Tell me your best stories from rolling on random generation tables Veeky Forums

The GM pulls out the Koronus Bestiary (which has all the random xenos fauna tables) and starts asking for rolls.

The creatures we're getting are from Aurum, apparently a death world in the Jericho Reach full of awesome shit and deadly shit in similar measure. One of those things, as we learned, was megachiroptera tracotensii aurumus: the giant Aurum cave bat.

Unfortunately, this was long enough ago in the campaign that I don't remember specific rolls on the table, just that we got a lot of them. That 1 was well-timed.

The statline of an average bat was WS 39, S 55, T 80, Ag 40, Int 6, Per 40, and WP 50. Add on Unnatural Strength x2, Unnatural Toughness x3, and Unnatural Speed x3.

They're also silicate gestalt creatures, and this is before the Mechanicus got their hands on them and added 4 AP, cameleoline coating, all sorts of cybernetics (including mechadendrites), and power horns.

Yes, power horns.

Incidentally, we did the math, and four of the bats have enough strength to easily lift a Baneblade.

Which we now had.

>four of the bats have enough strength to easily lift a Baneblade
You better have abused this to drop Baneblades with a full set of Flamers in the middle of heretics and xenos.

We finished up our business on Kulth soon enough, with a strike at the heart of the Severan Dominate. The GM brought another one of his players from past games in to run the opposing forces against us. He was doing pretty well; while our Baneblades were advancing steadily, we were taking some heavy losses, especially from the air forces, and our troops aren't exactly easy to replace.

Which was when the Major gave the order: cue music.
youtube.com/watch?v=V92OBNsQgxU

Imagine for a moment that you are a rebel Guardsman, just serving Duke Severus XIII's particular heretical version of the Imperial Creed, holding the line against an Imperial superheavy advance... when you see a Baneblade lift into the air. And then another, and another.

According to the GM, our opposing player used the phrase "archaeotech flying superheavies" a few times.

To make a long story short, our new air force descended on Severus's capital, where Major Pentecost leapt from the first tank and challenged the duke to a duel.

The duke was stacked with all sorts of ridiculous equipment (supplied by his Dark Eldar allies and/or the GM) to prevent exactly what was about to happen.

Major Pentecost's power sword (taken by right of conquest from that dead Commissar) rolled right on through the Duke's several layers of Dark Eldar shield generators, struck him in the torso, and lit him on fire.

He then promptly burned to death.

Cue cheesy 80s action movie group high five.

(I should mention that this required even more absurdly lucky rolls. We have had a stupid amount of luck when rolling for Pentecost. And in general, but especially for him.)

It's about this time we're told to report to The Top Brass for a thorough discussion of What The Fuck Happened Down There.

Long story short, Pentecost is given a trade warrant for his service to the Imperium, and we load up our regiment onto his new transport vessel, Baneblades fastened to the hull outside to save space and offer better firepower. We spend some time faffing about and making cash money, at which point I have to skip a session for work reasons.

When I come back, I'm told "stuff happened, Pentecost challenged Lord Sector Marius Hax to a duel, and perhaps we should spend less time in Calixis". (While he lost, Hax bears the dubious honour of being the first and only person to survive a Pentecost duel.)

With a bit of help from a friendly Inquisitor (a crossover with a Dark Heresy game the GM used to run, though technically a prequel to it), the party votes to go forth and colonise new regions of space in the name of the God-Emperor, profit, and superior firepower.

thus ending the prologue to our adventure

Don't leave me hanging user.

Any more on these guys? The idea of Salamanders failing at Chaos makes me laugh.

>my near daemon Prince champion gets silly voice
>giant daemonic warlord speaks in the manner of micky mouse

Realm of chaos is as realm of chaos is

Iirc renegade doesn't mean with Chaos, it just means rebelled against the imperium.

>Don't leave me hanging user.
Since then, we've had a surprisingly conflict-free exploration, save for a few incidents of note.

The first, and the one that has apparently set the stage for the plot of the rest of the game, was when we found a space hulk. There's a table for space hulks detailing what kind of ship it is and the condition it's in; in this particular case, we rolled up an archaeotech Astartes Strike Cruiser.

From the Second Legion.

While the GM remains tight-lipped as to what this means, as far as I'm concerned we've stumbled upon the trail of the Desert Fangs.

We decide that the cruiser is worth more to us buying the eternal friendship of the Calixian Mechanicus than as a part of our fleet, so we sail back to Calixis and trade it to the very grateful techpriests in exchange for a great deal of manufacturing assistance (thanks to a few quick tricks of legalese, we even manage to get them to sign a contract that technically says they have to come to us).

Fresh off this victory, we do a little more exploration, expand our fleet, and narrowly defeat a shitton of pirates (controlled by the same guy who did the earlier ground battle).

As part of our exploration, we reach the system with the Necron Hell Planet . Other features include a desert world, home to an underground fortress network of lost Imperial Guardsmen who believe the world is under constant siege by Eldar. (I make a Dwarf Fortress roll, and 1d10 later we are informed that yes, these are Squats.)

But that's not the most interesting bits of this system.

You see, in orbit of the Planet of the Dorfs, there are a shitton of moons.

One of them, upon close inspection, isn't a moon at all. It's a massive, multi-vessel space hulk.

There's a lot of stuff in there, it's a 10/10 find overall, but in the centre

We rolled three battleships in the hulk.
When we rolled further, one of them was a Space Marine Battle Barge.
Rolling for condition, it's an ARCHAEOTECH Battle Barge. At one of the players' interjections, the GM rules that yes, this could be one of the lost Gloriana-class battleships, the flagships of the legions. If we roll one that's missing one.

