/SIG/ - Self Improvement General

Sociable people smile every time you make eye contact /notice another person's presence.

This makes you seem inviting and easier to speak to, and they treat you better.

Not smiling is like bad social hygiene.

Physical and health gains are easy, I want social gains
Before I went back to college this semester I said I'd focus on them. I have, but could probably do more, so I'll plan some shit I can do for this week.
My life doesn't really feel like my own though, I haven't been truly invested in anything I've done in years. Apart from when I'm having a really good time with the few friends I have (which is rare) I never feel like I'm where I should be.
Might start going to improv / acting classes. I used to love it and it'd probably be good for me. But I've become so averse to performing in any serious way that it'd take getting used to.
I know shit like what I'm experiencing is common enough in college students. I can't see any obvious solutions though so I suppose I'll have to try a bunch.

Anyone interested in a self-improvement learning and study discord?

Already have. I'm drawing more, playing more guitar, focusing on schoolwork, watching quality films, and cooking real food.

iktf, sometimes i remember how much i used to like doing things and wonder what the fuck happened to me

Recovering autist here, friendless for the most part, bullied through most of school, painfully shy, sociophobic and socially awkward as result.

What are your best strategies for social gains? I want shit that worked for people with similar (even if lighter) problems.

Smile. Good posture. Clothes that fit.

Be conscious of your speech. Don't be monotonous. Exaggerate. Move hands around like an idiot. It's embarrassing but being an autist is also embarrassing, you're just too used to it to notice.

You don't need to adopt normie hobbies (it does help) , but you need to reframe them to sound more socially acceptable or not mention them if they're beyond fudging.

Listen to normies that talk about boring things like they're amazing. Copy the exact tone, facial expression, and phrases until you have a library of templates.

We're all gonna make it, user.

Learn guitar and learn some good songs and play open mics. Helps get over fear of being in front of people.

When I had to take a speech class, I imagined all of my classmates as having potatoes for heads. They looked so retarded I managed to not go full autism.

Look like you're making eye contact without doubt it. (look at the nose, forehead, lips) if you're feeling courageous, glance at the eyes every so often.

How do I into posture? I'm doing pretty good on the studying and exercise thing but I've never found any guides for proper posture.

>You don't need to adopt normie hobbies (it does help) ,
Not the dude you're replying to but I honestly believe this is the #1 thing that helped me.

Maybe it's because my biggest challenge was not being able to sustain a conversation, which is something I've been terrible at since I was a kid, but giving a lot of different things a go and becoming a bit knowledgeable on a bunch of different areas is a great way to make up for lack of spontaneity. Having cultural references that are too outside your peers' areas of interes will fuck up your social skills.

Fucking kek. I'm taking a speech class right now and I might share that trick with some of my classmates. I'm not having much trouble with it, but I've been a musician for 15 years now, so I'm used to performing.

I'm not an autist but what even are normie hobbies these days? I spent too much time with addicts and drunks and "punks".

really oversimplifies soil management, use this guide with a grain of salt

Stomach vacuums, my man.

hiking and backpacking. If you want to be a strong normie, climbing and alpinism is the way to go

Potentially, but I am old and lame. I struggle a lot and am always trying to improve, but I'm in a different spot in life than most here. (Wife, kids, etc...)

Is that even relevant to the home gardener?

Well considering soil health varies drastically from state to state, and your yields can take a 50% cut if you're unaware about your soil health, I would say so

>Quit playing video games 4 months ago
>immediately focus more on school
>pick up more hobbies to replace time I would spend playing video games
>bicycling
>learning guitar
>going out to events and shit around my city
>get girlfriend
>waste very little time on the internet
>am about to travel to Mexico with my dad to climb some volcanoes and chill on beaches

I really think that quitting video games is one of the best things you can do. I used to spend my weekends playing video games and Sunday night I’d lie awake feeling unfulfilled. Now I go to sleep on Sunday nights exhausted and happy with all the things I’ve done and seen over my break.

