Ok, I don't know how else to explain this other than one of my players is possibly the most passive aggressive and spineless person I've ever met. Unfortunately, this especially comes through in character. If you so much as hint that he should do something, he will act like it's 15 new commandments coming straight from yahweh's asshole. His character is pretty much controlled by the other party members, and what little independent thought he does have is the most stupidest shit I've ever seen. The thing that makes it the worst, is that after every session he comes to me and tells me that "That his characters never have a time to shine" or "Why doesn't the group listen me ?"
>Why don't you just talk to him OP ?
Well I did politely tell him that maybe he should stick up for himself more, and you know what he did ? He told me:
>"You think I'm just a coward don't you ?"
>"Well go fuck yourself ! "
And that's the first time anyone has ever seen him stand up against anything. Ever.
I'm honestly thinking about just kicking him from the group. I have no idea what to do with him.
Pic completely unrelated.
Trouble with a player
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Wow, what a defensive answer from him.
I know right ? I was just giving him friendly advice and then he decided for once in life to be the biggest Dick possible.
>one of my players is possibly the most passive aggressive and spineless person I've ever met
Does he run crying to strangers on the internet whenever he has a problem with other people?
Because if not, I think I know someone even worse.
Kick him.
Tell him "Yes, I think you're a passive-aggressive coward and a shitheel. Get the fuck out of my life and stay out, you piece of shit."
He told you to go fuck yourself, it should have ended there. Why you keep inviting him back is beyond me.
>His character is pretty much controlled by the other party members, and what little independent thought he does have is the most stupidest shit I've ever seen
So basically he has no redeeming qualities at all.
I know it's hard to find players, but man you're pouring poison in your drink just to make the cup look full.
He doesn't seem like a particularly stable person.
You aren't a therapist.
Drop it like it's hot.
I feel your pain, OP.
I have a player who will sulk and actively wander off out of the room when he doesn't feel like he's front-and-center in the spotlight, and when I give him a chance to shine, he never takes it even when I railroad things to allow him to use his character's abilities (he's a rogue). Its really sad when encountering a locked door/chest/etc that the barbarian will announce that he's smashing it open after a long awkward pause where everyone is waiting for the rogue to act.
Are the other players giving this guy space to act before telling him what to do? Its one thing if you're sitting around waiting for him to say something, but its another if someone's telling him what he should be doing as soon as its his turn in the initiative order or whatever.
If you're using a game system that has a specific turn sequence you should flat out specifically say something like "It's your turn, dude, what do you do?" and make everyone else STFU.
OP I feel your pain. I game with a guy that's gamed longer than I have but he never knows the system and he never makes choices. Even out of game choices he can't make a decision
> Ay bruv, we got Ginger Ale or Coke, which one do you want?
> Either one is fine
> Ay bruv, you're the deciding vote, do we order chinese delivery or pizza?
> Either one is fine
He cannot decide on anything. Ever. I once punished him for his inability to make a decision by posing a Yes or No question and he predictably hemmed and hawed, and he whined when I gave him the worst outcome.
Combine that with the fact that he absolutely refuses to open a rulebook and read, so many times he stops the flow of the game to ask a mechanics question and so many times I've placed a rulebook in front of him to read only to have him look at it and do nothing. I even told him, "here's a book, find out the answer and get back to me when its your turn again." His response was:
- Stare at me
- Look down at the book
- Look up
- Ask the same question over again
What's frustrating is that he's the nicest guy outside of the game, but he's so beta I'm pretty sure his wife gives him permission to game with us.
Does he enjoy playing? If he enjoys not actually playing he might only be doing it to hangout with your group. He might not actually understand how RP or TTRPG's work. If you dont want to drop him for whatever reason, consider running something for him alone, he'll either learn that way to make the decisions and bring it into the new game, or wont make decisions at all and quit.
All I can say is try to specifically prompt him in-game by asking what his character does.
That way his PC will get some screen time.
If you talked to him about it, and he lashed out at you like that, it's time to sit him down, apologize, and ask him to leave the game.
