Your party is beset by a pack of dire kittens

Lack of granularity in the system. So either they do nothign whatsoever, or they do far more than a housecat should.

I remember one story about a cat who was also a lich. It was pretty terrifying.

Regular housecat is kind of rubbish, they tend to die a lot so you do need 20 or so and they only do about 1 damage or so.
Ol dire cat though, he'll fucking tear your shit apart

I destroy them utterly. I skin them and sell the pelt.Dry and salt the meat into ration. Animate the skeletons into undead servants. Capture and devour their soul to gain power. Claim Xp and loot.
I won't let the DM railroad me. The moment you show any value of care for something, is the moment they try to hook you with plots ! I must remain free to kill so I must kill !

>Reading about 5th Edition beasts because I needed to look up animals my Druid can change into that are good at sneaking
>Look at Cat, has like +3 to Stealth
>Look at fucking Lion, has +6 to Stealth

What the fuck were they thinking

>Cats&Cash17
>17
Where are the first 16

Well, 11 is

Whoever wrote up the stats for cats was a different person who wrote up the stats for Lions, and they didn't compare notes before the book was published. Happens all the time.

The only surprising thing here is that you couldn't figure this out on your own.

>your party is beset by a hive of dire wasps

Cats and lions are part of the felidae. Since they both are stealthy creatures, it stands to reason that this is a property of their family. A lion is much, much heavier than a domestic cat, meaning there's a couple hundred kilograms worth of felidae more in it. Logically, it inherits more of the stealthy property.

Shit excuse.

Now THIS is proper science.

Lions, having more HD than Cats are obviously higher level and thus better at Stealth.

...

A cat doesn't need more stealth because it's just a fucking cat, therefore easy to hide.

A lion needs to be more stealthy because it's a really fucking big cat, therefore harder to hide.

SCENARIO A
Orc walks into a room.
>"Fuck, I could have sworn that hobo ran in here."
Stealth check failed.
>"Oh, there's a cat in here. Weird."
The cat, who was actually the druid escapes out the door before the orc can catch it.

SCENARIO B
Orc walks into a room.
>"Fuck, I could have sworn that hobo ran in here."
Stealth check failed.
>"HOLY SHIT A FUCKING LION WHAT THE FUCK."
The lion, who was actually the druid is a fucking lion.

Why the fuck would you scoop them up, you retard

...Why are you even playing? I think you've missed the concept of what an RPG is.

Pictured: You

It's a joke, you dingus.

High dex, AC bonus due to size, natural weapons (claws). Cats often defeat commoners in RPG systems.

I know someone that got to build an assassin who'd been polymorphed into a cat. Turns out Sneak Attack and so on aren't remotely reliant on size.

>leave table
>go home
>an hero

fucking wasps

Why aren't they stinging him?

I must play my character ! I must be independent ! I refuse to be railroaded ! RPG is about open world sandboxes and it stops being real roleplaying the moment the DM arbitrarilly put something in my sandbox !

What, are you THAT DM ? Do you get off on your own power trip ? Do you want to see me flail inside your shitty fanfiction ? Is this your Magical Realm, do you wank at seeing me being tied up in you fanficcy"plots" and Mary-Sue "NPCs" ?

My character is the hero, the most important person in the universe, every moment that is not about him is an affront to the noble art of gaming.

He isn't a threat. He's not fucking with their nest and he hasn't hurt any of them, so they have no reason to attack him.

There's about 23 or so I've collected here and there.

I would eat that nigga

>Your party is beset by this

That's an outside(evil) if I ever saw one

Well, with all that asian money around, he's probably already dead :(

unleash my pet spider, praise lolth

...

It's called in reinforcements

Fuck that is one aesthetic creature
Too bad it probably can't tell if I'm doting on it or generally keeping him fed and happy, such a one way relationship
I would keep a shit ton of those in my garden regardless

That's a rad-ass caterpillar. Can I keep it?

>unleashes giant creature of the deep

Nature has an eye for design

WITNESS THE HORRORS FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE WORLD

That's just a cute looking bug with a big tooty nose desu.

This is a REAL horror.

...

I have them where I live, most are kittens about half that sized.

user, you shouldn't underestimate the terror of the insect world

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

These cunts.
Most everything will leave you alone except these pricks, sharks and crocodiles

Dont be frightened, user

Dont you just love when nature decides to slap giant monster pincers on an insects face?

...

WHATS WRONG user DONT TELL ME YOU'RE FRIGHTENED OF A LITTLE BUG

Fixed

Pincers not so bad, the sting... endless stinging until you fuck off or die.
Its literally like grabbing an electric fence, then the ache sets in and doesn't go away for hours.

>Fun fact they actually kill more people than snakes or sharks every year.