We roll 1d20.

It's a 2.

We found the motherfucking flagship of the Second Legion.

At this point we end the session, and since finals are coming up and then half the party's gone for the summer, we won't be meeting again until late August at the earliest.

but that was the tale of how random tables gave our GM the perfect storm of plot hooks

I hope that's fine OP

>make a Dwarf Fortress roll
and fuck I meant to say "joke"
too much talking about dice

What's the current plan with it? Give it to some Astartes for an endless supply of Space Marines?

We're considering either

a.) basically that, probably being "hey Storm Wardens want to be relevant?" for our shared love of HONOURABRU COMBAT and the nonzero chance of Pentecost getting into a friendly duel with a Scot Marine, or going to the Wolves or Salamanders because they're the most bro

or

b.) going to Mars to win the even more eternal love of the Mechanicus with archaeotech goodies beyond their dreams

>good intentions
>archaeotech
>led by a dreadnought
>special gear
>works with the Mechanicus and loyalists
>hated by the Inquisition

This sounds less like Chaos and more like "we woke up a Dreadnought from the Great Crusade and he ain't having none of this Ecclesiarchy Lorgar shit"

Nostalgic Marines?

GM of the Only War-> Rogue Trader game here, with a couple details that the prior player forgot, or forgot to mention:

Prefacing all else, they were part of a Regiment built with the standard point allotment, and had Marksman training, and Long Las as a standard issue gun. Long Las have Accurate, and Felling, and thus can both deal 2d10 extra damage if your BS and roll are good enough, and ignore most standard Ork Unnatural Toughness.

1. When Lieutenant Pentecost won his first duel (against the cranky old Commissar), he won in a single round, with just two hits. There was some Righteous Fury.

2. during the large Ork counter-attack that pushed the Imperial Guard back to the hive, the section of the line he was in command of (and thus had PCs there) was the only one to hold position, until the flanking parts of the line collapsing pushed the Lieutenant to retreat. The Orks were attacking with superheavies, and part of the reason *their* section of the line held, was because they'd re-stolen an Ork looted Russ, and squad members willing to suicide-rush with Krak grenades. After the retreat, the Company was down to ~40% strength.

3. During the siege of Roxis, because (I rolled for it) local command had lost track of their company in the retreat, they had 3 days where they received no orders. During these days, they picked out a set of balconies protruding from the hive ~200 meters up.

More coming.

True to the emperors wishes marines is more like it

4. While the majority of the Guard have entrenched outside the hive, the PC who has some actual Fellowship has gone recruiting amongst the locals, and rustled up ~50 volunteers from Hive Roxis. Given this is a Severan Dominate Hive City, this was some fairly impressive work. Given that the Regimental kit includes a redundant Lasgun and Flak Vest (on top of regular Flak Armor and the Long Las), the remnants of the company pass the recruits this extra equipment.

5. Importantly, the primary products of the Hive were ammunition for heavy SP weapons, Autocannon and Assault Cannon mostly, and armor plating. The party Tech Priest (player's prior character died in the retreat) rustles up a bunch of armor plating, and starts using his las-cutter to gradually weld together armored shelter for the two balconies the remnants of the company are forted up on. He also uses the local power grid to set up a charging station for Las power packs.

6. Ensuing are 3 days of siege warfare, where sheer mass of Orks are forcing the Guard in general back. Orks tend to suck at Awareness, and the general din of battle does a pretty good job of hiding the PCs sniping down below. We do some rolling and they kill something like 100 Nobs in the millions-strong mass of Orks below, and an absolutely countless number of Boyz. They've got an elevated firing position, and the talents that remove the penalties for firing at what would be long range; things just go pretty well for them. Only a couple times during these days do Orks with enough authority to do anything meaningful realize they're there, and some scattered, useless fire spangs off their welded-armor-plate-cover. One artillery strike does hit, but rolls functionally minimum damage, and kills like one guy. After the hit Pentecost orders a temporary cease fire, and after the Orks think they're dead and stop paying attention, fire resumes.

7. After I've rolled to see how it goes, the 3 days of fighting put the Guard in the Hive.

8. Once the general distraction of battle has ended, Pentecost orders the Company to cease fire. No point drawing attention just to kill off a few Boyz; he doesn't want anybody firing at any Ork but the Boss, though he might give permission to shoot a Nob. If he catches someone shooting a regular Boy, he'll kick them off the balcony (to a 200m fall down to where the Orks are) himself.

9. Command *finally* figures out where the Company is, and gets on the Vox to ask what the hell they've been up to. Pentecost basically says 'sniping enemy leadership.' Which, it is important to point out, is something he's been pushing the importance of since he got to the field. He's firmly of the opinion that poor marskmanship and equipment-use on the part of most Guardsmen and Officers is the reason things have been going poorly. If people did things *his* way (him being a good, Emprah-fearing Fortress-Worlder Nobleman), then this war would be over by year's end!

10. I roll to see how much of what's been going on in the siege local Command is aware of, and they actually roll pretty good! "Oh hey, so *you* were the guys messing with what little chain of command the Orks have. Where are you now?"
Pentecost: "On a fortified balcony, looking down over the Ork horde. We're trying to see if we can take out the Warboss."
Command (sarcastically): "Yeah. Keep on that. We're sending someone down to check on you." (Command thinks Pentecost is lying.)
Pentecost, playing the orders he's been given (which Command thinks are impossible) *completely* straight: "Men, word from Command. We're to find and eliminate the Warboss."

11. PC (let's call him Jack) who's just rolled a crit-success on a Luck check and a bunch of degrees of success on Awareness: "You mean like that one there?"

