Be DM

Rolled 18 (1d20)

Slob my knob.

Rolled 3 (1d20)

Hold my hand and whisper sweet things to me.

Rolled 6 (1d20)

Sit next to me and inch closer until we're should to shoulder.

>my friend made me act out sucking his dick
>made me

Rolled 6 (1d20)

Leave now and never come back.

>Why must they do this to me.

Because you like it.

>dat low poster count

I prefer to use qualified/limited auto success/failure on a 1/20, and their degree of success still depends on what DC i think it is and their overall score: A barmaid is probably hit on often, the PC is half angel and presumably attractive, but Id still put that DC over thirty, so what I'd do is have the barmaid feel a strong "yes oh glorious one I'd love to blow you" urge, but then unless the PC made another great role, and or more sensible offer of a rendezvous in private she would refuse, albeit secretly wishing she had blown him right then and there.

>'natural 20 is auto-success for things other than attack rolls and saving throws' meme

You make me sad.

You sick bastard

Rolled 14 (1d20)

Call your friend and tell him that you liked.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

get on those knobby knees and wrap your cheeto-stained lips around my four inch cock you fat fuck

Rolled 17 (1d20)

Fucking slave, get your ass back here

You only rolled a 3, so you failed and OP has to suck your dick.

>shitty homebrew race
>shitty house rule skill crits
You alone asked for this.

it's more fun

Rolled 1 (1d20)

gimme a kiss

[gets slapped by the barmaid and thrown out of the bar]

literally my first time rolling on Veeky Forums
i want to die

Lesson learned: don't let Nat 20s make stupid shit happen

Stand up to players when you have to and don't be a cuck, otherwise this shit will get worse

Seriously you guys are not getting a SINGLE 20?

Rolled 4 (1d20)

Suck my penor.

Jesus christ, you guys suck harder than OP did. Please, people, roll ONE SINGLE 20!!!

Pretty much this.

t. lolrandumb

Bestow upon me a smooch

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Please gain some self-respect and either tell him to stop or just suck his dick in real life.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

Suck my dick, faggot.

Nope, try again, sir. We only serve 20s here, you can take that limp 15 of yours somewhere else.

Hold my hand you slut

And today Veeky Forums has failed to roll a single twenty and went home with his dick unsucked by OP.

Rolled 11 (1d20)

Oh well. Guess I'll just pack up my dice and go, then...
Oops! Dropped one. What's it say, user?

Rolled 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 = 20 (20d1)

What about this, eh? I braught my special lucky dice

I kek'd

Still, no fellatio was acquired.

Rolled 13 (1d20)

This never happened, leave Veeky Forums forever

After gobbling my knob

>this never happened
Your fear of sexual impotency is showing.

18ish atempts, not a single 20. You suck at dice, Veeky Forums.

>>Rolls for it
>>nat 20
What DC was the roll against? What was his modifier?
If the barmaid had any fucking self esteem like you seem to lack, then even a twentyshouldn't be enough.

Or, on top of having literally no self esteem what so ever, you also DON'T KNOW THE FUCKING RULES!

First time in Veeky Forums history that the OP, in fact, is not a fag.

You get 20 hungry looks aimed at your penis and no succ, try again

Rolled 8, 5 + 8 = 21 (2d20 + 8)

Mod of 5 with +3 proficiency

finger my asshole

You can't crit a skill chick or saving throw

Rolled 4 (1d20)

You faggots are terrible at dice.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

You're all a bunch of idiots. Stand back.

Rolled 12 (1d20)

I want to fail too!

This is a black day for Veeky Forums ladies and gents. Not only are we not getting our knobs slobbed, the dice have turned against us as well.

Rolled 18 (1d20)

Hold me tight, OP.

Rolled 16 (1d20)

Show me some love

At least I got dubs.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

Fuck you

Rolled 17 (1d20)

kindly rub my schlong, cucboi

Rolled 18 (1d20)

Get on your knees.

Rolled 15 (1d20)

Kneel before Zod!

Rolled 2 (1d20)

Suck my pepe

Rolled 10, 13, 3, 16, 9, 13, 1, 17, 1, 11, 16, 12, 2, 1, 9, 3, 9, 3, 5, 8 = 162 (20d20)

I'M GIVING EVERYTHING I'VE GOT AND YOU'RE ALL GONNA GIVE ME THE ORGIASTIC SUCC I DESERVE IN RETURN

Rolled 11 (1d20)

Consume a chode.

...

And not a single 20 was rolled that day.

>three 1's
>nothing above 16

Jesus christ, Veeky Forums, step it up.

Rolled 10 (1d20)

Please let me suck your dick

ITT: Not OP's players.

Rolled 5, 19, 2, 20, 6, 13, 13, 16, 15, 15, 1, 13, 2, 11, 4, 14, 20, 20, 12, 2, 14, 8, 16, 2, 17 = 280 (25d20)

FOR COUNTRY
FOR BOARD
FOR SUCC

Rolled 15 (1d20)

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET JUST ONE FUCKING BLOWJOB

I AM HROTHGAR THRICE-SUCC'D

That was supposed to be 200d20.

Rolled 2, 20, 11, 3, 20, 11, 4, 13, 11, 15, 14, 15, 19, 7, 6, 19, 11, 7, 18, 3, 3, 17, 10, 18, 4 = 281 (25d20)

MEDIOCRE

Rolled 5 (1d20)

Please, PLEASE let me suck your dick

I use my cyclops helm to get a 20.
On your knees wench.

Rolled 17 (1d20)

>OP posts about having to uncomfortably describe a blowjob
>entire thread devolves to people trying to roll a nat 20 for him to do it to them

Never change, Veeky Forums

Rolled 13 (1d20)

More dicks join the fray. OP, you have to service them all.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

Worship the wiener, OP.

>only two of them actually succeed, and only by rolling 25 at once
It's like throwing a bucket full of hot dogs at someone's face: One of them has to end up in their mouth.

Rolled 9 (1d20)

I'll just keep rolling.

Rolled 8 (1d20)

Roll again.

dice+1d20
Suck my lizard phallus.

this thread...

youtube.com/watch?v=wz3wusPWJdI

Rolled 7 (1d20)

Wew.

Rolled 2 (1d20)

>be DM
>ERP sucking friend's dick instead of deciding that the barmaid was a level 20 paladin who made a purity vow, character's dick was crushed by falling rocks and highly improbable magic field fluctuations turned him into an asian grandma with tiny feet
You just like to choke on cocks, OP.