Our horses can gallop for days on end

> Our horses can gallop for days on end
> the dorf hunts for deer with an enchanted battleaxe
> The main roads are always absolutely swarming with armies of goblins and raiders
> it takes four days to get from the heart of Not!Rome to Not!China
> Cooking raw meat is as easy as sticking it over a fire for an hour or so
> all our supplies fit in a small rucksack
> paladin never takes off full plate armour
> we always sleep outside, always
> we just finished a grueling weeklong journey only to immediately walk into a library to start reserching
I don't think my party has ever actually seen a forest in real life
Pic absolutely related

> The main roads are always absolutely swarming with armies of goblins and raiders
That one sounds like it's on the GM rather than the players.

>Cooking raw meat is as easy as sticking it over a fire for an hour or so
>we always sleep outside, always
>we just finished a grueling weeklong journey only to immediately walk into a library to start researching

Holy shit I'm not the only one, this shit is infuriating.

You also forgot,
>They're always eating rations
>When they're not eating rations, they're wearing a ring that keeps them full and hydrated
>Speaking of hydrated, it's always ale all the time

Holy shit dude, you're a person not a robot, stop acting like you can live off dried meat and berries for weeks on end in the middle of the forest, only to immediately return to civilization and spend all your time reading a book, forging a sword or drinking beer.

I've started giving disadvantage on social rolls if they don't have a solid rest after a long trip for shit like bathing and mending clothes.

I've also told players to consider getting medium armor under robes if they really wanted to stay armored all the time.

>Cooking raw meat is as easy as sticking it over a fire for an hour or so
After you clean and gut the critter it kinda is. It's not exactly rocket surgery.

Making it taste good is another thing entirely, but cooking it isn't.

>Making it taste good is another thing entirely, but cooking it isn't.

So why do we never see players with a little pouch of salt with them, or maybe a little container of spices or rubs or any other multitude of things that will make the meat taste better than "the gamiest shit in the land."

>Live, healthy trees immediately engulf in flames should they ever come into contact with fire

Gamey meat isn't that bad, it just tends to have a bit of a smell to it.

Because we are playing a fantasy adventure game, not a wilderness survival simulator. Let the mundane stuff happen off screen so we can get to the good stuff that actually matters to the story.

Suddenly I want to play Samwise Gamgee

Just put points into Profession (Chef) and Knowledge (Nature).

Now you can make dinner *and* find the right ingredients.

That sounds like regular D&D. You know there is a reason it's called high fantasy and there are more "realistic" systems.

Potatoes!

Just use the survival skill.

This so much

>the dorf hunts for deer with an enchanted battleaxe

Well D&D animals ARE insanely territorial, aggressive, bloodthirsty and strong. So it's either traps, sniping or donning armor and rolling out the big guns.

What's the point in slaying the dragon and getting tons of money if you're never going to spend it, or never spend it on creature comforts?

He wants to cook up a good dinner, survival simply lets you get enough food to survive.

You can just assume all that happens in the background. Like, you never roleplay the characters taking a dump do you know? Same thing here, it's a irrelevant part of the story and doesn't need to be even brought up.

>I want to use 3.5's retarded granulation rules
Survival lets you cock and figure out what the shit you find innawoods tastes like. Now stop being autistic about it.

>play a forest-wise barbarian
>can't wait to RP proper hunting, camping and cooking elaborate meals for the lads
>DMPC just throws down a Heroic Feast when the party gets hungry and everyone just sleeps in armor wherever

>What's the point in slaying the dragon and getting tons of money
A) exp
B) loot

Obviously to buy insane enchanted weapons/armor, insane spells and fucking castles. Then duke it out with bigger dragons.

this I can mostly blame on the GM not doing a better job of conveying how grueling and/or miserable being out in the wilderness is.

have it start raining, did any of them bring wet-weather gear? no? then describe to them that their characters are now cold and wet and all their gear is damp. even if they have a cloak to put on themselves this doesn't change that their gear may still be soaked and definitely everything around them certainly is so so much for having a fire tonight. Did they bring a tent? no? just bedrolls? well I hope they like sleeping in the mud, being rained on, and still having no fire because no one could find any dry anything to burn.