High school / secondary school can leave you worse off than how you went in in many ways I think, that's the case with me anyway.
Went in at 12 having loved playing football + acting, being popular in school, loved writing, school, had a best friend who was basically my brother.
Went to a secondary school with no good friends, made a few, and again, a few best friends. But never stayed in the same friends groups, or with the same best friend, for more than three years. Now that I've left I can only really call two people from that school my friends.
Had to quit drama because A) I thought (probably not wrongly) that it'd be seen as uncool and B) it'd be too time consuming. Ended up with mad public speaking anxiety after literally one fuck up in English class which, if I had stayed doing drama, I could've gotten over easier, but instead I ended up completely avoiding it whenever possible, and only now am I really trying to undo the damage.
All of my decisions were short term because I had no sense of a life outside school.
I'd go home, do my homework, and then watch TV or play video games. Same idea in the summer. TV and video games, because I knew come autumn I'd have to struggle through the days again, and no one actually told me why getting a job / going to a camp would actually HELP me.

Now college is all about expressing yourself, making friends and memories, and working towards your entire life in whatever field you're studying. And I'm just thinking, I don't want to be the asshole who dresses like a movie character and tries to stand out, I can't see anyone who might be remotely like me, and even though I find my course interesting, I don't feel any sort of passion doing it. But it's "practical", just like everything else in my life.
Almost everything I do these days is because I "should" do it... That shit starts in high school, as soon as people start prepping you for a normal life

I'm getting out of the valley of major depressive disorder, on new meds, looking to start school again. Can't support this mentality enough. Mental is everything in terms of your satisfaction, and your physical draws directly from that.

Guys, please, help me.

I've met this wonderful girl and we've been dating for a month now. Everything is really incredible with her and she makes me feel great.

But for some reason, there are some times that I cannot stop thinking about my ex. Everything ended so badly with her and a lot of stuff was terrible, but she's still in my mind.

I can't really explain, but she was really important to me. My honest and true first love, even after all the shit that she made me go through.

But now I've got this wonderful girl that seems to love me so god damn much. I can feel something for her, but I'm afraid of being unable to forget about my ex.

Brahs, help me. Give me some light, I need some guidance, anything.

Firstly, you're not wrong for feeling the way you do.

Second, that's not really a bad thing. Love the things you loved about her, but understand why you are where you are now. Was she wonderful? Yes, but there's a reason we're talking in the past tense. Accept it for what it is, and you'll reach a greater ability to love your current partner.

All the best buddy, it only gets better. Living with regrets is no way to live, accepting your past is.

I used to do that all the time. Sadly it's winter time here but once it gets nice out I plan on doing more of that.

I feel you man, had fire and passion at 12 and although I can't put it down to any particular event I became completely apathetic about pretty much everything around 15-16 and have never been the same since.

Here's hoping we both rekindle the fire.

Thanks, brah. I needed something to help me.
I want to do my best with this girl. She's like so much better than anyone I've been with on the past, she's really amazing and I want her.

I'll do my best to let go of the past.

Dont smile all the time if you dont want to. Just maintain a decent nuetral expression and youre good

I'm down with all the basic things.
You mention normie hobbies. I wouldn't mind joining a club / society (like drama as I said) but my main reason for hesitating is that I feel like everyone there would already be "established", and joining and showing up by myself, I'd stick out like a sore thumb. It's been ages since I've done anything like that

If you live in a big city, chances are there's a climbing gym hanging around somewhere. It's a decent place to get to know good folks. More friendly and social than the typical gym environment, it's a decent greenhouse for autists, too.

