The noble who has the MacGuffin you need treats you with veiled, aristocratic condescension

Kender don't steal valuable things, only minor things.

That motherfucker thinks she knows politeness! I'll show her fucking politeness!

I will obey every rule of etiquette so precisely that she'll feel honored to have me as a guest. I will ensure me and my party are dressed nines, as is proper yet not enough to overshadow her or make her feel underdressed.

I will laugh at her shitty jokes, compliment her shitty food and thank her when she veils an insult in a compliment. I will be so fucking courteous she will not know what to do.

And then I'll formally and politely request the use of the MacGuffin with such goddamn decorum that the bitch won't have any option to give it to me.

That is how you deal with nobles.

I was actually surprised when I read up on Kender. How they're actually described is very different from how they've come to be played, which is a shame, but is likely due to shitty players.

>the noble who has the MacGuffin you need treats you with veiled, aristocratic condescension
Fine, whatever, as soon as I can get that Mcguffin the sooner I can be rid of the spoiled brat and leave this estate with a much-deserved one-finger-salute.

The reason I hate kender is because the fluff is all like "Ohhh, nobody can come to hate them because they are just too kawaii"

They're literally a race of Mary Sues
Not just "Mary Sue" in the "character with no flaws" sense, but "Mary Sue" in the "character who everyone inexplicably dotes on and gives them far more respect than is due them simply because the social world revolves around them"

A++ post

Can you explain?
They're still kleptomaniac manchildren halflings IMO, which hits pretty much every flag it needs to.

Don't care. Give me the thingy or I start breaking things.

Reading the actual source material, Kender aren't kleptomaniacs. They have no sense of personal property- And this applies as much to themselves as to others.

So, yes, a Kender would take anything they saw... If it was useful to them. And, by the same token, if something they had was useful to someone else, they'd give it away without a thought.

It's easy to see how bad players turned this into a race of idiotic thieves, but it's just because they're ignoring the selfnessness implicit in 'no personal property', along with the pragmatism. If a Kender has no use for something, they wouldn't take it, and if they thought someone else needed it they'd give it away. With those parts of the equation filled in, the writing of the race makes a lot more sense.

>With those parts of the equation filled in, the writing of the race makes a lot more sense.
Except for the part about everybody loving them for being the cutest little things on earth and never holding anything against any of them ever, not even if their disregard for personal property did end up causing problems.

Whatever. This is a really important McGuffin and we have a Carte blanche from local authorities. If they don't provide we just let loose the two of out LN paladins and the NE orc fighter.

Treat'em with the (thinly) veiled condescension that only a gutter urchin can have for an aristocrat.

Commissar Cain, plz.

Well, thats how marriage works.

Well, she's a noble, so it's natural that she has to uphold her status and not put herself on the same level as the random rag-tag group of adventurers. Not to mention that she doesn't really have a reason to give us the McGuffin or trust trust us in any way.

Guess it's time for the mage doctor and jew necromancer to take the stage of negotiations while I get the artificer to craft a replica and help the thief switch it with the McGuffin in case the talks fail.

Kender don't think of it as stealing. I'm talking about putting an arrogant asshole in his place.

I'd normally suggest using violence as a matter of principle, but if another noble dies of 'natural causes' while we're around people will probably start getting suspicious.

>I'm talking about putting an arrogant asshole in his place.
The fact that you think you're completely justified in robbing someone just because said person didn't kiss your ass is fairly concerning.

Not him, but...

Noble is being a condescending faggot to us, basing on nothing but existing cultural justification of his superiority. That's fine. Nobles were known to be huge assholes to everyone of lesser blood.

But we're a bunch of lowborn adventurers, and we have lots of reasons to hate said existing cultural justifications and those who use them, as they hurt us and our families and used to justify cruelty and exploitation of our kind. That's also fine. Lowborns were known to regularly start uprisings and simply murdering or at least fucking over asshole nobles whenever they get a chance.

Aristocratic society based on MA Europe does not mean "assholish nobles who hate everyone of equal or lesser standing", it means "assholish nobles who hate everyone of equal or lesser standing AND lowborns who hate everyone of HIGHER standing".

