Pathfinder General /pfg/

Yes, we're going a-raiding aboard a pirate ship and looking for phat loot. Also advancing character arcs and side-stories, which is always fun!

That's a false sense of security! You knew your GM will drop a flying T-rex on you at some point!

Kinetic Blade might not be your main attack, but it is there to cover your weakness.

As an asian, I don't get high level english jokes, I'm sorry.

I have a
1) Really unoptimized soulblade whose experiences with death averaging about twice a session made him into a coward who only throws his mindblades, despite not having all the relevant feats.

2) A fey adept who never uses illusions despite the class being designed around it because he feels like 'illusions are too weak'

3) A healbot oracle. Just healing.
Every turn.
Healing.
Healing.
Healing.

4) A medium who has no clue what he is doing. The DM also has no clue what the medium is doing. Thus, medium spends most of his turns running around the battlefield getting his hp punched down to the ground.

I'm not clever enough to think of any flavor text to describe him. I did not add the raging statistics, but he gains natural armor and claws while going into a Thrashing Dragon stance when doing it.

The joke is called "the aristocrats". It's more just an excuse to be vulgar than anything.

>As an asian, I don't get high level english jokes, I'm sorry.
I don't know why I find this so funny

Generally speaking, Barbarian statblocks include the effects as though they were in a Rage.

Also, is there any reason that this is a human as opposed to, say, a Skinwalker?

Have a octovine as a thank-you gift, all the same.

Because to us your democracy is a joke too. We don't get it.

So... Which VMC options are worth putting on a bard? I kinda want to do Alchemist but it doesn't seem to be worth the feats. I assume I wouldn't get extract progression.

The earliest I remember was when a buddy of mine played a sword and board Warder. He was doing some pretty cool TWF and "tanking" with it, which convinced me to read the system. Seemed like a less powerful version of casting at first, but what sold me on it was that there was more to do with some of the lesser used actions and it made combat more than 5ft steps and full attacks.

Oh, were you under the impression we were a democratic country? I could see how the language barrier might cause the confusion, being that we call it that. No, my friend from the Far East, the United States of America are firmly in plutocrat territory now.

It's its not a high-level joke, its just virt being his unfunny and overly edgy self.

I looked up Skinwalker on Wikipedia.

>en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skin-walker
>In Navajo (Navajo: Diné) culture, a skin-walker (yee naaldlooshii) is a type of witch who has the ability to turn into an animal, or to disguise themselves as an animal.

That sounds like a Barbarian with the beast totem.

As the guy who posted it, it's satire. Chill the conspiracy theory shit.

>The Kalistocrats

I mean the Skinwalker race in Pathfinder. But now that you point that out, a Beast Totem Barbarian works fine!

>it's satire.
You're doing it wrong. That's not how satire works at all you mong

And the point of a good "the aristocrats" joke is that it's unfunny, edgy and maybe even slightly uncomfortable.

I don't claim that it was a particularly great one, because it wasn't particularly inspired, but if you can't recognize it... Well I dunno man.

Wearing animal skin is a witch hex introduced in the same book.
d20pfsrd.com/classes/base-classes/witch/hexes---3rd-party-publishers/hexes/major-hexes/hex-major-animal-skin-su

What ways are there for a human witch to become immortal? Vampire and lich are obvious, and I know about Penanggalen as well, but the method of becoming one isn't clear.

Alternatively, is there a transformation you can undergo that has some correlation to the Proteans?

>Also, share your Party's first experience with PoW.
I made a Mystic, then the game blew up two sessions later for reasons entirely unrelated.

Being mistaken for virt should really make one evaluate themselves.

reincarnate is a really cheap way to become functionally immortal.

>d20pfsrd.com/races/other-races/more-races/standard-races-1-10-rp/skinwalkers-10-rp

I didn't know these were a thing.

I only have the first two Bestiaries, and /pfg/ only posts the lewd or cute entries from new ones that come out.

Except that none of the things attributed to him (pathfinder is balanced, SJW actually exist in real life) apply to me? Well I guess the remove elf part is spot on.

It's also a way to become a Goblin.

That is exactly how satire works. It is literally part of how the word is defined.

In character, I wouldn't tolerate being a non-human

I never really understood the point or appeal of The Aristocrats jokes, so I never went out of my way to look for them or make connections to them.

Much in the same way why I can't understand the appeal of Drawn Together, and movies made by Seltzer and Friedberg

Help me, /pfg/. My autism has triggered again.

I've been browsing the internet researching several mythological and legendary swords and learning about their histories for my current character, which is a PsyArm.

So far, I've looked up 50+ kinds of swords, and statted them based off the magic weapon enchantment table. The best sword is the Shamshir-e Zomorodneggar by the way. Especially when fighting against casters because "lol, what magical defense, nerd?"

Mythic 1
AFAIK you can just stick your face into a mythic vent and poof, you're mythic 1 now.

Then just kill yourself again and re-roll? It is really cheap, you permanently change your appearance, AND you reset your age to young adult without all of the negative effects of becoming undead.

