your heart"
"its healthier than a large coffee loaded with cream and sugar"
>"the caffeine in those pills is more dangerous than any amount of cream or sugar, you'll see"
"alrighty"

Gave me a good fucking kek

To be fair. I like this idea.

Not sure if that makes me a bad person...

Meh.

>be 8 % bodyfat all my life
>do dryfasting and omad

Thats so extreme user you are already so lean ???

stupid fatass get cancer

Except if you don't fucking utilize it it becomes fat.
Keto is for people who are sedentary. You shouldn't eat carbs if you aren't going to use the energy they provide.

No you retard, but you are spewing advanced partial advanced knowledge on people who dont know shit. Make an effort yourself and come up with something easy to do. I always tell people how I started. Cut sugary drinks out and eat 1/4 smaller portions. Its easy to follow and stick with it. It is also easy to visualize if you just eat your normal portions but eat only 3/4 of them. If they can stick with this baby steps, they will soon start seeking knowledge themselves.

Did she really call you an asshole? I helped some landwhale to slim down drastically, she had so much willpower to change herself though

how hard is it for brainlets to understand "don't eat breakfast and don't eat at night and check your watch twice" fucking Christ

That is some shit advice. Those people got memed hard by the "breakfast is the most important meaa of the day" ad and eating at night is starting to be pretty normal with todays lifestyles. I have no idea what you mean by checking your watch twice.

You gotta tell them the easiest least intrusive shit you can come up. No drastic changes. No optional advice. A baby steps.

>cut sugary drinks
>B-but I like them
Then tell them to take a glass of water with every glass of sugar drinks. Baby steps.

>that pic
it's more effort to turn your hat around or put on glasses than to put your hand up to your eye for a couple of seconds

It's also easier in the long run to kill yourself for being born a sandshit

To normies IF = anorexia and the person probably told everyone OP knows that he starves himself

>check watch at noon
>eat
>check watch at 8
>stop eating

I think much more annoying than people asking for advice and not taking it is people who negatively influence others who are actually willing to take advice.

Someone in a Facebook group asked for exercises she could do after work to lose weight ASAP for one of her next cosplays, so I linked her to some intense cardio workout vids on YouTube. Lo and behold, a fatty immediately starts harassing my comment with "NO DUMMY, U DUN NEED TO DO SPORTS TO LOSE WEIGHT, CALORY COUNTING IS ENOUGH! SHE MIGHT HAVE AHIGH METABOLISM LIKE ME! I'VE LOST 4 POUNDS JUST FROM CALORY COUNTING AND THE OCCASSIONAL PIZZA, TEEEHEEEE!"

>mfw judging by her profile pic's fat cheeks and her few posted full-body pics she weighs at least 200lbs

Normies actually have a life so it's harder to stick to diets. You can't refuse qt's and the boys drinks and stuff like that, peer pressure is huge when you have many friends.

>was also a vegan, dude was fat as fuck

lol I remember my first year of college there was this vegan girl that managed to gain a ton of weight over the course of the year. Turns out she was one of those HAES people, fucking insufferable and everyone quickly learned she was fucked in the head. Hope she's better now.

Don't call it "intermittent fasting", just say you have coffee for breakfast so you can have normal meals later, otherwise you can eat breakfast but all your meals are kind of small.

IF sounds super scary and normies don't understand.

>Think I'll start telling them that I drank whale semen every other tuesday while dancing around marinated gopher intestines instead in future.
You're a britfag aren't you? Something about the manner of speaking.

>telling them to track calories
The fat normie wont even have to do this.
Just have them eat 3 meals a day of non-junk food and fat-shame them whenever they feel like giving in

hahaha yeah man, I love that you instantly knew I was dealing with a woman.

I get accused of starving myself all the time, then I'll eat lunch with a bunch of people and put down 1000 calories worth of food in one sitting. Look over at them and say: "How's that for starving myself"

Their response is usually "just wait until your metabolism slows down from doing that, you'll get fat"

I bet she posts daily fat acceptance shit like:

>Bones are for dogs, meat is for men
>Real women have curves
>Healthy at any size (unless your thin)

You can still go out and enjoy yourself, the best way to deal with peer pressure if you don't want to drink is to tell them you are taking medication that you can't take with alcohol, this will shut them the fuck up and they won't be persistent.

I've tried and all I get is them telling me that black coffee on an empty stomach is going to give me ulcers.

Just started saying alright whenever I hear the dumbest claims with no sources, facts or personal background with the claim.

>normies feel free to insult/tease me about shit because im an autist
>i laugh about it and tease/mock/insult them about something
>they get upset and call me an angry asshole who cant take a joke about myself

having the same problem
>both of my friends want to come with me to the gym bc they noticed ive gained some muscle
>on about my 9th week of gslp
>they come inside and do a bro split routine, using machines to target shoulders/chest
>doing squats/bench press
>tell me that i should target muscle groups specifically and let them rest for the rest of the week
>keep nagging me that i need to rest my legs more, and that i shouldnt squat 2 times a week, along with front squatting w/ power cleans

how do i convince them that bro splits aren't optimal? i dont want to see them fail desu

Vegans pride themselves on plant based diets but 99% just eat grain based diets.

Vegans really only get thinner b/c it so severely restricts the amount of food you are able to eat.

nice didgets

I think we've all had this same experience, turns out normalfags are just ruled by their own addictions and most people don't have the drive to get over bad habits. I know plenty of people who are brilliant technically but can't get their shit together enough to count calories. It pisses me off. Fitness is literally the most autistic hobby possible, you're just turning every single part of your life into numbers and tracking incremental gains over periods of time, how does this not appeal to nerds?

