Not sure if there was already an elf thread withing this week (was out of town with no interwebs connections) even if so I guess I can start another elf thread since its the weekend and I'm up for elf shitposts and wanks.
So I guess y'all know what to do then. Templars-hate-elves jokes here and this, I-love-elves there and that.
Mmmohkay posting elves then.
There was already an elf thread earlier that was already post limit hit and another one about drow elves. But another elf thread?
Sure thing, why not?
"THERE HAS ALREADY BEEN TWO OR THREE DISCUSSION FORUMS ABOUT THE HERETICAL POINTY-EARED NON-HUMANS WITHIN THIS WEEK. AND NOW WE HAVE ANOTHER ONE!? THIS MAKES ME ANGRY!!!!" *in a ver small voice* "Dues Vult!
>another elf thread even after the other one got archived
>more elf wanking and elf and templar shitposting will ensue
>help!!!!!!!
Was elf templar shitposting born out of Pelinal shitposting which in turn was born out of "I HATE ELVES" shitposting?
Not sure myself, was not around in Veeky Forums taht earlier years. Just assumed its part of /tg's/ fetishes or jsut plain ol' shitposting.
Yes, lets feed this thread more replies and elf pics!
>Elves
>hating on elves
>not loving or atleast befriending and having peaceful relations with the beautifully elegant and sophisticated elves
Here's something better than hating on elves.
Genocide on elves genuenly makes sense it a lot of settings though.
Fathers! Lock your daughters up! And your wifes too! There is a roving boy band of hot elf guys
>be human boy in lame human village
>hear one day that elfen bards are visiting our tavern and will perform
>all the boys and men get excited
>we all have read those picture books from the far east
>our crotches are swollen by anticipation
>the day has come, but we are late, the tavern is already bursting with people
>wait a minute
>this is not the sound of human men grunting and masturbating under the table, but high-pitched screaming girl voices
>I never thought that elves would sing like this
>we enter
>wait another minute
>those are the girls of the village shrieking, completely out of control
>their heads follow every dance move of these unbelievable handsome elven guys
>their bodies shiver at every hip shake of these timeless elven bodies
>their minds faint everytime these charming elven smiles are directed at them
>local priests carry the exhausted girls out of the tavern
>they were prepared, they knew
>but they didn't prepare us
>"Guys, let's just leave" was all that I could say
>the party didn't stop until the next morning
>some never returned
No! Love with elves is better and far superior.
>Men were given over to the lifting of stones, and the draining of the fields, and the upkeep of temple and road; or to become art-tortures for strange pleasures, as in the wailing wheels of Vindasel and the gut-gardens of Sercen; and flesh-sculpture, which was everywhere among the slaves of the Ayleids in those days; or, worse, the realms of the Fire King Hadhuul, where the begetting of drugs drawn from the admixture of daedrons into living hosts let one inhale new visions of torment, and children were set aflame for nighttime tiger sport.
Naaaah, genocide seems sensible.
What if:
>Humans just recently discover a large continent in the very far east
>Its a very large continent for sure, so the Human Government(s) send an exploration teams and military expeditionary forces to the newly discovered Eastern Continent
>The Expeditionary Forces arrive after almost a month and make contact with the inhabitants of the Eastern Continent, Elves
>Expeditionary Forces contact human homeland(s) and say that the land is inhabited by mainly powerful magical elves and that we're not the only magic users out there
>The Continent is also inhabited by a couple of other fantasy race beings
>Expeditionary Forces say the elves are very welcoming, hospitable and friendly
>A month later the army returns, but oddly enough many soldiers and officers are absent, the soldiers and officers who're absent are young men and women who so happen to be 18, 19 and are in their early twenties and are single and unmarried
>The ones who are returning are the older ones
>The rest of the returning personnel and officers/commanders say the more younger men and women chose to stay behind willingly and the commanders give the human government leaders a message from the Elven leaders of the Elven Civilization
>The message is the Elven Leaders thanking the Human Government(s) for their gift of young, nubile men and women
>A treaty is then signed that creates lasting peace between the two empires
Original user - who said anything about hating? I simply find them stupid. Tolkien made an entire race of insufferable Mary Sues and it keeps on going ever since.