Fuck, carapaced bugs are fine, but this kind of shit is gross as hell

How rude

Thats why you get a body guard

>)
Someone please take the green deck away from god, he is going a bit overboard with his new hobby

Fuck this thread, I'm out of here. I came here for kittens, not demonspawn.

Does this make up for it?

>Soon, you will come to understand the boon of slavery we force upon you and then, you will revere and even love us for this gift.

>To war!

Jesus Christ these stats, 3 hit dice and so many attacks, plus it has +2 to initiative and it's difficult to hit. They can probably rip apart a low level caster before it can even act, on close range.

MUSHIKING!

muh dick

A'ight. Cool.

What do you want to do?

Where's the rest 'a ya'?

I want one!

unless she is hiding kittens up there then no!

>Both the groups bard and one of the dire cats roll to to seduce the other party.

To murder everyone, kill everything, annihilate all powers except mine, destroy the entirety of the universe and go bring the gift of omnicide to the next creation.
That way, I will have gained all the Xp, gathered all the gold and all the magic objects, become invincible from anything and will have finally won the game.
And every moment you aren't winning the game, you're losing at life.

A group of cats is called a "clowder", actually. This would apply to kittens, too.

To answer the question,

>SWEET TYMORA THEY'RE SO FLUFFY.
>SOOOO CUTE
>I'MMA KEEP THEM ALL NAME EACH ONE
>SOOOO FLUFFY

(character's opinion, not mine. I like spiders)

Dire, so notably bigger than average, generally be a size category or two. But as these are dire kittens they're probably the size of (large) house cats and will eventually grow to be the size of a panther or maybe a small tiger.

It's generally hard for any roleplaying system to do very small numbers, since most want Joe Schmo Human Commoner to be just about the weakest thing you can face. So doing stuff *weaker* than that is difficult.

>Suddenly, your character dissapears and nobody remembers him.
>Now Jeff, fuck off my game.

Pic related.

Alright, how do you start your quest to eradicate all life in the multiverse?

Fun fact: Tiger beetles can run so fast, their minds can't process their surroundings due to motion blur. This leads them to doing things like running off of cliffs.

Also Yahtzee!

You mean lion cubs then?

Is there someone or something around ? Don't bother wanking your wankety-wank description of your wanking characaters of wank: I kill and destroy t with my powers.
If there isn't, I have won the game and tea-bag you.

JESUS FUCK, THAT ISN'T EVEN ITS FINAL FORM

Do I even want to know what it pupates into?

>Be playing a Pathfinder game with shit ported over from 3.5
>Be playing in Forgotten Realms
>Player B's character dies and he rolls a new one which has swarms of vermin following him around
>Party jokes about crafting tiny little breastplates for all the insects in the swarms because they actually had proficiency through some weird combination of class features the player possessed
>Abruptly realize I could actually do this because I just gained access to Fabricate and all I would really need to do is buy the metal, cast the spell, and make a craft check
>I already had a bunch of ranks in various craft and profession skills because I'd been planning to abuse the shit out of Fabricate from the beginning
>We actually do this in game and B now has each member of a large swarm of bees wearing a mithral breastplate that only counts as light armor and has a -1 check penalty
>Except for this one bee we named Jeffrey, he's too fat for a breastplate so he just kind of drifts behind the rest of the swarm at a slow speed
>We then do it for his dire wasp and giant spider as well
>Party now consists of flamboyant sorcerer/wizard with his weasel familiar, badass half orc berserker with his retarded horse, awkward vermin lord with his armored swarms, and Jeffrey the bee
>We make fun of that fat asshole Jeffrey all the time
>My character's elven love interest does not understand why we rant about a bee every day
>This relationship isn't going to work out.png

NOPE

We adopt all of them, and I name mine George.

>monster hunter online

The local guards witness your murder of the innocent baker. You are immediately surrounded and your level one ass is skewered from every side with eighteen different spears.

There's your fucking roleplaying. Actions have god-damn consequences. I'm perfectly happy to run a sandbox for you, but if you're going to act like that, expect to get murdered to death. Or did you expect everyone to just run onto your sword?

Now, either roll up a new character and learn to fucking act like a civilized human being, capable of co-operating with the group, or get the fuck out of my house. This is your one chance. I don't give a second.

What if the thing defends itself and kill you in doing so?

...

Oh shit this one has a Vagina for a face.

It's called professionalism

ew vagina

Forgot pounce

I adopt all of them. As a Dwarf Paladin (depending on how big they grow up to be) I will make one of them my mount and become the leader of the Righteous Glaring, spreading justice and cuddles to all.

You leave me no choice but to start a "that dm" thread on Veeky Forums and to passively-aggressively make train noises all night long.

As if that would ever stop a pint-size incarnation of malice.

According to their traditions, is that dress with that cut considered normal or slutty?