The Dwarf King has a cake sent to you

>The Dwarf King has a cake sent to you

>not flakey, golden, and perfectly crafted

This is obviously a fake, it's not indicative of Dwarven work in the least.

I bludgeon a commoner to death with it in order to test its authenticity. If it isn't up to the task, then it's clearly a forgery.

>Doesn't menace with spikes of Ruby, just with spikes of chocolate
I really need to send him a Birthday card, I must be falling out of favor.

But if it was forged that means it's real dwarven cake.

I send him one of our famous stews in return for such a gift.

Famous for having gold shavings and literal stone in it.

>It is not adrift on molten layers of chocolate, with tiny figures of dwarves in chocolate and the Demon XGLIBBBIVX in chocolate commemorating the day in which the dwarves dug too deeply.

Clearly it is an elven trick.

It does menace with spikes of white chocolate, so I'll give them that as a nice touch at least

Well, the idea of those characteristics is to outlast the creator. I think they would realize that putting that musch effort on a tiny cake is not worth it.

A wedding cake on the other hand...

...

It must be a sign that I have failed him. Time to shave my head into a mohawk and attempt to die in battle against a monster.

>trusting dwarfs

>A wedding cake on the other hand...

>SIR! THE DWARVES BRING A SIEGE ENGINE TO YOUR WEDDING!

>Nay... tis a cake.

Make our Grudges Known.

They can make a token effort as a gift to a royal dignitary or noble. Though if it being poorly crafted is a passive-aggressive message I doubt it. Dwarves would have the decency to at least make the menacing message more explicit in the construction of the cake, like decorating it with a marzipan facsimile of myself being burned in frosted effigy or constructing the cake as normal but then burying an axe in it as an explicit warning.

>Well, the idea of those characteristics is to outlast the creator.
Can you make a cake that will outlast you and still be edible? Perhaps some intricate cake-shaped oven that will procure cupcakes when fed the ingredients...

Or a perfect replica of you, to be sliced.

>user McYmoose is taken by a fey mood!
>Has the aspect of one fey!

But we do shit like that all the time.

Too subtle for a Dwarf, and as points out, humans do that all the time anyway. A Dwarf would take as much care that the message is understood correctly as he does in its construction.

Ours are not filled with real I-Scream and realistic candy insides. Probably a knife with the dwarfs name is included.

But not to be sliced by waiter's knife, oh no.
The cake comes with a special serving table, that's actually a portable trap.
Once cake is placed on the serving table, trap will spring and cut it to pieces in fraction of a second.

Yours aren't?

Oh, let me guess, you're one of those field grazers to the middle-west.

I shall send him a better cake in return, as a subtle way of indicating the poor quality of the cake he has sent.

>This is a +Cake+
>The cake is crafted in the shape of a porcupine in chocolate
>The porcupine is surprised
>The item menaces with spikes of chocolate

Forgot my cake. I am a poor dwarf indeed.

At least it menaces with spikes of--
Seems that we already have all bases covered. Good work!

How about this?

Ooooh no, I've seen the kind of work dwarves do.

>The elves have baked a number of cakes

not posting the literal dragon dildo? for shame user.

>Dwarven salt

It's a fitting ingredient.

>Dwarven salt

HEH.

Bump

Holy shit it's the homonculus guy

ROASTED

The dwarven king is a dabbler in bakery.