This ain't the Elder Scrolls-verse "Pelinal Whitestroke."
Get befriend with the elves and at best, get laid with one.
>*Fallout Mister Gutsy voice*
"Sounds like something an elf-hating Templar would say!"
Oh hey, I remember this, I made a story involving this post. I so happen to stil have it saved. Gonna share it now:
>TV and Radio Broadcasts in the human lands are interrupted for a special news update
"We interrupt this broadcast for special news bulletin."
The news screen now shows a politician or a leader of the human government(s)
"Greetings citizens this is Councilman Besir Darsalia speaking. About one month and three weeks ago a new continent beyond the Eastern Seas has been discovered; which is named 'Fleamides', and is inhabited by a magical race of intelligent humanoid beings known as 'Elves'.
And during that time we have sent an expeditionary force to the land of Fleamides to explore and make contact with any possible inhabitants. And so we did, now I know many of you citizens are concerned and are aware of the fact that many of the soldiers who have been sent for that expedition have not returned and are now residing in Fleamides as they have chosen to stay and be betrothed to their new found elven spouses. Keep an open mind citizens, negotiations are still in effect about the concerning matter.
And leaders of the military and armed forces; such as General Floriza Kastrati, Archjusticar Chotho Salvianus, and Imperator Lucius Antonius, and many more are disscussing with the elven nation in terms of not only diplomacy, but for also the concerning issues with your brave sons and daughters who have ventured out into Fleamides.
Remember keep an open, we can always use more allies for our continent, our coutry and other bordering allies. And being allies with a race of avid spellcasters such as those of Fleamides is potentially beneficial for us. The last we need is a heated out war, which we've already been in one against the Dwarven Race. We do not need more long drawn out conflicts anytime sooner.
So remember to tune in for updates citizens, this is Besir Darsalia. And may the land of Jocreica prosper."
OP is a giant faggot, a faggot beyond measure, but you are an even greater faggot.
You are literally the biggest faggot on this board.
There's a lot of dumb faggots. There's those people who always need to shitpost whenever someone mentions a system they don't like, there's that idiot who keeps spamming the same three threads ad nauseam, there's the people who keep trying to mash their personal political views into every facet of their life, and they're all genuinely terrible people, but you and your elf hate meme is by far the gayest thing on this site, because when all is said and done, you are creating an imaginary race just so you can hate it when you can just as easily use a variation that you don't hate.
You exist with this idea that your senseless hate is somehow amusing, when the joke is really just how much of a faggot you need to be to still think that after all these years.
>Regular TV and Radio broadcasts for the human nation of Jocreica have once again been interrupted for a special news announcement
"We interrupt this regularly scheduled program for an urgent announcement from the Government of Jocreica."
>A human government leader is then seen on the screen, or heard from radio broadcasts
"Greetings citizens of Jocreica, this is Chancellor Ocario Golovkin speaking. And I'am here to both address one of the most pressing issues of this time and introduce to you all a special guest.
First of I would like to inform our concerned citizens about the current state of the many young men and women military personnel who are now residing in the elven nation of Fleamides. Those military presonnel; your brave sons and daughters are fine and doing well, they have chosen to stay behind. You see; people of Jocreica, the elves have seen your brave sons and daughters as not personal toys to be played with, but as something more than that. Do not think nor despair that your children have become slaves, but they have become a symbol of new found relations.
I will show proof that its true, I will now show a letter written by one of the many troops who've ventured to Fleamides, one which is written by Austin Bragg to his family; Yasmine and Jerry Bragg."
###
will continue in next post.
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And then there is a faggot like you who thinks that Veeky Forums is "Sheruuush busihinesh".
A faggot that can't take a joke.
Jokes need to be funny.
The last remnant of humor in this dead horse is that you are still beating it.
