Chess

If this is what the "powered up" bishop looks like, I'd hate to see the 1E bishop. Could it only move one step or something?

>Eh? The towers moved in 1E; the difference between 1E and 2E is that the queen and bishop got powered up.
Take a closer look at that particular ruleset. The towers did not move in 1E. You are correct in the sense that in 2E, the queen and the bishop powered up.

This en passant crap is total bullshit. Fucking killed my local meta overnight.

Maybe he's counting chess's Indian predecessor as 1e, where the pieces that eventually became rooks could only move forward.

>This en passant crap is total bullshit. Fucking killed my local meta overnight.
It never ends does it? Chess has a lot to answer for. Fuck that game.

The King is repulsed by your seduction attempt and orders his guard captain to capture you.

>The King is repulsed by your seduction attempt and orders his guard captain to capture you.
The fuck? I would like to see the log for this. That sounds impossible.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

You think the guards move in single file? What kind of game do you think this is?

In any case, DEX save or be captured.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

I only prepared for seduction-based warfare. I have no other recourse but to attempt to fellate my way out.

The King is in danger! Send in the knights!

>poor little white king

classic bard behavior

>You think the guards move in single file? What kind of game do you think this is?
>In any case, DEX save or be captured.
Fuck me. What does our Queen say about this though? The opposing King apparently is "repulsed" by seduction attemps from a female.. What will she say to the UN?

> What will she say to the UN?

We need to resolve this combat encounter before moving onto the Diplomacy phase - we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

>We need to resolve this combat encounter before moving onto the Diplomacy phase - we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
It is no surprise that chess is to this day, the go-to wargame. What a system. It even incorporates diplomacy.

He is about to take BBK (Big Black Knight) from behind.

What does the greater chess country look like? Is there an alliance with the checkerslovakia and a rivalry with Backgammonia?

You are taken to a cell and imprisoned there. A short while later the door opens to reveal the Black Queen and the Archbishop of Darkwald. A glance outside shows you the Guard Captain and his Lieutenant waiting in the wings, along with a single, nervous looking soldier in royal regalia.

The Queen strides into the cell and tells you that you were a fool for thinking the Black King would fall for such an amateur attempt at seduction when he is already married to her. The haughty sneer on her face says everything about what she thinks of herself.

What do you do?

> checkerslovakia

kekoslovakia

Bordered on either side by Shogitopia and Gosylvania, with which it has uneasy truces that occasionally spill into border skirmishes.

Fuck me. Chess truly is serious business.:reads the ruleset again:

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Seduce the queen.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

It was just a ruse to get closer to the Black Queen! Seduce!

>we're the white queen
l-lewd

>checkerslovakia

The Queen laughs in your face and insults your cleavage, saying that no man in their right mind would want a girl who looks like a boy as their bride, and that the White King must be a boylover, like the Goreeks to the south.

Remove my disguise as the true black queen and depose this deceiver

>Seduce the queen.
>It was just a ruse to get closer to the Black Queen! Seduce!
You can not just seduce the black queen. She has a boyfriend. Go over the ruleset again. This seduction will not work!

Which edition are we using?

Shit bard.

>Which edition are we using?
2nd. Towers can attack.

I'm using the new Deep Blue edition, just so the new players are more likely to know it.

>towers could attack in 2nd edition.
Elaborate please.

Rolled 19 (1d20)

I seduce the jail cell

What about this one?

Rolled 14 (1d20)

I request to speak to the black queen alone, as befits my station. Once her attendants leave the room tearfully explain that it was all a ruse to reach my true target, my beloved black queen.

When she's taken aback by the news, I show her my manacled hands, arch an eyebrow and ask if she's like to frisk her prisoner.

Rollin' to seduce.

Jail cells are not alive nor thinking...
Let's wait for GM.

>Elaborate please.
Why would I need to elaborate in this instance? 2nd, in common tongue, is known as Tower Attack (or TA). You should know this.

You don't know that.

Are we talking about dnd or that chess system posted above?

Wait guys, are we playing 1E, 2E, or 3E test packet?

Has the right of it. Jail cells are not viable targets for seduction, no matter how well you roll, man. We've been over this a dozen times now. Cells, doors and gazebos are not sentient, and before you ask, yes, the wizard can make them sentient, but he isn't here now, is he?

The Black Queen looks interested for a moment and motions for the Archbishop to leave, but the moment you begin your attempt anew she just laughs again, though there is a bit of genuine amusement to it now. She looks you over like a piece of meat, then tells you that you are almost manly enough for her, but that it would take a lot more than that for her to agree to anything.

She quirks an eyebrow as if in thought, but her eyes remain steadily upon your the whole time. She suggests that if you were to do her a favour, perhaps she could return it with some small, morsel of her attention. After all, you are her prisoner and she could, by all rights in the kingdom, do whatever she wanted to with you without breaking any law.

After a brief moment where she awaits your response, she tells you that the Guard Captain has some questionable qualities and that she would like him to become... less of a problem. If you were to help in that regard, she would see you moved into a room more becoming of a Queen.