How's the Last Crusaders for a chapter name?

>"You mean like that one there?"
continue

12. Lieutenant Pentecost: "Good man. Now all marksman, take aim on that target, and fire on my command!"

Now, as a GM, I've 'rebalanced' things a bit. Primarily due to cost-to-effect values, I've upped the AP of Carapace armor by 50%, and of Power Armor by 100%. Unfortunately, the best listed Power Armor Orks have in the game, has 4 AP on the head, so even doubled, that only hits 8 AP.

13. A Major, sent to make sure Pentecost isn't bullshitting, arrives at the Party's location.
Major: "Report, soldier."
Pentecost: "Fulfilling my orders, Sir! Men, open fire!"

40 shots on the Warboss. About half of them score extra dice of damage. 3ish of the PCs do the full 3d10+3 Penetration 1 with Felling themselves. Ork Warboss's head ceases to exist.

Major: *jaw drops*
Pentecost: Smuggest grin in Roxis Hive.
Ork Meganobs: Start fighting over who gets to be Warboss.
GM: Rolls for the Ork Horde retaining coherency in spite of loss of leadership. They roll below a 40, and remain intact.
Pentecost: "Right men, hold fire until one of those Nobz wins."

14. Nobz fight. One wins. "I'm da biggest and strongest!"

15. Pentecost: "Fire, men!"

16. New Warboss's head ceases to exist.

17. Ork army makes its coherency check. Fails Awareness check to localize the source of Long Las fire.

18. Repeat 14-17 *about twenty times.* I dropped the number the Orks needed to roll below to remain coherent below 30, *but they kept rolling to keep coherent. It was *ridiculous.*

19. Orks finally spot the sniper nest. Artillery fire ensues. First round of fire fails to hit (Orks *suck* at shooting), another 'Warboss' dies. Second round lands a hit. After three days of welding, the balconies are *completely* armored over, but of course the Orks can't tell that from below. Pentecost orders a temporary cessation of fire.

>Pentecost
Does he cancel the Orkpocalypse?

I love me some good new Veeky Forums 40,000, I really do.

20. As the Major's jaw continues to steadily unhinge, the Company regulars pass their remaining grenades off to the volunteers (remember them), and the Orks below start battering at the Hive's entrances. I've rolled for this, it'll take them about 2 hours to force their way in.

21. This round of the Nobz fighting is actually taking a long time. Like, more than 5 rounds. I roll it out, and it takes like 12 rounds for them to settle on a winner.

22. Pentecost: "Light 'im up, boys."

23. Infighting amongst the Nobz starts all over again. Repeat steps 14-17 another dozen times or so. Most of the 'Warbosses' don't last a single round after declaring their new leadership roll. Those that do die on the second round.

24. Another round of Artillery fire hits (I think one PC gets killed?), Pentecost orders a cease fire again. Company rests for a while, Pentecost specifically orders them to let the new Nob who eventually wins the latest round of 'who gets to be Warboss' live long enough to properly assert himself as the new boss.

Yes. He is explicitly named after Stacker Pentecost, though his personality is rather difference.

25. After Pentecost deems a suitable amount of time has passed, and the Major is bumbling his way through explaining what is happening to Command, Pentecost gives The Order.

26. Volunteers drop All The Grenades onto the Orks below them, battering at the Hive entrance. This ends up being over a hundred frag and krak grenades.

27. New, well-asserted Warboss is pretty much vaporized by massed Long Las fire. I roll for Ork army cohesion. For the first time in dozens of rolls, they actually fail. They *critical fail*. Not only do they critical fail, but follow-up rolls wildly fail to regain *any* sort of cohesion in the Horde.

Conclusion: Now *all* the Orks think that *they* get to be the Warboss.

Orks: total collapse of organization, infighting begins.
PC's Company: Sniping off any and all vaguely-authority looking Boyz/Nobz in the morass below.
Major: Staring down at the completely turned-around battlefield below.
Lieutenant Pentecost: Smuggest son of a bitch on Kulth.

After a few hours of bloody infighting, the Guard sallies out of Roxis and drives the Orks off. This is how the PC's regiment (mostly just their specific company) turned a bloody defeat into a complete victory.

Their new Regiment name: "The Decapitators of Roxis."

I give them a unit medal that lets them Righteous Fury against Orks on a 9 as well as a 10, and lets NPCs in the Regiment without Fate Points Righteous Fury on a 10.

If people are interested, I may give more Storytime later. This is, after all, just an accounting of up to the ~5th session of a 2-semester long game.

Hell yes.

The daemon's snakelike tongue flicked between its lips as it stared at the looming iron she'll before it. "You have not felt the touch of true power, machine-man. Do you think you are safe in your metal box?"

The machine did not answer, simply striding left to match the daemon's motion. "You are a fool to come here, corpse-worshipper."

"Worshipper?" boomed the great machine, laughter echoing from its mighty vox. "I leave such acts to your ilk, Warpspawn." The dreadnought stepped forward, flames flickering at the tips of its massive claw. "We merely serve."

The Dreadnought seized the daemon's head in its taloned grip, filling its mind with searing heat and its vision with fire.

The beast topped to the ground, headless and already fading back into the Warp. The machine stepped forward, crushing the daemon in one last insult. "Onward, Crusaders! For the glory of Man!"

(Might do something later when I'm off work. Lunch is too short...)

>just an accounting of up to the ~5th session
Do it faggot.

>Now *all* the Orks think that *they* get to be the Warboss.
They don't have a Warboss.
They're an anarchosyndicalist commune. They take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.

Well played and I don't say that about Python quoting often.

You got the rules for this thing?

