/fph/ barely human edition

she's fat and she has fake breasts
user, you should really try /nofap/

i thought we wanted to leave humanity behind
im confused
were all the scoops for nothing?

Heyyyyyyy, my grandmother lives there...

>she has fake breasts
you must be new here....

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>la creatura

>shitlet confirmed

>you will never hate fatties so much that you carry around chicken broth to dump on them when they do fatty shit

I got a fresh one for you, fit. It literally happened just now, 6am, 03/02/2018 London time. Well, it began more than three hours ago, fuck, even three or four days ago, but we'll get to that in a minute.

>be living in shared housing, five rooms, two bathrooms, two floors, a kitchen. A typical English hive, shit conditions, but quite cheap for the area.
>Two rooms and a bathroom on the top floor, two rooms (including mine) and a bathroom on the middle, one room and the kitchen on the ground floor.
>since its the UK, the corridors are tiny. I mean it, you burgers have no idea how cramped everything is in this country.
>At the top floor, there lives this HUGE old bastard. Huge by UK standards anyway. Around 150 kg.
>He's 70 years old or so, been living here for a year
>In this time, all I ever saw him eat was Sainsburys prepared meals, chocolate cakes, sweet rolls, and drink liters of soda.
>He always smelled bad, me and another housemate would always vacate the kitchen when he came to munch on one of his abominable "meals", which was often
>Couple days back, I notice the guy hasn't been in the kitchen for a while
>Think nothing of it, I work all day, go to the gym 5 times a week for BJJ and lifting, so I'm not around most the time
>But one day, this Thursday, I come upstairs for the first time in months, because the top bathroom has a scale, and I wanted to use it, because the gym one got busted.
>And what do I see on the floor? The fat bastard. I nearly jump out of my skin, think "oh shit, the fat bastard done got himself a coronary", but no! He smiles at me, and says "Allright? Sorry if I startled you, I'm just laying here because my back is killing me, and there is no carpet in my room. I'll be up in a minute"
>I think its mighty weird, ask him a couple questions, he seems lucid enough, so I use the scale and fuck right off downstairs.

Fast forward to Friday night.

Pic in this post is a fat guy similar in size, not our patient though.

>I heard some typical sounds from upstairs in the days following, so I thought the fat bastard was doing his usual fat things, like eating mounds of cake from his minifridge and drinking mountain dew by the bucket. Thought nothing more of the incident.
>But on Friday night, as I lay awake in bed around 3 am, I hear my other housemate from downstairs, a lovely elderly African lady, we'll call her Jill, talking loudly to the fat bastard
>It doesn't sound good, and I hear the phrase "on the floor"
>Oh shit.jpg
>I go up, and right enough, I see the fat bastard, lying on the floor.
>We ask him a couple questions, he's totally out of it, doesn't know what day it is and thinks he's in his bed.
>Jill calls emergency, her English isn't very good, so they redirect her to non-emergency, finally she gets me to explain the situation and they send an ambulance after about 20 minutes of talking
>the ambulance guys arrive in 7 more minutes, take a look, say "fuck it, I'm not doing my back in over this", call another crew.
>All the while asking him questions and doing obs, it doesn't look good even to my eye, I can see the monitor from where I'm lurking, his BP is 200/120, o2 sat at 85 and fluctuating wildly, heartrate at 150.
>Second ambulance crew comes along, they get a liter of fluind into him after finding a suitable vein on his FOOT, they couldn't find one anywhere else, fucker is too fat
>They get one of those inflatable thingies to try and sit him up so they can get his fat arse downstairs to the stretcher.
>No cigar.jpg The guy is dead weight, he's just falling through their hands, his gut spilling every which way, tiny shrunken penis trying to flop, but failing to do so due to being recessed into his pannus, all the time insisting he's ok, and moaning in pain whenever they move him. Totally delirious.
>The main guy says fuck it, he calls in a fire crew.