The social conflict was real, and eventually lead to decay and fall of aristocracy in Europe. It's just that aristocratic side of it is largely more documented due to nobles largely being the ones who can write and own all the publishing and copying houses and printing presses.

Walk out in disgust.

Start a bloody revolution.

Build a guillotine.

?????

Liberty!

tl;dr: a condescending and antagonistic noble is fine, but spiteful and angry adventurers are ALSO fine. Whoever has more muscle and fireballs in the situation will have to bend over.

His approach also usually involves fucking their daughters.

And by the bed of it you're going to marry her?

Well that's what military officers do whenever they come in contact with ye olde aristocracy.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

>not rolling

More like
>Every npc who is mentioned is far more powerful than you and constantly has a haughty attitude but you cannot possibly defeat the villain without their help.

Robespierre, please, you know that it's a good idea, and I will always support you.

Except then the book goes on to describe how basically every other race in the setting finds them to be annoying little thieves

Calmly point out that i'm a goddamned skeleton and am therefore obligated to give all of zero fucks about what most of these mortal fleshbags think or say, the noble especially seeing as i've seen, done, and killed things that they can only dream of. Refuse to speak or even acknowledge the noble any further unless it's to point out that we require the MacGuffin to keep Baron Von RapeSlaughter from taking over the countryside and one day kicking in the noble's door and showing them how he got his name.

Don't forget to piss all over his expensive carpet. And when asked to stop pissing all over his expensive carpet point out that you are a goddamned skeleton, and therefore it's impossible for you to piss all over his expensive carpet. All while still pissing all over his expensive carpet.

>Nothing can be as infectious as the laughter of a giggling kender or as heartrending a sight as a grief-stricken kender.
>The truly wise of all races know that kender are the innocents of the world and that the world would lose something precious if the kender were ever to leave it.
>Kender are almost completely incorruptible (as the gods of Darkness have discovered).

Clearly all Kender propaganda.

>>Kender are almost completely incorruptible (as the gods of Darkness have discovered).
You can't corrupt what is more corrupted than you, after all.

Talk back with veiled aristocratic condescension as I'm a high ranking noble as well and this is sorta how things go.

I think they're being very kind for at least veiling it. They're thinking about your feelings.

Oh look another snotty aristocrat. Next you'll tell me the sky is blue.

>Elves hate them
>Dwarves hate then
>Humans hate them
>Ogres, Goblins, and Dragons really hate them

It contradicts itself pretty hard.

>ywn be an aristocrat who feels smugly superior to a gang of ragged, poor, shabby adventurers tracking filth through your manor
>ywn command them to bump off a fellow noble because of a 200 year-old land dispute

>Be Half Elf Ranger
>Find and tame the biggest, meanest, Dire Tomcat I can find
>Release into her home at night
>Her peaceful sleep is now shattered by loud cat sex
>All attempts to remove Tomcat end up in maulings and torn furniture
>Her purebreds all have litters of cat mutts
>Being a naive cat lover puts up want ads for kittens and still doesn't spay cats.
>Peasants can't read, nobles don't want them
>Offer to take them all and deal with the original tomcat for macguffin.
>Now have macguffin and army of Dire Cats.

I am unstoppable. Provided that I have a few months to dick around.

Ah ya beat me to it.

Fuck Kender, they are terrible. Even without the madness of them being "incorruptible" and "beloved by all" they will still take things without asking and act like they were just having whimsical fun when confronted on it. Them not having a concept of personal possessions does not matter when other people do, and if they take something that they might have use for, there's a good chance the person they literally just robbed had use for it to.

...isn't that kind of horrifying? I mean, what if kender have a psionic aura about them that charms people whenever they're nearby, or something like that?

It would explain why people put up with their bullshit.

Yeah but good luck getting a group to use that as the explanation.

Are...are you the bard user from pic related by any chance? You seem to have the appropriate level of sass.

>are you the cringey, pathetic sad sack who thinks himself "swag as fuck" from this screencap that drags out a joke that's barely funny in the first place far past its expiration date
Yeesh, user, that's a harsh accusation to make even if it's not entirely unwarranted