>want to be excited for session
>tfw I might be the reason we don't get to play this week
>tfw trying to get in contact with people to find out timing for shit is an absolute nightmare
>mfw IRL nobody can wrap their head around any of my hobbies and refuse to accept it as a reason for anything, so I'm stuck dancing around them
>somehow I'm the most proactive player in my group, and they barely function if I don't get things moving, so I can't even tell them to start without me

Just lay me down to die.

You were mistaken for virt because of your autistic, combative posting style and not so much your opinions.

>remove elf
I will never understand people like this.

>taking negative levels
C'mon guy

DM banned mythic

Eh the best one I ever heard was just this really cute, harmless, hopelessly innocent show.

Talent agent goes "what do you guys call your act?"

Family responds "the cock sucking motherfuckers".

It's mostly a pretty meta joke, often designed simply to be vulgar or offend, told in some situations for shock value. Impossible to shock anyone on Veeky Forums though.

Wait, does the Empiricist and Questioner not stack?

I think they both replace poison lore.

Empiricist if you want to go Sherlock Holmes
Use intelligence for social skills, be a master of many skills like lock-picking and chemistry and medicine.

Questioner if you want to go John Constantine
Use Charisma to talk yourself into and out of trouble. Access a few dabbled bard spells for subversion and trickery.

Or just use cyclic reincarnation

>Cyclic reincarnation returns the dead creature to life in a new body of the same race that the target belonged to in life, and the new body appears physically similar to the creature’s previous one, to the extent that the creature could be easily mistaken for its own offspring or kin.

...dammit that's fuggin' awesome.

No, Satire is stuff like a Modest Proposal, The Life of Brian, Planet of the Apes (original), and Don Quixote.

Aristocrats Jokes are not satire, they're just obscene, edgy, disgusting and mean-spirited for no adequate purpose other than to be those things, whereas proper satire has a purpose to exist and generally possesses some slight level of subtlety.

Saying Aristocrats jokes are satire, is lake saying modern Family Guy, newspaper political cartoons, and the Drawn Together Movie are satires. They're not, they're just stupid and rely on shock value and low hunor in a vain attempt to garner attention despite having essentially all the substance of a a vacuum tube

Not gonna lie. Wysps would make fucking awesome familiars.

Well it's a good thing they're on the Improved Familiar list then.

>/pfg/ only posts the lewd or cute entries from new ones that come out
All 5 bestiaries are in the trove, if you follow the pastebin link that's (usually) in the OP of any /pfg/ thread.

They are temporary.

I'm just tired of the "better than you, and more beautiful too" elfs that people play. Why does no one play a muscle elfs?

The joke was used to satire the shitposter dumbass. Through a position that was ridiculous and farcical.

Reminder that Magical Child Vigilantes may gain access to Companion to the Lonely.

Speak for yourself, my Elves tend to be full N'Wah

Reminder that companion to the lonely is not for the sexual. Cuddling , head patting and handholding only.

Tail brushing is acceptable for kitsunes.

I'm good. There isn't much in them that fits the flavor in my future not!Delian League game.

When I'm more awake, I can make a few changes so it can fit in the Forgotten Realms. They can work for the church of Malar.

Can't be taken until level 10.

>Magical Child Vigilante with Companion to the Lonely and Rogue with Innocuous Servant caught in the act.png

...is this porn?

What is it with the japs and their 12 year olds in porn?

Well they didn't explicitly say "you need to bone them so hard" but the intent was preddy clear. Just like how geisha were "totally not prostitutes and also for like...companionship and stuff".

And why are we adding all of this sexual stuff to pathfinder again? I thought we were trying to make this LESS of an embarrassing hobby to be a part of?

that new book is full blown lewd, isn't it?

>I thought we were trying to make this LESS of an embarrassing hobby to be a part of?
If there has one thing videogames and comics have taught me, it's that mainstream acceptance is far more of a curse than a blessing.

No. Prisma illya a wrong.

It's not porn, its a non porn spin-off of an adult porn Fantasy visual novel thing

It's complicated.

>Just like how geisha were "totally not prostitutes and also for like...companionship and stuff".

Actually, yes. Geishas are professional courtesans. They were akin to court attendants.

Japan does have prostitutes though, no doubt.

They all died in the 70s.

>And why are we adding all of this sexual stuff to pathfinder again?
>that new book is full blown lewd, isn't it?

>non-consensual

Eh, you could do a geisha more like a kestra'chern from the Mercedes lackey gryphon series, and in fact that's how I'd prefer them. Part therapist, part healer, part councillor, part confidant, part spirit/sexual healer/surrogate.

In demand often as much for their looks and potential sex as much as for their wit, knowledge and ability to make a person feel emotionally fulfilled. They dabble in everything.

Con non-con.

>Being tired of prettyboy elves
>Not being tired of gruff bearded dwarf warriors called Norsename Nounverber

Reminder that Magical Child is one of the best archetypes to take Companion to the Lonely, because it has cha-based spellcasting and their familiar means they're never short of a willing partner

>posting madoxhomu
>implying Madoka loves Homu after she ruined everything

>its a non porn spin-off of an adult porn Fantasy visual novel thing
...ok. I mean I liked Ghost in the Shell, but then i tried some others and...

...yea.....