You don't need to "let it go" perse. I think a better way to think about it is to "accept it". Don't cling to it, understand that the past makes you who you are today, and without your past experiences you would not be you. Accept your failures, don't treat them as regrets.

anyway I've talked enough, love u bruh

Here's hoping indeed.
I'm gonna really try to graft to go with that hope. Some soul-searching and self-help is due I think

guys i started first year of uni and i haven't gone to any parties because i don't live close to the school and i commute everyday. to my understanding, parties happen at my school basically spontaneously between people that either live on campus or in the neighbourhood around. i live a 15 minute drive away and i just wanna become popular bc i never was in high school. i'm definitely not an incel (6'1 no-shit aryan 195 pounds ~13% bf and can OHP 200, can hold good conversation and have generic interests like going outdoors and shit) i even hang out with the chads of my program (electrical engineering; there's 76 kids and maybe 12 of us can actually speak to a woman) and they haven't invited me to anything. i don't drink or anything because my family is a bunch of alcoholics, but i haven't told them that and at other parties i have been to i'm not autistic about it.

thank you for reading my blog post

Meditate. Come into every situation giving absolutely zero fucks. Makes acting extremely easy when you actually don't give a fuck.

So I start community college in a year. I'm getting Veeky Forums, cleaning the whole house tonight, meditating intensively the next year to let go of emotions and heavily studying deductive reasoning (detectives method reading people) studying game.

I plan on slaying some online bitches this summer to get bed experience. I have lost 45lb while increasing my lifts respectively. Trying to get a 1/2/3/4.

What is the most important thing part of /sig/ I should take into my life?

19 and still a (sort of) awkward (sort of) virgin.

All I want is to be acceptable. I might be able to get extremely wealthy from my investments this year aswell.

I will make a decent amount but if things perform within reason but better than I expect I can possibly make a few hundred thousand this year.

Any suggestions? I'm extremely serious. I'm thinking music aswell.

Going to go to 1500 cal/day keto after the superbowl and start hitting the gym at least twice a week.
Starting at 280 lbs 40% bf, aiming for 190lbs

Can attest, I'm aspie af and can't honestly connect with people but undergrad was a breeze because I just smiled at people and acted like I was enjoying life and actually wanted to talk to people, even if I was shit at it.
You don't have to be interesting or even truly have social skills, people naturally like people who seem happy.

Sometimes you just have to suck it up and send that "Anything happening tonight?" text. Don't be too pushy and don't just hit up random people, you don't want to be that guy who's always bothering people trying to find something. If you're kinda close with someone who's frequently at these things that would probably be a good place to start.

Sociable people generally make an effort to talk to new people in a group, and besides being new is an interesting development.
Don't overthink it and just smile.

Changing my diet to a schedule for every day so I make sure I’m eating under 2000 calories every day

How to improve my communication and speech? I sound retarded at times. How to gain more confidence talking to people? Motivation?

MY ADVICE TO EVERYONE

As long as you can torrent you should be able to find this for free, but there exists an audio lecture series that has improved my life substantially . Out of Your Mind from Alan Watts it's an audio book you can buy, but I'm sure you can find free copies on the internet.

He just talks about the real way we should be looking at things, and things like why the cultural bias makes people feel depressed. It's essentially a self-help series, but its also spiritual.

Reading will get you far as well. I'm not gunna mention everything, but my favs include:

-Siddhartha
-How to win friends and influence people, Dale Carnegie
-The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle

Practicing soft skills is also good, download/pirate Mavis Beacon, flirt with anyone of the opposite sex just for practice, if you're doing it right it they'll like it. Also do your mewing and build your jaw form, over years you WILL start to look better, i would post progress pics, but I'm not a
>candy-ass

You're waiting for something to happen. You have to make something happen and get people to follow you. Just study Linear State Space Control Systems and bitches'll wanna blow you.

There's many Ted / TedX talks about this

fuck guys, I need help getting up early. I keep trying to do it but fail every time. Doesn't matter how many alarms I set, I'll sleep right through them. I also tend to stay up later than I should, I've been taking melatonin to fall asleep but I can't seem to sleep without it.