>Every single one of my friends and family is like this.
>Whenever I ask them to choose between multiple things, they never choose one.
>Never ever.
>No matter how small and insignificant the choice is.
>They always answer "Either is fine!", or "You choose!".
Somebody please help.
I used to play with a guy just like this. Unless you specifically asked him what his character was doing do, he would do absolutely nothing. And when you did ask him what he was doing, he would have no idea how any game mechanics worked. And I mean ANY. After almost half a year of playing 3.5 regularly, he had NO IDEA what Base Attack Bonus was, and he was a Barbarian.
If he isn't contributing anything to the game, then there's no point in him being there.
I'm like this, I just flip coins when I can't make a decision.
OR PERHAPS THEY REFUSE TO CHOOSE BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING NICE TO YOU AND CONSIDER THEIR INPUT TO BE LESS IMPORTANT THAN YOURS.
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THAT?
I'd like to pose the problem with the 'nicest guy' defense against picking sides or making decisions: legitimately considerate people put aside their own wants in favor of what others want. Someone who is nice and passive often makes the decision quickly to keep the time spent on them to instead be spent on others or the outcome. Cowards and attention whores often drag on their answer or give none for selfish reasosn, be it they want to keep the spotlight on them as much as possible or they are too afraid to accept responsibility for their actions. This is even worse because they can't just put aside their own self-conscious tendencies while mid-fantasy.
Woah now, the writers bother explaining it, it's just in the supplementary materials.
Is he a friend outside the game? Do you and the others enjoy having him around and want to keep him there because of that, as opposed to doing out of charit/pity or inertia from knowing him for so long or something?
If you WANT to continue having a relationship with him then you have to face this head on. If you don't, then let him fade.
I recommend that you talk to the other players and get everyone to sit down with him at the same time. Make it clear that you're all there to be supportive and that you're concerned he isn't having fun, and that the main goal of the group is to let everyone have fun, so you're there to talk about how to improve the game for everyone, not just him, because you want him to be involved and contributing and you feel that he can really add to the sessions.
Get him to talk out what he feels could be improved, what he feels makes the game less fun for him, and what he wants to get out of his character in the game. Help him set some goals and clarify what role he wants his character to fulfill in the group because that's when he's going to be "in charge" directing the narrative ie wizards lead when dealing with magic, the party face during negotiation, thief/skillmonkey when planning an infiltration or heist or dealing with traps etc. That's when his character can give instructions and expect the others to respect his expertise and leadership.
Cont.
The trick is to listen. Don't offer suggestions like "does (x) bother you? Do you want us to do (y) instead?" Because that undermines him and leads him onto a path to just agreeing to avoid conflict (which sounds like his core problem).
If you talk about why you or other players have done things that make him feel he was pushed aside or usurped in his expected role, be sure to phrase your explanations in neutral ways and not try to justify it as the only solution, or by having the decision work out, or any of that because the problem isn't what decision was Ultimately made but the fact that he didn't feel involved in making it. If it's going well, ask him how you can learn to recognize when he's not feeling included or when he wants to be involved with the decision making process
I recommend talking to him again and saying that you'd like to help him address his concerns, not with the other players but with the game, with everyone else and that you want him to enjoy it.
Oh yeah, try to keep the focus on improving the game. You aren't trying to fix him, you aren't trying to fix his relationships with the players, because those are first not something you can just do, and second it recontextualizes it as either him or the players being on different sides. Make the poor game experience the antagonist as it were.
Legit question, why not just decide for him then? It's not up to him to pick Chinese food or Pizza for the whole group. In game terms, make sure more decisive players are with him. If he's a person who doesnt want to decide but then whines at the decision made for him then he can go fuck himself, though.
Purposely make bad and self-destructive decisions until they stop asking you.
>You think you have it bad, I know someone even worse! He comes crying to strangers on the internet when he has a problem with people! Hear me, strangers on the internet!
m8
Good advice
Or like with my wife who shoots down my ideas so often I don't even fucking try anymore