Those are actively in development at the moment. A PDF with all the tables could get posted in the future when it's done, though.

I followed some random dungeon generator 100% to the letter and made a dungeon that made complete ecological sense.

It really freaked me out so I burned it.

Last night, I played a murder mystery story game set in a 1930's English country house; one of the neat little things you can do is roll up where you want specific scenes between two characters to take place.

As a result, this country house ended up having three terraces, two conservatories (one of which was a secret conservatory), a Ladies' Drawing Room and a Water Tower.

It was all rather silly.

We need more Last Crusaders, dickeido

Please come back senpai

On the subject of Veeky Forums tables, I had some fun with the Ork Klan tables.

>freebootaz
>red (fastest)
>weirdboy
>off to the Warp
>Gork
>"ally" Chaos
>"enemy" Imperium
>lots of weirdboys
>looted a Tyranid
>which da boss rides ta battle
I think it's Ork Thousand Sons.

...

Ah, love hotels. The most iconic supernatural dungeon.

Have you ever been to one? There's moans, screaming, and loud prayer all over the place.

Windmills keep monsters away?
What on Earth is this from?

I rolled up a Rank 1 Arch Militant in Rogue Trader with 77 Strength and 11 Int.

Mutation tables man.

Any of you guys have that tool Veeky Forums uses to style up Space Marines a la pic related? I feel like giving these a shot.

It's because windmills attract cavaliers that tilt at them for training. With so many of them around monsters tend to find other places to be.

>gurps game, new player to gaming
>builds a cleric healer type; super innocent, very naive in a and out of game
>always tries her best to help everyone
>is beset upon by bandits
>rolls to swing staff at them, fend them off
>rolls a 3
>critical hit!
>random location!
>3! Head/brain!
>critical hit effect!
>3! Triple Maximum damage!
>Proceeds to brain bad guy for more than his hp X3, effectively shreds the top of his head with a heavy stick

>proceeds to do variations of this feat on THREE separate occasions that campaign

Senie; I miss gaming with you. The dice gods smiled upon you so often :)

>Baneblades fastened to the hull outside to save space and offer better firepower

You fucking madman. I love it

Part of me wonders whether tank guns, even those of Baneblades, would be at all relevant in something on the scale of 40k ship-to-ship combat.

The rest of me wants to tell that part of me to shut up because he apparently hates awesome.

So, now we get to the actual table-thing that the prior poster mentioned our game for.

After saving Roxis, the regiment, in order to make up its losses, was reformed and merged with another regiment.

Three things are important to this process:

1: I'd intended for this to happen all along. We had some rookie players, and after they'd actually played some, I intended to let them take part in Regiment design to pick out abilities they liked.
2: I'd been using a mechanic for 'Renown' built based upon character and unit actions. The more Renown they had, the more 'bonus points' they'd get to rebuild their Regiment with. This encouraged some suicidal courage in the first few sessions (they turned around a route in part by two PC's suicide-hugging a Meganob with Krak Grenades), and they had a moderate amount of Renown built up by the time they got to the siege of Roxis.
3. In order to keep myself from being too generous as a GM (I tend to want the heroes of a story to win), when they picked 'having cavalry mounts' as one of their options, I made up a little table for them to roll on, to see how cool their mounts would be, the lower the roll, the cooler it'd be. The form of 'coolness' being bonus trait rolls on the Koronus Bestiary rules for creating Xenos races, and on a crit-success roll (01), they'd get some super-beast from Aurum, because Aurum is where super-grown things come from. Decavein is like that.

So, two things broke this system wide open.

The first, obviously, being the Renown gained when they turned a bloody defeat at Roxis into a route of the Orks.

The second being when Jack (remember that player) rolls for how awesome their mounts will be; "What does a one get us?"

So, I roll about 10 extra traits for them, and they get the Space Bats, the stat line of which has already been described above.

With their bonus points, they also pick to have the Regiment they're merging with be a Superheavy Armor Regiment.

>"What does a one get us?"
Perhaps the six second-deadliest words to come out of a player's mouth in 40k. (The deadliest, of course, replace one with "hundred".)

Being Marksmen with Sharpshooter training has been working pretty well for these guys thus far, so they stick with that, and also get Carapace Armor assigned as standard kit, to increase survive-ability.

Also relevant at this point, is some understanding of the 'cast' of the Regiment.

1. Tech Priest (alphanumeric string), Colonel in command of the new mixed Regiment. He's *not* a battlefield commander, and basically is happy to bean-count the logistics of running the unit, while-
2. *Major* Pentecost, freshly promoted as the second in command of the Regiment, and functioning Battlefield Commander. As the officer most responsible for Roxis being saved, he's in major favor with local Command.
3. Sergeant, now promoted to Lieutenant, Powers. The Sergeant in charge of the PCs squad, he's a 20-year-veteran, grizzled vet from Gunmetal City who is in no small part responsible for Pentecost's success. He's the one who had a nearby Tech-Priest record Pentecost's duel with a Commissar, to make sure no accusations against him would stick, he's also an incredible shot with a pistol and can survive for a while against a Nob in melee.
4. Player Character Sergeant Albrecht Von Quarstburg; the man who picked up the volunteers from Roxis, and actually has social/leadership skills. He's got nominal command of the NPCs that hang out with the party.
5. PC-Operator. The one player whose character died rolled up an Operator, as they're getting Superheavy Tanks.
6. PC-Heavy Weapons guy. He requisitions a missile launcher+Krak Missiles before the next mission. He's still a Weapon Specialist in a Marksman/Sharpshooter regiment, so has massive Ballistic Skill.
7. PC Enginseer 'My Tech Use is over 100.' Maintaining those Baneblades will *not* be a problem.