I did manage to get my ex gf to try IF though, that was a fucking endeavor. Previously she would get hunger pangs so bad in the morning she would turn into a raging bitch and abuse me until I fed her. I convinced her to try IF and now she can go without food for a little while without hurting me. Stupid fucking cunt desu.

All hope is lost.

>being such a energyless cuck that you need caffeine

>lunch at work
>Girl asks me what I normally eat for breakfast
>Say I don't eat breakfast
>Everyone stops eating and looks at me like I just crushed a chihuahua under my foot
>Wow user that's really unhealthy though

>tfw 25 years old and have never drank coffee, energy drinks, and never drink sugary soda or anything like that either
>still wake up at 6:30 AM and go to bed at 11 PM every night with no issues

>oh I only eat one meal a day
>thats really unhealthy
lmao, biggest mistake you can do is tell normies anything about your diet or lifting
almost got shit for drinking water only

>"Hey user, you're in really good shape, can you help me slim down?"
>"SLIM DOWN WHAT ARE YOU SOME KINDA FAGGOT LIFT BIG EAT BIG MASS MONSTER I DO MEDICINE BALL EXERCISES WITH ATLAS STONES BITCH"

>biggest mistake you can do is tell normies anything about your diet or lifting

>turns out normalfags are just ruled by their own addictions and most people don't have the drive to get over bad habits

These really sum it all up.

This is the worse response ever. Makes me want to send them to a 3rd grade class to show them that water has no odor, no color, AND NO FUCKING TASTE BESIDES SOME RETARDED MG OF SODIUM THAT IS WAY GREATER IN SODA. FUCK NORMIES REEEEEE

literally the best advice you can give to someone new is to not drink calories and to make sure they get a significant amount of fibrous vegetables in their diet. calorie counting works physiologically, of course, but the psychological deprivation is too much for almost everyone.

>work in healthcare field
>coworkers eat like absolute shit (soda, fast food, candy/sweets, etc)
>every morning i eat bran cereal and/or granola for breakfast and have a few eggs with my same sandwich at lunch
>they make fun of me for eating the same stuff every day

i know im a twig but at least i dont eat/drink the shit they do

>"it would be a waste of my time because I already know I would win"
NANI

parents tell me that everyday, non stop, it's like they're retarded. during summer they see me do if, and they're somewhere between "your meal is too large" and "you're starving yourself" and during bulking season they complain about how much i'm eating despite the fact that i'm eating chicken or tune with rice or cheap pasta ffs while they're chugging down wine, whiskey and cakes

>then I'll eat lunch with a bunch of people and put down 1000 calories worth of food in one sitting. Look over at them and say: "How's that for starving myself"

thats some grade a autism

>NYRs ask for advice
>tell them my autism to the detail
>they assume I'm bullshitting
>they all assume I roid

>fat ass with muffin top and man tits at 230
>Loose 80-90 pounds and look good by normie standards but dyel by fit standards
>Friends gf who is 200 pounds asks me how to loose weight
>Count calories whole foods , drink only water , run , little to no junk food etc
>"Okay thanks user"
Fast forward a year later
>I'm fookin joociy thanks to fit
>New year rolls around ,Friends gf again asks how to loose weight
>Tell her the same stuff, get her a list of groceries,tell her to prep meals
>"Okay thanks user"
Week later
>Ask how the meal prepping is going
>"Oh it's too hard and I don't have enough time, so I don't do it anymore"
>Well she can still eat healthy right?
>Every other Snapchat story is her going out to eat and eating high calorie sugary food or sitting at home eating shitty food
>Making my friend fat too

>I can't give up my 4000 calorie coffee
>coffee
I tell these people it's not a coffee, it's a damn milk sundae with a splash of coffee flavoring.

That is pretty extreme you retard, but then again you aren't 8% and you're shitposting

A U T I S M O

>I don't like the taste of water
Now this gets me going like nothing else

They should refuse to breathe air unless it's flavored.

You just gave me a business idea, user...

someone beat you to the punch...

Soon.

And I want to take you into the world, where water has flavor based on the source. Tap water, fountain water, bottle water, anything. Pure H2O has no flavor, but you are never, ever drinking pure H2O. Everything that winds up in water, like minerals, impacts the flavor.

this

i really hate the flavor of bottled water, it tastes like too pure. my refrigerator water is my favorite

>drink a lot of water
>eat less
>make protein a big percentage of food intake
>do weights or cardio
Its really simple actually, you dont need that reddit IF bullshit or counting macros

You better be female.

In NY, people go to certain delis and specifically ask for tap water, because the water from that particular place is good. People that spout "water has no flavor" are intellectual midgets stuck in 3rd grade.

mental midgets*

I hate how most bottled water tastes so plasticy, but I'm not paying the italian jew for glass bottles of san pallengrino or that other shit

>Eat less, move more.
All you had to say instead of being an autists.
Telling a normie to count calories and fast? Yeah right.

>I have an eating disorder
>Lol, just stop eating entirely

KEK

>"user I feel fat, wanna lose weight"

I suggest cutting out sodas, sugary snacks and stuff, working out daily. Changing of lifestyle basically.

>"But I want to enjoy my life you know"

Of course a woman, not a gf thanks god.

why

say "I am the one with the muscle."

>potato chips are carbs

To an extent this is true. Nonetheless plants are a lot less calorie dense than animal products (duh) thus by default you are consuming less calories.

I do IF and OMAD sometimes and on fast day can eat a shitton of food. Think like 500g pasta in one sitting with vegetables etc. just for a meal.

pour it into a glass cup or ceramic mug

They want a 1-step solution

"Take this magic pill once a day and lose all your belly fat. Nutritionists hate him!"

>inb4 DNP