On the plus side, I got a day planner, but I'm not too good at using it and such

I have two main hobbies right now: lifting and video games. I'm a professional game dev and I avoid draining stuff like WoW so the vidya is fine. I used to be into performing musical theater but as an adult I can't find a show to be in that doesn't demand rehearsals every evening for the next six months.

I decided I needed a hobby I could do outside, so I bought an electric guitar and amp from a closing music store. Spent the evening learning "TNT". Did I do good?

I read How to Win Friends, but it's kind of outdated nowadays. The two books I found that helped most were "The Charisma Myth" if you want to be genuinely charismatic, and "The Like Switch" if you want a more clinical tone.

I've gotten better at talking to people and keeping conversations going, but I have a very hard time talking about stuff I'm into without spilling spaghetti. I can fake the confidence but then people lose interest, so it's the content that's turning them away.

Most of the people I know just want someone to listen, so for autistic assholes like us just ask a lot of questions.

There are fitness trackers that vibrate to wake you up when your alarm goes off. Never tried one, but my mom was talking about getting one since her hearing is so bad she's starting to sleep through her alarms. My problem is it's too easy for me to hit snooze on my phone, so I lay around hitting snooze but not actually waking up for literally like an hour. I either need to place my phone somewhere where I actually have to get up to turn the alarm off, or see if there's some sort of app which requires me to solve a fucking math problem or something to turn the alarm off.

I would recommend Captivate by Vanessa Van Edwards, and The Like Switch, by Jack Schafer.
Both are great books with good audiobook options.

Captivate covers things like good conversation openers, how to tell stories, how to ask for favors, etc. Vanessa is a self-admitted 'ex-awkward person' who had to learn all of this herself and ends up being a great teacher of it.

The Like Switch covers lots of useful non-verbal cues like body language, 'friend signals', the concepts like 'the friendship formula'. It was actually written by an ex-FBI interrogator who used these tactics in the field.

Try getting an alarm app with 'sleep captchas' (tests/triggers to turn off the alarm)

For instance I use Sleep as Android, and have it set to not turn off the alarm until I scan a QR code which I have printed out in the kitchen.
By the time I've turned off the alarm I'm already out of bed, with the lights on, and next to the coffee maker - so it's a lot easier to get up.

>a hobby I could do outside
>electric guitar

Huh. But yeah, man, guitar is fucking awesome, keep it up. I've been playing since I was 11, 27 now. This might be bad advice in the long run, but I say the secret to learning a musical instrument is always playing music you recognize and like. Learning how to play a song you listen to, as opposed to practicing fucking Hot Cross Buns a hundred times will ensure you never get tired of the instrument. I say this may be bad advice because although I taught myself how to play, and can now play practically any song by ear, I never took any actual lessons and can't read one fucking note of music, and my knowledge of scales is shit so I'm bad at soloing. People always tell me I'm a great guitar player, but I always feel like a shitter around dudes with actual music theory knowledge.

30 minutes before you fall asleep, turn off your phone or any electronics and just lay in youre bed. You have to visualize everything you are gunna do to the next day including all the intricate details. Where you're gunna walk, what you're gunna do, and plan out everything you need to do for the next day. Use accurate estimates, but always give yourself more time to shower, or eat breakfast and get ready. Waking up 1 hour earlier than you truly need will let you relax in the morning. If you plan for relaxation in the morning by giving yourself say 2 hours. you will allow your body to fully wake up and be ready for what you may need to pay attention to.

You can do this by say waking up 5, 5:30am, just watch netflix or youtube or podcasts or any audio/video. starting to listen to voices will wake you up, and comedy is the best in the morning because it grabs your attention better and that will help you throughout the day.

Also just stop being a little faggot, it's mind over matter.

here, this is pretty much exactly the sort of thing I need. Thanks, user.

Once the weather gets warmer I can bring the guitar sans-amp to the park nearby and practice the important stuff. Might meet people. [spoiler]Considering having a donation box with a sign reading "Money to buy guitar lessons."[/spoiler]

I love you brothers. We are all gonna make it.

