The story of Fighter Dan

Real events that transpired in-game and one particular player is a butt pained faggot about it and says I am "that guy" just a very calculated and devious "that guy". You tell me.

>GM wants to start a relatively high powered game.
>I wanna be a vampire.
>"There's another player that's a paladin, he'll see right through you and smite you, you know that right? I won't protect you."
>Trust me guy, I know what I'm doing...

>Make "Fighter Dan" the most bro tier fighter character you will ever meet. He's charming, he's macho, he helps all his friends get laid.
>Cause he's a fucking vampire and can do that sort of shit.
>The paladin thinks nothing of it at first. Why would he? He has to activate detect evil to notice.
>After a few adventures, and after some very unexplainable nights, the paladin begins to suspect. He still doesn't know I'm a vampire, but thinks I'm some awkward serial killer. All the signs are there.

>I refuse to act at day. I claim it's for religious reasons. Praise drow Mohammad or whatever. (I can't even keep my story straight of who my god is and just say those are saints.) But as we know, sunlight is toxic to vampires.
>I'm always wearing my plate armor. The gullible party members think this is cause I'm a fighter, I'm supposed too. But even while sleeping? I'm clearly protecting myself from stakes and silver. The paladin just thinks this is part of my psychosis.
>I'm a political communist. I want to abolish private property and go to great extents to make good with the local governments to basically get warrants. This is because as you know I'm a vampire and cannot enter a house unless invited. So if there's no "house" because there is no "property" I've essentially nullified one of my biggest weakness.

>Eventually the paladin figures it out. What began to tip him off was how I only consumed meat and alcohol. I said my religion's dietary restrictons were ketogenic and they should low-carb for massive gains and that made everyone else laugh but the paladin slammed his hands on the table and says "THAT'S WHAT IT IS, YOU'RE A FUCKING WEREWOLF!"

>I do a sarcastic slow clap "we got ourselves a real genius here guys... this is why you don't make INT a dump stat". Everybody yuckies it up and I earn their trust even more. The paladin is more pissed than ever.

>He forgoes the fatigue to stay awake and watch over me closely and figures out I am in fact a vampire. But he has spent so much time on me he has not built a bond with the team like I have and they have no reason to side with him over me.

>I come out about my vampirism and I haven't been nice to them out of the kindness of my heart. You see, I have this rival. Someone way more important than this paladin cuck... who is a lich and is my Gary motherfucking Oak. He has his own party and is just "the creepy wizard who walks funny". But is in fact a powerful lich and always bests me. I wanted to form my own band of heroes and finally kick his ass.

>Vampires vs Lich.
>Using you mere mortals as their pokemon.
>I want to be the very best, like no one ever was.

>The paladin called my character a mary sue and the GM was like "well you dumb faggots fell for it the entire way. It kept me from having to come up with a main bad."

>The paladin being the beta-male he is, will not join my rival. He'd think he'd fall if he did that. (No one actually cares.) But he's put too much work into this to throw his life away at a direct confrontation. I think he plans to find some way to inform the lich of my whereabouts and have two "evil" forces battle it out and he'll try picking off the winner in the weakened state.

If you're going to make a greentext that never happened you shouldn't make it seem like you actually hate the other members of your group. At best you look like an ass, and most likely people will realize you're full of shit because you'd have to be a retard to hang out with people you openly dislike.

And people try to defend 3.pf players.

>I try to convince the paladin to "be my Charizard tsundere". He is not having it.
>I know for a fact the lich has a ranger or druid on his side. Something of nature, if he can manage that I should be able to manage obtaining a divine fag.
>He would also make a great weapon against the liches unholy energies. This could bring great honor to the paladin, how many get to say they slayed a lich?

>The paladin is being a cunt the whole way through. "If you were really concerned about the liches reign of terror you would've spent this time helping us find his phylactery instead of formulating your little pokemon band."
>But where's the fun in that? I don't fucking care if the lich takes over the world, we're just out to measure dick sizes lol.
>The other players at this point are saying regardless of how the paladin feels about me or the vampire character, it's clear the lich is the evil alignment entity, the vampire is merely neutral alignment.
>Paladin player is salty at this point and thinks I'm a sociopath that has done all of this to target him out of game over a minor argument we might've had. Maybe... God knows I am enjoying this way too much. But no.