We had another player, but he dropped out around here.

So. Being a 10k-man Regiment, only half of which is Armored, I determine that they have ~120 tanks in that Regiment, of which half are straight Baneblades, and then 5 of each other non-Speshul-Astartes variants. They're certainly not the only Superheavies on Kulth, but they're definitely the largest concentration of them.

They get a couple months down time to train up with their new equipment, do some unit integration, etc. Then their orders come down:

Assault the Serevan Lines, and make a blitz directly for the Sanguine Palace. The PC's don't know it, but someone of considerable rank *doesn't* like them, and this order is actually supposed to get them killed.

Major Pentecost, of course, is fully confident in the clearly-proven ability of his men, and simply sees this task as appropriate to their capabilities. He fully intends to carry it out.

Important to this, is the fact that the Serevans and the Guard hadn't been fighting much lately; the Orks had the lions' share of either's attention, and they mostly just stared angrily across entrenched lines at each other, lobbing arty around occasionally.

The assault consisted of 3 phases; breaking the Serevan's front lines, dealing with a concentrated Air Assault trying to stop them, and then the assault on the Sanguine Palace (a Hive-Fortress-type thing) itself.

The assault on the front lines made one thing very clear to me as the GM; I had *massively* underestimated the durability of Baneblades and their variants. Even with Lascannons, hits to the side would usually do ~10 or less damage, and the things have *one hundred and twenty* hit points. Most tanks primary weapons are less damaging than a Lascannon to hardened targets, and Demolisher Cannon are too short ranged to get a shot at an approaching Baneblade in the first place. Whatever is mounting them, save another Baneblade, is going to get creamed.

They smash through the lines with only incidental damage to their leading few tanks.

I've made up loot tables in a game I'm running. Eight categories, including various currencies, guns, ammo, melee weapons, explosives, and junk. Because not all the loot you find will be worth something.

Well, anyway. In the loot table for explosives, I only had eleven items, and I needed one more. "So," I thought, "why not put a trap in there?"
Trapped Chest, 3d6 damage, 15" diameter. In the interest of fairness, however, I do let anyone paying attention to the chest roll Agility to try and react to the "click-ping" of the trap.

The best use, to date, has been in the middle of a radiation-filled bunker, while they're fighting out-of-control robots. One player splits off to backtrack, and hopefully find a good weapon. BOOM, a rumble washes down the corridor behind you.

Probably not quite what you want OP, but I thought this was great.
>D&D 3.5 with Uni friends about a month back
>Nobody takes it too seriously, more of a chance for us to catch up
>DM planned his campaign 2 years back, lost his notes, playing it by ear
>As a result our games seem more like an episodic series than a story with an overarching connective plot
>This particular session is about us winning the 'olympic games'' of sorts, where the PCs perform in randomly deigned physical and mental events
>About halfway through
>Dm rolled, time for a longjump competition
>My Halfling druid has about as much Str and Dex as a blind sea mollusc
>wemustadapt.png
>Picked up a DM-invented ability a while back to 'succeed a concentration check to summon the nearest bird'
>Could this be the perfect time?
>Tell the DM I'm summoning a bird at the top of my jump, 'the creature's confused flapping will give me the lift to succeed'
>My turn to longjump, roll a whopping 6 or something, but succeed on the concentration check
>DM tells us he'll roll a D100 to see what appears in my hands
>0-70 is a harmless bird, 70-99 is something hostile, 100 is a pissed off golden dragon
>throws dice in the middle of the table, we can all see
>It's 100
>Everybody quiets down
>There's no way we can defeat this thing
>It wipes out half the town and most of the important NPCs on a murdering rampage, throwing us on an hour-long tangent
>mfw I won the event because the dragon carried me like 3km away

The air assault was a long, messy, and ultimately futile attempt to stop the convoy run by another player I semi-regularly have run opposition groups for me.

He was playing as Duke Severus's son, a pilot in command of their air defenses. He brings in a squadron of Thunderbolts, a squadron of Marauders, and his personal Fury to hit the convoy. Anything less than a Lascannon is basically going to do nothing, but the Marauders carry two sets of six (one internal, one external) massive iron bombs each. I based their damage numbers on the Turbo-Laser Destructor.

The bombs score a lot of hits. Unfortunately, it takes like five or six hits to actually *kill* one of the Baneblades, and there's *120* of them. Imperial Air cover arrives, and there's a massive aerial brawl. The Serevans win the first air fight, barely, and the Duke's son does some serious damage with the Fury's banks of Lascannons.

The Space Bats descend and latch onto hardpoints pre-welded onto the Superheavies, and lift them into the air, ~6 to a Baneblade. The Space Bats are Silicate Life Forms, have the Sprint Talent, and x3 Unnatural Speed. The column's speed roughly triples, meaning they're going to be at the Sanguine Palace in about two hours now. They also can now depress their guns high enough to hit flying targets, and they tear the shit out of most of what's left of the Serevan air assets.

Bomb drops targetting the 2 tanks the PC's, Powers, and Pentecost are on almost kill them. But they're *snipers.* And these are great big bombs, falling through the air for long seconds. With 4+ degrees of success on Awareness, I let them start shooting Bombs out of the air if they can deal more than 20 damage in a single hit. One manages with extra dice from Accurate, another Righteous Fury's like a Boss.

Heavy Weapons Guy starts shooting bombs out of the air with Krak Missiles.

Serevans fall back to the Sanguine Palace to regroup, then come back for a final aerial sortie, packing a tac-nuke.