If they are in any way good role players, I can assure you that the very first thing they are going to want more than even furthering the plot is going to be hot food and a warm bed, expenses be damned.

I..I never put anything on my steak, I just cook it. I think it tastes great...

It's almost like they're modern sedentary nerds playing a game for fantasy violence instead of a hiking simulator.

>Hiking Simulator: The RPG!
>Roleplay your pangs of hunger and exhaustion as you struggle under the weight of your possessions!
>Know the position of every piece of garbage and lint in your inventory, all the way down to individual pocket depth
>Specify all your actions down to the hour! Feel every moment of the journey.
>Experience the finer irritations of travel with the Random Inconveniences tables!
>New crafting system tells you exactly how long it takes to prepare meals!
>Maintain a healthy diet with realistic nutrition mechanics
>Let your character bitch and moan by rolling on our realistic Complaining Tables!

Holy Shit, this brings back memories.
I once went on this sort of 'camping trip' where there were essentially a bunch of dudes like three hours away from a town sitting around a campsite chilling. Near night I saw a these two fat Americans (this happened in Manitoba) and their son throwing full logs onto this little tiny fire that was like 70% wrappers and newspaper. Obvously nothing happened. After a while one of them got angry and drove down down to this small shop where you can buy supplies and stuff. He comes back with these fire starter logs that start an intense fire, for all of two minutes. Them go out. They just ate Cliff bars that night. The next day the dad left for six hours and came back with food from Walmart that didn't need cooking. I honestly did not think humans like this existed. We could have helped them, but c'mon would you have?

Some people play these games to escape the trouble and toil of life.

>I've started giving disadvantage on social rolls if they don't have a solid rest after a long trip for shit like bathing and mending clothes.

Prestidigitation and Mending cantrips.

With my 2+Int skillpoints? Eat a goddamn dick, I need those for perception and shit to -not die-.

This is incidentally why most players don't give a shit about this stuff. They literally can't. No room for fluffy skills.

We were just talking about how eating raw meat is unrealistic

you're steak is far and away different from some deer or rabbit you just shot and gutted.

Holy fuck are simulationists really this autistic?

Don't play D&D.

>With my 2+Int skillpoints?
Just play 5e already.

The rest is still needed to recover. But yes I allow the use of it. Turns out mending comes in very handy for a gish who wears concealed armor.

I started giving my party various minute morale bonuses for staying comfy. Also, and I know this sounds silly, wearing a piece of clothing your character would wear like a wizard hat or elf ears really helps players act in-character. Something about dressing up like someone else makes it easier to say "fuck you guys, I'm sleeping at the inn".

Not being able to start a fire is an issue I would face, I've never learned such a skill beyond reading how to in a book once and not remembering it.

Firestarting isn't a skill that rears its head in my day to day life to be fair.

You could just as easily have said
>Player can take inhuman amounts of damage
>There are fucking dungeons scattered across the world with monsters and loot in them
>The fighter can get smacked by something with 14x his bodymass and take it on his shield.

If you're playing a game made for people who for some reason want vidya without graphics you shouldn't be surprised when they treat it like vidya without graphics.

If you wanted a down to earth, believable experience that focuses on basic human needs and surviving from day to day, why the fuck did you join a D&D game in the first place?

I've aten deer that I shot and it tasted good without extra spices.

A player in my party has craft(food) and every night she rolls to see what she can make with what they have. It's quick and doesn't get in the way but allows the players some potential for comfy moments they're free to expand on if they want.

> it takes four days to get from the heart of Not!Rome to Not!China
This got me curious enough to open up a world map of Forgotten Realms. Let's say Amn is !Rome and the Sword Coast to the north probably could fit into !Gaul and !Germania while to the south is !NorthAfrica and far to the south East is !Middle-East.

Startpoint being Athkatla. Now, I can see two ways to travel and I really don't think it'd be feasible to use only horse, especially since that would require going through marked trails in the great !Germania far from civilization around the Sea of Fallen Stars. That'd take months if not years.

I'd propose using a land until reaching the Sea o Fallen Stars and then taking a boat, if the party has a wagon I'd take the long way heading first south then east to Alaghon in Turmish to make use of well traveled roads (1600miles). If not head north and east by trails to Westgate in the dragon coast (1200miles).