>the news screen shows a written letter which has highly visible handwriting and a signature which is recognizable to the author's family and associates
>Chancellor Golovkin then reads the letter to the masses who are listening and watching
"'Dear Mother and Father, I know you must be worried sick that I haven't returned from my tour. But dont worry ma and pa. I haven't been kidnapped, tortured, nor violated in grievous ways, I'am actually living happy here in Fleamides with my lovely maiden: Martainn Norleth.
Martainn is a lovely elven woman who you'll be glad I met and be in love with, she's just as sweet, wonderful and caring as any human woman and she works as some elven equivalent of an accountant, so she's also got a good job. You'll love her when you meet her once travel to Fleamides becomes a reality, the people of Fleamides are really generous hospitable when we arrived and became good friends with us.
Ma, Pa I swear I'am alright and you'll know this is my hand writin' and I even got me signature in it. Just three weeks after deciding to move in with my sweet Martainn and already I'am feeling happy and joyful to have a loving and caring woman in my life.
Once travel and immigration to Fleamides is real, Me and Martainn invite you over her home, to get to know each other better. Hope to see you see you both soon Ma and Pa.
Sincerely your son. Austin Bragg.'"
>Chancellor Golovkin sets aside the letter and talks to the masses again
"There is plenty more of letters like that from the young men and women who stayed in Fleamides. But that's not what I'am going to be discussing about right now, however to all the families who's sons and or daughters have served in the military and sent to Fleamides, you will receive letters from your loved ones.
That; we the government and the Elven Leaders of Fleamides assure of, you will all receive them within the day."
###
to be continued in next post
>Chancellor Golovkin looks to his side and nods to a person he is talking to
"Now for the second reason why I'am speaking to you all, citizens of Jocrecia. It is time to meet one of the rulers of Fleamides; High Lord Elion Eillen."
>the screen switches to a regal and sophisticated looking male elf who is High Lord Elion Eillen as he began speaking to the camera facing him
"Greetings, humans of Jocreica. I'am High Lord Elion Eillen. I do not however rule Fleamides alone I have my sister; Thessalia, who rules along side me, she however is not available for this 'broadcast' unfortunately for she has other matters to attend to.
Now you must be all wondering about the many young men and women you have sent off to our nation. Do not worry though, they all fine and well for your sons and daughters have given our people great joy, and even sweet love.
I understand that many of you people that I'am supposedly speaking through this 'camera' are concerned parents. Again I will emphasize that your sons and daughters have stayed here willingly and helped give joy to some of our people to which we thank of thee.
Do not worry you'll meet your children again once negotiations and other complicated matters are settled. And I confidently speak for my sister; Thessalia, and the elven people of Fleamides that we will have a prosperous and peaceful alliance in the many, many, many years to come.
However this is all the available time I can spare, and if I'am speaking to the people of Jocreica through this camera and broadcast as what you call it. Then it has been a pleasure speaking and addressing to you all."
I'am High Lord Elion Eillen and farewell, may our species peacefully co-exist."
>the screen fades back to Chancellor Golovkin
"That is all for the updates regarding the current matters. Until then this is Chanellor Ocario Golovkin and stay tuned for future updates, you will meet your sons and daughters again.
May the land of Jocreica prosper."
Wow, take a look at this guy. Why this much hate over shitposting about fictional fantasy races?
>look mom, look how funny my shitposting is!
>get a job dear
So thoughts on this setting and scenario guys?
Before we all start posting copious amounts of pretty-frilly elf girls, have anyone considered; Hardened Male Elves?
>Human Soldier: "Yeah, it's hilarious watching some of the boys back at base fidget around you elves. High Command has been sending agents to make sure everyone acting nice and proper so we don't have any 'incidents', and your comrades that are stationed on base have been taking advantage of that."
>Elf: "Hehehe, I can only imagine! You humans are so cute when you blush around us. Especially if its the cute and younger ones, I have a friend who just adores human men who're just 18 or are in their 20s."
>Human Soldier: "Funny, I'd say the same thing about elves. You elves look cute to when your faces are red."