Tech Priest 'too much skill' was in a Baneblade with Improved Command and Control, however, and successfully identified which incoming bomber was hauling the nuke.

The bombing attack was routed, and the armored column pressed on to the Sanguine Palace.

There was one last gambit played by Duke Severus; a single Macrocannon oriented to fire on surface targets. Unfortunately, the tank column had dispersed over a broad area under threat of nuke, and the Macrocannon only managed to take out 3 Baneblades. All told, something like 12 Baneblades were destroyed, and dozens more non-critically damaged.

So, ~108 Superheavy tanks, carried by rock-Space-Bats, sweep across the plain to the Sanguine Palance. With a normal armored force, this is where the assault would end. They could bombard the palace, but its various emplacements would bombard back, and while Superheavies are tough, they're no match for the megastructure of a Hive.

But these are *flying* Baneblades. They skip that shit, and fly right up the Hive, hugging close to its surface to avoid engagement by AA defenses, and zip all the way up to the personal residence of Severus the 13th at the top.

This is where the final bits of random-table-shenanigans come into play for this part of the combat.

1: Rolling for the quality of the Sanguine Palace's defense commander got 'Political Appointment.' May have been marginally competent, but he was *not* prepared to deal with the BS of flying Baneblades.
2: Before the mission, HWG rolled for random 'mis-assigned' gear, and got 'An ornate sealed box with the insignia of the Inquisition emblazoned upon it.'

When they reached the palace proper, the box activated as a Teleport Beacon, and an Inquisitor and his retinue arrived to personally deal with Duke Severus. They hadn't been *expecting* the armored assault to work, but invested one trinket on the chance that it did.

A Volcano Cannon blasts down the doors to Severus's throne room.

>A Volcano Cannon blasts down the doors to Severus's throne room.

relevant: youtube.com/watch?v=xgZEXzHJwno

Duke Severus knows he's beat at this point, but he's not one to accept defeat.

So, donning his personal regalia of war, he storms into the throne room, and calls out anyone who would dare face him in personal combat.

There is a Beta-class Inquisitor in the Psyker's party, they're ready for this shit.

But Major Pentecost. Well. He's from a Regent with the 'Code of Honor' and 'Chivalry' 'drawbacks,' so he *must* accept.

I, the GM, gave this dude the most broken setup for duelling I could think of. An Eldar trinket with a Field Rating of 75; IE, 75% chance of absorbing any hit from anything, and a pair of Nemesis Force Swords, Gray Knight equipment notable in particular for raising the Field Rating of any Field the wielder had by 10. Each.

So, he has a 95% chance of *anything* hitting him being shrugged off.

Severus also has better combat stats than Pentecost, *and* is wearing power armor, while Pentecost has Carapace.

The Inquisitor decides to let Pentecost *try* to fight Severus. He can always have his retinue bail him out if things are going poorly.

First round of combat, Pentecost takes Initiative, and makes three attacks. Severus rolls poorly on two of his Dodge/Parries, and two get through. One gets eaten by the field, and for the other, one of the PC's actually rolls a 98.

Okay, I figure, low odds, but it could happen. Pentecost rolls pretty solid damage, wounds Severus pretty good.

Severus counter-attacks; Pentecost parries/dodges everything flawlessly.

Pentecost takes his second round of attacks, gets one past Severus' defenses, and *another* 96+ is rolled on the field. Pentecost Righteous Furies. Rolls near-max on the second die.

Pentecost is using a power weapon, which deals energy damage, and has just taken Severus to Crit 10.

Duke Severus dies, screaming in flame, in a duel that lasted less than twenty seconds.

Major Pentecost, now the smuggest son of a bitch on the Spineward Front.

That'll probably be it for tonight.

>Beta-class Inquisitor
>Psyker's party
That's a pretty beta Inquisitor if they let it be the Psyker's party.

>There is a Beta-class Inquisitor in the Psyker's party
Should be Beta-class Psyker in the Inquisitor's party...

unless there's something we should know?

I should sleep more before posting more.

Because apparently *I'm* from a 'Regent' with the 'insomniac' and 'mild narcolepsy' drawbacks.

night user

Anyone archiving this for posterity?

Did it a while ago. It doesn't have the whole thread, but it has more than when I did it, so it's up to something.

suptg updates automatically every 2 hours until the thread 404s

different writefag but here's my take on a first origin thing

Kaius Tychon, Chapter Master of the Eternal Cinders, had spent time in the company of three Inquisitors, and yet he had never felt more scrutinised than he did at this moment. He stood pacing before a massive, ancient dreadnought, the oldest he had seen; indeed, perhaps the oldest to bear the colours of the Salamanders.

His chapter had discovered the venerable ancient in the midst of a grand cache of relics, discovered in a hunt for a worthy gift to their great predecessor chapter. While Kaius's knowingly empty hope for one of the lost Relics of Vulkan was not met, the discovering of a surviving Battle-Brother from the days of the Primarchs was still a great victory.

Or so he hoped, as he waited in front of the ancient Son of Vulkan, the machine's optics idly tracing him back and forth as he walked through the room, nary a sound but his footfalls. He had spent the better part of several days explaining the status of the Imperium to the forgotten dreadnought, often answered with silence or a few short questions.

Finally, the giant spoke.
>I see.

"You see what?"

>Without the Emperor's guiding light, the worst failings of mankind haunt what he built.

The Chapter Master's pacing stopped short. "What?"

>I have asked you of your time, brother, but what do you know of mine?
>Of the time before Aurelian's wretched words lodged themselves in Horus's ear.
>Do they tell you of the Emperor's will? Of the Imperial Truth?