Either choice would result in using a boat to get to Telflamm in Thesk, road until the river crossing at Mulsantir (500miles), then about 3000 miles worth of road to Shou Lung which is !China.

This works out to about 5000ish miles by horse and about 3000 miles by boat. Presuming 40 miles per day by horse (125days) and 100 miles per day by sailing ship (30days). We can be there in about 5 months, not including detours due to wars/plagues or political intrigue.

Or the mage can teleport us there instantly. Either's good.

user, if you want gritty realistic survival, play a game that reflects that, or get a DM who can make the setting reflect that.

This. If you don't have a wood stove at home or just regularily build campfires for funsies in your garden, chances are that you don't have the slightest about how to go on about it.

>Or the mage can teleport us there instantly.
>not familiar, fail roll, land in Thay

> it takes four days to get from the heart of Not!Rome to Not!China

So aggravating. Just finished playing a 5E campaign that was otherwise great except for it taking us like 2-3 weeks to sail across the whole world. In another game I was DMing with a lot of the same players, finding out it would take three weeks to travel from one town to the next was met with shock.

Are we talking big towns here, or is every fucking hamlet 3 weeks away from everything else?

Big towns - going from one major port on the eastern coast on the narrow part of a smallish continent to another on the western coast.

>Random Inconveniences tables
I'm so gonna write one up tomorrow

Still, big towns should be like a day or two's ride on horse.
Cities should be a few days at a stroll, or maybe a day on a hard ride if you push the horses.
Major cities at least a week apart if not more unless you're literally medieval italy or the levant.

Cooking raw meat is really fucking easy, have you never ever been outside hunting, fishing or camping ?

Hell, have you guys never operated a barbeque before?

Then I will adjust accordingly in the future. Thanks user!

>he doesn't know about the secret government program to breed genetically engineered bushes that preseason wild game

>Our horses can gallop for days on end
Sounds like it's either the DM handwaving it or not knowing about horses, meaning it's probably because people don't want to play ration tracking: the game (which can be fun, but most people don't want to play all that all the time).

> the dorf hunts for deer with an enchanted battleaxe
iirc enchanted weapons in most games (definitely some editions of D&D) are magically durable, and if you don't want to budget weight in your pack for a nonmagical spear or something that should be fine.

> The main roads are always absolutely swarming with armies of goblins and raiders
That's a setting thing and comes down to the DM's preference.

> it takes four days to get from the heart of Not!Rome to Not!China
If the DM is going for a realistic setting, that's a fair point.

> Cooking raw meat is as easy as sticking it over a fire for an hour or so
Yeah, after you spend a minute prepping the meat (pulling out the guts and such).

> all our supplies fit in a small rucksack
Depends on how much we're talking about in terms of supplies. Could be fine, could be handwaving for ease of gameplay.

> paladin never takes off full plate armour
Again, comes down to how much realism people want.

> we always sleep outside, always
I guess the group cares more about cash than comfort?

> we just finished a grueling weeklong journey only to immediately walk into a library to start reserching
Again, how much realism do people want?

It sounds like you're looking for a much more realistic game than the rest of your group, whereas they probably want to be big damn heroes and kill the shit out of the bad guys.

>Hey guys, let's take an system designed to have fun and go on quests with, and make it shifty by over complicating it with unnecessary rules to make it more real!
>yeah! Isint the whole idea behind RPGS to enjoy how boring and difficult everyday life can be! But in fantasy!

/thread

>DMPC
You've got bigger problems than not being able to enjoy the full wilderness survival experience.

A 5000 mile trip and back again should be an adventure in of itself.

Actually, how would stereotypical low level adventurers, fighter, cleric, mage, rogue, prepare for a journey like that? I'd go find a merchant house or guild to find out about trade routes and possibly hire on to a merchant caravan making the trip.

Darksun and Al-Qadim had really nice caravan centered stuff.

I can see problem with axe being very bad hunting weapon. Enchanting (unless it was like fucking fire damage) would probably help, but still you'd have to get very close to deer and perform clean decapitation. Otherwise you'd just ruin the meat if you swing your axe in general direction.

