Be former fatty

>Be former fatty
>Mom and dad are both landwhales
>In the past few years, have gotten pretty Veeky Forums
>Both parents support me in it, tell me how much happier I seem since getting fit
>Try to get them into exercise, but they're content being fat
>Oh well, we can still share cheat meals together
>20th birthday
>Parents ask me where I wan to go for dinner
>Red Lobster
>Between the 3 of us, we order enough for 6
>The waitress, not so subtly miring me, saying things like "I wish I could eat like that and look as good as you."
>Check comes
>Dad picks it up
>"user, I think this is for you."
>Think he's joking, because it's my birthday so obviously not paying for dinner
>It's actually the waitresses number tucked into the bill
>Fuck yeah, happy birthday to me
>Dad pays, waitress brings card back
>He doesn't bother writing down a tip
>Mom and Dad get up
>Dad lets out a massive fart right in front of the waitress
>Literally sounds like someone is dragging their sweaty palms across a leather sofa
>Entire restaurant looks toward my dad with disgust
>Couple in the corner is laughing their ass off
>Dad says, "There's your rip, oops, I mean tip."
>Mom and Dad walk off
>Waitress runs to the back
>I shamefully make my way out of their with my head down

Is there anything I can say to salvage my chance with the waitress? I need a legendary one liner if I even want to hope for a response.

Your dad is alpha af

Nah there's no chance. Holy shit though your dad is a legend.

>lacking basic social etiquette
>alpha
pick one

I’m calling the police

Is this the fart rape I've heard so much about?

>"There's your rip, oops, I mean tip."
Holy fuck I can't breathe

I doubt the waitress could breathe either

So many newfriends not recognizing the pasta

>call her
>excuse yourself for your parents bad manners
>dont bring up dating in any way
>if she brings it up, go for it
>if not, end the call, you have still given her your number

also this is probably fake, so there is that

This. It wasn't you, it was your father. Tell her you want to make it up to her.

His father fucked him so hard.
But I would try to score with her.
It is obvious that what his father did will be associated with him too.
And if it was his fathers fault,why does the son need to make up to her?
Shouldn't the father do it?
Again OP if the story is true you are going to have a hard time.

>playing off an emberassing fart on public this well
>not alpha

are you fucking retartet?

I have a Valentines Date tomorrow after work, but this means I won't be able to go to gym and squat tomorrow... should I cancel the date?

>playing off

"Haha, instead of tipping you for your good service I'll just shart and make a joke that my ass-fumes are your compensation."

Embarrassment for OP aside, the dad should die for being human trash.

He was such a cheeky cunt.

The Chad Dad vs The Virgin Son

>Dad says, "There's your rip, oops, I mean tip."
your dad is a legend

>projecting

Your dad is funny lol, don't worry about the waitress bro, there's plenty of females to go around especially if you're fit. Enjoy your family, I wish I still had mine

>newbies don’t know about ripping and tipping

Shocking. Anyway nice OP, I would recommend basing the line around the fart incident. Make it “your” thing

Ex - > Haha now that the air has cleared (literally), let’s have a “ gas” ourselves by letting me take you out!