>The fire guy takes a look, and goes "welp, its the bariatric treatment for this gent, Josh, pass me the saw, Rick, get the sheet."
>They commence to cut down the barriers, as shown on the pic.
>Rick brings the "sheet", which by the looks of it is something used to lift injured livestock. A heavy tarpaulin with handles, basically.
>They get the fat bastard on the sheet, and proceed to roll, push and inch him along, first over the cut down ballustrades, then down the stairs, then around a corner, then down a corridor, then around another corner, down a final set of stairs and, finally, onto a stretcher
>It is a task of Herculean proportions, it took 7 strong lads to do it. I'm not even sure how they managed to all fit onto that fucking stairwell and corridor, but by God, it was their job and they managed it.
>By the end of it they're all visibly sweaty and tired, but the fat fuck is loaded onto the ambulance, and they roll away slowly. Surprisingly slowly, actually, none of that movie bullcrap where they speed away, sirens blazing.
>They don't really tell me and Jill anything else, other than telling us off for leaving him there for so long. I think about trying to explain, but think better of it.
>What can I say that would make any difference, anyway? That he's not my kin, and I didn't give enough of a fuck to inquire about his wellbeing? That because of this, I didn't realise anything was wrong with him? They already know that, so I say nothing, and they take him away.
>pic related, the aftermath. The blanket and pillows are from Jill, she was trying to keep the fat fuck comfortable while waiting for the ambulance. A sweet lady, as I said

>Nadine Jansen
She is fucking fat

What's with all the poor people posting all these obese women claiming "Thicc" bullshit.
You need to try and re-engineer your own brain to stop thinking fat people are better at riding out hard times like a Homo Erectus, fat people are now the ones who have few resources.
Also get a job and earn some money so you stop looking at podgey wobblers

So ends the story of the fat fuck. I guess we'll know soon enough whether he made it. Honestly? I might be a horrible shit for saying so, but I don't really care. I knew him for a year, and in this time he didn't do a single thing to improve or even maintain his health, and he was of sound mind this whole time. The entire fault for his predicament is his. Should I have inquired further the first time I saw him? Yes. Thinking back on it, it was foolish of me to leave a 70 year old guy after seeing him laid out on the floor, no matter how reasonable his explanation seemed at the time. But still, I can't force myself to feel particularly guilty. I guess its because of the disgust I felt for the guy ever since I met him. Whatever the case, its in the capable hands of the NHS now.

I hope you guys found this story as interesting as I found it motivating. I'm NEVER allowing myself to get into a state like that. Never.

Pic related, me in bed after the dust settled, thinking about the frailty of human life, and about how eating a ton of fucking cake and cheesburgers every day for 50 years might mean it will take two ambulance crews, and one fire crew three hours to get your fat arse down two flights of stairs.

Anyone have a link for some my 600 lbs life episodes? I need my vitamin schadenfreude and everything I've found is behind a paywall or some unwatchable youtube reupload.

>Today in the Fiction section we have this story

>Face hits desk so hard the wood breaks
Fuck me that's some force, probably a fractured skull and gushing blood
>Teacher: Shut the fuck up
topkek

>give me $37
>exactly $37

that always makes me fucking laugh

>DELET THIS

Wew that was a wild ride, post the aftermath in a /FPH/ if not this one. Im interested to find out.

Will do breh, I guess I'll screencap the three posts and just add the aftermath when I know what happened to the guy. It will probably take a few days, if he makes it at all. The paramedics said he's "stable enough", but also said something about a left bundle branch block on his ECG, and I already said about his vitals.

my teachers always used to tell kids to shut the fuck up
is this not normal?

What about when the noise was the sound of a face breaking a desk?

I'll hopefully see it, I'm in these threads often for motivation to not let myself become like your roommate

nah not for that

To the right, his face is devoid of emotion or basic humanity. The only thing on his mind is the next meal.

To the left, that woman has a look of shame, sadness, regret, and ultimately defeat. You can tell she was not always so fat and pathetic. She allowed her life to get out of control and is now trapped. She still has her humanity.

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>double posting
noice

Wasn't thinking and messed up with the right vs left the first time.

there's honestly no difference between the two

i had a teacher like this too, he got fired after it was discovered he would show his classes ira propaganda though

You should care more about your community but people like him should be ostracized.

>$37
Kek

WhiterThanYouMuhammed.jpg

>frailty of human life
>guy's body compensates for 70 years of abuse before finally giving up the ghost

Good story though user.

