GUARDSMAN!!!

We plead too cute to die!

Sorry what? Couldn't hear you over the squishing sound. Don't look at me like that, the dog was dead before I started.

This time.

Die for the Emperor, or die trying.

Either way, I'll die with my boots on.

>Slip and fall in shower
>Die with no boots

I'm disturbed by the implications.

>ha thats a good one commissar

Honestly?

Guilty.

Please kill me before I become a danger for His Imperium.

>not showering in your boots

I swear the eldar corpse was like that when i got here.

Soon as the fuel arrives.

See? Fill your empire full of skulls and you just breed necrophilia.

It was well worth it, Commissar.

Well I did always want to protect that smile.

The pizza bothers me though. I mean, seriously, if you're going to be posing like that get the bed clean.

I can't quite tell if that's a good or bad sign. Eh, fuck it I'm going.

>fpbp
The only correct answer.

Bitch ass motherfucker everything that isn't kissing rich ass and worshiping the richest ass of them all on some mythical golden planet that probably doesn't exist is heresy to you fucking crooks fuck you.

4u

Well I accuse you of heresy, Commissar!

The Tribunal will settle this matter.

>rp thread

I release you from your duty, Guardsman. Rest with the God-Emperor.
>BLAM

That's not how it works you little shit

Was there something like a 40k movie made?

If so so please tell

roleplaying is tg related apparently

>Hurr, you shouldn't roleplay on a board mostly dedicated to roleplaying games and the discussion thereof!

Did someone say RP Thread?

...

Unfortunately they have yet to make a live action 40k movie. this is Commissar Holt from the 1997 video game Warhammer 40,000: Final Liberation that used live action cutscenes.
For you viewing pleasure.
youtube.com/watch?v=stZV5SxzLf4

and the scene the picture is from.
youtube.com/watch?v=LOi3CzZjV0M

I say he's innocent and new charges should be brought up against Commissar Holt.

you've fallen to the temptations of dark gods, what a pity.

The perfect level and symmetry of that ork's face is unnerving me.

Guilty as fuck your honor, that Eldar was tight as shit.

BLEED? NO IM FINE, THANK YOU FOR CHECKING THOUGH, NO INJURIES HERE.

WHAT?
NO I DON'T NEED ANYTHING

Does it really matter how I plead?

NO HE ASKED HOW WE PEED OUT HEAR AREN'T YOU LISTENING, RECRUIT?

FUCKING NEW GUY I SWEAR

Fact : 80% of charges of insubordination in the Imperial Guard are caused by busted eardrums

what's the other 20%?

actual heresy

>INITIATE ATTACK MANEUVER SACROSANCT

I have never heard them say this one before and I play IG religiously in DoW.

>In all my years I have never seen them do that!

I give a half-hearted plea of innocence. If you find me guilty, the execution will be a swift death. If you find me innocent, I will follow orders and hold the line here until the incoming Orks overrun this position and kill me.

Then the promethium tanks the cogboys have rigged will explode, taking out more Orks than we will be able to kill with our lasguns and bayonets.

Uh oh! Did I hear someone say 'heresy'?~

>be me
>join artillery regiment so no frontline action
>thank the Emperor
>EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>mfw

>mindin me own business and keepin me 'ead down
That's heresy.

But-but I did what you told me Commissar. I threw the Vortex Grenade into the Officer's room because he had xeno materials made for deviants.

>"What ye gonna do, shoot me?"

kek

Are lasguns loud enough to cause hearing damage like normal rifles?

No, but the sound of flesh vaporizing might be.

>Quote from man bolted

The commissar would do better if he were not to bother himself with me and go buy a pair of new shining cyber-eyes, because your fleshy ones have run out of warranty and have grown weak, like your flesh in general.
Beep-boop

SCREEEEEEEEE!

Maybe not, but the grenades, transports, lascannons, air support, close artillery fire, and screaming orks all are.

>sex demon
>known for vile depravity and gluttonous excess
>keeping a tidy living space

I don't know what I did wrong, but save time and execute me now.

HU HA HU

MAN I'M LOYAL

Yeah, sure, whatever, just hurry up and do it already!

This battle's fucked and I saw those Slaanesh worshipers eyeing me!

I wonder how Tyranids taste.

But Commissar, I found the heretical text on you!

Probably pretty bad. They are really bony and their blood is acidic.

Tau are probably really fatty since they have mechs to walk then everywhere, but their diet is likely shit

I have no idea what Eldar eat, but they look pretty lean.

Orks probably taste like a mixture of mushrooms and sweat.

Pity. That would've resolved a lot of logistic problems around food when fighting against Tyranids.

I generally dislike doing things like eating beings that are capable of higher intellectual thoughts, but how you described Orks...would eat.

Lava lamps are a terribly tacky light source.

BLAM

found the Catachan

Implying you wouldn't eat one.

>Sees imperial military momma
> joins imperial military
Such is the life of Johnny

ur a fagit
fagit is herse
kil yrself

And yet, heresy lurks at every turn.

>I don't understand! Those mon'keigh are completely unaffected by our war masks' wails!

Could this be a thing, a fountline guardsman regiment that is made up of deaf people

BLAM

Are those fucking ear piercings on a dog?

>their blood is acidic
So they would go well with a fruity wine.

Johnny Bravo would be a good Rogue Trader.

Uh, I don't think I've been heretical, but, I don't know, if you think so, it's probably best to shoot me just to be safe.

It's too late commissar, I've replaced everyone's uplifting primer with Horus x Emperor fanfiction.

I'M PEEING FINE, COMMISSAR

I COULD USE SOME MORE FIBER IN MY DIET, THOUGH

hell i'd read it

Is that art by Clint Langley?

If so, then has his answer why.

"Hot... dog?"