>I would not ask them to needlessly kill their longtime companion, we should seek out more recruits.
>I offer to let in a friend outside of the game into the group who will roleplay as his "replacement" and create tension. This poor guy has no idea what he's in for.
>I say everyone should participate in his character design. The party, the GM, everyone.
>End up creating a hafling fuck-boy sorcerer who I dress as a girl and use as a sex-slave. My poor friend is neck deep in magical realm and i'm just cackling at his misery.
>However to not scare him off I say it'd make no sense to have a sex-slave and suddenly not. So somehow he got separated from me and is all grown up
>He'll have no problem roleplaying the panic attack he'd feel seeing me after all those years cause that's pretty much how he feels now

I like PF but I've never tried to defend the community. Fucking Pathfinder players, they ruined Pathfinder.

This totally happened in real life and isn't made up, guys.

>>GM begs me to grace the group with my presence
>>kick down door to LGS, glass breaks
>>owner apologizes for putting door there
>>strut up to table
>>GM all oh shit here come dat boi
>>qt4.1 gamer girl in group audibly moistens
>>totally hitting that tonight if I find room in my schedule
>>introduce group to the most unique and well planned character they've ever born witness to
>>head writer at Paizo is there, gives me award for winning PF forever

>So the party does not generally like fuckboy. He is really out of place and far too introverted. I guess it'd make sense in-game but he's not going to be any help to anyone.

>We get rumors that there is a band of thieves raiding carriages looking for someone in particular but yet to find them. With some good skill checks we discover it's a high level psion and malefactor.
>I'm now authentically jealous. The lich gets psionics and 3rd party material. I'm stuck with normie class losers because real life people are unoriginal twats where as the GM is controlling the bad team.

>The party is placing blame on the paladin. He informed them somehow. That is impossible. Liches are wizards first and spooky skeletons second. It's perfectly plausible he figured it out on his own through divination and has been watching out every move.
>Our wild card is fuckboy... but fuckboy is about as useless as magikarp right now. Will he evolve into a mighty gyrados? No. No he will not. He ends up listening to the paladin LIKE A FUCKING MORON and him and the paladin end up getting killed by the psion and malefactor. I mean they take out their guys too. The malefactor at the confrontation, and the psion never makes it back and dragged himself across a few miles gurgling on his own blood.
>The lich sends me a message through magical means that the pawns have fallen, so it's time to take this chess game seriously. The paladin is furious the GM killed his character off just because he's not the favorite. The GM implores him he's sandboxing. If you throw yourself stupidly into battle with some dumbass sorcerer who has no idea what he's doing you get what's coming to you.
>I try to reason with the GM I never meant to make the paladin feel alienated. Maybe we can have him come back as some celestial being who was chosen by his god to decide the fate of the world in this epic battle of lich vs vampire.

>"No, he didn't earn it. The whole God damn time he was a petty and useless player who just spied on you and occasionally through an attack roll. I'm not giving him free reincarnation."
>The paladin player starts warming up. He realizes I'm strange, but not such a bad guy. Fighter Dan needs to be the hero of this game... so he says "it's fine, I'll roll up a new character."
>He finds some homebrew Swashnuckler shit made for Path of War/Tome of Battle. Sarcastically he tells the GM "is it special snowflake enough for you?"
>The GM gets pissed at him telling him he's a that guy player, but he reads the whole sheet and realizes this is actually good stuff. The swashbuckler is the estranged son of the paladin who the paladin disowned for being a thief and an around around dishonoraboo.
>Despite this, he still loves his father and wants to get to the bottom of who killed him. When he discovers the feud he wants to help.
>Row Row, Fight The Lich.

>Fuck boy does not make another character. He says he'd just weigh us down. The GM says if he wants he can learn more about mechanics by maneuvering some of the minis and he can play as some of the bad-guys intended for the final countdown.

>be 6'3" with handsome jawline
>join pathfinder game
>fat neckbeard objects, i'm "too handsome for the group"
>gm tells us to fight like men
>i take out my katana
>he takes out a zanbato (lmao)
>we start fighting
>i kill him
>i call my uncle (who works at nintendo) to tell me what do
>he sends shigeru miyamoto to give me diplomatic immunity
>i have sex with gm's gf
>gm gives me his car
>miyamoto names a nintendo character after me, "billy"