I can't say I'd feel any different in your situation. Good story

>Honestly? I might be a horrible shit for saying so, but I don't really care.

why is this a big deal. of course you don't give a fuck, why would you? People die. Welcome to the world. Good on you for helping Jill talk to the medics, you did your part. Good fucking story too.

same. Id kill for somefagola here to compile all the episodes and upload it to tpb or something. MEGA is a piece of fucking shit that's slow af regardless of your internet connection.

to be fair, eating healthy is hard. For example I have to spend £25 for a week, and I am quite large so need 3000 calories per day - pic is the best I can do on that budget, can't afford fruit

>Surely b8

Chips, chocolates and trash cereal when you are 3000 cals over your need (3000x7= 21000)

>hot stuffed dog crust

sounds like a sick cunt

give a link to the website you used to make this and I guarantee we could do better than you

Man, old and fat cunts like him always get me, their lack of appreciation for still being alive is just so infuriating.

I know chicken is more expensive over in Europe, but no beans and rice, milk, or canned tuna? Those are the go to broke bulking staples. Peanut butter too, but you guys don't believe in it, right?

>I am quite large so need 3000 calories per day

uh.. no. I think that might be why you're here.

Human bodies really are amazing, one guy can be fit and healthy, the other can be a lazy fat asshole destroying his own body, and they'll both live to see 50 or more. How many extra years does being fit really give us? All our years are of better quality sure, but quantity wise, maybe an extra 20% if we're lucky?

It's gotta be a troll. But also, some of us have taste. I, for one, would never touch tuna for fear of throwing up merely at the smell, let alone actually eating it. Beans are pretty gross too and I don't like peanut butter, rather just eat actual salted peanuts.

Really hard to say. In the end, its all a toss of the dice. BUT, in case you get a bad throw, so to speak, being fit and strong greatly increases your odds of surviving whatever shitty ailment you get, be it cancer or heart disease, not to mention lowering your chances of contracting most diseases in the first place. But, again, its all odds in the end, there are no certainties.

For your viewing pleasure.

>posting obese women
>thicc

That's the joke, newfag

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Pop off James!

desu am a lanklet and eat food like a starved animal(because i am)

Not the same guy but because i am 196 lbs and train 3 times a week i do need 3500 to bulk, and i am not fat

>to bulk

that's the difference, m8pai

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FUCK OFF BACK TO /POL/ HEALTH FASCISTS

Bait.jpg

@44609118
take your weak bait and fuck off

>not to mention lowering your chances of contracting most diseases in the first place
Even infectious diseases. I haven't gotten sick in years. Meanwhile, half of my office is out with the fucking flu.

do her knuckles literally say “taco”

POP OFF, JAMES!

if youre non american, TLC page might have it for free.

The "born bigger" is all you need to read to know that this story is a fatty fiction.

>need 3000 calories per day
you don't.
shitty bait but sadly there are hambeasts that actually believe this.

How do these mentally ill immobile grease-tubs even afford all their food?

i would prefer to live until 60 as a fit person that 80 as on of these lardballs
quality over quantity user

She's fat and plastic nigger

>in the capable hands of the NHS

He dead.

Food stamps

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This looks like spic dragon ball super power charts

Does anyone have that tumblr comic where the fatty author demands we brainwash ourselves into liking fatties because nobody is giving her attention?

3630 represent

Fun fact, that dude killed a guy by jumping on him and suffocating him. When sentenced he ended up on house arrest because there was no jail in the country that could safely house him. He died a couple of years after that incident, heart attack. I think he only made it to 27.

>Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I've preserved your story for future generations, user. You're a real gentleman about this and I hope that things work out for your flatmate.

you need a "thicc but not fat" category

can someone post the thicc-braphog-slampig-whale chart?

There are no 80 years old lardballs, user

man I always retch at this picture, popoff.jpg doesn't even affect me anymore but this one always makes me sick. Must be that strand of shit hanging from it's mouth

I used to prefer fat women before I got fit but I think that's because I thought my own fat ass was normal. Now that I'm fit I fucking hate fat people for not implementing the small, long-term changes it takes to be fit.

I will now.

i haven't opened this yet but i swear to god if it's another 'do you like fat chicks'
ugh goddamn these filthy chubby chasers needs to die

I'm betting that they're nurses.

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>not ending the story with "Because if you don't reply to this post your mother will die in her sleep tonight"

im almost sure whoever wrote that were looking for legit sympathy. yeah. Wouldn't be the fuckest thing i've seen.

>tfw former fattie
>tfw brain doesn't recognize these blobs as human

I've come a long way

You’re gonna get it on the day of the (extra strength) rope