Chocolate
Tomboy
Elf
So I see this is where all of Veeky Forums's pure, concentrated, weapons grade autism and shittery has congealed. Sonic the Hedgehog tier 13 year old crawling in the skin with wounds that will not heal OC Donut steel tier faggotry, the kind that turns mens guts to bile and sets eyes ablaze with the tears of faith in humanity lost. A place where all that is fair is made foul, and we pretend the bleating wastes of skin that cling to our vestiges like smegma on onii-chan's unwashed virgin cock are humans, worthy of being acknowledged or paid attention to.
If you are taking a part in this fetid parody of a threat, this heated bilge of donkey shit and widows tears, please know that I hate you, I hate you with a passion you cannot understand, as to glimps even a portion of my hatred would shred your eyes and cause them to burst into flames, melting and pouring from their narrow sockets like overcooked eggs popping in a pan. Please, for all that is holy and good, for the continued survival of the human race: die, die now and spare us all your miserable putrescent attempts at communication, as your very thoughts are an infectious virus.
I love how you're oblivious to how much cringe is in your own post. Which also bumps the thread, so good try on using a bunch of words to try and sound smart while still acting like a moron.
Maybe the Adminis will make an /elf/ board if you spam them enough you salty bitch.
Clearly they're using mind control and the knife ears must be purged. We execute the traitorous government and forbid any direct contact with Elves will beginning a series of air strikes until the captives are returned or surrender their citizenship.
We then quarantine the Elves.
Doesn't matter if their mind control is intentional or not, it's far too destabilizing to accept.
IRL I slap you for forcing your magical realm into yet another game.
this is actually more cringy that most the trash gets posted on these.
Ok more elves.
On another note if elves are able to live for a long time because of magic, then shouldn't it be possible for humans to extend their lifespan through magic as well. Also if this is the case, then why the hell doesn't any of the human nations in fantasy world allocate large amount of money to the study of magic? This will allow the rest of humanity to have long lifespan as well as longer youth.
1. Who says the government cares how long the general public of your average fantasy kingdom lives? I can see a lot of research going in to sustaining the life of the aristocracy, but whether that trickles down depends entirely on how easily done it is or how much the people in power care.
2. Who says humans interact with magic the same way elves do? Something that is beneficial to one species can be poisonous to another.
3. That type of effect may simply be something that can't be accessed through arcane study.
Well to answer your points
1. I believe over time the power would pass on to the common folk and be available to all humans. Obviously the Upper Class would be the first to get it but eventually it will go down to the lower class. Also not in all nations bloodlines determine what class the person is in. Some nations it came down to who can do the job best. Also most merchants aren't nobles and started out in the lower class, however many of them managed to get far richer than the nobles. So I believe eventually the power will pass on to everyone. I doubt the lower class would be happy knowing that only a select few are getting the benefits. Such a thing can cause a civil war if the population isn't satisfied.
2. Well in most fantasy settings Humans are shown to be just as good at magic as the Elves, even if they are new. World of Warcraft has this. It also has the bonus of the Humans not being changed or corrupted by Arcane magic like it does to Elves
3. If the Elves managed to find the secret, then with enough research Humans would be able to discover it as well.
This thread. Again.
Seriously, what is the source of that gif? Cause I lose my shit every time I see it.
kek, I love doing that
Korgoth of barbaria, there was a pilot episode on adult swim but they didn't go through with it. Great fucking episode though.
It's an edit of a scene in the pilot episode of Korgoth the Barbarian, a cartoon inspired by various sources such as Conan the Barbarian involving drinking, lovemaking, and excessive violence revolving around a mighty warrior.
Unfortunately it was never greenlit and made into a series.
Have a nice 20 minutes.
youtube.com
got any space elves famalam?
Sure thing
Space elves a best. Don't like Eldar very much though.
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why?
Don't like their aesthetics.
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they are pretty qt though.
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>tfw someone mentions you
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W... what?
If there was some joke or reference, I sincerely didn't get it
It's probably just the elftist, ignore him. Generally lacks self awareness, too many samey greentexts, reposts, samefagging, and keeps doing social faux pas on this site after having it pointed out to him. Pretty much the bane of anyone who likes the occasional elf thread because he spams his junk and shits up every elf thread he's in.