Agree. Reveal the truth to the Guard Captain. Conspire with him to assasinate the Black Queen

This is fucking exciting. Chess 2nd edition... Kill me. SOMEBODY FUCKING KILL ME!

Roll me Persuasion.

Rolled 5 (1d42)

Do we get the bonus to social rolls against lower classes from our Royal background?

The Guard Captain looks at you like you're an idiot and then stations the lone soldier outside your cell, telling him not to listen to a word you say.

Not even those bonuses would save you from a roll that terrible. On a d42, even. Dicegods did not want you to pass that one.

Huh. Trip doesn't save from one post to the next. Interesting.

Seduction clearly doesn't work, so let's promise the guard lots of money for freeing us..

It has to be worst bard EVER.

In that case, roll me persuasion, with a +5 bonus from your noble backgroud.

>1d42
what the fucking is that fucking dice

With a d20, if you please.

Also, fuck. My spelling is just atrocious today.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

I roll to summom the dragon

>Seduction clearly doesn't work, so let's promise the guard lots of money for freeing us..
Sounds reasonable. I agree. That is our only choice. :reads promises in the 2nd edition ruleset:

Rolled 1 (1d20)

>Seduction clearly doesn't work, so let's promise the guard lots of money for freeing us..
Sounds reasonable. I agree. That is our only choice. :reads "promises" in the 2nd edition ruleset:

Oh shit

Dice are mean today. Roll to convince them to keep us prisoner, that should get us out.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

I silently seduce the soldier via handjob through the cell door.

WORST. BARD.

try

Rolled 16 (1d20)

Let's try it.

You are a bard. Not a wizard.

What did you people do to deserve this? Seriously?

The lone soldier stares straight ahead even as you offer up a duchy for him to rule. As your attempts at bribery, coercion and finally threats die down, he breathes out a sigh of relief.

An hour or so passes with him remaining silent, though you occasionally hear him squirming in place. All at once, however, you hear him walk away from the door of your cell. You lurch over to the bars of the door and peer through, only to see the guard running bow legged along the corridor, hands pressed over his crotch.

You also see a hint of glinting metal on the floor. You push yourself up against the bars even further and managed to catch the narrowest glimpse of a set of brass keys attached to a ring. It looks to be just out of reach.

What do you do?

I will be honest.
I expected it.

>actually running Chess Quest
You mad bastard, I didn't think you would actually do it.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

Like I said, silent seduction via handjob.

Rolled 2, 3, 5 = 10 (3d6)

I ask my magical watchdog to get the keys for me.

What do you mean I have to actually mention that I summon my watchdog beforehand?

This is fucking exciting.

So, it has come to this.
I didn't want to use *that*, but it seems I have no other option.

My unarmed attack damage is 1d3. I break my finger to reduce it to 1d2. Then I use the Fairy Godmother perk to make one roll explode. Then I burn Fate point to reroll all 1's on a single roll. Then I attack the cell bars with my bare hands for effectively infinite damage.

Bit late there, mate.

Hey, did you guys try replacing the character sheet with that 1e build you brought to the first session again? I told you before the game started that we weren't using the no action summoning rules from 1e. Those were overpowered as shit and the major reason for Bardzilla.

Try again with the actual char sheet.

Just for that you can hear the sound of the soldier's footsteps coming back your way. You've got about 10 seconds to get those keys.

You're a fucking bard and a girl on top of that, you can't just oraoraoroaroaroaroo the cell bars.

Inorite. It's like herding fucking cats in heat here.

By RAW I can!

Rolled 2 (1d20)

Alright, I try to reach for the keys! I remind you that since I'm focused in erotic warfare I'm double-jointed and flexible like a drunk snake

Ugh. Fine. Just to keep the game going, I'll allow it this once.

The sheer force of your punch blasts the door forward, propelling it through the wall opposite you and through the next wall a dozen yards away. You see it eventually fall off past the horizon, somewhere in the direction of the sea. You recall distantly that your kingdom is somewhere in that direction before the sound of the guard sprinting towards you catches back up with you.

You've used up your Fairy Godmother perk for the day. What do you do?

Rolled 14 (1d20)

Ok, I make a grappling hook from my high heel shoe and a ribbon from my dress and get the keys with that.

Is it time for another riveting game of CASTLE HORSE already?

>Ok, I make a grappling hook from my high heel shoe and a ribbon from my dress and get the keys with that.
Sounds reasonable.

Jumanji!

RUN AWAY!

Roll sprint. You get a -2 for the high heels and dress too, remember.

But didn't you just punch the bars out the way?

Rolled 1232 (1d10067)

Ouch

Rolled 1 (1d20)

That female Royals get combat bonuses from heels and dresses is ridiculous and now it bites us in the ass.

Dice don't like us much, do they?

> another 1

Literally what the fuck

Maybe newmoot is fucking with us for not posting in quest board.

>Roll sprint. You get a -2 for the high heels and dress too, remember.
That doesn't make any sense whatsoever.