One of the reasons I try to avoid "animay fighting magics" is because while I'm fine with all of the fighting magics, the strange "sexual magics" always seem to come with them.

I mean in theory that is what they were. And if you were to ask a noble or whatever that is what he would say. I just bet that most of the actual "therapy" stuff happened after she had her legs in the air. There is along history of prostitutes for nobles being "totally for the companionship and stuff man".

I mean early ballerina were just basically child prostitutes that they realized needed something to do when they weren't being sexed/raped by rissian kings.

God dammit...

>lewds with their familiar
No.
Mahou Shoujos are all raging heart lesbians in anime for a reason!

...

What is the source of these?

>Figment familiar who can gain eidolon evolutions like tentacles at will
>Mauler familiar that can grow to medium size
>Decoy familiar that can turn into a copy of their master as Alter Self

How could you ever choose anything else?

>Party all rolled Magical Child Vigilantes
>They all took Companion to the Lonely
>Every evening they go into a massive gay orgy to refresh their charisma bonus rolls

Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Kaleid Liner Prisma Illya
Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

It's an alternate universe fate setting where the grail wars never happened, instead there's magical girls. Kuro is really the only ultra-lewd one, and that's because it still follows fate setting rules - as a conjured artificial being she needs prana or she'll die, and she gets that through kissing... Though any bodily fluid taken directly from any living being would in theory work (blood, saliva, sweat, semen, tears licked straight off the eyeball).

I also disagree with your assessment of geisha, sure a lot of low class prostitutes may have pretended to the role, but geisha were entertainers, conversationalists and for the very rough life of soldiers - hired confidants.

Magical Child Vigilante are not for lewds!

>Rogue with Innocuous Servant
We're getting a huge influx or Maid and Butler roleplayers instead of rogues aren't we?

Anime is not an a genre, it is a medium. For every GitS there are 40 moeblob cute girls doing cute things anime.

Try FMA:brotherhood or something.

>We're getting a huge influx or Maid and Butler roleplayers instead of rogues aren't we?
I've always wanted to play a butler with some princess to fuss after.

>It's an alternate universe fate setting where the grail wars never happened
what the hell is the grail w...
>instead there's magical girls.
Of course.
>Kuro is really the only ultra-lewd one
ok...
>and that's because it still follows fate setting rules - as a conjured artificial being she needs prana or she'll die,
Literally what?
>and she gets that through kissing... Though any bodily fluid taken directly from any living being would in theory work (blood, saliva, sweat, semen, tears licked straight off the eyeball)
Sweet jesus what the fuck.

I don't think I even want to know more.

>I also disagree with your assessment of geisha, sure a lot of low class prostitutes may have pretended to the role, but geisha were entertainers, conversationalists and for the very rough life of soldiers - hired confidants.
I mean sure. I'm not saying they didn't do that too. I just think that that is what ended up happening after sex, and that the general was not all "i need a young sexy lady in crazy makeup so that I can...talk to her. Yea...talk."

For the record I'm not all against the sexual stuff just because. It was an important part of history. I'm just against getting into that party of history with four other sweaty overweight guys with questionable hygiene.

I think the game would get a net benefit of doing the "we just don't mention sex" like 40k is doing.

That is one I have actually heard was good from multiple people. Might give it a try. I am just worried about the whole "gateway drug" thing happening.

The one on the right is sort of matches the statblock.

>not wanting to roll a badass battlemaid who attends to their liege during the day, protects them from assassins and relieves them of their stress every evening all night long.

Grail War got stopped because Kiri chose Iris and Illya over his dream and completely wiped the Einzberns off the map.
Also, don't worry. Come 3rei it eventually transitions to Shirou taking the spotlight.

Dhampir rogue innocuous servant here. I'll let you neck-romance me master.

>battle maid
>not battle butler
Strictly inferior.

Oh yes I am. But with all the delays and such due to people missing on short notice and other stuff.

A party of monsterous fucks breaking out of a drow experimental testing facility/prison. It is supposed to be a pirate game, but people would rather start off in nightmare mode rather than explain how their characters new each other beforehand.

We just recently fought the apparent warden of the prison, a crimson countess/vivisectionist who was 4-5 levels above us. The tactics employed during the fight were pretty terrible, but she failed a save vs hold person so it was ok.
I planned on taking her alive and as a trophy from the beginning as soon as the DM mentioned her way back before the campaign started.

Also of note, seeing their leaders or high ranking officers unconscious renders the lower ranking drow in the area between shaken, frightened, or panicked depending on their rank.

Next session will be future captain Mcbadass kuru/kasatha hybrid carrying 140 pounds of drow, wielding 4 short swords, and wearing armor while still being in light load as a dex based character.

Why haven't you had more butler players until now?

>not posting best battle maid

If you're not a PsyArm with Riven Hourglass wearing a french maid uniform, you don't know SHIT about battle maiding

>Implying

You don't even need that much.

A Warlord Desperado maid can still be an effective battle maid.

Help me /pfg/. I'm rolling a Blade Adept Arcanist into Eldritch knight and I don't know if I should VMC battle oracle for the proficiency requirements or dip into fighter at level 7. pic not related