Your party is beset by a flock of dire geese

It's really not as dire as you make it out to be.

One just has to be prepared.

But geese are already dire ducks

Are they just as rapey as normal ducks though?

Set them all on fire and hope they die before a flock of flaming dire geese kills too many party members.

Flamethrower.

What are the stats for a dire a goose?

I may not understand because i'm not canadian or american and never met a goose, but why are people so scares by a thing that is essentially a big duck?

If it attacks you, just grab it by the neck and twist it until it dies

Geese aren't a unique Canadian/American thing.

I throw bread in the other direction.

Well i sure as hell never saw one as aggressive as the canadian geese are described

most people aren't psychopats nor do they need combat advice versus a small animal

You can hit geese with ranged weapons fairly easily... Bit that just pisses them off.

They just call 'em Swans in other chunks of the world.

Their stat sheet just says;
>Murder.

Fun story:
>tfw canadian.
>tfw I work with children.
>their instinct is to chase the geese because they make funny honks.
>tfw they attack the children zero fucks given.
I warned em.

>your party is beset by a flock of dire geese
Release the hippos!

>internet memes exaggerate thungs
whoah

Long and short answer? Modern people don't fight animals barehanded anymore.
>These days you need boxing gloves.
No, sarcastic inner voice! Bad joke! Down!
Ahem. Most modern people really don't want to harm animals. Which makes fighting a, perceptively harness, animal very difficult. ESPECIALLY when said "harmless" animal has pectoral strength enough to break bone if it gets a good hit in, and a serrated tongue that jabs into bites to open the wound further.

Use Drum of Emu Summoning.

just grab them at the neck. just like geese.

and keep the wings away from your body.

>use drum of emu summoning
>it's cursed
>it summons a flock of cursed dire cassowaries instead

NO SURVIVORS

...

>dire geese
We just call them geese where I'm from.

New campaign is set in a posy-apocalyptic world where the land is ravaged by a war between the Dire Geese and the Cursed Dire Cassowaries.

...

>be me
>Canadafag
>work at machine shop
>the same two geese have been nesting out back for the last five years
>tell new guy about unspoken goosebond
>don't fuck with them and they won't fuck with you...but don't put up with their shit either.
>geese will try to muscle you out of your territory...need to stand ground and continue or geese with walk all over you
>new guy doesn't listen
>runs from goose. Sometimes feeds goose.
>now whole back lot is goose territory
>every time I go outside may be the time I fight chief goose for land rights
>I always knew it would end like this

It's a crime to kill Swans in England. They are all technically the property of the Queen, so it;s illegal to even bother them too much.

Swans are larger than geese.

And so starts the Canadian version of the emu war.

HEY GUYS! WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS THREAD?

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSUUU!

Your party now has to fight directory hydra geese. Do you survive?

I fight very bravely and die very quickly...

Such a beast can't be stopped.

As a Canadian, I can assure you that Geese are dicks. Nobody here fucks with Geese.

>not a goose hydra

We let the asian dude take care of them

Same goose, another day.

...

Revert to my Dire Cassowary true form, and lead them against the featherless heathens.

fucking yamcha

Worst part is, after they are done with you, they will continue feeding near your body, and there will be poop. So much poop. Green, slimy poop everywhere. Vile, squishy, turgid feces all over your corpse.

Charm/Speak with Animals OP, now we've got flying mounts for a bit.

French geese are evil.

Well i'm playing a gen 10 gangrel with max protean, fort, celerity, and all phy stats. Unfortunately I have only 2 animalism and potence doesn't matter in this fight.

My game plan would be to run away until I mist and thankfully I run at close to 40 mph by game rules and they cant peck mist to death.

I should be able to survive the 2 turns it takes me to mist but not without heavy loss of hp of blood

Reminds me of my time in community college.

I had to take an art course as an elective so I took sculpture, and the professor took us outside on the campus grounds and put us in groups to make some shit outside to show us the whole "you can make art from anything, even nature" shit all college art professors do.

Anyway, behind the college is this river and dam since the college used to be an old mill. So my group and I made a kind of teepee out of tree limbs, leaves and rocks. Easy shit. We finished pretty fast since the group was 2 men including myself who gathered materials and two women who put the thing together. Chain of production and all that. Anyway, we finished early and walked around to see what the other groups were doing. That's when we fucking see it.

Down by the river, everyone knows that geese flock to the shore because water. And everyone knows that where geese go, shit also goes. A lot of shit. Literally, the entire shore was covered in goose shit.

And there, in the middle of the shit, one of the groups, a bunch of faggy art majors (you know the type), all freshmen, probably eighteen or nineteen tops, were sitting down and playing in the goose shit. They had no fucking idea what they were into. They were literally throwing it at each other thinking it was mud while they made some gay symbol out of rocks on the shore.

Every other group gathered around and tried their damned hardest not to laugh too hard. Finally someone had to be that guy and tell them, and they freaked the fuck out. Tears and everything.

Good times.

There's a snide simile I could make here about some kids unknowingly playing in goose shit and [Your favorite RPG and/or Wargame] but I'm too tired (lazy) to bother.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Nl4pKvPdc4Y

The only way to deal with geese.

Kek

youtu.be/q81ptFSA4mk

Yeah, you can hit normal geese with ranged weapons. But it's a different story when you're shooting at a dire goose.

That's terrifying. I didn't know they were really nightmare creatures.

My family has lake property. This lake is Goose territory during the spring. This bond is unspoken and honored by my grandfather, father, baby sister and me. Middle sister forgets our truce, walks towards the lake. To see how high the water is. We sit in the house, noticing her error. Sprint to the door.

>Grandfather says simply. "They will remind her."

>Watch sister who has not visited this land since we were young get rushed by a horde of Canadian demons. Turn away.

> 5 seconds later a door slams with the sounds of terrified cursing. Sister has been reminded of the evils of the Goose. They wait outside the house for hours. Waiting for her. Decide to leave early, Geese do not fuck with me as I get in truck.

FUCK GEESE.

I lost it.
Underrated post!

>dire geese
So you mean swans?

>But geese are already dire ducks
No, geese are ducksnakes. Bodies of ducks, neck of a snake, hisses and bites when provoked.

Swans are dire ducksnakes.

A big goose is perfectly capable of breaking our arm. And unlike mammals, birds don't have an easily recognized "back the fuck up" state before they lose their shit. They just jump from calm to rage mode.

Geese kind of do. They hiss.

Good idea, then we will be fighting against burning and flying rage creatures that will deal additional fire damage to us.

...And do you have any idea how horrible burning feathers will smell? Usually you are supposed to remove the feathers (and the guts) before cooking your goose.

...

What's with all the goose hydras?

>people say birds aren't like dinosaurs

youtube.com/watch?v=QZcJ1PdHttA

>Canadian demons

had myself a hoser giggle. It's like giggling, but there's maple syrup involved. Like though, we just call them geese.

This reminds me it's goose season. I'll have to keep the "grab by the neck" thing in mind.

I do what I do best: I summon a flock of birds to fight fire with fire.

>A big goose is perfectly capable of breaking our arm.
How?

>implying the geese would stand a chance.

Just summon one casso you crazy bastard.

Wizards just want to watch the world burn, user-kun

i think he has severe osteoporosis