"At the dawn of the Imperium, the Emperor lead his sons from Terra to bring his holy will-"

>There is that word.
>His "holy" will.
>The Emperor is not a god, brother. He made Lorgar, before his treachery, kneel in the ashes of his greatest city for giving voice to such thoughts.
>Your Ecclesiarchy, your Imperium, it is a wretched shadow of what the Emperor built.
>If what you tell me is true, I will have no part in it.

"Clearly he is mad, sir." One of his Chaplains, who had served to explain the Empire's theology, spoke up. "Perhaps corrupted by the Ruino-"

>SILENCE.
The vox screeched, the device strained through the sheer volume of the voice it projected. The Chapter Master winced at the sound, a faint ringing in his ears. One of the machine's mighty arms stretched upwards, its claw tearing a gash in the ceiling of the chamber.
>I SAW THE FIRES OF ISTVAAN V.
>I SAW THE TWISTED EYES OF THE FILTH I ONCE CALLED BROTHERS AS THEY CUT US DOWN FROM BEHIND.
>PERHAPS TIME HAS SET US UPON DIFFERENT TRUTHS, AND WHAT I SAY MAY BE ANATHEMA TO YOU.
>BUT NEVER AGAIN LIKEN ME TO THE WRETCHED PUPPETS OF HORUS AND HIS WARP-BOUND MASTERS.

"Enough." The Chapter Master held up his hand towards the Chaplain, who had already shrunk back towards the far wall.

>Surely my brothers remember. Do the Astartes simply let these fools have their way?

"The relationship between the Adeptus Astartes and the Ecclesiarchy can be..." the Chapter Master gathered his breath, hunting for a word, "...tenuous, but it is necessary for the survival of the Imperium."

The dreadnought scoffed; an unusual sound, coming as it did from its massive vox.
>At least once, your Ecclesiarchy threatened to tear the Imperium apart.
>How many worlds has your Inquisition burned over disputes of petty doctrine?
>Have the Astartes simply stood by and let mankind butcher itself, letting the Age of Strife play before our eyes?

"There have been... incidents." The Chapter Master sighed. "There is no love lost between the Space Wolves and the Ecclesiarchy, certainly, but it has brought them to the brink of annihilation."

>HA!
>I fought alongside the Sons of Russ many times; any fool in your Inquisition who tries to take on them all would make a fine example for the rest.
The dreadnought's booming laughter echoed from the walls.

>Now come, brother.
>I would speak with your... chapter, if you allow it. I have much to learn if I am to continue the Emperor's work.

"When you speak of the Emperor's work, will you-"

>I will not take up arms against humanity; not unless they seek me out. Not when there are other enemies to face.
>But this wretched Imperium will fall, at the hands of the Emperor if none else.
>You are welcome to join me, brother. To fight the true crusade, against the enemies of man both within and without.

The Chapter Master smiled slightly. "We will see."

Great. Need to be canon/10.

I laughed so hard I woke my housemate up. Cheers user

Pretty good friend. Any more coming?

I just want to say I appreciate the writefag theme naming we've got going on here.

Thanks. I will see what I can do before work, otherwise probably not until thread dies...

ONORE

I figure this is as good of place as any for this:

Recently I've been listening to Crit juice, a D&D podcast. On their website they make reference to a game they once played with a Celestial Corgi, a reincarnation of Pelor.

critjuice.com/fromthedm/2012/12/13/the-power-of-the-cosmic-corgi

Now I have the Libram of random effects mentioned at the top. Here it is.

What I'm looking for is the table of random effects at the bottom that links to a 404 page. Does anyone have it?

Where are the tables for this?

>near end of long-running pathfinder campaign
>characters get mindfucked by cthulhu, my dwarf barbarian gets split personalities
>himself as a vulnerable child
>himself, unchanged
>himself as the orc warlord he once saw himself as becoming
>every time I gain consciousness I roll to see what personality takes control
>3 days pass without incident as I keep rolling to wake up unchanged
>finally, wake up in tavern
>roll orc warlord
>decide that most interesting way to make the morning events unfold is if it's random
>roll that the first character I meet in the morning is the half-elf cleric
>the one who hates the entire group, especially my character
>the one whom recently had her spine severed by my character
>the one who is generally disgusted by the presence of my stupid, smelly, asshole dwarf
>orc warlord sees familiar filthy halfbreed lady
>WENCH FETCH ME MY BREAKFAST
>oh lord no she's not standing for this shit
>beats my ass through caster supremacy
>brands my forehead
>fall unconscious
>rest of the party arrives at scene, where they find the dwarf unconscious and magically branded with the cleric's mark
>disapproval from all around the table
>wizardbro and druid help me to my bed in my room to take care of me
>regain consciousness
>roll up vulnerable child, currently hurting like a bitch after receiving a righteous asskicking
>party thinks that the cleric has out of nowhere decided to kick my ass and has done it so hard that I've regressed to a child
>further looks of disapproval
>paladin or druid eventually hit me with some healing shit that also cures the mental effect
>personality disorder splits with no-one really realising what happened
Wouldn't have been anywhere near as funny without the open rolling.

>Playing Dark Hersey 2.0.
>Party fighting at the top of a hive city tower.
>Everyone in party dead or dying except for the Psyker
>Psyker is stuck in melee against the big bad brute
>Has no chance of victory, is cornered with back to open elevator shaft
>Brute kicks the psyker down the elevator shaft
>DM allows the Psyker his "last words" as he falls
>Psyker declares that he's using a psyker ability.
> Rolls for it, procs psychic phenomena
> Rolls on psychic phenomena table, upgrades to perils of the warp
> Rolls on perils of the warp table.
> Result is "body switch" - temporarily swap minds with the target of the ability
>The mind of the brute is suddenly in the psyker's body as he falls.
> Psyker's body goes splat.
> Whole table silent.
> DM rules that the psyker's mind is now permanently in the brute's body, since there's nowhere to swap back to.
> Table cheers!

