Storytime thread

Fuck me, that was really good.

Only on Veeky Forums would you find a better retelling of actual history using fucking aliens.

That actually gave me the feels.

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How's that for irony - I post the best bit of story writing I can find (), something that actually made me slightly depressed when I first read it because I knew I'd never be that good, and what has all the replies when I come back? Something I wrote myself ()

The general rule is that the stories with the most replies in bad story threads tend to be the worst stories.

This is a particularly bad collection of stories.

then post something better

In this embarrassment of a thread?

well yeah - when you say something like 'this thread is shit and the people posting here are shit', it then falls to you to prove that you can do better. Put up or shut up.

Think what you like, I guess.

Not him, but what I think is that you're an ass.
Seriously.
What's the purpose of coming to a thread only to say "I don't like this thread"?
I'm not really expecting an answer, just wanted to let you know how I feel.

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For the love of all that is good and sweet and just in the world, tell me that Drake delivered

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so here's a fun one from a game that wrapped up a while ago where my second character unintentionally gave our murder-hobo party a name to go by.

we begin in the village of tante-ju, a small shithole village in the middle of nowhere where the party had spent the night after a few days of walking around looking for something to do after our last scuffle.

the party consists of: Ainz Swisher, my living skeleton warblade, loves cheese and fighting for the sake of testing his skills

Gram, our human cleric, heals and steals, if it ain't nailed to the floor he's gonna take that shit and sell it.

Grumple Four-Skins, chaos gnome bard who drove a stolen 7 foot mech, loves to drink and goof around whenever he can.

Jack Hammer, human barbarian, this guy will shit in any source of water within his line of sight. if you open your waterskin, you better hope he never knew you had the thing on you.

Nikolai Hazkt, human wizard, loves cheese to an almost scary degree and slings lightning spells like nobody's business

Raishin, silverbrow setting sun ninja, the only sane person on the team and a glass canon in combat.

and Razz Darktongue, our other ninja, a weird little guy who talked to his possessed sword and ate things not meant to be eaten. AKA the meat grinder due to his habit of going invisible and making the most of combat reflexes.

now i know what you're thinking... yes, that is a lot of characters, and yes balance was borderline impossible, but we had fun, and we even got a couple of other guys in the party before all was said and done.

ANYWAY, BACK TO THE STORY.

so we head out of town and into the local weapon/item shops to load up on supplies where one of us runs into the town's HNIC who tells us about a group of barbarians to the north that have blocked off a road and are charging a toll for anyone using it. take em out, and we get paid a decent amount on top of him putting in a good word for us at the shops in town to get us a slight discount.

so our party heads that way, and after a short walk in the woods, finds the barricade and the barbarians who run it. while the party was talking to an archer on the guard tower, Ainz leans over to Grumple and says something to the tune of "i bet we can con these idiots out of a bit of extra gold, tell 'em we're here to collect taxes or something." since Ainz has a WHOPPING 6 CHA it was pretty much a given that any shenanigans i had planned were gonna go through the bard at some point if they had any hope of working. lucky for me, he was more than happy to try it out, provided we split the gold in the end.

well... this is where things get weird.

over the next 30 minutes (real-world player time, not in game time) we proceed to explain basic economics and what taxes do for the community, eventually coming to a point where the barbarian leader admits to not being able to read or write, to which someone, i forget who, answered: "well see? if you'd payed your taxes the school would've had more money to build a big enough building to accommodate you and your friends here, then you guys could get an education and live in town with the other folks instead of robbing people like a bunch of assholes!" oddly enough, that seemed to click with him, and the DM not only had him open the barricade and let us in, but had them give up being barbarians and giving us all of their stuff they'd looted over the last few years. all told it was 3 wagons, loaded to the brim with cheap, shitty weapons and armor and about 20,000 gp worth of dosh.

what. the. hell. happened.

so, deciding to just roll with it, we head back to turn in and collect our reward. upon arriving back in tante-ju, we returned the money and wagons of stuff to the town, and gave ourselves the name that we used until the end of the campaign: The Taxmen.

looking back, the fact that this happened on like, session 2 or 3 should have warned me i was in for a bunch of dumb but fun times.

This is the storyline for MUGEN.

This is supposed to be a continuation of it. Haven't read it yet but I heard from a friend that it's somewhat sketchy.

archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/42871612/

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Don't know if this is any good, but...

Does anyone have the screencap of a the short writefaggotry about undying corpses being bound together in a desert where they'd grow in size and form all sors of weird shit? There was also mild religious sexism and rape involved. And killing. I've lost my cap of that story. It was called the Burning Men and was posted a couple of times by user who was looking for feedback on it.

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some got the link to thread set made ?

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i hope there's a part 2 to this?

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>another "post stories from back before Veeky Forums was a shithole and we chased away all the writers!" thread.

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I'm confused. There is an actual Storythread thread up this week. What is this one for? Not that I'm complaining, it just seems a bit redundant.

Storythread is for current stories people are writing and want to post; everything there is original work. This thread is for past Veeky Forums caps

>this shit is on the ceiling and could kill us at any time
>i don't know how it acquires its target lock on prey
>better stand in the cave for half an hour and babble about it rather than getting the fuck out now
P dum desu sempai

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>this shit is on the ceiling in front of us
>this shit is may well be on the ceiling behind us
>we're alive where we're standing
>but one wrong step = agonising, horrific death
>like you wouldn't freeze on the spot
>like you'd have balls of steel big enough to start backing up

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This stuff is kinda shit. It's very samey. Bugs are so unstoppable, o woe is me. Copy paste over fifty pages of text.

>It's very samey.
that's because it's a narrative. One bit follows on from the next. And the reader follows along with it (assuming the read has the attention span for that, which apparently isn't always the case).

I read all of them and I gained very little out of it. The prose isn't worth reading and the plot could be summed up in a paragraph. Unless there's some Terry Pratchett-tier good writing and humorous descriptions happening I'd prefer brevity over elaborating the same damn point over nine screencaps.

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>you wear a disguise to look like human guys

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There is only one good answer and it's britbongsteros.

1d4chan.org/wiki/Britbongsteros

It's the best storytime any neckbeard has produced.

Edgardo's already been posted, so here's my best offering.

Oh man, that was a great thread.

>scold him about drinking at this age
>he's only 17
Beer's legal in Germany from 16 onwards so the hillbilly bint shall cease her moaning

Edgardo. what a great story. has anybody found out if this is real?

except they're in Texas; he's just recalling events that took place in Germany

Posting in a traditional bread

WHEREVER HEINZ GOES IS A TINY SLICE OF HIS LOST FATHERLAND

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I love when we break a game system over our knee like a bundle of sticks.

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