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>by far the gayest thing on this site
Dude, there are literally threads for gay porn on every adult board they don't break the rules. We have an entire yaoi board. I think this guy's particular brand of faggotry is a distant third, at best.
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True but they are colossal faggots too
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takes a fag to know a fag
>youtube.com
A Fallout 3 reference
There's nothing else worse than people in Veeky Forums hating elves and elf threads and claiming they're less shitty than elf wankers.
Seriously I myself don't like excessive elf threads, but the people who militantly hate these threads are far worse.
Also have another elf pic then.
Sure
Problem???
not sure if spot-on depiction of Isha and Nurgle...
OR maybe the elves arer genuinely please and because of their alien mindset, thought the young humans ho liked them are a gift from the human governments.
Which is why its best to do negotiations and peace talks rather than wasteful and unneeded war. And yes I am going for pro-alliance and peace with the elves.
see for a quick and easy answer
Not tomboy, but chocolate brown skinned enough?
Best elf
Does anyone here know a good recipe for elf-ear stew? I just got some fresh elf veal, and I want to make something special with it.
Is this what you meant when you said that meat was back on the menu?
noone said doing gods work was supposed to be fun.
>implying i wouldn't pound that feminine elfboy for hours.
i prefer the androgynous kind.
Better pray the Geselle is Taglio.
so their ears are confirmed erogenous right?
Robots don't desire sex though.
Especially not from Elves.
Space Elves are still elves. So yes, nibbling on Eldar ears yield the same results which may involve lustful moans and spontaneous singing.
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Here's something to spark your elf/space elf fetishes.
A female space elf who's browned skin from the American reboot of Voltron.
Dark Elf lewd ahoy!!!
chay-raven.tumblr.com
I really can't wait for total warhammer elves.
>Its not a phase mom and dad!
>I'm acting the way I feel like and not being a conformist!
>So what if I'm acting like my Drow Elf friends?
>Better than acting like those typical elf girls who swoon over human boys!
Outbreeding is a form of genocide.
I imagine two scenarios:
1. Templar shitposting was first and some fag from /tesg/ misunderstood it as pelinal reference and picked up on it.
2. Pelinal shitposting was first and some fag who didn't get the reference interpreted it as templar shitposting and picked up on it.
>tfw no geeky elf wizard friend to wingman for you as you pick up elf girls
How would a middle age or older elf rogue/bard look? I have been thinking of a D&D character who is essentially an elf bard who had settled down for a while, but eventually decided that eff all that, he wants to go back to hitting bars, dungeons, and on anything with 14+ charisma score.
Just for your information, the elf in the pic you quoted is a dude trying to hit on another dude as far as I can see.
Looks pretty ambiguous to me, but fine by me. Less risk of competing for girls that way.
Elves are for raping, then murdering, in that order. In every single setting they are either arbitrarily better then humans in most ways, or stuck up ass hats who think they are, or both at once.
Both of those things are more then enough reason for humanity to fuck and kill them into extinction. If they're better then us, then they need to be killed off before they do the same to us, and we need to mix as many of their genes into the gene pool as possible before hand.
If they're just stuck up assholes, then they're just obstacles standing in humanities way, fit for only being used as pleasure devices, and murdering.
We did it to the Denisovans and the Neanderthals, and we'll do it again.
Also, beyond hating elves, WTF did you do to my OC. Seriously, it was fine as is, you just thrust your few shutting add-ons into it like a corgi that's taken one too many hits on the head.
>Elves aren't stupidly long lived, their maximum lifespan is about 200 years
>Elves are expected to get married before they turn 100
>Some elf women remain single spinsters after that, doomed to be alone
>Or they would be, if it weren't for the fact that human men are interested in these long-lived, perpetually young beauties
>"Ara ara~ are you sure? But I'm just an old hag! Surely there are prettier girls that are dying to be with a handsome boy like you~"
>Due to their age gap both the human and the ara ara~ elf will die roughly at the same time
>Nobody is forced to dwell this mortal coil in solitude for centuries
>This makes me happy and sad at the same time