This is by far the most legendary thing to happen at our table.

My character was a beagle that could fly at the speed of sound and create volcanoes powerful enough to destroy states at a time.

This was with the old Marvel Superheroes game, using the ultimate powers book.

Not mine, but remember two stories regarding Mordheim.
>two warbands meet
>commanders end up dueling one another
>beat the shit out of each other
>once mission is over, both sides roll to see what happens to the knocked out commanders
>both commanders end up being captured by the opposing team

So basically, instead of grabbing their own commander and running, the dudes nabbed the enemy commander (by accident?)

Another one:
>commander firing his pistol
>misfire
>gun blows up in his face
>knocked out
>roll after mission for status
>commander gains Hatred towards the warband that knocked him out
>it was his own pistol, aka. his own warband
>commander has Hatred toward his own warband

I think this is the first time I have heard of a Psyker surviving BECAUSE of Perils of the Warp. Kudos.

>Tell me your best stories from rolling on random generation tables Veeky Forums

maybe another time I will tell you the story of the npc magos we rolled up for the manufactorum of our ship.

Whenever you're all ready user.

For those of you that wanted the tank creator
tables used to make --Armour Tables V7.1--
docs.google.com/file/d/0B2czG_PEUpgjc3NGZmRqbE1lZUE/

--Armour Appendices V3.5.1--
docs.google.com/file/d/0B2czG_PEUpgjcm5sdEoyMDVNSk0/

--Armour Table Glossary--
docs.google.com/document/d/1zKgFQ1_AOuzDOrqXVXOH9Co_vkujFGu7xWMrAFtxu_s/

the Non-euclidian Autocannon Suprise was made with a earlier version but i think it's still possible to get really stupidly awesome shit from it

The DM that I've played DnD with for a while now loves to make random tables to roll on. Random NPC name tables, random potion effect tables, random specialty prostitute tables, etc.

In our current game, our party had just defeated a Lich and we barely escaped from the stronghold. All of us were horribly wounded and/or scarred. Our one-eyed monk had lost his other eye, I had a permanent limp, etc. We were desperate to rest somewhere safe. We came upon a town of Bullywags that the elf kingdom here uses as a buffer against drow raiding parties. I gain the Bullywags kings favor and he allows us to stay and invites us to the large feast.

At this feast is a huge cauldron of soup. One of the players jokingly says it should have the same effect as a potion from the random potion table. The DM says "roll for it." They do so, DM looks in his notes and laughs. Not good.

We all recieves our bowls of soup, looking closer it's rancid looking. A deep green color with random mushrooms, insects, and other small critters. I make a sleight of hand to drink some, but really pour some on the dirt. The other party members are too grossed out to even attempt to drink it, except the gnome who is too hungry to care.

Turns out, this is all part of the Bullywag mating ritual as the soup is a extremely potent aphrodisiac. And so the DM describes the terrible slimy frog man orgy that happens right in front of us. The poor gnome party member was magical realmed by a frog woman.

Thankfully, a small drow raiding party attacked us shortly after.

Oh god i gave those random tables a spin and it spat out a turreted SPG that's bloody MADE out of warcrimes and burning and murder and WARCRIMES OH MY

>Type: Turreted SPG
>Weight: Superheavy (5 Base Crew)
>Chassis: Wheeled/Tracked Volute-spring bogies
>Chassis Trait: Slack track
>Engine/Transmission: Nuclear
>Engine Trait: Eectric starter
>Armour Type: Insulated Cast Steel/Rolled Steel Composite
>Hull Armour Trait: Side Skirts
>Hull Trait: Multi-compartmented
>Optic: High-Power Optics (Non-Adjustable)

>Weapon Mount 1; Double turret (Secondary has the Secondary Turret Trait, +2 Crew)
>Turret Trait: Hexagonal
>Subtrait: Rear Bustle
>Primary: Medium Cannon, 60.6mm, Hydro-pneumatic Recoil System, HESH
>Secondary: Light Howitzer, 53.5mm, Secondary Turret, Beehive Flechette (Standard) & Nuclear[Fission] (Bombardment)

>Weapon Mount 2: Single Turret + Hull Weapon, +2 Crew)
>Turret Trait: Conical
>Subtrait: Round Mantlet
>Turret Primary: Unguided Rocket Launcher, 82.5mm, Anti-Blast Panelling, Multitype x2 (Incendiary[Red Phosphorus], Nuclear[Neutron], Chemical[Lewisite], EFP Cluster) (Bombardment)
>Hull Mount: Bow Casemate (Closed) (+1 Crew)
>Hull Mount Trait: Vertical Slope
>Subtrait: Small Mantlet
>Hull Primary: Superheavy Cannon, 171.5mm, Chain Autoloader, Multitype (Flare, HESH)

>Secondary 1: Light Squeezebore, 19.75mm, Pillbox-mount, Incendiary [Benzine]
>Secondary 2: Light Howitzer, 33.75mm, Detachable, Biological[Plague] (Standard) & Multitype (Explosively Formed Penetrator, Biological[Ricin]) (Bombardment)

>Extra 1: Trench Rails
>Extra 2: Command Vehicle
>Extra 3: Extended Radio
>Vehicle Trait 1: High Manufacturing Quality
>Vehicle Trait 2: NBC Sealing
>Total Crew: 10 Crew

This thing needs a name. It DESERVES a name.

The Unkempt Harold