You need to find a photogropher friend. Then he will tag you in a bunch of photos and stuff--girls like the kind of persona that you have paired with an Veeky Forums look. As long as you aren't built barrel chested, like me, you can pull off the look and get girls that liked Dawson Creek and etc.
I'm getting thinner. So maybe I too will be able to pull of the Veeky Forums look.

Well, I get the feeling you feel inadequate. But why should you feel that way user? You're taking the proper steps to better yourself. You've shown the ability to look at your life and realize what you need to change. You even have long term investments in place, showing your able to plan into the future and have foresight (very important).
You just need to realize to enjoy yourself as you are, even if you're not *yet* in the ideal state that you're working towards. You're on your way, but realize that you only have your current form in the moment, so you might as well enjoy it instead of feeling inadequate.
ALso, I do not recommend trying to get """experience""" for sex by sleeping around with women who you don't plan on marrying. There's actual concequences that bleed into any serious relationship you'll have in the future such as trust issues. You need to hold yourself to higher standards, because in the end chasing easy puss will only make you feel ever more empty in side as you realize that it was not what you thought it would be. Do you watch porn? Because to be honest, insecurity for sexual performance usually comes from the jew porn productions which don't even portray how it really is.
Continue bettering yourself. Just offering my advice user. Jesus bless.

just got back from being fucking sick af.
lost over 1 years worth of gains + gained 10 kilos of fat.

Been getting back into the gym, doing 6 days on 1 day off per week.

Training everything 2.5 times a week except legs - because for some reason my legs are the only thing that have kept their size so they are fucking massive and I look like a retarded dinosaur.

Going on vacation in 4 months? How much size can I realistically gain back? My diet is on point also btw.

How much size can I realistically gain back within 4 months?

Will probably go on a DNT assited cut to decrease the cut time so I can gain as much muscle back as possible.

Thanks for any answers anons want to be big again

Is Syrian bread a good alternative for normal bread?
>Requires a lot more chewing and is more carb dense
>More food to bread ratio in sandwiches
>Find it more tasty

>tfw decided to go to college
>tfw desperately hate group projects and idea of doing them giving me extreme anxiety

How should I begin to move past this? I've had this issue since high school and maybe earlier, I guess it's the social aspect of being asked to make groups and the possibility of rejection that I hate because whenever teachers assigned groups, I've been fine. But there was always that one teacher that would let everyone make their own groups.. If looks could kill..

Bump

bumping this anons, please consider heavily the benefits of quitting video games

unironically /r/stopgaming on reddit is a good community to go to

I want to sell my computer because I spend too much time on it.
But I've been spending at least 4 hours on a computer every day for at least 6-7 years.

I bought a >thinkpad for $200 and told myself "if I am going to browse the internet I am going to do it at an internet cafe" this way I am at least getting out of the house. Another positive is I don't look at bad things, and I remain conscious about how long I spend there bc I don't want to be rude

I'd say you can do that, sell the gaming computer and buy yourself a laptop.

practice in the mirror.
+if you do it in a public restroom while people walk in.

me too user

video games are a massive distraction. Since quitting them I realised they are just a way for large companies to milk people for money

If you’re in school somewhere not shit or not in Europe, join a fraternity if you like to drink and are a sadist, or just regular student orgs if you’re a normal well adjusted person. I knew nobody when I came to my campus last year, and now I can’t go out in my city without someone my age recognizing me from somewhere. Decent sized city too, just find a group you like with your same interests and hang out with them.

I'm in a really good spot in my life right now. Making good money running my own business, girlfriend and our 1 year old are very happy and doing well. My family and friends are all doing well.

But this has been my goal for most of my life - to work from home and make a lot of money while doing it. Having flexibility in my routine and schedule. Now that I'm here, I can't help but think "What's next?" It's not a matter of gratefulness, I'm very grateful for where I am and extremely happy in my current state, but I fall into depression when I don't have some next big ambitious goal that I am working towards.