>taking the boat
Reminder that ships and crews regularily were stuck in a harbour for six to ten months because they failed to leave within the sailing season due to bad weather, due to late deliveries of essential supplies or due to bureaucratic issues. Plenty of harbours also took the main rudder of all ships entering port into custody, which made sailing off without the port authority's blessing a terrible idea.

Spending months in port waiting for the winds to turn homewards again wasn't unusual either.

> Party mage revealed to be a Thayan agent
> just as planned

>players are uninterested in being paid in goods like exotic spices or flour that can be sold in another village and only care about gold or magic items

>characters get knighthoods and their first magic items
>for bringing a satchel of tobacco to the king of not!France

I'll just steal all the rudders, and all the supplies, and then row the galleon out into the ocean with my own strength.

>applying too much logic and historical Acura cites to a fantasy game played by friends.
I like historical fantasy too, but now you're just being a cunt about it.

>Things aren't super realistic
I'm completely fine with that, I don't want to play Greggory the pockmarked farmboy who achieved nothing because adventurers aren't realistic and he died at the elderly age of 23 from plague or infection.

In increments.

Plenty of people were pacing their part parts of the treck - like the route from Venice to the Levantes - but very few people in every generation would actually travel all the way. And even of those few, none would have made the journey in a single push. The changes of season, business opportunites, political considerations and simple fatigue and sicknesses would keep such world travellers in one place or another for extended periods of their journey. Stops between a few months and a few years weren't unusual.

This was discussing overland travel; they couldn't take the boat for the reasons described and because of some other trade restrictions.

For clarity as well, this wasn't "There were only two towns, one on the east side, one on the west, and nothing between." They had to go to the town on the west coast for a specific reason, and there were large numbers of dispersed hamlets, small villages, and farming steads between each point.

I'm american, and i know how to start a fire. I live in the Rockies and i go camping all the time. We aren't all like that, and i can think of plenty of times i've seen tourists from Europe who have no idea what the hell they are doing. And don't even get me started on the Asians. And yes i know plenty of Americans who would die out in the woods as well. The point is its people from cities, not just Americans.

I've never really considered my players permanently wearing armor to be an issue, I even remove the penalties for it in games when it exists.(Physical, not social.)

Because money is for badass magical gear. comfort be damned.

>I'll just steal all the rudders,

You better be a D&D-character then, because the lvl 1 commoners had cranes to lift those.

This actually is one of the most enjoyable concepts for a quest I've heard in a while.

> Our horses can gallop for days on end
Anyone assuming horses are galloping or carrying their riders for the whole day is probably pretty dumb.
> the dorf hunts for deer with an enchanted battleaxe
This is sorta possible. Humans used to hunt by tracking and chasing game overland for long distances. Usually you would use a spear to hunt like this, but strictly speaking, there's nothing saying you can't use an axe.
> The main roads are always absolutely swarming with armies of goblins and raiders
T. Someone who hasn't lived in a feudal society, or one that recently had a governmental collapse or a recent war in their country.
> it takes four days to get from the heart of Not!Rome to Not!China
If you're going 130km/h for twelve hours per day, sure. You could do Venice to Beijing.
> Cooking raw meat is as easy as sticking it over a fire for an hour or so
It actually kind of is. You cut up the meat into smaller portions, and you stick it on a fire.
Boom. Cooked meat.
> all our supplies fit in a small rucksack
Ever hear of packing light? It can suck pretty hard, but it's possible to do long overland trips with it.
> paladin never takes off full plate armour
This shit triggers me. It's to the point where I'll try my damnedest to get plate armor that can fit into a bag of holding or something. And armor that can magically put itself on me.
That shit's a godsend.
> we always sleep outside, always
Murderhobos, inc.
> we just finished a grueling weeklong journey only to immediately walk into a library to start reserching
I've went motorcycling for an entire week only to immediately go back to work. It sucks, but it's doable. I imagine if you were saving the land/kingdom/princess/planet, you could find the motivation to get right to work once you roll into town.

If an "adventurer" wants comfort they are in the wrong line of work. They can sell their magical gear and retire to be comfortable, and help a new young murderhobo get better.

>I only played 3.5
I tend to make ruins rare, tombs already looted, and magic items be either major heirlooms or things of deep significance.

>implying I care about realism
I just want economics.

I do. Doesn't help the retards that cry about it being bland or shit.