What's next for you guys? For now, I'm just continuing on as-is and working on my body and health until I find a new financial/lifestyle goal.

Does anyone have and tips for leaning a new language?

further your own business, reinvest profits, take risks, expand your empire. That's just what i'd do in your situation t b h

I used duolingo to learn spanish for a couple months until I felt I was almost conversational, after that I went to mexico city and spent 2 months vacationing around MX. I'd like to say I'm fluent now and it took about half a year.

>Same interests
My main interest that fits with one of the societies is movies, but the film society doesn't seem great where I am... Is part of that biting the bullet and letting your more niche interests go a bit, or at least not seeking then in other people?
I wouldn't mind starting a band but again, most people I see in the music society end up playing ed sheeran type shit... Are they out there? I'm in an Uber normie college

Right now I’m kind of a lul but beginning to step out of it I think. First few weeks after I moved for a new job all I did was play vidya and watch anime. Didn’t gym either. But this weekend I’m starting to change stuff around.
>had a meditation thing going want to restart that
>had a decent interest in reading want to get back to that
>want to learn how to be a better DM for dnd and improve my campaign
That’s all I’m trying to do right now. Video games aren’t really an issue for me, the issue is my phone and just wasting time on here. Probably gonna block Veeky Forums. Thanks for everything bros, wish me luck.

Good luck dude

You should find a way to give back to the community

Quit soda and fast foods. Next to go are the sports drinks. Not sure I can do breads, I enjoy them too much but I've been cutting back on them.

Doesn't help when you don't post any of them.

Now that school started up again, I'm back in the habbit of daily reading and (almost) daily exercise.
Should I do cold showers? Are they a meme or actually helpful.

>Should I do cold showers? Are they a meme or actually helpful.
If anything they're a willpower/discipline boost. Anyone that says they increase test is memeing you

Either give no fucks and take charge of the group or change your major to a real one that doesn't make you do group projects

OCD autist.
Went through psychosis a couple of years ago, but kicked it through willpower.
I've been feeling the symptoms coming back now, trying to beat them.

Decided to take up /sig/ as a distraction.
>started eating healthier, cut out junk shit
>started avoiding estrogen-filled soyshit that fucks with your brain
>started learning again, bought a couple of texbooks and began reading up on electronics engineering
To do:
>begin working out regularly again
>get rid of rituals
How the hell do I find more wholesome distractions instead of fapping and watching mindless videos to keep my mind from eating itself?

This, holy shit.
I only regret that I didn't realize this until I was 20.

Feels good once you get used to them. I take 30 cold baths except in winter. Its cold up here .

Spend time daily, whatever method you use. What language are you looking to learn?

Fellow EE here, also able to talk with women. I live on campus, and have a very large social circle here, so I usually hear about or get invited to parties in passing. But there are some times when I don't hear anything about a party. So the big takeaway is that sometimes you have to ask people straightforward. Considering you're not a total autist you'll probably get good results this way.

My self improvement has been pretty good. Over the summer I was always playing video games or browsing /pol/, and most of that stuck around into last semester, which made my GPA drop a bit because I was so distracted by it. But I stopped playing video games (I'll maybe play for an hour or two like once or twice a month), and I even stopped coming to Veeky Forums entirely for a while. I needed to have a bit of a reboot and get back into the real world, and it did wonders for me.
This semester I've been constantly swamped with homework, on top of having a part time job and a social life. But I've managed to do really well in all of my classes so far because I'm not distracted by the internet. I pretty much stopped using social media, I don't even check Instagram anymore and have tweeted I think once or twice in the past month. And I've been eating better, lifting three days a week (SL5x5), overall just a really productive time in my life.

There's hope for us yet, anons.

>Snapped my shit up on a warmup set
>Can't lift for a few weeks at least
>Can't run or cycle or box
>Hurts to walk for more than a few minutes
>Stuck in my apartment and I can feel my old ways slowly creeping back in
Courage...

better go with german bread