Come on, you don't need to regularly start fires in your garden to know how to start a fire, as long as you've done it three or four times total at least the basics will stick with you.
And it's not like it's an extremely hard problem to solve.

Small stuff has higher surface area, so it burns better
dry wood burns better

That's basically all knowledge you need to make at least a shitty fire.

> Cooking raw meat is as easy as sticking it over a fire for an hour or so
Bunch of idiots right? I can do it in half an hour.

> the dorf hunts for deer with an enchanted battleaxe
Actually, it was a bear. My dorf barbarian which loathed weird things like money got to bribe a whole tavern with free bear meat, plus he befriended the nobleman's dogs.

I once also bartered a deal with a villain giving him a drum made of troll hide. It healed any puncture.

Raw meat is already good.

After an hour over a fire it's better.

Sometimes I don't even bother with salt.

If you have to operate something, it's already too complex. A knife makes skewers out of taquara bamboos, a hole in the ground, wood, some journal, and there you go. Churrasco!

That's why we let our wood to dry before using it. I mostly use charcoal, but some cork oak really improves the taste of the meat.

This guy gets it. I only used dumps for roleplay purposes.

I didn't even knew fire starter logs existed, how much those things cost over jornal?

We had a houserule once where all skills would get a bonus equal to 1/4 the PC's level, to represent the overall experience of learning and seing all kinds of things, and giving the chance to do simple stuff like sewing a robe.

Please share when you do.

Check Marco Polo's or Ibn Batuta's travels.

I've literally never played 3.5

This is because the clothes really do make the part.

If you put people in lab coats they literally get smarter.

>We had a houserule once where all skills would get a bonus equal to 1/4 the PC's level, to represent the overall experience of learning and seing all kinds of things, and giving the chance to do simple stuff like sewing a robe.

Get out, 4rry.

I never played D&D 4th edition you dumbfuck.

No one in my group even got to buying any of the books, this was a house rule in our "3.75".

>setting is not! medieval Europe
>Huge swaths of untamed forest
>Camping outdoor common enough because traveling between populated places takes long
>Uninhabited areas
>Abandoned castles everywhere
>200.000 strong doomstack army marches across a mountain range with minimal attrition losses and then proceeds to besiege the city of ProudHumanNation for 2 year without supply problems

>minimal attrition losses
>without supply problems
You don't know your history, do you?

At this point for 5E I basically require
- Normal clothes to wear under armor
- Travel clothes (which I consider to be just a cloak, hat and good boots) on top or you get disadvantage on some survival related checks

Fine clothes gives advantage on some checks related to cold weather because it's usually wool or fine leather. I might let them get away with some sort of advantage in social situations with figures of authority if they ever go for silk/velvet art object priced clothing.

I am not sure what you mean or what you think I meant.

>density map of medieval Europe
oh, shit I love you

Any edition but 3.X, really.

And there is more!

Hannibal's army lost over 20,000 troops and over 30 elephants crossing the Alps, that's what I fucking meant.

For reference fire starter logs are logs them have been soaked in a solution that makes them burn intensely for brief periods. I don't know the exact name for them but you can pick them up at nearly every place that sells firewood.

By the way. I totally agree with the user who said long journeys should be an adventure. I make my players roll a die or two for every day of travel, and trips can last weeks. It tends to pass faster then you would think and gives the trip a LotR vibe.

*Correction it's not medieval since you got places like the Dutch republic and Brandenburg

In this thread we have learned that some people want to play Oregon Trail the table top game and others don't.

Because only you are that autistic to need your players to explain exactly how the cook their meat in a fucking table top roleplaying game.

I think you didn't catch the context of my post, like the OP I was posting things that were wrong in greentext.

Brandenburg existed towards the 14th century.

That said, something that covers roughly late renaissance to early modern is good too, I'm trying to use it as a rough guide for world building.

.000 strong doomstack army marches across a mountain range with minimal attrition losses and then proceeds to besiege the city of ProudHumanNation for 2 year without supply problems
This one doesn't seem so bad. A BBEG leading an Army of Doom isn't going to care about losing a tens of thousands of orcs to attrition. It'll just make them that much meaner.

I don't think you understood the original post. It's a list of things that bother him.